Writing Tool 10: Recognize the Roots of Stories
50 Writing Tools
By Roy Peter Clark (more by author)
Senior Scholar, Poynt er Inst it ut e
Introduction
The int roduct ory column t o t he workbench of Roy Pet er Clark.
Writing Tool #1: Branch to the Right
Begin sent ences wit h subj ect s and verbs, let t ing subordinat e element s branch t o t he right . Even a long, long sent ence can be cl ear and powerf ul when t he subj ect and verb make meaning early.
Writing Tool #2: Use St rong Verbs
Use verbs in t heir st rongest f orm, t he simple present or past . St rong verbs creat e act ion, save words, and reveal t he players.
Writing Tool #3: Beware of Adverbs
Beware of adverbs. They can dilut e t he meaning of t he verb or repeat it .
Writing Tool #4: Period As a Stop Sign
Place st rong words at t he beginning of sent ences and paragraphs, and at t he end. The period act s as a st op sign. Any word next t o t he period says, "Look at me. "
Writing Tool #5: Observe Word Territory
Observe "word t errit ory. " Give key words t heir space. Do not repeat a dist inct ive word unless you int end a specif ic ef f ect .
Writing Tool #6: Play with Words
Play wit h words, even in serious st ories. Choose words t he average writ er avoids but t he average reader underst ands.
Writing Tool #7: Dig for the Concrete and Specific
Always get t he name of t he dog.
Writing Tool #8: Seek Original Images
Seek original images. Make word l ist s, f ree-associat e, be surprised by l anguage. Rej ect cliches and "f irst -level creat ivit y. "
Writing Tool #9: Prefer Simple to Technical
Pref er t he simple t o t he t echnical: short er words and paragraphs at t he point s of great est complexit y.
Writing Tool #10: Recognize the Roots of Stories
Recognize t he myt hic, symbolic, and poet ic. Be aware (and beware) t hat common t hemes of news writ ing have deep root s in t he cult ure of st oryt elling.
Writing Tool #11: Back Off or Show Off
When t he news or t opic is most serious, underst at e. When t he t opic is l east serious, exaggerat e.
Writing Tool #12: Cont rol the Pace
Cont rol t he pace of t he st ory by varying sent ence lengt h.
Writing Tool #13: Show and Tell
Good writ ers move up and down t he ladder of abst ract ion. At t he bot t om are bl oody knives and rosary beads, wedding rings and baseball cards. At t he t op are words t hat reach f or a higher meaning, words like "f reedom" and "lit eracy. "
Writing Tool #14: Interesting Names
Remember t hat writ ers are, by t raining and disposit ion, at t ract ed t o people and places wit h int erest ing names.
Writing Tool #15: Reveal Character Traits
Reveal charact er t rait s t o t he reader t hrough scenes, det ails, and dialogue.
Writing Tool #16: Odd and Interesting Things
Put odd and int erest ing t hings next t o each ot her.
Writing Tool #17: The Number of Elements
The number of examples you use in a sent ence or a st ory has meaning.
Writing Tool #18: Internal Cliffhangers
Use t hem t o move readers t o t urn t he page.
Writing Tool #19: Tune Your Voice
Of all t he ef f ect s creat ed by writ ers, none is more import ant or elusive t han t hat qualit y called "voice. "
Writing Tool #20: Narrative Opportunities
Take advant age of narrat ive opport unit ies.
Writing Tool #21: Quot es and Dialogue
Learn how quot es dif f er f rom dialogue.
Writing Tool #22: Get Ready
Take a t ip f rom Hamlet and al ways be prepared t o t ell t he big st ory: Expect t he unexpect ed.
Writing Tool #23: Place Gold Coins Along the Path
Learn how t o keep your readers int erest ed by pl acing gold coins t hroughout your st ory.
Writing Tool #24: Name the Big Parts
Seeing t he st ruct ure of a st ory is easier if you can ident if y t he main part s.
Writing Tool #25: Repeat
Purposef ul repet it ion is not redundancy.
Roy's 'Toolbox' is Filling Up
St eve But t ry asks Roy Pet er Clark about his Writ ing Tools, and get s a glimpse int o t he t oolbox.
Writing Tool #26: Fear Not the Long Sentence
Do what you f ear: Use l ong sent ences.
Writing Tool #27: Riffing for Originality
Rif f on t he creat ive language of ot hers.
Writing Tool #28: Writing Cinematically
Aut hors have long underst ood how t o shif t t heir f ocus t o capt ure bot h landscape and charact er.
Writing Tool #29: Report for Scenes
The scene is t he most basic unit of narrat ive lit erat ure. Scenes put us t here, and make us care.
Writing Tool #30: Writ e Endings to Lock the Box
All writ ers have a license t o end, and t here are many ways t o do so.
Writing Tool #31: Parallel Lines
Writ ers shape up t heir writ ing by paying at t ent ion t o paral l el st ruct ures in t heir words, phrases, and sent ences.
Writing Tool #32: Let It Flow
A t ransit ion f rom t ools t o habit s.
Writing Tool #33: Rehearsal
Procrast inat ion can be product ive.
Writing Tool #34: Cut Big, Then Small
Precise and concise writ ing comes f rom disciplined cut t ing.
Writing Tool #35: Use Punctuation
Proper punct uat ion can help a writ er cont rol how f ast -- or slow -- a reader goes.
Writing Tool #36: Writ e A Mission Statement for Your Story
Learn how t o reach t he next level in your writ ing.
Writing Tool #37: Long Proj ects
Breaking a big proj ect int o small part s makes it easier t o st art writ ing.
Writing Tool #38: Polish Your Jewels
In short er works, don't wast e a syll able.
Writing Tool #39: The Voice of Verbs
Choose act ive or passive verbs f or t heir special ef f ect s.
Writing Tool #40: The Broken Line
Use t his t ool t o combine st oryt elling wit h report ing.
