THE IMPORTANCE OF THE INTIMACY OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AS SEEN IN SOSEKI’S MON
THE IMPORTANCE OF THE INTIMACY
OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AS SEEN IN SOSEKI’S MON
AN UNDERGRADUATE THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Sarjana Sastra in English Letters
By
CHATERINE PUTERI CHARISMA
Student Number: 044214045
ENGLISH LETTERS STUDY PROGRAMME DEPARTMENT OF ENGLISH LETTERS FACULTY OF LETTERS SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY YOGYAKARTA 2009
THE IMPORTANCE OF THE INTIMACY
OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AS SEEN IN SOSEKI’S MON
AN UNDERGRADUATE THESIS
Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Sarjana Sastra in English Letters
By
CHATERINE PUTERI CHARISMA
Student Number: 044214045
ENGLISH LETTERS STUDY PROGRAMME DEPARTMENT OF ENGLISH LETTERS FACULTY OF LETTERS SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY YOGYAKARTA 2009
My heart to you is given: Oh, do give yours to me;
Well lock them up together, And throw away the key
Frederic Saunders Men always want to be a woman’s first love.
Women have a more subtle instinct.
What they like is to be a man’s last romance.
Oscar Wilde
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To accomplish this undergraduate thesis, I have spent a lot of energy. I have spent my time in it and I have taken out all of my thoughts in it. So, I want to thank for the precious time that I spend with successfully. I would like to express thanks to all people who help me in completing this thesis.
First, I want to thank to my God because I have found a way out from my trouble. Jesus also has given me a lot of strength in finishing this thesis. Second, I would like to show gratitude to my advisor, Dewi Widyastuti, S.Pd., M.Hum. and Ni Luh Putu Rosiandani, S.S., M.Hum., who had helped me a lot in my thesis and had spent her time for helping me in finishing my thesis.
Third, I would like to be grateful to my beloved parents and my dearest brother. They have spent a lot of time to guide me and to support me especially when I feel confused. I love them very much.
Fourth, I also want to show my appreciation to my grandpa and my cousin. Because he and she have supported me a lot to finish this thesis. He and she have given me support by praying to my Lord Jesus Christ so I can finish writing thesis. Lastly, I would like to thank to the people whose names are not mentioned here for their supports for me during the process of completing this thesis.
Chaterine Puteri Charisma.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER IV: ANALYSIS ……………………………………………………………
57 APPENDIX………………………………………………………………………………..
54 BIBLIOGRAPHY ………………………………………………………………………...
48 CHAPTER V: CONCLUSION ………………………………………………………..
32
The Importance of the Intimacy Seen in the Main Characters……………….
C.
30 B. How the Main Characters Maintain Their Intimacy…………………………..
1.Sosuke ………………………….............................................................. 25 2.Oyone …………………………………………………………………...
25 A. The Description of the Main Characters in Mon…………………………….. 25
Approach of the Study ……………………………………………………….. 22 C. Method of the Study …………………………………………………………. 23
TITLE PAGE …………………………………….............................................................. i APPROVAL PAGE ……………………………………………………………………… ii ACCEPTANCE PAGE …………………………………………………………………... iii MOTTO PAGE …………………………………………………………………………... iv ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ……………………………………………………………… v TABLE OF CONTENTS ………………………………………………………………... vi ABSTRACT ……………………………………………………………………………... vii ABSTRAK ……………………………………………………………………………….. viii CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION …………………………………………………….
21 A. Object of the Study ………………………………………………………….. 21 B.
16 C. Theoretical Framework ………………………………………………………. 20 CHAPTER III: METHODOLOGY…………………………………………………….
The Role of the Intimacy for Japanese and Mixed Couple………………..
8 2. The Importance of Intimacy…………………………............................... 10 3.
8 1. Character and Characterization……………………………………………
Review of the Related Theories……………………………………………….
7 A. Review of Related Studies …………………………………………………… 7 B.
5 D. Definition of Terms ………………………………………………………….. 5 CHAPTER II: THEORETICAL REVIEW ..………………………………………….
Problem Formulation ………………………………………………………… 4 C. Objectives of the Study ……………………………………………………….
