Mary Elizabeth comes to him and asks him first to go on date with her. It makes Charlie a bit amazed that finally he is asked for a date, which is expressed in the
dialog below. I have a date for the Sadie Hawkins dance. In case you didnt have one of
those, its the dance where the girl asks the boy. In my case, the girl is Mary Elizabeth, and the boy is me. Can you believe it?
Chbosky, 1999: 108 Charlie really realizes that he is undesirable for women and has nothing
fascinating on him; so that he never wonders that there is a girl who is attracted to him. Since he never dates a girl before, he has no clue about how to treat a girl
right during the date. As a result, he only listens to Mary all the time and only answers one question from her, whether he wants to kiss her or not. Remembering
that Charlie is marked as a pervert, certainly the answer is not. The quotation below shows how Charlie gives a little narrative of impression about his first date
with Mary Elizabeth.
The only thing she asked me the whole time was whether or not I wanted to kiss her good night. When I said that I wasnt ready, she said she
understood and told me what a great time she had. She said I was the most sensitive boy shed ever met, which I didnt understand because really all
I did was not interrupt her.
Chbosky, 1999: 114 Charlie describes that all he can do during the date is not interrupting Mary,
which means that she talks a lot. Although Charlie is not yet ready to kiss her good night, Mary is still interested to date him because he lets her all the time to
take over the conversation. On the other hand, Charlie does not look like he has a fusion on his date because there is no expression about his excitement after the
date. Actually, he is never interested in Mary Elizabeth, but he agrees to go on a
date with her because he knows that there will be no other girl who wants to go on a date him. Therefore, he does not want to miss the chance, while many other
boys have date with many girls. Besides, he has another intention through his date with Mary Elizabeth that he wants Sam to get jealous. Sam is his best friend who
successfully fascinates him.
I have to say something about my last letter. I know that Sam would never ask me to the dance. I know that she would bring Craig, and if not Craig,
then Patrick since Brads girlfr, Nancy, is going with Brad. I think Mary Elizabeth is a really smart and pretty person, and Im glad that she is my first
date ever. But after I said yes, and Mary Elizabeth announced it to the group, I wanted Sam to be jealous. I know its wrong to want something
like that, but I really did. Sam wasnt jealous, though. To tell you the truth, I dont think she could
have been happier about it, which was hard.
Chbosky, 1999: 112 The quotation above indicates that Charlie tries to cheer himself up by
thinking that he is lucky enough to date with Mary, a smart and pretty girl. However, it does not make his feeling better, even becomes worse because his
effort to make Sam jealous does not work at all. This description emphasizes that Charlie is not really enchanted to his first date with Mary. Henceforth, he is
trapped in a relationship with a girl without a true feeling. Although Charlie is not interested in Mary Elizabeth, he still agrees to date
her again someday. Yet, in the end he mentions that actually he just accepts her invitation to prevent anything from getting wrong. His confession about his
unsympathetic attitude for Mary is expressed in the passage below. Then, she asked me if I wanted to go out again sometime, which Sam and I
hadnt discussed, so I wasnt prepared to answer it. I said yes because I didnt want to do anything wrong, but I dont think I can think of a
whole other nights worth of questions. I dont know what to do. How many
dates can you go on and still not be ready to kiss? I dont think I will ever be ready for Mary Elizabeth. Ill have to ask Sam about this.
Chbosky, 1999: 114 Charlie is uncomfortable to date Mary because he has no desire to answer her
questions the whole night through. However, he is not brave enough to deny Mary’s excitement for having a date with him again someday. This kind of
situation becomes hard for those who have not achieved the sense of identity yet because those people are never able to stand up by their opinion and hardly make
a decision to find a right solution. Consequently, it leads them to the worse situation that invites another conflict or problem. That is what exactly happens to
Charlie, who hardly sets himself free from the one-sided relationship with Mary Elizabeth because of his inability to make a decision. The dialog below describes
his passive role in his relationship with Mary. At one point two days ago, she was talking about books, and she included a
lot of books I had read. And when I told her that I had read them, she asked me very long questions that were really just her ideas with a question mark
put at the end. The only thing I could say was either yes or no. There was honestly no room to say anything else. After that, she started talking
about her plans for college, which I had heard before, so I put down the phone, went to the bathroom, and when I came back, she was still talking. I
know that was the wrong thing to do, but I thought if I didnt take a break, I would do something even worse. Like yell or hang up the phone.
