parenting questions (1)

Are You Ready?
Parenting
Questionnaire for Potential Mothers and Fathers
Parenting
Being a parent is the most important
job in the world.
This adage is more than just a platitude. The future of
human society depends on the mental, physical, and
emotional health and development of our children.

Parental readiness
Healthy societies value “parental readiness,” and
enable their young people to postpone child-bearing
until each person is mature enough emotionally, physically, and financially to properly care for a child, thus
ensuring that “every child is wanted.”

Think Twice About:
• Why you want to have a child
• What it takes to be a good parent

Bigger brain, longer childhood

Human babies have longer childhoods than many
other mammals because our larger brains need to
develop outside the womb. Human brains do not fully
mature until adulthood.
Babies have no
control over their
responses; they are
completely vulnerable
to the whims of their
caretakers. Therefore,
parents need to have
the patience, selfawareness, and maturity
to consistently attune
to their infant’s needs and signs of distress.

• What you put into your body before
and after becoming pregnant
• How your own childhood inluences
your attitude toward childrearing
• What your child will need for a

healthy, safe life
• The destructive effects of shaming
or beating your child

Here are more questions . . .

Are You Ready?
Questions to think about
regarding physical and
emotional readiness for
being a parent

Have you imagined how being a parent will
affect your daily life and long-term prospects?
◆

Are you ready to commit to a lifetime of consistent love
and concern for another person?

◆

Are you ready to fall in love in the deepest of ways?

◆

Are you ready to be constantly needed for several years by
an amazing human being who is physically vulnerable and
completely helpless?

◆

Are you ready to make your child’s safety and well-being
your first priority?

What is your current living situation?
◆

Do you have a stable home?

◆

Do you have a committed partner? If not, are you prepared
to take on the full burden of child-rearing by yourself?

◆

Do you have an extended support system?
Have your family and friends offered support, enthusiasm,
and respect for your decision?

◆

Do you live in a safe and healthy community?

◆

Have you found caring and competent medical resources:
physician, midwife, doula (a trained female caregiver during
pregnancy and labor), labor practice group (e.g. Lamaze)?

◆

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Can you commit to learning what it takes
to have a healthy pregnancy and to inding
appropriate prenatal care?
◆

Are you prepared to have regular medical examinations
and attend parenting classes?

◆

If you smoke, drink, or use drugs, are you prepared to
give up these habits?

◆

Are you ready to change your eating habits to meet the

nutritional needs of a developing fetus?
For example, if you have an eating disorder, are you being
treated for it and being medically monitored for possible
medical complications?

◆

Do you agree to inform your obstetrician about all
your medications or your exposure to any toxins in the
workplace or neighborhood or any other unforeseen
circumstances that occur during your pregnancy?

If things don’t go according to plan
◆

Are you ready to be a parent to a child who has
disabilities, becomes injured, ill, or unable to
function, or to a child who is deaf, blind, or
developmentally delayed?

◆

Will you seek help if you become depressed?

◆

Are you prepared to raise your child alone if
your partner should leave or die?

◆

Who would care for your children if something
unexpected happened to you?

Do you have secure financial resources?
Have you organized a budget for clothing, shelter, proper
nutrition, education, dental and health care?
Will you be able to fully participate in your child’s development and to spend extensive time with her for several
crucial years? If not, can you arrange for a primary caregiver
to consistently provide nurturing care for your child?

A lack of support and help
in child-rearing from family
and friends can be stressful.
The responsibility can be
overwhelming.

Think Twice
What are your motives for having a child?
What are your attitudes toward childrearing?
◆

What do you think good parenting is? Have you taken the
time to educate yourself about it?

◆

Have you and your partner discussed your respective approaches to child-rearing?

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Have you consciously thought about what values you’d like
to instill in your child? Good parents put their ideals into
action, setting an example by showing concern for others,
and by facing difficult issues with thoughtful honesty.

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Does it sound romantic?

◆

Are you lonely and looking for someone to love you?

◆

Do you feel it will solve your problems?

◆

Are you doing it under pressure of spouse or parents or
for society’s approval?

◆

Are you trying to hold a relationship together?

◆

Are you hoping that it will give you a sense of direction?