1 A. Background of the Study …………………………………………………….. 1 B.
59
ABSTRACT
CHATERINE PUTERI CHARISMA (2009): THE IMPORTANCE OF THE
INTIMACY OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AS SEEN IN SOSEKI’S MON.
Yogyakarta: English Letters Department, Faculty of Letters, Sanata Dharma University.This thesis discusses the Importance of the intimacy of Japanese couple seen through the main characters as seen in Soseki’s Mon. The writer chooses this topic because the writer thinks that the intimacy of the Japanese couple is an interesting issue to learn and the writer wants to know more about it.
In order to find out the Importance of the intimacy of Japanese couple, there are three problems that are formulated. They are: (1) How are the main characters characterized? (2) How do the main characters maintain the intimacy? (3) What is the Importance of the intimacy seen in the main characters?
This writing applies library research method and socio-historical approach. The writer tries to find all the data and other supporting references from the library. The writer also tries to find sources from the internet because the data that the writer has from library is not sufficient enough to help the writer to answer the three problems that the writer have.
This thesis concludes that the Japanese couple that is told in Soseki’s Mon has portrayed the intimacy in their daily life. To be able to deal with their difficulties, the main characters that are told in the novel, Sosuke and Oyone, have to make a great effort especially to maintain their intimacy in every condition. This Japanese couple can be an ideal figure of a young married couple especially in Asian countries. In the first analysis, it is mentioned that Sosuke is not an easy going man, a nice husband, not a patient man, a man who lacks diplomacy of skill, reasonable man, hardworking man, a workaholic man, a prudent man, has a self esteem, a skeptical person, a tough husband and an honest husband. While, Oyone, her wife, is an optimistic wife, a talkative woman, an ordinary wife, a skeptical woman, a critic person, a sensitive woman and a feminine woman. In the second analysis, the writer tries to reveal the portrait of the intimate married couple in which they maintain their intimacy in their life by sharing all components of intimacy, such as: caring and loving, empathy, mutual respect and mutual understanding. In the last part of the analysis, the writer tries to reveal several components of intimacy that are really seen in the examples of the conceptions of intimacy: intimate interactions, intimate experiences and intimate relationship. The conceptions of intimacy are shown well in the action and the notion of the main character itself.
ABSTRAK
CHATERINE PUTERI CHARISMA (2009): THE IMPORTANCE OF THE
INTIMACY OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AS SEEN IN SOSEKI’S MON.
Yogyakarta: Jurusan Sastra Inggris, Fakultas Sastra, Universitas Sanata Dharma.Thesis in membahas pentingnya kemesraan yang ditunjukkan oleh pasangan Jepang yang dapat dilihat melalui tokoh utamanya dalam novel Soseki, Mon. Penulis memilih topik ini karena penulis berpikir bahwa topik mengenai pentingnya kemesraan yang ditunjukkan oleh pasangan Jepang merupakan topik yang menarik untuk dipelajari dan penulis ingin mengetahui lebih dalam mengenai topik ini.
Untuk dapat mengetahui lebih dalam lagi mengenai pentingnya kemesraan yang ditunjukkan oleh pasangan Jepang ini, penulis merumuskan tiga pokok permasalahan. Mereka adalah: (1) Bagaimana tokoh utama digambarkan? (2) Bagaimana tokoh utama mempertahankan kemesraan mereka? (3) Apa saja pentingnya kemesraan yang ditunjukkan oleh tokoh utama?
Penulisan thesis ini menerapkan metode studi pustaka dan pendekatan sosial-sejarah. Penulis mencoba untuk menemukan semua data dan referensi yang mendukung dari perpustakaan. Penulis juga mencari beberapa sumber dari internet karena data yang didapat penulis dari perpustakaan kurang memadai untuk menjawab tiga pokok permasalahan yang telah penulis rumuskan.