Chbosky, 1999: 128 It is vividly seen that Charlie is involved in a one-sided relationship, in which
he acts as the passive one and nothing he can do except by saying yes or no. This happen to Charlie, who has low self-confidence and hardly expresses his feeling
toward his partner. As the result, it makes him feels like he is imprisoned in a worthless relationship.
Freist 2008: 259 mentions that “some people become financially or socially successful, yet retain a sense of isolation because they are unable to accept the
adult responsibilities of productive work, procreation, and mature love.” It also occurs to Charlie who has made an improvement as showed by socializing with
more people in a larger group. Yet, he still acts as the passive one who prefers to observe others and is unable to build an intimate relationship with them whether
as a friend or as a love partner. The unresolved problem in the past still haunts him and becomes his hindrance to achieve the virtue of love in this stage.
2. Isolation
According to Jess Freist 2008: 259, isolation is the negative disposition of intimacy stage. Individuals who are indicated to suffer from isolation are those
who are unable to accept the adult responsibilities, such as having an intimate relationship and having a good carrier. In addition, individuals with too much
isolation and too little intimacy will reach the basic strength of love with difficulty. As a result, they will suffer emotional isolation, loneliness and
depression Cherry, 2013: par. 11. Besides, they are possibly unable to handle the next developmental stage when they cannot solve the problems in this stage.
Based on the previous study findings, Charlie fails to handle the three problems occurring in his psychosocial moratorium, those are identity diffusion,
identity foreclosure, and negative identity. Charlie’s failure in the previous stage certainly influences his performance at this stage, which makes him feel difficult
in building an intimate relationship and assimilate with the society. As the
consequence, Charlie often feels lonely and draws himself out from the crowd. The problems that indicate Charlie’s failure at this stage are the feeling of
loneliness, alienation, and depression. a.
The feeling of loneliness The feeling of loneliness mostly happens to those who are lack of self-
affection. Charlie becomes the one who is indicated that he suffers from the feeling of loneliness since he spends most of his time in his room without friends.
He once had a best friend named Michael who always plays around with him, but he has committed suicide a year ago and Charlie is pretty much affected by it. It is
admitted by Charlie through the quotation below.
The last time I had a friend over to dinner was Michael last year. We had tacos. The really great part was that Michael stayed over to sleep. We ended
up sleeping very little. We mostly just talked about things like girls and movies and music. The one part I remember distinctly was walking around
the neighborhood at night. My parents were asleep along with the rest of the houses. Michael looked into all the windows. It was dark and quiet.
Chbosky, 1999: 55 After the death of his best friend, it becomes the hard living for Charlie
because he has nobody to share about things and enjoy the time to play around together anymore. Then, Charlie’s life turns to be so desolated because he prefers
to spend his days by watching movies or reading books in his room than playing outside. Even more, he is never able to have fun with his family because no one of
his family has a willingness to make him speaks his thought louder and expresses his feelings more.
In the previous finding, it is also told that Charlie fails to make an intimate relationship with the opposite sex. It is probably because he has not achieved his
sense of identity yet, so that he does not know how to attract other people’s attention to him and then it leads him to have less affection from girls or anyone
around him. It is proved when he admits that he only hears someone says “I love you” to him for three times, his mother, his aunt, and his best friend Sam.
Sam looked at me soft. And she hugged me. And I closed my eyes because I wanted to know nothing but her arms. And she kissed my cheek and
whispered so nobody could hear. I love you.
I knew that she meant it in a friend way, but I didnt care because it was the third time since my Aunt Helen died that I heard it from anyone. The
other two times were from my mom.
Chbosky, 1999: 69 Charlie is really happy when he hears “I love you” for the first time after he
meets Sam who really cares about him. However, the dialog above also indicates that for 16 years, he rarely feels the affection from his surroundings. It happens
because he never sets himself free to build larger intimate relationship that will allow him to get more affection through his life. The failure in the previous stage
influences Charlie’s personality development that obstructs him to have an intimate relationship with a love partner and gain more self-affection from his
surroundings. Therefore, those kinds of problems lead him to suffer from the feeling of loneliness.
b. Alienation
Alienation is the way individuals avoid problems they do not want to face by withdrawing themselves from the crowd and being alone for a period of time.