Writing Tool #41: X-Ray Reading
Reading ot hers' work can help make you a bet t er writ er.
Writing Tool #42: Paragraphs
Go short or long, depending upon your purpose.
Writing Tool #43: Self-criticism
Go f rom nice and easy t o rough and t ough.
Writing Tool #44: Save String
Save inf ormat ion -- it could be used f or a big proj ect lat er.
Writing Tool #45: Foreshadow
Plant import ant clues early in t he st ory.
Tool #46: Storytellers, Start Your Engines
Good quest ions drive good st ories.
Writing Tool #47: Collaboration
Help ot hers in t heir craf t s so t hey can help you.
Writing Tool #48: Create An Editing Support Group
Creat e a support net work of f riends, colleagues, edit ors, expert s, and coaches who can give you f eedback on your work.
Writing Tool #49: Learn from Criticism
Even severe or cynical crit icism can help a writ er.
Writing Tool #50: The Writing Process
Use t hese t ools t o demyst if y your writ ing.
Writing Tool #51: Too Many ‘ ings’
Beware of t oo many ‘ ings. ’
Fifty W ritin g To o ls The workben ch of Roy Peter Clark.
At t imes, it helps t o t hink of writ ing as carpent ry. That way, writ ers and edit ors can work
f rom a plan and use t ool s st ored on t heir workbench. You can borrow a writ ing t ool at any t ime. And here's a secret : Unlike hammers, chisels, and rakes, writ ing t ools never have t o be ret urned. They can be cleaned, sharpened, and passed on.
Each week, f or t he next 50, I will describe a writ ing t ool t hat has been usef ul t o me. I have borrowed t hese t ools f rom writ ers and edit ors, f rom aut hors of books on writ ing, and f rom t eachers and writ ing coaches. Many come f rom t he X-ray reading of t ext s I admire.
I have described most of t hese t ools in earlier l ist s, f irst of 20 and t hen 30. In t hose rendit ions, I def ined each t ool in short hand, 50 words or less, wit hout elaborat ion or exemplif icat ion. In spit e of -- perhaps because of -- t heir brevit y, many aspiring writ ers f ound t hem usef ul, and t he t ools popped up all over t he Int ernet , t ranslat ed int o several languages. This warm accept ance has given me t he courage t o do more wit h t hese t ools, t o hone t hem, t o discard some rust y ones, and t o add t o my collect ion.
As you st udy and discuss t hese, please remember:
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Writing Tool #1
• These are tools and not rules. They work out side t he By Roy Peter Clark
Begin sent ences wit h
realm of right and wrong, and inside t he worl d of cause and subj ect s and verbs, let t ing
ef f ect . You will f ind many examples of good writ ing t hat
subordinat e element s branch
seem t o "violat e" t he general advice described here.
t o t he right . Even a long,
• It will not help to apply these tools at once, j ust as
long sent ence can be clear
aspiring golf ers swing and miss if t hey t ry t o remember t he and powerf ul when t he
subj ect and verb make
30 or so dif f erent element s of an ef f ect ive golf swing.
meaning early. >> Read more
• You will become handy with these tools over time. You will begin t o recognize t heir use in t he st ories you read.
More Writing Tools by Roy
You will see chances t o apply t hem when you revise your
Peter Clark:
own work. Event ually, t hey will become part of your f low,
• Thirt y Tools f or Writ ers
• nat ural and aut omat ic. If I Were a Carpent er: The Tools of t he Writ er • You are already using many of these tools without
• The Int ernal Clif f hanger:
knowing it. It is impossible t o speak, writ e, or read wit hout Writ ing Tool #31 t hem. But now t hese t ools have names, so you can begin t o t alk about t hem in dif f erent ways. As your crit ical
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vocabulary grows, your writ ing will improve. Writer's Toolbox each week
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My f riend Tom French, who won a Pulit zer Prize f or f eat ure writ ing, t old me he liked my t ool list because it covered writ ing f rom t he "sub-at omic t o t he met aphysical level. " By sub- at omic, he meant t he ways words, phrases, and sent ences work. By met aphysical , he meant t he ways writ ers live, dream, and work.
Wit h t hat as bot h int roduct ion and promise, let us begin.
W ritin g To o l # 1: Bra n ch to th e Righ t Begin sentences with subj ects and verbs, letting subordinate elements branch t o the
right. Even a long, long sentence can be clear and powerful when the subj ect and verb
make meaning early. To use t his t ool, imagine each sent ence you writ e print ed on an inf init el y wide piece of
paper. In English, a sent ence st ret ches f rom lef t t o right . Now imagine t his: A report er writ es
a lead sent ence wit h subj ect and verb at t he beginning, f ollowed by ot her subordinat e element s, creat ing what scholars call a "right -branching sent ence. "
I j ust creat ed one. Subj ect and verb of t he main clause j oin on t he lef t ("A report er writ es") while all ot her element s branch of f t o t he right . Here's anot her right -branching sent ence, writ t en by Lydia Polgreen as t he lead of a news st ory in The New Yor k Ti mes:
Rebels seized cont rol of Cap Hait ien, Hait i's second largest cit y, on Sunday, meet ing lit t le resist ance as hundreds of resident s cheered, burned t he police st at ion, plundered f ood f rom port warehouses and loot ed t he airport , which was quickly closed. Police of f icers and armed support ers of President Jean-Bert rand Arist ide f led.
That f irst sent ence is 37 words long and rippling wit h act ion. The sent ence is so f ul l, in f act , t hat it t hreat ens t o f ly apart like some over heat ed engine. But t he writ er keeps cont rol by creat ing meaning in t he f irst t hree words: "Rebels seized cont rol. . . " Think of t hat main clause as t he locomot ive t hat pulls all t he cars t hat f ollow.