Kesimpulan dari thesis ini adalah pasangan Jepang dalam Mon, sebuah novel karangan Soseki, telah memperlihatkan kemesraan dalam kehidupan sehari- hari mereka. Untuk mengatasi berbagai kesulitan yang dihadapi oleh tokoh utama dalam novel ini, Sosuke dan Oyone, harus berusaha keras terutama mempertahankan kemesraan mereka pada kondisi apapun. Pasangan Jepang ini dapat menjadi sosok yang ideal terutama bagi pasangan muda di seluruh Asia. Pada analisis yang pertama, penulis menyebutkan bahwa Sosuke adalah pria yang tidak mudah dipengaruhi, suami yang baik, kurang ahli diplomasi, berpikir rasional, pekerja keras, gila kerja, pria yang hemat, harga dirinya tinggi, orang yang ragu akan hal-hal tertentu, tegar dan jujur. Sementara itu, Oyone adalah perempuan yang cerewet, istri yang baik, perempuan yang ragu akan hal-hal tertentu, kritis, mudah tersinggung dan keibuan. Pada analisis yang kedua, penulis ingin mengungkapkan kemesraan pasangan suami istri saat mereka mempertahankan kemesraan mereka dalam kehidupan sehari-hari dengan saling berbagi bagian-bagian kemesraan, misalnya: saling perduli dan menyayangi, adanya rasa empati, saling menghormati dan saling mengerti. Pada analisis yang terakhir, penulis mencoba memaparkan beberapa bagian kemesraan melalui berbagai contoh gambaran-gambaran tentang kemesraan seperti kemesraan dalam berinteraksi, sharing dan hubungan. Gambaran-gambaran kemesraan terlihat dalam tindakan dan pikiran tokoh utama.
CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION A. Background of the Study This is one of the outstanding works that is written by Kinnosuke Natsume. He is known at Japanese literature by his pen name, Natsume Soseki. He is considered as the greatest novelist of the Meiji era and one of Japan’s finest modern writers. He is also regarded by Nobel laureate Oe Kenzaburo as Japan’s “national writer” among Japan most gifted literary artist
(Timothy Hoye)<http://www.artsci.lsu.edu/vogelin/EVS/2004%20Papers/Hoye 2004.html>.
Soseki resigns from his teaching at Tokyo Imperial University in 1907. Then, he joins the Asahi newspaper. He dedicates himself to write fiction. He makes a trilogy novels so that it will be published by the Asahi Newspaper (the distinguished publication). He writes Mon in 1910, Sanshiro in 1908 and Sorekara (And Then) in 1909 <http://www.culturalprofiles.net/japan/Directories /Japan Cultural Profile/-13234.html>.
This novel tells us about the strength of intimacy between Sosuke and Oyone as a young married couple. Their intimacy has been well proven by many problems that might interrupt their life as the married couple. The problems that are confronted by this married couple will be mentioned below.
2 First, as the married couple, their living condition are poor enough
(away from prosper). Their house that is settled down on a high cliff, away from the street. There is always a fear of a landslide (Soseki, 2000: 70). There is only a narrow passage between the house and the cliff (Soseki, 2000:79).
Second, as a civil servant, Sosuke’s salary is not big to pay for the rent of the house. They have difficulty in reaching a proper life. They choose to live in modest way or simple life. They could not even afford to buy new shoes and the material for a dress. So, they sell Hoitsu screen (the property of Sosuke’s father) (Soseki, 2000:71).
Third, as a common married couple, they do not have any children that could make their life more comfortable or even happy. Sosuke brings home a pleasant feeling after realizing that Sakai’s house (the landlord) is cheerful because they have children (Soseki, 2000: 124). In contrast to Oyone and Sosuke who are childless. Oyone’s heart fills with a feeling of emptiness and regret as she listens to the voice of children from the landlord’s house (Soseki, 2000: 55).
Fourth, to fulfill Sosuke’s purpose in searching the way for getting rid of his guilt, weakness or his bad feeling that existed since the problems are arouse, he tries to find serenity by entering a Buddhist temple. He wants to try to do zazen as it is an effort for him to escape from his poverty of spirit (becomes weak, restless, fearful, uncertain, cowardly and mean). It happens because he deals again with his past that can be said as his wounds. So he avoids meeting with Yasui, Oyone ex-boyfriend (Soseki, 2000: 174-176). To
3 purge his burden, he asks one of his acquaintance in his office whether he knows about Zen. His acquaintance gives him a letter of introduction to enter Kamakura temple that is inhabited by Gido (a monk). Their intimacy could become an ideal pattern for not only the young Japanese married couple but also all the young married couple over the world including Indonesia. Because they can keep their intimacy at all kinds of living condition. Though, this family faces their cruel fate that makes them being abandoned by the outside world (relatives, friends, neighbours and society). Even, Sosuke should resign from his university, they also face the reality of their being childless situation, they face their inner troubles and they live in inadequate income. This lesser living condition could not destroy their intimacy. In their mind, there is no reason to break their intimacy moreover to get a divorce, though they face so many problems.