Since Charlie cannot be so close to others, he never feels comfortable to share his problems with others. The unresolved problem of Charlie in previous stage makes
him difficult to decide when he is in a disarray situation. He barely believes
whether other people will fix the problem he is facing better or just make it worse. Therefore, when he faces problems that disrupt his performance, he prefers to
withdraw himself from the crowd and avoid everything than asking the solution from the people nearby.
I wish I could report that its getting better, but unfortunately it isnt. Its hard, too, because weve started school again, and I cant go to the places where I
used to go. And it cant be like it was. And I wasnt ready to say good-bye just yet.
To tell you the truth, Ive just been avoiding everything.
Chbosky, 1999: 142 Charlie has been avoiding everything, because he makes a mistake that
disappoints his friends. Even, Charlie cannot stop to blame himself and regret about what he has done that hurts his girl in front of his friends. Unfortunately,
Charlie is clueless about what he has to do to fix his problem. Since he has no one to share things, he chooses to alienate himself from everything just to make
himself feelings better. This kind of situation mostly happens to adolescents who do not feel comfortable with their social environment and think that being alone
for a while is the best decision as an attempt to solve the problem and make things clear.
c. Depression
Individuals, who are unable to deal with the high pressure in their life, possibly suffer from the depression. It also happens to Charlie, who has the
unstable emotional condition that often makes him feels deeply sad, and then guide him to feel very depressed.
I dont know whats wrong with me. Its like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart. Sams gone. And Patrick wont
be home for a few days. And I just couldnt talk with Mary Elizabeth or
anybody or my brother or anybody in my family. Except maybe my aunt Helen. But shes gone. And even if she were here, I dont think I could
talk to her either. Because Im starting to feel like what I dreamt about her last night was true. And my psychiatrists questions werent weird after all.
Chbosky, 1999: 142 Charlie’s restlessness about what is wrong with him because his feeling turns
to be so uncomforted and confused all the day without knowing the certain reason of it. In addition, the worst thing that disturbs his feeling is when he cannot talk to
anybody, even to his family, because he thinks that they will never help. Accordingly, all he can do is just keep writing the gibberish in order to relieve his
anxiety, which actually it does not fix anything. Moreover, his anxiety grows stronger and it depresses him much. He really clueless about what he must do at
that time, and then finally he decides to stop writing the letters and make his last letter as a farewell one, as seen below.
Im sorry, but I have to stop this letter now. But first, I want to thank you for being one of those people who listens and
understands and doesnt try to sleep with people even though you could have. I really mean it, and Im sorry Ive put you through this when you dont even
know who I am, and weve never met in person, and I cant tell you who I am because I promised to keep all those little secrets. I just dont want you to
think that I picked your name out of the phone book. It would kill me if you thought that. So, please believe me when I tell you that I felt terrible after
Michael died, and I saw a girl in class, who didnt notice me, and she talked all about you to a friend of hers. And even though I didnt know you, I felt
like I did because you sounded like such a good person. The kind of person who wouldnt mind receiving letters from a kid. The kind of person who
would understand how they were better than a diary because there is communion and a diary can be found. I just dont want you to worry about
me, or think that youve met me, or waste your time anymore. Im so sorry that I wasted your time because you really do mean a lot to me and I
hope you have a very nice life because I really think you deserve it. I really do. I hope you do, too. Okay, then. Goodbye.
Chbosky, 1999: 205-206
Through his letter, he thanks to whomever that has received his letter for being the best listener every time he gets into trouble. He sends his last letter
because he cannot overwhelm his anxiety and unable to deal with this rigid situation anymore. In addition, it clarifies that Charlie is facing the hardest part of
his life since he chooses to stop writing, which becomes the only way to relieve his pain. Shortly, he has no more choice and no more idea to fix his broken feeling
through his letter anymore. Unfortunately, as he stops writing letters, he loses his consciousness and being hospitalized for two months. This is caused by his
trauma in the past that hurts him badly and messes up his feelings and his mind From Charlie’s case, it can be concluded that adolescents who fail to achieve
the sense of identity will find difficulty in building an intimate relationship with others, whether as a friend, family, or love partner. That kind of adolescent has no
good confidence and self-esteem, so that they always in doubt to begin interaction and communication with others. As the consequence, they will exile from the
society and mostly enjoy their world alone. Then, it leads them to feel lonely, and even more they can be depressed because he has so many pressures in his life, but
they do not have a place to ease their pain.