Mast er writ ers can craf t page af t er page of sent ences writ t en in t his st ruct ure. Consider t his passage by John St einbeck f rom "Cannery Row, " describing t he rout ine of a marine scient ist named Doc:
He didn't need a clock. He had been working in a t idal pat t ern so long t hat he coul d f eel a t ide change in his sleep. In t he dawn he awakened, looked out t hrough t he windshield, and saw t hat t he wat er was already ret reat ing down t he bouldery f lat . He drank some hot cof f ee, at e t hree sandwiches, and had a quart of beer.
The t ide goes out impercept ibly. The boulders show and seem t o rise up and t he ocean recedes leaving lit t le pools, leaving wet weed and moss and sponge, iridescence and brown and blue and China red. On t he bot t oms lie t he incredible ref use of t he sea, shell s broken and chipped and bit s of skel et on, claws, t he whol e sea bot t om a f ant ast ic cemet ery on which t he living scamper and scramble.
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Fifty Writing Tools
By Roy Peter Clark
At t imes, it helps t o t hink of writ ing as carpent ry. That way, writ ers and edit ors can work f rom a plan and use t ools st ored on t heir workbench. You can borrow
a writ ing t ool at any t ime. And here's a secret : Unlike
In each sent ence, St einbeck places subj ect and verb at or near t he hammers, chisels, and rakes, beginning. Clarit y and narrat ive energy f low t hrough t he passage,
writ ing t ools never have t o
as one sent ence builds upon anot her. And he avoids monot onous
be ret urned. They can be cleaned, sharpened, and
st ruct ure by varying t he lengt h of his sent ences.
passed on.
Subj ect and verb of t en get separat ed in prose, usuall y because we Click here to receive
want t o t ell t he reader somet hing about t he subj ect bef ore we get Writer's Toolbox each week
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t o t he verb. When we do t his, even f or good reasons, we risk conf using t he reader:
A bill t hat would exclude t ax income f rom t he assessed val ue of new homes f rom t he st at e educat ion f unding f ormula could mean a l oss of revenue f or Chesapeake Count y schools.
Eight een words separat e t he subj ect "bill " f rom it s weak verb "could mean, " a f at al f law t hat t urns what could be an import ant civic st ory int o gibberish.
If t he writ er want s t o creat e suspense, or build t ension, or make t he reader wait and wonder, or j oin a j ourney of discovery, or hold on f or dear lif e, she can save t he verb unt il t he end.
Workshop:
1. Read t hrough an edit ion of The New Yor k Times wit h a pencil. Mark t he locat ion of subj ect s and verbs.
2. Do t he same wit h a collect ion of your own st ories.
3. Do t he same wit h a draf t of a st ory you're working on now.
4. The next t ime you st ruggle wit h a sent ence, see if you can rewrit e it by placing subj ect and verb at t he beginning.
W ritin g To o l # 2 : U s e S tro n g Ve rbs Use verbs in their strongest form, the simple present or past. Strong verbs create action,
save words, and reveal the players.
President John F. Kennedy t est if ied t hat his f avorit e book was "From Russia Wit h Love, " t he 1957 James Bond advent ure by Ian Fleming. This choice revealed more about JFK t han we knew at t he t ime and creat ed a cult of 007 t hat persist s t o t his day.
The power in Fleming's prose f lows f rom t he use of act ive verbs. In sent ence af t er sent ence, page af t er page, England's f avorit e secret agent , or his beaut if ul companion, or his villainous adversary perf orms t he act ion of t he verb.
Bond cl i mbed t he f ew st airs and unl ocked his door and l ocked and bol t ed it behind him. Moonlight f i l t er ed t hrough t he curt ains. He wal ked across and t ur ned on t he pink-shaded light s on t he dressing-t able. He st r i pped of f his clot hes and went int o t he bat hroom and st ood f or a f ew minut es under t he shower. … He cl eaned his t eet h and gar gl ed wit h a sharp mout hwash t o get rid of t he t ast e of t he day and t ur ned of f t he bat hroom light and went back int o t he bedroom.
Bond dr ew aside one curt ain and opened wide t he t all windows and st ood, holding t he curt ains open and l ooking out across t he great boomerang curve of wat er under t he riding moon. The night breeze f elt wonderf ull y cool on his naked body. He l ooked at his wat ch. It sai d t wo o'clock.
Bond gave a shuddering yawn. He l et t he curt ains drop back int o place. He bent t o swit ch of f t he light s on t he dressing-t able. Suddenly he st i f f ened and his heart mi ssed
a beat . There had been a nervous giggle f rom t he shadows at t he back of t he room. A girl's
voice sai d, "Poor Mist er Bond. You must be t ired. Come t o bed. " In writ ing t his passage, Fleming f oll owed t he advice of his count ryman George Orwell, who
wrot e of verbs: "Never use t he passive when you can use t he act ive. "
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Never say never, Mr. Orwell, lest you t urn one of t he writ er's most
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reliable t ool s int o a rigid rule. But we honor you f or describing t he out our reporting, writing,
and editing seminars relat ionship bet ween language abuse and polit ical abuse, and f or . revealing how corrupt leaders use t he passive voice t o obscure
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unspeakable t rut hs and shroud responsibilit y f or t heir act ions. They Writ er's Toolbox each week say: "It must be admit t ed af t er t he report is reviewed t hat
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mist akes were made, " rat her t han, "I read t he report , and I admit I made a mist ake. "
News writ ers reach of t en f or t he simple act ive verb. Consider t his New Yor k Ti mes lead by Carl ot t a Gal l on t he suicidal desperat ion of Af ghan women: "Waif like, draped in a pale blue veil, Madina, 20, si t s on her hospit al bed, bandages covering t he t erribl e, raw burns on her News writ ers reach of t en f or t he simple act ive verb. Consider t his New Yor k Ti mes lead by Carl ot t a Gal l on t he suicidal desperat ion of Af ghan women: "Waif like, draped in a pale blue veil, Madina, 20, si t s on her hospit al bed, bandages covering t he t erribl e, raw burns on her
While Fleming used t he past t ense t o narrat e hi s advent ure, Gall pref ers verbs in t he present t ense. This st rat egy immerses t he reader in t he immediacy of experience, as if we were sit t ing – right now -- beside t he poor woman in her grief .