Good parents allow their child’s temperament and interests
to unfold without undue pressure and expectations. Will
you be capable of not trying to mold your child to a predetermined image?

If any of these are your only
motives for having a child,
you may not be ready!

Will you be sensitive to the differences of each of your
children?
Do you have access to quality child care that is appropriate
to a child’s developmental stages?

Being a good parent means
both putting the child
before yourself and being
willing to set limits.

◆

◆

Are you prepared for a lack of sleep? Messy rooms? Changing
diapers? A colicky, crying infant?
Have you thought about how your own childhood experiences
may influence how you treat your child?
Are you aware of the destructive effects of shaming or humiliating a child?
Are you willing to make discipline consistent and fair, without
withdrawing fundamental love and connection, to use it as a
learning experience and to help a child develop self-regulation
and an internal conscience?

You may not be ready if you:
◆

are generally too young and immature.

◆

have outbursts of rage.

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are impatient and restless.

◆

are in a relationship with a partner who is abusive or not supportive.

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have depressed or suicidal feelings.

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feel worthless and unlovable.

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are extremely concerned with being perfect.

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are experiencing severe stress or a debilitating
illness.

◆

are unwilling or unable to prepare your body by
following optimal prenatal care.

◆

work in an absorbing job that does not encourage
or support maternal leave.

◆

work in an enviroment with exposure to toxins
harmful to fetal development.

Will you commit to never striking a child out of impulsive
anger?

Think Twice

Don’t Worry, But . . .

Some brief caveats for new parents

Warning: Guilt Trip Ahead !
Trying to navigate through all the conflicting advice and
information about parenting may leave parents-to-be feeling inadequate or terrified of “doing something wrong.”
However, no one is born with perfect parenting skills, and
being a parent is an ongoing “on-the-job” learning process.
Here is a balanced look at some common concerns:

Yes:

But:

Yes:

Yes:

Good day-care can be helpful to a child’s development;

But:

Daycare is less effective if the child lacks a secure
attachment at home. Bad day-care can be traumatic
or cause developmental delays.

Parenting has a deep and abiding effect on a child and
mistakes immature parents can make can lead to serious
consequences;
Children have amazing resilience, inner resources, and
built-in repair capacities that enable them to nonetheless
survive and flourish. Experience often helps new parents
mature into good parents.

Close mother-infant contact right after birth is optimal
for activating important hormonal processes;

Make sure that the caregivers are honest, trustworthy, and well-versed in child development awareness
and first aid. Make sure they love children and enjoy
their work!

Yes:

We can say: don’t feel guilty for not doing everything
“perfectly”;

But:

We can also add “THINK TWICE before rushing
into parenthood.”

But:

A woman is not to blame if complications or circumstances make it impossible to have immediate contact
with the newborn.

Yes:

Breastfeeding is preferred. It confers many health benefits to a child, such as a stronger immune system, and it
enhances mother-infant bonding and attachment;

But:

If a mother cannot breastfeed for any reason, she can still
raise a healthy, loving child.

Yes:

A woman should reconsider pregnancy if she is ill, addicted, depressed, or restlessly impatient;

But:

Remarkably, many people transform into great parents
after falling in love with their baby.

Yes:

A primary caregiver should stay with the baby on a daily
basis;

But:

A

side from all the guilt and anxiety about
being a “good” parent, some individuals
are simply not ready, able, or healthy enough to
bear and rear children — and that goes for both
men and women.
It is very destructive to carry a baby to term if you
are unable to stop poisoning the uterine environment with toxic substances, are malnourished, or
unable to get prenatal care.
It is a sad fact that many parents all over the world
abuse, ignore, torture, kill, humiliate, and damage
their children, whether intentionally or not. Taking a good, hard look at your motives and readiness
for child-bearing and child-rearing is a wise first
step to parental readiness.
Being willing to face a parenting questionnaire is
actually a sign of maturity itself . . .

The caregiver does not always have to be the mother. If a
mother has to work for financial or personal reasons, she
needs to secure the support of her spouse, her employer,
and her community,. Family-friendly societies implement
generous parental leave policies.
The Whole Child Toolkit Project

c

The Tides Center