74
CHAPTER V CONCLUSION
Based on the findings and discussions that are analyzed using Erikson’s psychosocial development theory, the researcher has drawn conclusions in
relation to the research focus and objectives of the research, which are presented into the following points:
1. In order to reveal Charlie’s personality development in The Perks of Being a
Wallflower, the researcher finds that Charlie fails to handle the crisis in the fifth stage of Erikson’s theory known as Identity vs. Role Confusion. He has
difficulties to deal with problems related to the self-identity and personality that influence his way in giving responds to the social phenomenon around. As
a result, he suffers from identity crisis that covers three conflicting problems; those are identity diffusion, identity foreclosure, and negative identity. The first
problem is identity diffusion, which is characterized by the feeling of acute upset, the inability to concentrate, the excessive self-awareness, and the
inability to make decision. The second problem is identity foreclosure that is indicated from his interruption on his self-potential and the premature
establishment of sense of self. Those problems are caused by the excessive involvement of parents in Charlie’s life. The last problem is negative identity,
which can be observed from Charlie’s snobbish and scornful behavior as the expression of denial toward the social rules and the way to gain an acceptable
identity among the society.
2. Charlie’s failure to get a balanced outcome in the fifth stage gives impact
toward his personality in the following stage. He has to deal with two crises; those are intimacy and isolation. Charlie suffers from intimacy crisis since he
cannot achieve the task of this stage to build an intimate relationship with others. Charlie has tried to socialize with more people, but he fails to build an
intimate relationship with others whether as a friend or a love partner. As the consequence, he is lack of self-affection from his surroundings and trapped in a
worthless relationship with his girl. The second impact is isolation, which is characterized by the feeling of loneliness, alienation, and depression. Charlie’s
inability to make an intimate relationship with others makes him feel lonely; and it even drives him to the depression.
76
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82
APPENDIX I The Plot Summary of The Perks of being A Wallflower
Charlie is a fifteen years old person who is in his transition from childhood to adolescence. He just begins to be a senior high school student. He spends most
of his time by writing letters to someone anonymously. The letters are singular and unique, since it covers his everyday life, his activities, his feelings, and his
experience. He observes everything around him and notes it in his letter. Charlie lives in a family, who has a little interaction between one another. He actually
does not have a serious conflict with his family, but he just does not have a good communication with them.
Charlie really loves his aunt, Helen, who lives together with his family at his house. Since other members of his family are too busy with their own business
and have a less time to share together, Charlie mostly spends his time with his Aunt when he was a child. Therefore, his Aunt Helen is the only person in his
house who always makes him feel comfortable to share with. Unfortunately, Aunt Helen has died because of a terrible car accident when she is going to buy Charlie
a birthday present. The accident happens in the night when the rest of his family is going to celebrate Charlie’s birthday. Charlie is really shocked when he knows the
fact about his Aunt; even he loses his consciousness and does not get permission to come to his Aunts funeral. By this time, Charlie’s emotional stability has been
distressed. The death of his Aunt means that Charlie has lost a person who is always
available to accompany and take care of him. As the consequence, he feels very lonely and does not have any other friends who can give him enough love like
what his Aunt did. Charlie has less interaction with the environment around him. As he grows up, he only has one best friend named Michael, who lives next to his
house. After the death of his Aunt, it is good for him to meet Michael, so that he does not feel that lonely anymore. But then, Charlie has to face a tragic loss again
when he knows that Michael has died because of commit suicide. Michael decides to commit suicide because he has problems at home that he cannot hold any
longer. Knowing the reason why Michael kills himself, Charlie cannot stop blaming himself because he cannot be a good listener for his best friend since he
cannot help Michael out of his problem. Charlie spends most of his time in his room than playing around since he
has no friend anymore. It is the place where he writes so many letters for someone he does not know in order to share all of his thoughts and feelings without any