They get closer one to another as they share so many troubles that they should overcome. They do not surrender because they will find the way to overcome their difficulties. Koroku gets a job by helping around at Sakai’s house (Soseki, 2000: 164). At the end, Sosuke makes a feast to celebrate the rise of his salaries (Soseki, 2000: 212). This better living condition is the result of their forbearance in dealing with their problems.
This topic is chosen by the writer as the writer thought that it might be Indonesian married couple’s future’s life. So, when they have got married, they can shape a prolonged relationship with their couple.
4 This thesis discusses Natsume Soseki’s novel, Mon. Mon is a Japanese word. In English, it can be translated into the gate. Firstly, the writer wants to bring the thesis to describe in detail the characteristics of the main characters. It is important to know the characteristic of the main characters. The writer will not decide whether the characteristic is bad or good. Because by knowing the characteristics in depth, we will know kind of the main character itself. By showing the characteristics, it needs an elaborate read so it will be developed into a better analyzing. It can be gotten by reading the speech of the main characters and their attitudes or their behaviours. So that, this problem later, will help next problem.
The next discussion is on the way of the young married couple handle their difficulties and on how they could maintain their intimacy towards various problems that are obstructed their intimacy. The central point of this thesis is to discuss the importance of the intimacy. This is clearly seen through the relationship of the young married couple. This point will explain more on how they interact to one another. This might be seen in their affection and a feeling of intimacy that are felt by one another. This couple is aware of their feeling but this awareness makes them finds troubles in confronted with their life.
B. Problem Formulation
In order to limit the study, the writer will raise some questions that are related to the topic that will be discussed. They are:
1. How are the main characters characterized?
5
2. How do the main characters maintain the intimacy? 3.
What is the importance of the intimacy seen in the main characters? C.
Objectives of the Study
The objective of the study is to answer the questions that are stated in the problem formulation, which deal with the importance of the intimacy of the main characters. The first objective is to find out how the main characters are characterized. For knowing the characters of the main characters is through the methods of characterization: showing and telling. After dealing with the first objective, there will be appeared next question and it is about the way of the main characters maintain the importance of the intimacy especially if they face so many problems. The last objective is to find out the importance of the intimacy of the main characters. This is meant that to find out the importance of the intimacy is through the explanation of the first objective. Because their attitude, speech, and behaviours will tell us how they can interact one with another to respond over their limitness, how they deal with the others and the world.
D. Definition of Terms
In order to avoid misunderstanding in understanding this thesis, some terms (such as Mon, intimate and main character) need to be explained further.
1. Mon
To know the meaning of Mon (Japanese word), the writer looks up Kamus
Umum Jepang-Indonesia, Indonesia-Jepang. It is a Japanese word. The
6 meaning in English is ”the gate”. This word represents the entrance of the holy place (temple) for Budha’s religion (Dewanto, 2008: 183).
2. Intimacy This is a part of the element from the triangular theory of love. As said in the Human Development, it is the emotional element that involves self disclosure, which leads to connection, warmth and trust (Papalia, Olds and Feldman, 2004:501). Self disclosure is the important element. It means to reveal the important information about one self to another so that people become intimate through shared disclosures, responsiveness to another needs and mutual acceptance and respect. Intimacy may or may not include sexual contact. It also include a sense of belonging in order to form strong, stable, close, caring relationship (Papalia, Olds and Feldman, 2004: 500).
3. Main Character Main character is the most important and complex character in a novel.
Main character performs as the key structural functions in the character. The readers will know the messages that the author wants to say to the reader.
Through main character, the readers can have expectation and desires (Henkle, 1977: 92).