Bot h Fleming and Gall avoid t he verb qualif iers t hat at t ach t hemselves t o st andard prose like barnacles t o t he hull of a ship:
• Sort of • Tend t o • Kind of • Must have • Seemed t o • Could have • Use t o
Scrape away t hese crust aceans during revision, and t he ship of your prose will glide t oward meaning wit h ef f icient speed and grace.
Workshop:
1. Verbs f all int o t hree cat egories: act ive, passive, and f orms of t he verb "t o be. " Review t hree of your st ories and circle t he verb f orms wit h a pencil . In t he margins, mark each verb by cat egory.
2. Look f or occasions t o convert passive or "t o be" verbs int o t he act ive. For example, "It was her observat ion t hat …" becomes "She observed …"
3. In your own work and in t he newspaper, search f or verb at t achment s and see what happens when you cut t hem f rom a st ory.
4. Read "Polit ics and t he English Language, " by George Orwell. As you list en t o polit ical speech, mark t hose occasions when polit icians or ot her leaders use t he passive voice t o avoid responsibilit y f or problems or mist akes.
W ritin g To o l # 3 : Be w a re o f Ad ve rbs
Beware of adverbs. They can dilute the meaning of the verb or repeat it. The aut hors of t he classic "Tom Swif t " advent ures f or boys l oved t he exclamat ion point and
t he adverb. Consider t his brief passage f rom "Tom Swif t and His Great Searchlight ": "Look! " suddenly exclaimed Ned. "There's t he agent now! . . . I'm going t o speak t o him! "
impulsivel y declared Ned. That exclamat ion point af t er "Look" should be enough t o heat t he prose f or t he young reader,
but t he aut hor adds "suddenly" and "exclaimed" f or good measure. Time and again, t he writ er uses t he adverb, not t o change our underst anding of t he verb, but t o int ensif y it . The silliness of t his st yle led t o a f orm of pun called t he "Tom Swif t ie, " where t he adverb conveys t he punch line:
"I'm an art ist , " he said easily.
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"I'm t he Venus de Mil o, " she said disarmingl y.
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At t heir best , adverbs spice up a verb or adj ect ive. At t heir worst ,
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t hey express a meaning already cont ained in it : • "The blast complet ely dest royed t he church off ice."
• "The cheerleader gyrat ed wildly before t he screaming fans." • "The accident t ot ally severed t he boy's arm." • "The spy peered furt ively t hrough t he bushes."
Consider t he ef f ect of delet ing t he adverbs: • The blast dest royed t he church office.
• The cheerleader gyrat ed before t he screaming fans. • The accident severed t he boy's arm. • The spy peered t hrough t he bushes.
In each case, t he delet ion short ens t he sent ence, sharpens t he point , and creat es elbow room
f or t he verb.
A half -cent ury af t er his deat h, Meyer Berger remains one of great st ylist s in t he hist ory of The New Yor k Ti mes. One of his last col umns describes t he care received in a Cat holic hospit al by an old blind violinist :
The st af f t al ked wit h Sist er Mary Fint an, who (in) charge of t he hospit al. Wit h her consent , t hey brought t he old violin t o Room 203. It had not been pl ayed f or years, but Laurence St roet z groped f or it . His long whit e f ingers st roked it . He t uned it , wit h some ef f ort , and t ight ened t he old bow. He lif t ed it t o his chin and t he lion's mane came down.
The vigor of verbs and t he absence of adverbs mark Berger's prose. As t he old man plays "Ave Maria…"
Black-clad and whit e-cl ad nuns moved lips in silent prayer. They choked up. The long years on t he Bowery had not st olen Laurence St roet z's t ouch. Blindness made his f ingers st umble down t o t he violin bridge, but t hey recovered. The music died and t he audience pat t ered applause. The old violinist bowed and his sunken cheeks creased in a smile.
How much bet t er t hat "t he audience pat t ered applause" t han t hat t hey "appl auded polit ely. " Excess adverbiage ref lect s t he st yle of an immat ure writ er, but t he mast ers can st umble as
well. John Updike wrot e a one-paragraph essay about t he beaut y of t he beer can bef ore t he invent ion of t he pop-t op. He dreamed of how suds once "f oamed eagerl y in t he exult at ion of release. " As I've read t hat sent ence over t he years, I've grown more impat ient wit h "eagerly. " It clot s t he space bet ween a great verb ("f oamed") and a great noun ("exult at ion"), which personif y t he beer and t ell us all we need t o know about eagerness.
Adverbs have t heir place in ef f ect ive prose. But use t hem sparingly.
Workshop
1. Look t hrough t he newspaper f or any word t hat ends in –ly. If it is an adverb, delet e it wit h your pencil and read t he new sent ence al oud.
2. Do t he same f or your last t hree essays, st ories, or papers. Circle t he adverbs, delet e t hem, and decide if t he new sent ence is bet t er or worse.
3. Read t hrough your adverbs again and mark t hose t hat modif y t he verb or adj ect ive as opposed t o t hose t hat j ust int ensif y it .
4. Look f or weak verb/ adverb combinat ions t hat can be revised int o st rong verbs: "She went quickl y down t he st airs" can become "She dashed down t he st airs. "
W ritin g To o l # 4 : Pe rio d As a S to p S ign Place strong words at t he beginning of sentences and paragraphs, and at t he end. The
period acts as a stop sign. Any word next to the period says, "Look at me. "
St runk & Whit e's "The Element s of St yle" advi ses t he writ er t o "Pl ace emphat ic words in a sent ence at t he end, " which of f ers an example of it s own rule. The most emphat ic word appears at "t he end. " Applicat ion of t his t ool –- an ancient rhet orical device –- will improve your prose in a f lash.