risks to feel embarrassed. In his first letter, he tells that he is going to be a freshman in high school, and he worries about it. He realizes that he never has
interaction with other people, so he worries that he cannot have a friend in high school. Unluckily, what he is afraid of is really happening, no one in his school is
attracted to be his friend. He knows some people and tries to say hello to them, but they ignore him. Realizing that he needs to have a friend there, he tries to
come to football tournament in his school and courageously joins with his senior named Patrick. Fortunately, Patrick is a really nice guy and he welcomes Charlie
to be his friend. Charlie also makes friend with Patrick’s step sister named Sam. Charlie’s life turns to be more socialize since he meets more people when Patrick
welcomes Charlie to join with his larger group of friends. Although he has more friends and attends many parties, he still has low self-
confidence. In almost his entire events with his friends, he only becomes the passive one, who prefers to be alone and observes others from his own side. His
friends notice him as a wallflower, a person who knows things, but does not give respond to the things. Charlie’s memory in the past about his Aunt still haunts
him, and it resists his movement to be more open to the environment around him. In addition, Charlie often feels anxious even loses his concentration when he
remembers his past. Therefore, Charlie cannot handle his emotional stability, even he cries a lot without knowing the reason behind it. It makes him feel weird
among all of his friends who mostly are his seniors. However, he keeps going on establishing a relationship with his friend and tries to follow the life they adopt.
Charlie begins to drink brandy and smoke cigarettes. He then uses drugs that he gets from his seniors. His interaction with his new friends has changed him to
be a different Charlie. However, all of his changes are not really all he wants. He
only follows what other people do regardless his own desire to do that. It is as his way to be accepted among his new friends by adopting their lifestyle.
Although he is a introvert boy, he has never dated with any girl. But then, by joining some parties with Patrick and Sam, he meets a girl named Mary
Elizabeth, who is attracted to him. Since Charlie has inability to make a decision, he accepts to date with Mary, although he is not really enchanted to date with her.
In addition, he also thought that maybe it is the way to make Sam get jealous. Actually, Charlie is interested to Sam, but he does not have any courage to
express his feeling toward her. Then, Charlie continues to date with Mary, but he feels like he is imprisoned in a one-side relationship because he only follows all
what Mary wants. Charlie’s relationship with Mary ended up when he makes a terrible fault
towards her. Charlie says that Sam is the most beautiful woman and he kisses her in front of his friends, include Mary. All of his friends regret about what Charlie
has done toward Mary. By the time, he begins to separate himself from his friends for a certain period, as the way for him to relieve his feeling from the deep regret.
Nevertheless, while he just keeps himself away from his friends, Patrick once come to him and asks him to get out at night just for sharing and escaping from
the painful world. Charlie has known that Patrick is a gay and he just broke up with his boyfriend named Brad. Therefore, Patrick needs Charlie to ease his pain
after the broke up. However, as they go out together, Patrick always kisses Charlie and hugs him for several times. Charlie realizes that it is weird, but he just lets
Patrick kisses him and cannot prevent it happen between them. This is caused by Charlie’s personality who has inability to make a decision and has low self-
esteem. Finally, Charlie makes the condition better when he helps Patrick to fight all
of Patrick’s haters down. From this point, he gets the sympathy from Sam and his other friends back. Although he has not bounded in his relationship with Mary
anymore, they still become friends and his life feels better like before when he is not in a relationship with Mary.
The end year of the school is going to come. Charlie’s seniors are going to graduate from their school, include Sam and Patrick. So, they hold a graduation
party also as a farewell party. His entire seniors gather there, Charlie sees Mary with his new boyfriend and everyone who has accompanied him for a year in his
first year in high school. As the party is about to over, Sam asks Charlie to come to her room. They talk so intimately there. Sam begins to tell Charlie what he has
to do when he likes a girl. Suddenly, Charlie kisses Sam, and they are about to have a sex. However, when Sam is touching Charlie’s genital, suddenly he feels
anxious and lost his concentration. He seems like he is not ready for the sex and stops Sam to do it further. Then, Sam lets Charlie take a rest and have a sleep.