CHAPTER II THEORETICAL REVIEW A. Review of Related Studies The writer finds some reviews on Natsume Soseki’s work, Mon or The Gate. The reviews are written by people in their blog and the newspaper. The
reviews give comments on the attitude of the main character and the main theme of the novel.
Ken M., in his blog, writes about his experience that is nearly close to the main character in the novel, Mon. This man also lives in Tokyo but in Koenji area. After pondering his trips around Tokyo, he runs into the passage in the Natsume Soseki’s novel, Mon where the main character (Sosuke) takes awalk on his Sunday off, Sosuke never feels that he has figured out Tokyo. He has that conclusion as he feels that he never really sees Tokyo though he really lives in Tokyo. He always feels strange sadness. The blogger also feels that way because when he trips through many neighbourhoods of this city, he hardly feels that he ever really knows the place because Tokyo is big and ever changing <http://japanlive.blogspot.com/2008/12/nyt-on-koenji-tokyo.html>.
The writer also notices the review in Correspondence. It is said that the impossibility of love is a consistent main theme for Soseki’s works, such as Mon (The Gate), Sorekara and Koijin (The Wayfarer). In these novels, the protagonist seeks the pure love that he knows he can not achieve. He ties himself instead to the love-object by stirring other emotions (jealousy, pity, sympathy) so that he is
8 eventually tormented by an even deeper sense of guilt. These novels seem to be the tragedy of love <http://www.cfr.org/../correspondence.html>.
This thesis will discuss how the intimacy works and how the couple will show the intimacy or even interact with another to face their daily life. As the young married couple there is so many irresolvable matter that they have to be dealt with. In order to release their trouble, this couple will overcome it with their intimacy.
B. Review of Related Theories 1. Character and Characterization
Obviously everything we talk about in fiction relates to our understanding of the people in it. The novel as an artistic expression appears to have as its objective the deeper, richer knowledge of human life. Characterization, therefore, is central to the fictional experience and the principle objective of the creation of characters in novels is to enable us to understand and to experience, people (Henkle, 1977: 86). As stated in Baldick’s The Concise Oxford Dictionary
of Literary Terms , characterization is the representation of a person in dramatic or
narrative works (Baldick, 1991: 34). This may include direct methods like the attribution of qualities in description or commentary, and direct (dramatic) methods inviting readers to enter qualities from character’s actions, speech, or appearance. Based on A Handbook to Literature, theory of characterization is the creation of the imaginary persons so that they exist for the reader as life like (Holman and Harmon, 1992: 81).
9 Characters themselves, according to Abrams in his book A Glossary of
Literary Terms , are the persons presented in a dramatic or narrative work, who are
interpreted by the reader as being endowed with moral, dispositional, and emotional qualities that are expressed in what they say-the dialogue-and by what they do-the action. A character may remain essentially ‘stable’ or unchanged from beginning to end of a work, or may undergo a radical change, either through a gradual process of motivation and development or as the result of a crisis (1981: 23)
Characters can be described as major and secondary ones. Major character is the most important and also complex character in a novel. It is the major character that performs as the key structural functions in the character from whom the readers will get the messages that the author implies in the story and can build a big expectation and desires (Henkle, 1977:92). According to Abrams, it can be mentioned as a round character that is complex in temperament and motivation and is represented with subtle particularity; such a character therefore is as difficult to describe with any adequacy as a person in real life, and like real persons is capable of surprising us. Secondary character is a character that performs more limited function. According to Abrams, it can be mentioned as a flat character that is built around “a single idea or quality” and is presented without much individualizing detail (1981: 24).
A character that is also the same as major character is dynamic character. Dynamic character is one who is modified by actions and experiences, and one objective of the work in which the character appears is to reveal the consequences
10 of these actions. In the other hand, a static character, or it can be called as secondary character is one who changes little or not at all. Things happen to such a character without things happening within. The pattern of action reveals the character rather than showing the character changing in response to the actions.
(Holman and Harmon, 1992: 83).
There is a broad distinction is frequently made between alternative methods for characterizing the persons in narrative: showing and telling. In showing, the author presents the characters talking and acting and leaves the reader to infer what motives and dispositions lie behind what they say and do. In telling, the author intervenes authoritatively in order to describe, and often evaluates, the motives and dispositional qualities of the characters (Abrams, 1981: 24).