In any sent ence, t he comma act s as a speed bump and t he period as a st op sign. At t he period, t he t hought of t he sent ence is complet ed. That slight pause in reading f l ow magnif ies t he f inal word. This ef f ect is int ensif ied at t he end of a paragraph, where t he f inal words of t en adj oin whit e space. In a column of t ype, t he reader's eyes are drawn t o t he words next t o t he whit e space.
Emphat ic word order helps t he news writ er solve t he most dif f icult problems. Consider t his news lead f rom The Phi l adel phi a Inqui r er . The writ er must make sense of t hree powerf ul news element s: t he deat h of a Unit ed St at es Senat or, t he collision of aircraf t , and a t ragedy at an element ary school :
A privat e pl ane carrying U. S. Sen. John Heinz collided wit h a helicopt er in clear skies over Lower Merion Township yest erday, t riggering a f iery, midair explosion t hat rained burning debris over an element ary school playground.
Seven peopl e died: Heinz, f our pilot s, and t wo f irst -grade girls at pl ay out side t he school. At least f ive people on t he ground were inj ured, t hree of t hem children, one of whom was in crit ical condit ion wit h burns.
Flaming and smoking wreckage t umbled t o t he eart h around Merion Element ary School on Bowman Avenue at 12: 19 p. m. , but t he gray st one buil ding and it s occupant s were spared. Fright ened chil dren ran f rom t he playground as t eachers herded ot hers out side. Wit hin minut es, anxious parent s began st reaming t o t he school in j ogging suit s, business clot hes, house-coat s. Most were rewarded wit h emot ional reunions, amid t he smell of acrid smoke.
On most days, any of t he t hree news element s would lead t he paper. Combined, t hey f orm an overpowering news t apest ry, one t hat t he report er and edit or must handle wit h care. What mat t ers most in t his st ory? The deat h of a senat or? A spect acular crash? The deat h of children?
In t he f irst paragraph, t he writ er chose t o ment ion t he crash and t he senat or upf ront , and saved "element ary school playground" f or t he end. Throughout t he passage, subj ect s and verbs come early -– like t he locomot ive and coal car of a rail road t rain –- saving ot her int erest ing words f or t he end –- like a caboose.
Consider, al so, t he order in which t he writ er list s t he anxious parent s, who arrive at t he school in "j ogging clot hes, business suit s, house-coat s. " Any ot her order weakens t he Consider, al so, t he order in which t he writ er list s t he anxious parent s, who arrive at t he school in "j ogging clot hes, business suit s, house-coat s. " Any ot her order weakens t he
f rom t heir homes dressed as t hey are. Put t ing st rong st uf f at t he beginning and t he end allows writ ers t o hide weaker st uf f in t he
middle. In t he passage above, not ice how t he writ er hides t he less import ant news element s - – t he who and t he when ("Lower Merion Township yest erday") -– in t he middle of t he lead. This st rat egy also works f or at t ribut ing quot at ions:
"It was one horrible t hing t o wat ch, " said Helen Amadio, who was walking near her Hampden Avenue home when t he crash occurred. "It exploded like a bomb. Black smoke j ust poured. "
Begin wit h a good quot e. Hide t he at t ribut ion in t he middle. End wit h a good quot e. These t ools are as old as rhet oric it self . Near t he end of Shakespeare's f amous t ragedy, a
charact er announces t o Macbet h: "The Queen, my Lord, is dead. "
This ast onishing example of t he power of emphat ic word order is f oll owed by one of t he darkest passages in all of lit erat ure. Macbet h says:
She should have died hereaf t er; There woul d have a t ime f or such a word. Tomorrow, and t omorrow, and t omorrow Creeps in t his pet t y pace f rom day t o day, To t he last syllable of recorded t ime; And all our yest erdays have light ed f ools The way t o dust y deat h. Out , out , brief candle! Lif e's but a walking shadow, a poor player That st rut s and f ret s his hour upon t he st age And t hen is heard no more. It is a t ale Told by an idiot , f ull of sound and f ury Signif ying not hing.
The poet has one great advant age over t hose of us who writ e prose. He knows where t he line will end. He get s t o emphasize a word at t he end of a line, a sent ence, a paragraph. We prose writ ers make do wit h t he sent ence and paragraph –- signif ying somet hing.
Workshop:
I Have a Dream " speech t o st udy t he uses of emphat ic word order.
1. Read Lincoln's " Get t ysburg Address " and Dr. King's "
2. Wit h a pencil in hand, read an essay you admire. Circle t he last words in each paragraph.
3. Do t he same f or recent examples of your own work. Look f or opport unit ies t o revise sent ences so t hat more powerf ul or int erest ing words appear at t he end.
4. Survey your f riends t o get t he names of t heir dogs. Writ e t hese in alphabet ical order. Imagine t his list would appear in a st ory. Play wit h t he order of names. Which could go
f irst ? Which last ? Why?
W ritin g To o l # 5 : Obs e rve W o rd Te rrito ry Observe "word territory. " Give key words t heir space. Do not repeat a distinctive word
unless you intend a specific effect.
I coined t he phrase "word t errit ory" t o describe a t endency I not ice in my own writ ing. When I read a st ory I wrot e mont hs or years ago, I am surprised by how of t en I repeat words wit hout care.
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out our report ing, writ ing,
and edit ing seminars rhyt hm. Abraham Lincol n was not redundant in his hope t hat a . "government of t he people, by t he people, f or t he people, shall not
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To observe word t errit ory you must recognize t he dif f erence bet ween int ended and unint ended repet it ion. For example, I once wrot e t his sent ence t o describe a writ ing t ool:
Long sent ences cr eat e a f low t hat carries t he reader down a st ream of underst anding, cr eat i ng an ef f ect t hat Don Fry cal l s "st eady advance. "
It t ook several years and hundreds of readings bef ore I not iced I had writ t en "creat e" and "creat ing" in t he same sent ence. It was easy enough t o cut out "creat ing, " giving t he st ronger verb f orm it s own space. Word t errit ory.