While Charlie is asleep, he sees that his Aunt Helen once does the same like what Sam has done. It makes his anxiety grow bigger and is unable to control his
emotional stability. The worst thing is that his family finds him naked while he is watching a television at his home. Charlie really loses his consciousness.
Finally, Charlie is hospitalized for two months and get treatment from his psychiatrist. By his point, it is revealed that Charlie has ever been sexually
assaulted by his beloved aunt. This fact is the reason why his personality grows unhealthy and is always haunted by the feeling of fear and anxiety after.
Fortunately, he can tell everythings that disturbs his mind for all this time and his life is getting better and easier.
He then stops writing letters to random people. His family now pays much attention for him and spends more time just to have a quality time together. He
feels excited to go to sophomore in his school without any worry. He also realizes that it will be too busy for him to write letters, because he prefers to participate
than just to observe.
82
A. Charlie’s Failure in The Fifth Stage of Erikson’s Socio-emotional Development.
No. Quotation Category
Indicators Explanation
Page
1. It started yesterday at home. I dont like my birthday.
I dont like it at all. I went shopping with my mom and sister, and my mom was in a bad mood because of
parking spaces and lines. And my sister was in a bad mood because she couldn’t buy her secret boy a
present and hide it from Mom. She would have to come back herself later.
Identity Diffusion
Acute Upset Charlie does not think that
his birthday is special, and he even becomes deep
down and sad when he notices that his birthday is
about to come. The possible reason for Charlie
to hate his birthday is because he has unexpected
memories of his birthday that make him really regret
about it. 76
2. Every time it comes to Christmas its all I can think
about... deep down. It is the one thing that makes me deep down sad.
Identity Diffusion
Acute Upset For Charlie, every
Christmas is always followed by the feeling of
disappointment and deep sadness. He must have the
worst memory at Christmas so that he can never handle
it. Unfortunately, he never tells anybody about his
problem. As the consequence, no one
knows his problem and no one could help him solve
it. Therefore, the feeling of 89
APPENDIX The Data
anxiety never ends in every Christmas.
3. Despite
everything my
mom and doctor and dad have said to me about blame, I cant stop thinking what I
know. And I know that my aunt Helen would still be alive today if she just bought me one present like
everybody else. She would be alive if I were born on a day that didnt snow. I would do anything to
make this go away. I miss her terribly. I have to stop writing now because I am too sad.
Identity Diffusion
Acute Upset Charlie feels guilty of his
Aunt’s death. He blames himself for becoming the
cause of his Aunt’s death. He is never able to
overcome his own thought about this kind of feeling.
As a result, he is often unable to focus or
concentrate on the required tasks he has.
92
4. I remember when I was just about to say good-bye
to my aunt Helen, I started crying. It was a real kind of crying, too. Not the panicky type, which I
do a lot. And I made Aunt Helen a promise to only cry about important things because I would hate to think
that crying as much as I do would make crying for Aunt Helen less than it is.
Then, I said good-bye, and I drove home. Identity
Diffusion Acute Upset
The most terrible moment for Charlie is to remember
the time when he never says good-bye to her Aunt
for the last time, and finally he says it after his
Aunt has died for years in her grave. He feels hard to
let his Aunt leave him alone.
93
5. I didnt say it mean or accusingly. I just wanted to
know if anybody else remembered Michael. To tell you the truth, I was stoned in a bad way, and I
couldnt get the question out of my mind. Identity
Diffusion Acute
upset He suddenly remembers
Michael, and wonders if anybody still remembers
him too or not. It makes him regret of the past, for
145
he cannot be a good listener for Michael, for he
cannot prevent him for committing suicide, and he
cannot keep him alive. Once he remembers that,
he got stoned.
6. Thats when I stopped her.
Whats wrong? she asked. Did that hurt? I shook my head. It felt good actually. I didnt know
what was wrong. Im sorry. I didnt mean to--
No. Dont be sorry, I said. But, I feel bad, she said.
Please dont feel bad. It was very nice, I said. I was starting to get really upset.