2. The Importance of Intimacy
Intimacy is a cornerstone of a good couple relationship and facilitates the health and well being in intimate interaction. The positive thing in the intimacy is when the partners reveal their private selves one with another, sharing parts of themselves that are ordinarily hidden. The other is, the couple receive one another personal revelation with nonjudgmental acceptance and experiences <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
There is the benefit in this relationship. If the individuals feel that their spouses support them, they will be buffered from the pathogenic effects of stress.
The buffer effects can be observed with variety of stressors (e.g., birth, illness, death) and with various stress related outcomes (e.g., depression, anxiety, illness).
11 In contrast, the people whose the intimacy needs are not met they will feel lonelier and their relationship are more fragile <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy .html>
Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving and vulnerable. Intimacy requires the identity development. The spouse needs to know themselves and their inner selves in order to share themselves one with another. Knowing the inner selves makes it possible to establish the intimate relationship without taking over the other or losing yourself to the other <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
Intimacy is to know someone in depth, every spouse has to be familiar one with another (share the interest). To know many different aspects of a person or knowing how would they respond in different situations because of the many experiences that shared by each spouse <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/ Intimacy.html>.
There are three conceptions of intimacy: intimate interactions, intimate relationships and intimate experiences. The intimate interaction is a notion of sharing the personal (i.e., innermost, private) aspect of the self. The intimate interaction can involve verbal sharing and nonverbal sharing. In contrast, the intimate relationship implies a series of interaction between two individuals known to each other. While, the intimate experiences are the feelings and thoughts people have during, and as a result of their intimate interactions <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
12 Intimate interactions can be characterized on the basis of the behavior, feelings and thoughts that participants have during and following their interactions. Intimate behavior includes openness and self disclosure. Self disclosure related to the greater emotional involvement, fulfillment needs and relationships satisfaction. Some intimate interactions are characterized by emotional support, in which one partner shares difficulty and the other offers comfort, reassurance, confidence building and alternative perspectives for thinking about the problem <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
Intimacy in a model of intimate interaction that begins when one person communicates personally relevant and revealing information. Another person and the second person respond to the speaker in a sensitive manner. An interaction is intimate if a discloser perceives that his or her listener conveyed understanding, acceptance, validation and caring towards the discloser and her or his communication. This responsiveness contributes to daily experiences of intimacy in couple relationship <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
The expression of positive loving feelings towards one partner’s is an important aspect of intimate communication both as a disclosure and as a response to disclosure. Partners who communicate positive regard one with another maybe in a better position to sustain intimacy in their relationship. Expressions of positive feelings contribute uniquely to couple’s relationship partners’ daily experiences of intimacy <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
Intimacy is also a detailed knowledge or deep understanding of the other. The information gleaned from the intimate interactions becomes a base of
13 knowledge and understanding of the partner that goes beyond understanding a particular message or communication. As two people become more in intimate, partners come to perceive one with another as each perceives him or himself, in a more positive light. When a deeper richer knowledge of the other is accompanied by acceptance and respect for the partner’s interests, preferences and proclivities, the partners have formed an intimate relationship <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
Disagreement and irresolvable conflicts about intimacy create thorny problems in couple relationship as there exist the individual differences in the inevitable balance of pleasures and risks that intimacy offers. People whose intimacy needs are compatible are more likely to have their needs met and less likely to encounter conflict. The quality of attachment for every people varies in every relationship as they have different expectations of it and the result later is also different (it turns out to be happy, secure, abandoned or smothered). Secure individuals are more sexually exclusive and less likely to engage in behavior destructive to their relationships <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy. html>.
One way that couples regulate the risk of rejection and relationships dissolution is through selective disclosure and withholding of disclosure. Secrecy may also be used to prevent some of intimacy’s risks. Couples also need to regulate intimacy in order to preserve each partner’s perception of him or herself as a distinct individual. Because intimacy involves some blurring of individual boundaries in the interest of each knowing the other and maintaining the bond
14 between them, so it is a matter of intimate times (balancing time alone and time for separate interest) <http://family.jrank.org/pages/949/Intimacy.html>.