In 1978 I wrot e t his ending t o a st ory about t he lif e and deat h of Beat writ er Jack Kerouac in my homet own of St . Pet ersburg, Fl orida:
How f it t ing t hen t hat t his child of bliss should come in t he end t o St . Pet ersburg. Our cit y of golden sunshine, balmy serenit y, and careless bliss, a paradise f or t hose who have known hard t imes. And, at once, t he cit y of wret ched l oneliness, t he cit y of root less survival and of rest less wanderers, t he cit y where so many come t o die.
Years lat er, I admire t hat passage except f or t he unint ended repet it ion of t he key word "bliss. " Worse yet , I had used it again, t wo paragraphs earlier. I of f er no excuse ot her t han
f eeling blissed out in t he aura of Kerouac's work. I've heard a st ory, which I cannot verif y, t hat Ernest Hemingway t ried t o writ e book pages in
which no key words were repeat ed. That ef f ect would mark a hard-core adherence t o word t errit ory, but , in f act , does not ref lect t he way t hat Hemingway writ es. He of t en repeat s key words on a page — t abl e, rock, f ish, river, sea — because t o f ind a synonym st rains t he writ er's eyes and t he reader's ears.
Consider t his passage f rom "A Moveable Feast ":
All you have t o do is writ e one t r ue sent ence. Writ e t he t r uest sent ence t hat you know. So f inally I woul d writ e one t r ue sent ence, and t hen go on f rom t here. It was easy t hen because t here was always one t r ue sent ence t hat I knew or had seen or had heard someone say. If I st art ed t o writ e elaborat ely, or like someone int roducing or present ing somet hing, I f ound t hat I could cut t hat scroll work or ornament out and t hrow it away and st art wit h t he f irst t r ue si mpl e decl ar at i ve sent ence I had writ t en.
As a reader, I appreciat e t he repet it ion in t he Hemingway passage. The ef f ect is like t he beat of a bass drum. It vibrat es t he writ er's message int o t he pores of t he skin. Some words — like "t rue" or "sent ence" — act as building blocks and can be repeat ed t o good ef f ect . Dist inct ive words — like "scroll work" or "ornament " — deserve t heir own space.
Finall y, leave "said" alone. Don't be t empt ed by t he muse of variat ion t o permit charact ers t o "opine, " "elaborat e, " "chort le, " "caj ole, " or "laugh. "
Workshop:
1. Read a st ory you wrot e at least a year ago. Pay at t ent ion t o t he words you repeat . Divide t hem int o t hree cat egories:
a. f unct ion words ("said" or "t hat ")
b. f oundat ion words ("house" or "river")
c. dist inct ive words ("sil houet t e" or "j ingle")
2. Do t he same wit h t he draf t of a st ory you are working on now. Your goal is t o recognize unint ended repet it ion bef ore it is published.
3. Read some select ions f rom novels or nonf ict ion st ories t hat make use of dialogue. St udy t he at t ribut ion, paying cl ose at t ent ion t o when t he aut hor uses "says" or "said, " and when t he writ er chooses a more descript ive alt ernat ive.
W ritin g To o l # 6 : Pla y w ith W o rd s
Play with words, even in serious st ories. Choose words the average writer avoids but the
average reader underst ands. Just as t he sculpt or works wit h clay, t he writ er shapes a world wit h words. In f act , t he
earliest Engl ish poet s were called "shapers, " art ist s who molded t he st uf f of language t o creat e st ories t he way t hat God, t he Gr eat Shaper, f ormed heaven and eart h.
Good writ ers play wit h l anguage, even when t he t opic is about deat h: "Do not go gent le int o t hat good night , " wrot e Welsh poet Dylan Thomas t o his dying f at her,
"Rage, rage against t he dying of t he light . " Play and deat h may seem at odds, but t he writ er f inds t he pat h
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t hat connect s t hem. To express his grief , t he poet f iddles wit h
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language, pref ers 'gent le' t o 'gent ly, ' chooses 'night ' t o rhyme wit h out our report ing, writ ing, and edit ing seminars 'light , ' and repeat s t he word 'rage. ' Lat er in t he poem, he will even .
pun about t hose "grave men, near deat h, who see wit h blinding Click here sight . " The double meaning of 'grave men' leads st raight t o t he t o receive Writ er's
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oxymoron 'blinding sight . ' Word-pl ay.
mail.
The headl ine writ er is t he j ournalist most like t he poet , st uf f ing big meaning int o small spaces. Consider t his headline about a shocking day during t he war in Iraq: Jubilant mob
mauls four dead Americans.
The circumst ances of t he st ory are hideous: Iraqi civilians at t ack American securit y of f icers, burn t hem t o deat h in t heir cars, beat and dismember t heir charred carcasses, drag t hem t hrough t he st reet , and hang what 's lef t f rom a bridge -- all while onlookers cheer. Even amidst such carnage, t he headline writ er pl ays wit h t he language. The writ er repeat s consonant sounds (like 'b' and 'm') f or emphasis and cont rast s words such as 'j ubil ant ' and 'dead' wit h surprising ef f ect . 'Jubil ant ' st ands out as wel l-chosen, derived f rom t he Lat in verb t hat means 't o raise a shout of j oy. '
Words l ike 'mob, ' 'dead, ' and 'Americans' appear in news report s all t he t ime. 'Mauls' is a verb we might see in a st ory about a dog at t ack on a child. But 'j ubilant ' is a dist inct ive word, comprehensible t o most readers, but rare in t he cont ext of news.