Youre not ready? she asked. I nodded. But that wasnt it. I didnt know what it
was. Its okay that youre not ready, she said. She was
being really nice to me, but I was just feeling so bad.
Identity Diffusion
Inability to concentrate
Charlie is almost having sex with the girl he really
loves. Unfortunately, he cannot enjoy the play and
has to stop the girl before they are going farther.
Charlie’s mood suddenly swings to be very upset. It
happens because he has a similar worst experience,
so that he feels a terrible guilt to do the same like
that. However, he didn’t exactly remember the pain
he ever felt because he has tried to forget it.
142
7. I am sitting in my dads old bedroom in Ohio. The
family is still downstairs. I really dont feel very well. I dont know whats wrong with me, but Im starting
to get scared. I wish we were going back home tonight, but we always sleep over. I dont want to tell
Identity Diffusion
Innability to concentrate
Charlie often feels scared without any certain
reasons. The anxious feeling influences his way
of thinking which turns too 75
my mom about it because it would just make her worry. I would tell Sam and Patrick, but they didnt
call yesterday. And we left this morning after we opened presents. Maybe they called this afternoon. I
hope they didnt call this afternoon because I wasnt there. I hope its okay that Im telling you this. I just
dont know what else to do. I always get sad when this happens, and I wish Michael were here. And I
wish my Aunt Helen were here. I miss my Aunt Helen like this. Reading the book isnt helping either. I
dont know. Im just thinking too fast. Much too fast. Its like tonight.
fast and he loses his focuses.
8. She went to another room to get the car keys. I just
stood in the entry hall. I felt like I wanted to die. Youre white as a sheet, Charlie. Do you need some
water? No. I dont know. I started to cry really hard.
Here. Just lie down on the couch, she said. Identity
Diffusion Innability to
concentrate Charlie still cannot identify
the feeling that just strikes him. He feels so empty and
only wants to cry to relieve his pain.
142
9. I cant do that anymore. Im sorry, I said.
Its okay, Charlie. Just go to sleep, Sam said. But I wasnt talking to Sam anymore. I was talking
to someone else. When I fell asleep, I had this dream. My brother
and my sister and I were watching television with my Aunt Helen. Everything was in slow motion.
The sound was thick. And she was doing what Sam was doing. Thats when I woke up. And I didnt
know what the hell was going on. Sam and Patrick Identity
Diffusion Innability to
concentrate Charlie has lost his mind.
He does not focus on what he is facing. The worst
memory comes to him again. When he talks to
Sam while doing ‘things’, he seems like talking to the
person who actually ever did the same, and it hurts
his feeling much. And he 142
were standing over me. Patrick asked if I wanted some breakfast. I guess I nodded. We went and ate. Sam still
looked worried. starts to remember the
traumatic event.
10. Im fine. Im just tired,” I lied. I got in my dads car,
and drove away. And I could hear all these songs on the radio, but the radio wasnt on. And when I got
into the driveway, I think I forgot to turn off the car. I just went to the couch in the family room where the
TV is. And I could see the TV shows, but the TV wasnt on.
Identity Diffusion
Innability to concentrate
Charlie begins to have illusions when he listens to
the songs in the ‘silent- radio’, and he watches the
shows in the ‘off-TV’. 142
11. Now, normally I am very shy, but Nothing seemed
like the kind of guy you could just walk up to at a football game even though you were three years
younger and not popular. Identity
Diffusion Excessive Self-
Awareness Charlie feels that he has
nothing to be proud of as an unpopular freshman and
it makes him feel inferior. 19
12. Do you always think this much, Charlie?
Is that bad? I just wanted someone to tell me the truth.
Not necessarily. Its just that sometimes people use thought to not participate in life.
Is that bad? Yes.
I think I participate, though. Dont you think I am?
Well, are you dancing at these dances? Im not a very good dancer.
Are you going on dates? Well, I dont have a car, and even if I did, I cant
drive because I’m fifteen, and anyway, I haven’t Identity
Diffusion Excessive Self-
Awareness Charlie always has so
many reasons to let him be the one who never really
participates in society. He is not ready yet to build a
relationship with someone else. He only focuses on
his weakness and is afraid of others who may not
accept him as the way he is. This condition often
happens for children who live in a condition that
never gives them support 24