We find it difficult to keep our thoughts of this other person. We recreate the image of our lover in great detail and envision new meetings and what might happen. Once we have “accepted the package” this other becomes an intruder. We think about him or her most of the time (Anzia and Durkin, 1980:17).Our fantasies about our lover when he or she is absent are our way of compensating for the loss and emptiness we feel when the object of our new lover is no longer present (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 17).
When we are really in love, the other person looks pretty terrific. We may find it difficult to pick out what things make the person so attractive. We are too busy concentrating on the positive aspects of our beloved. We have no time for worrying about minor deficiencies (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 19).
When we are in love, the goodness, beauties, intelligence of our lover are exaggerated. We hear it said,”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but we know that our beloved has qualities that neither he nor anyone else has discovered (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 19).
Just as in faith, we find that love precedes knowledge and is nonrational. And just as the unbeliever can not deny the existence of faith in the believer, we can not deny the existence of this tendency for a lover to enhance the qualities of his beloved (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 20).
As we search for assigning of reciprocation of our love, we also experience the need for the other to make us complete. We realize that without her
15 we will be as nothing, but we are forced to admit that the control of our own future is no longer centered only in us. It now depends, to a large degree, on the respond of the other (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 23-24).
As falling in love subverts and overturns our world, like the merchant in parable, we have found new life in the beloved, but we must sell the harmony and isolation of our previous self centeredness and buy into salvific power of the other. When we fall in love we “experience” the truth of our inability to achieve completeness of our own (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 24).
Many of us reach a point in a romantic love relationship where we are able to declare mutually that we love each other so much that we are ready for the “long haul” together. We enter marriage with the belief that we share is more than enough to sustain us. We have reached the point of mutuality and empathy (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 25-26).
Most of us know without being told that our own pleasure in love is entirely dependent on the pleasure we bring to our beloved, the good of our romantic fantasies is mutuality of passion. As new lovers we instinctively try to sense what the other is feeling (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 26).
At this point we become conscious of the need for empathy; we try to be good listeners and to “get inside the other’s skin” to understand the other. Our states of happiness is centered on the other. We have committed ourselves to another, put that other’s concerns before ours, put our happiness in the trust of our beloved and still feel that we have been enriched (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 27).
16 Each must have times of giving and receiving, of being supported and lending support. It takes considerable empathy to understand our lover’s needs when or own which might be opposite are so insistent (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 35).
To get into a better marriage, the spouse needs to follow the triangular theory of love. As stated in Marital Intimacy, the three elements of the successful marriage is by fulfilling the intimacy, commitment and passion. Loosing one of these three elements will make the horrible marriage. The marriage will turn out to be unhappy, unsecure, and abandoned. Though, it will not always make a divorce (Anzia and Durkin, 1980: 35).
3. The Role of the Intimacy for Japanese and Mixed Couples
The relationships of the young Japanese married couple which are not sustained by the intimacy do not become marriage dissolution. Every element of the successful marriage can be a tool to maintain intimacy. The components that should be noticed in successful marriage are romantic love (the element of successful marriage that consists of commitment and passion in which there is an existence of a deep ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person) and psychological love (intimacy). So the basic reasons for getting married that are based on social respect and raising children are followed by the intimacy so the marriage can be occurred.
The institution of marriage in Japan is different from other cultures. Japanese women go to college and find the future husband. Once they graduate they will get married. This is done in order to have social respect <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/married.htm>.
In contrast to the ideal couple such as Sosuke and Oyone, Sosuke as a
17 middle aged man does not look for the pleasure outside. Neither through onsens nor other entertainments. Though there is no children in their marriage their marriage can be cheerful. Because their marriage are based on romantic love and intimacy.
There are any Japanese couple in which the Japanese bored middle aged man can not satisfy their partner. The man looks other entertainment by watching young fresh Japanese women through onsens, so the woman looks for the young student who need extra cash to fulfill their physical needs. They still look satisfied with their marriage as they still meet socially acceptable standards <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/ married.htm>. If there is the relationship in which the husband ignores his wife. For instance: a husband gets busy (have many activities outside) and seeks to other entertainment for himself. They can get divorce. So the loyalty is needed. The couple also has to make a greatest effort to maintain their commitment with raising the intimacy (strong love and trust) in their relationship so the marriage can become solid. The couple is not always to look for their own pleasure and satisfaction.