Too of t en, writ ers suppress t heir own vocabul aries in a misguided at t empt t o lower t he level of language f or a general audience. Obscure words should be def ined in t ext s or made clear
f rom cont ext . But t he reading vocabulary of t he average news user is considerably larger t han t he writ ing vocabulary of t he t ypical report er. As a result , scribes who choose t heir words
f rom a larger hoard of t en at t ract special at t ent ion f rom readers and gain reput at ions as "writ ers. "
Kelley Benham of t he St . Pet er sbur g Ti mes is such a writ er: When t hey heard t he screams, no one suspect ed t he roost er.
Dechardonae Gaines, 2, was t oddling down t he sidewal k Monday lugging her Easy Bake Oven when she became t he vict im in one of t he weirder animal at t ack cases police can recall.
The writ er's choice of words brings t o lif e t his of f -beat police st ory in which a roost er at t acks
a lit t le girl. 'Screams' is a word we see in t he news all t he t ime, but not 'roost er. ' Bot h 't oddling' and 'lugging' are words common t o t he average reader, but unusual in t he news.
Benham uses ot her words t hat are common t o readers, but rare in report ing: Vent ured, bell y, pummeling, f reaking, swat t ed, backhanded, shuf f led, lat ched on, hammered, crowing, f lip-
f lops, shucked, bobbed, skit t ered, and sandspurs. All of us possess a reading vocabulary as big as a lake, but draw f rom a writ ing vocabulary as
small as a pond. The good news is t hat t he act of report ing always expands t he number of useable words. The report er sees and hears and records. The seeing leads t o l anguage.
"The writ er must be abl e t o f eel words int imat ely, one at a t ime, " writ es poet Donal d Hall. "He must also be able t o st ep back, inside his head, and see t he f lowing sent ence. But he st art s wit h t he single word. " Hall cel ebrat es writ ers who "are original, as if seeing a t hing f or t he f irst t ime; yet t hey report t heir vision in a l anguage t hat reaches t he rest of us. For t he
f irst qualit y t he writ er needs imaginat ion; f or t he second he needs skill . . . Imaginat ion wit hout skill makes a l ively chaos; skill wit hout imaginat ion, a deadly order. "
Workshop:
1. Read several st ories in t oday's newspaper. Circle any surprising word, especially one you are not used t o seeing in t he news.
2. Writ e a draf t of a st ory or essay wit h t he int ent ion of unleashing your writ ing vocabulary. Show t his draf t t o some t est readers and int erview t hem about your word choice and t heir level of underst anding. Share your f indings wit h ot hers.
3. Read t he work of a writ er you admire wit h special at t ent ion t o word choice. Circle any signs of playf ulness by t he writ er, especially when t he subj ect mat t er is serious.
4. Find a writ er, perhaps a poet , whose work you read as an inspirat ion f or writ ing.
W ritin g To o l # 7: D ig fo r th e Co n cre te a n d Sp e cific
Dig for the concrete and specific: the name of the dog.
Novelist Joseph Conrad once described his t ask t his way: "By t he power of t he writ t en word t o make you hear, t o make you f eel — it is, bef ore all, t o make you see. " When Gene Robert s, a great American newspaper edit or, broke in as a cub report er in Nort h Carolina, he read his st ories aloud t o a bl ind edit or who would chast ise young Robert s f or not making him see.
Det ails of charact er and set t ing appeal t o t he senses of t he reader, creat ing an experience t hat leads t o underst anding. When we say "I see, " we most of t en mean "I underst and. " Inexperienced writ ers may choose t he obvious det ail, t he man puf f ing on t he cigaret t e, t he young woman chewing on what ’ s lef t of her f ingernails. Those det ails are not t elling — unless t he man is dying of lung cancer or t he woman is anorexic.
In St . Pet ersburg, edit ors and writ ing coaches warn report ers not
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t o ret urn t o t he of f ice wit hout "t he name of t he dog. " That
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report ing t ask does not require t he writ er t o use t he det ail in t he out our report ing, writ ing, and edit ing seminars st ory, but it reminds t he report er t o keep her eyes and ears .
opened. When Kelley Benham wrot e t he st ory of t he f erocious
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roost er t hat at t acked a t oddler, she not onl y got t he name of t he
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roost er, Rockadoodle Two, but also t he names of his parent s,
by e-mail.
Rockadoodl e and one-l egged Henny Penny. (I cannot expl ain why it mat t ers t hat t he of f ending roost er’ s mot her only had one l eg, but it does. )
Just bef ore t he execut ion of a serial killer, report er Christ opher Scanl an f lew t o Ut ah t o visit t he f amily of one of t he murderer’ s presumed vict ims. Years earlier a young woman lef t her house and never ret urned. Scanlan f ound t he det ail t hat t old t he st ory of t he f amily’ s unending grief . He not iced a piece of t ape over t he light swit ch next t o t he f ront door — so no one could t urn it of f . The mot her always lef t t he light on unt il her daught er ret urned home, and t hough years had passed, t hat l ight was kept burning like an et ernal f lame.
Here’ s t he key: Scanl an saw t he t aped-over swit ch and asked about it . The great det ail he capt ured was a product of his curiosit y, not his imaginat ion.
The quest f or such det ails has gone on f or cent uries, as any hist orical ant hology of report age will reveal . Brit ish schol ar John Carey describes t hese examples f rom his collect ion Eyewi t ness t o Hi st or y:
This book is … f ull of unusual or indecorous or incident al images t hat imprint t hemselves scaldingly on t he mind’ s eye: t he ambassador peering down t he f ront of Queen Elizabet h I’ s dress and not ing t he wrinkles … t he Tamil loot er at t he f all of Kuala Lumpur upending a cart on of snowy Slazenger t ennis balls … Pliny wat ching people wit h cushions on t heir heads against t he ash f rom t he volcano; Mary, Queen of Scot s, suddenly aged in deat h, wit h her pet dog cowering among her skirt s and her head held on by one recalcit rant piece of grist le; t he st arving Irish wit h t heir mout hs green f rom t heir diet of grass.
