parenting questions

Are You Ready? Are You Ready? Parenting Questionnaire for Potential Mothers and Fathers Parenting Being a parent is the most important job in the world

  This adage is more than just a platitude. The future of human society depends on the mental, physical, and emotional health and development of our children.

Parental readiness

  Healthy societies value “parental readiness,” and enable their young people to postpone child-bearing until each person is mature enough emotionally, physi- cally, and financially to properly care for a child, thus ensuring that “every child is wanted.”

  Think Twice About:

• • Why you want to have a child • What it takes to be a good parent • What you put into your body before and after becoming pregnant Bigger brain, longer childhood

  Human babies have longer childhoods than many other mammals because our larger brains need to • How your own childhood inluences develop outside the womb. Human brains do not fully

   your attitude toward childrearing mature until adulthood.

  Babies have no

• • What your child will need for a

  control over their

   healthy, safe life

  responses; they are completely vulnerable to the whims of their

• • The destructive effects of shaming

  caretakers. Therefore,

   or beating your child

  parents need to have the patience, self- awareness, and maturity to consistently attune

  Here are more questions . . .

  to their infant’s needs and signs of distress.

Are You Ready? Are You Ready?

  Questions to think about regarding physical and emotional readiness for

Have you imagined how being a parent will affect your daily life and long-term prospects?

  _◆ being a parent

  Are you ready to commit to a lifetime of consistent love and concern for another person? _◆

Can you commit to learning what it takes

  Are you ready to fall in love in the deepest of ways? _◆

  to have a healthy pregnancy and to inding appropriate prenatal care?

  Are you ready to be constantly needed for several years by an amazing human being who is physically vulnerable and _◆ completely helpless? Are you prepared to have regular medical examinations _◆ and attend parenting classes?

  Are you ready to make your child’s safety and well-being _◆ your first priority? If you smoke, drink, or use drugs, are you prepared to give up these habits?

  What is your current living situation? _◆

  Are you ready to change your eating habits to meet the _◆ nutritional needs of a developing fetus?

  Do you have a stable home?

  For example, if you have an eating disorder, are you being _◆ treated for it and being medically monitored for possible

  Do you have a committed partner? If not, are you prepared

  medical complications?

  to take on the full burden of child-rearing by yourself? _{◆ ◆} Do you agree to inform your obstetrician about all

  Do you have an extended support system?

  your medications or your exposure to any toxins in the Have your family and friends offered support, enthusiasm, workplace or neighborhood or any other unforeseen and respect for your decision? _◆ circumstances that occur during your pregnancy? _◆ Do you live in a safe and healthy community?

  Have you found caring and competent medical resources:

If things don’t go according to plan

  physician, midwife, doula (a trained female caregiver during _◆ pregnancy and labor), labor practice group (e.g. Lamaze)? Are you ready to be a parent to a child who has _◆ disabilities, becomes injured, ill, or unable to

  Do you have secure financial resources?

  function, or to a child who is deaf, blind, or Have you organized a budget for clothing, shelter, proper developmentally delayed? nutrition, education, dental and health care? _{◆ ◆}

  Will you seek help if you become depressed? Will you be able to fully participate in your child’s devel- _◆ opment and to spend extensive time with her for several Are you prepared to raise your child alone if crucial years? If not, can you arrange for a primary caregiver your partner should leave or die? to consistently provide nurturing care for your child? _◆

  Who would care for your children if something unexpected happened to you?

  A lack of support and help in child-rearing from family and friends can be stressful. The responsibility can be

What are your motives for having a child? What are your attitudes toward childrearing? You may not be ready if you : Being a good parent means both putting the child before yourself and being willing to set limits

  What do you think good parenting is? Have you taken the time to educate yourself about it? Have you and your partner discussed your respective ap- proaches to child-rearing? Have you consciously thought about what values you’d like to instill in your child? Good parents put their ideals into action, setting an example by showing concern for others, and by facing difficult issues with thoughtful honesty. Good parents allow their child’s temperament and interests to unfold without undue pressure and expectations. Will you be capable of not trying to mold your child to a prede- termined image? Will you be sensitive to the differences of each of your children? Do you have access to quality child care that is appropriate to a child’s developmental stages? _{◆ ◆}