Related the business activities and other activities outside the business (playing golf), husbands make their wives lonely, depressed and unhappy with their marital lives. So the rate of divorce is going up (this is woman liberation and the culture of America has influenced it) <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/married.htm>.
According to statistical that is made by MYNIPPON, the couples that were found to be highly dissatisfied with their romantic relationships are 72%. The couples that were satisfied with their personal relationships that were better then ever were 18%. The couples that were not complained with their personal relationships were 10%. <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>
18 (January 30, 2009).
A 32 year old man gets the information that Japanese villagers’ women go to other countries (China and The Philippines) to find partners. They would not talk and have relation with farmers. He says:
"I live in the countryside in a tiny village. It seems that all the young women in my village have disappeared. When they do visit they have changed so much and would not even speak to someone who they think is a farmer and not worthy of them anymore." <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>.
Paul Wright, who is 55 years old, and has a Japanese wife tells that he
does not look at his wife’s physical attractiveness but he loves his wife style (elegant and fashion manner). He also adorns her because she is tall, slim and has a wonderful skin. Their lovemaking and desire do not diminish. He tells to MYNIPPON:
"When I first met my Japanese wife in Tokyo several years ago it was not her physical beauty that initially attracted her to me but her style; elegant in manner and fashion. When we decided to marry I still did not expect anything special from our married life. I have to say that my wife is sensational. She is tall and slim with wonderful skin." <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>.
John, who lives in the UK, and has an 18-year old Japanese girlfriend,
Ryoko, falls in love with her because she experts in bed. Both of them are satisfied with their relationship.
"I TOTALLY agree with Paul Wright. Relationship with a Japanese girl is mind-blowing. AND, as he says, the best bit is the noise she makes. Ryoko is incredible. She is very petite, but makes a lot of noise - groaning and wailing as we make love - especially as she approaches climax." <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>. Even, young Japanese women or happily married women would fall in love with their English teachers. The gaijin become celebrity in their little town such as
19 Nagasaki. In contrast to foreign women who are difficult to find Japanese lovers. Jack confides:
"I am not exceptionally good-looking but I am some kind of celebrity in this little town outside of Nagasaki. I am the only gaijin around and life couldn't be better for me." <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>. The attractions towards the residents in Japan because of the culture. Japanese have a greater sexual satisfaction (sex in bed). Bob Keaton has some incredible experiences in Japan/Asia and tells MYNIPPON:
"I do believe that oriental ladies are the most adventures creatures on earth (in bed). And I'm sad, that the new culture is taking a heavy toll on this most incredible culture in the world. But for any gaijin, an advice: DO NOT GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU MAKE LOVE IN JAPAN" <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>.
The foreign women (a Canadian lady) have low expectations on Japanese men’s size and performance. But she is not disappointed with her relationship.
Because her partner is better in bed than a lot of Canadians.
"I was pleasantly surprised when I made love with a Japanese man one week ago. I have never been attracted to an Asian man before. I had low expectations of his "size" and performance. Wow! He is amazing! No disappointments anywhere. I am his first foreign girl. Now, each time we do it, it gets better and better. He is better in bed than a lot of Canadians! Damn!" <http://www.mynippon.com/romance/sexinjapan.htm>.
It is clearly seen that their relationship can be described as having romantic love. Romantic love is one type of other combinations of love such as: nonlove, liking, infatuation love, empty love, companionate love, fatuous love and consummate love. The relationship that is based on romantic love is likely to happen between foreign people and Japanese. This relationship seems impossible to have a long term because their romantic love is not followed by the intimacy.
Nevertheless, there are some who contented with their romantic relationships.
20
C. Theoretical Framework
In answering the formulated problems, the writer would like to apply theories of character and characterization. The writer uses general psychological theory like: the importance of the intimacy. The writer also uses socio-historical theory like: the review on the role of the intimacy for Japanese couple. Because the topic deals with the analysis of the depiction of the main characters and how they pursue life by considering the role of intimacy.