(Though t here is no surviving record of t he name of Mary’ s dog, I have l earned t hat it was a Skye t errier, a Scot t ish breed f amous f or it s loyalt y and val or! )
The good writ er uses t el ling det ails, not onl y t o inf orm but t o persuade. In 1963 Gene Pat t erson wrot e t his passage in a column mourning t he murders of f our girls in t he dynamit e bombing of a church in Alabama:
A Negro mot her wept in t he st reet Sunday morning in f ront of a Bapt ist Church in Birmingham. In her hand she held a shoe, one shoe, f rom t he f oot of her dead chil d. We hold t hat shoe wit h her.
Pat t erson will not permit whit e Sout herners t o escape responsibilit y f or t he murder of t hose children. He f ixes t heir eyes and ears, f orcing t hem t o hear t he weeping of t he grieving mot her, and t o see t he one t iny shoe. The writ er makes us empat hize and mourn and underst and. He makes us see.
Workshop:
1. Read t oday’ s edit ion of The New Yor k Times looking f or passages in st ories t hat appeal t o t he senses. Do t he same wit h a novel.
2. Ask a group of colleagues or st udent s t o share st ories about t he names of t heir pet s. Which names reveal t he most about t he personalit ies of t he owners?
3. Wit h some f riends, st udy t he collect ed work of an out st anding phot oj ournalist . Make believe you are writ ing a st ory about t he scene capt ured in t he phot o. Which det ails might you select , and in what order would you render t hem?
4. Wit h some willing subj ect s, ask t o see t he cont ent s of a wallet , purse, or desk drawer. Ask t he owners t o give you a ‘ t our’ of t he cont ent s. Take ext ensive not es. Which det ails best convey t he owner’ s charact er?
W ritin g To o l # 8 : S e e k Origin a l Im a ge s
Seek original images. Make word lists, free-associate, be surprised by language. Rej ect cliches and "first-level creativity. "
The mayor want s t o rebuild a downt own in ruins but will not reveal t he det ails of his plan. "He's pl aying his cards close t o his vest , " you writ e.
You have writ t en a cliche, a worn-out met aphor. This one comes f rom t he world of gambling, of course. The mayor's adversaries would love a peek at his hand. Whoever used t his met aphor f irst , wrot e somet hing f resh. Wit h overuse, it became f amiliar and st ale.
"Never use a met aphor, simile, or ot her f igure of speech which you are used t o seeing in print , " writ es George Orwell. He argues t hat using cliches is a subst it ut e f or t hinking, a f orm of aut omat ic writ ing: "Prose consist s less and less of wor ds chosen f or t he sake of t heir meaning, and more and more of phr ases t acked t oget her like t he sect ions of a pref abricat ed hen-house. " Orwell 's last phrase is a f resh image, a model of originalit y.
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The language of sources t hreat ens t he good writ er at every t urn.
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Nowhere is t his t ruer t han in sport s j ournalism. A post -game
out our report ing, writ ing,
and edit ing seminars int erview wit h almost any at hlet e in any sport produces a quilt of . cliches: We f ought har d. We st epped up. We j ust t r i ed t o have
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some f un. It 's a miracle t hat t he best sport s writ ers are so original. Writer's Toolbox each week
A f avorit e of mine, Bill Conl in, wrot e t his about t he virt ues of one by e-mail. baseball great :
Cal Ripken is a superst ar anomaly. His close-cropped hair is gray by genet ics, not chart reuse, cerise, or hot pink by designer dye. He put s a ring around his bat while on deck, not t hrough his nose, nipples, or ot her organs.
So what is t he original writ er t o do? When t empt ed by a t ired phrase, "whit e as snow, " st op writ ing. Take what t he pract it ioners of nat ural childbirt h call a "cleansing breat h. " Then j ot down t he ol d phrase on a piece of paper. St art scribbling alt ernat ives:
• Whit e as snow. • Whit e as Snow Whit e. • Snowy whit e. • Gray as cit y snow. • Whit e as Prince Charles.
Saul Pet t , a report er known f or his st yle, once t old me t hat he might have t o creat e and rej ect more t han a dozen images bef ore t he process led him t o t he right one. Such dut y t o craf t should inspire us, but t he st rain of such ef f ort can be discouraging. On deadline, writ e it st raight : "The mayor was being secret ive about his plans. " If you f all back on t he cliche, make sure t here are no ot hers around it .
More deadly t han cliches of language are what Donald Murray calls "cliches of vision, " t he narrow f rames t hrough which writ ers learn t o see t he worl d. In "Writ ing t o Deadl ine, " Murray list s common blind spot s: vict ims are always innocent , bureaucrat s are lazy, polit icians are corrupt , it 's lonely at t he t op, t he suburbs are boring.
I have described one cliche of vision as "f irst -l evel creat ivit y. " For example, it 's impossible t o survive a week of American j ournalism wit hout reading or hearing t he phrase: "But t he dream became a night mare. "
This f rame is so pervasive t hat it can be appl ied t o almost any st ory: t he golf er who shoot s 33 on t he f ront nine, but 44 on t he back; t he company CEO j ail ed f or f raud; t he woman who suf f ers f rom bot ched pl ast ic surgery.
Writ ers who reach t he f irst level of creat ivit y t hink t hey are being original or clever. In f act , t hey set t le f or t he ordinary, t he dramat ic or humorous place any writ er can reach wit h minimal ef f ort .
I remember t he t rue st ory of a Florida man, who, walking home f or l unch, f ell int o a dit ch occupied by an all igat or. The gat or bit int o t he man, who was rescued by f iref ight ers. In a writ ing workshop, I gave report ers a f act sheet f rom which t hey were t o writ e f ive dif f erent leads f or t his st ory in f ive minut es. Some leads were st raight and newsy, ot hers nif t y and dist inct ive. But almost everyone in t he room, including me, had t his version of a lead sent ence:
When Rober t Hudson headed home f or l unch Thur sday, l i t t l e di d he know t hat he'd become t he meal .