  ◆ _◆ ◆ _◆ ◆ _◆ ◆ _◆ ◆ ^{◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆} are generally too young and immature.

  have outbursts of rage. are impatient and restless. are in a relationship with a partner who is abu- sive or not supportive. have depressed or suicidal feelings. feel worthless and unlovable. are extremely concerned with being perfect. are experiencing severe stress or a debilitating illness. are unwilling or unable to prepare your body by following optimal prenatal care. work in an absorbing job that does not encourage or support maternal leave. work in an enviroment with exposure to toxins harmful to fetal development.

  Does it sound romantic? Are you lonely and looking for someone to love you? Do you feel it will solve your problems? Are you doing it under pressure of spouse or parents or for society’s approval? Are you trying to hold a relationship together? Are you hoping that it will give you a sense of direction?

  Are you prepared for a lack of sleep? Messy rooms? Changing diapers? A colicky, crying infant? Have you thought about how your own childhood experiences may influence how you treat your child? Are you aware of the destructive effects of shaming or hu- miliating a child? Are you willing to make discipline consistent and fair, without withdrawing fundamental love and connection, to use it as a learning experience and to help a child develop self-regulation and an internal conscience? Will you commit to never striking a child out of impulsive anger?

  Think Twice If any of these are your only motives for having a child, you may not be ready!

  ◆ _◆ ◆ _◆ ◆

Think Twice ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Don’t Worry, But . .

  Some brief caveats for new parents Warning: Guilt Trip Ahead

  Warning: Guilt Trip Ahead ! Trying to navigate through all the conflicting advice and information about parenting may leave parents-to-be feel- ing inadequate or terrified of “doing something wrong.”

  Good day-care can be helpful to a child’s develop-

Yes:

  However, no one is born with perfect parenting skills, and

  ment; being a parent is an ongoing “on-the-job” learning process.

  Here is a balanced look at some common concerns:

  Daycare is less effective if the child lacks a secure

But:

  attachment at home. Bad day-care can be traumatic or cause developmental delays. Parenting has a deep and abiding effect on a child and

Yes:

  mistakes immature parents can make can lead to serious Make sure that the caregivers are honest, trustwor- consequences; thy, and well-versed in child development awareness and first aid. Make sure they love children and enjoy

  Children have amazing resilience, inner resources, and

But:

  their work! built-in repair capacities that enable them to nonetheless survive and flourish. Experience often helps new parents mature into good parents.

  We can say: don’t feel guilty for not doing everything

Yes:

  “perfectly”; Close mother-infant contact right after birth is optimal

Yes:

  We can also add “THINK TWICE before rushing

But:

  for activating important hormonal processes; into parenthood.” A woman is not to blame if complications or circum-

But:

  stances make it impossible to have immediate contact with the newborn.

   side

  from all the guilt and anxiety about being a “good” parent, some individuals Breastfeeding is preferred. It confers many health ben- A are simply not ready, able, or healthy enough to

Yes:

  efits to a child, such as a stronger immune system, and it bear and rear children — and that goes for both enhances mother-infant bonding and attachment; men and women.

  If a mother cannot breastfeed for any reason, she can still

But:

  It is very destructive to carry a baby to term if you raise a healthy, loving child. are unable to stop poisoning the uterine environ- ment with toxic substances, are malnourished, or unable to get prenatal care. A woman should reconsider pregnancy if she is ill, ad-

Yes:

  dicted, depressed, or restlessly impatient; It is a sad fact that many parents all over the world abuse, ignore, torture, kill, humiliate, and damage

  Remarkably, many people transform into great parents

But:

  their children, whether intentionally or not. Tak- after falling in love with their baby. ing a good, hard look at your motives and readiness for child-bearing and child-rearing is a wise first

   parental readiness.

  step to A primary caregiver should stay with the baby on a daily

Yes:

  basis; Being willing to face a parenting questionnaire is actually a sign of maturity itself . . .

  The caregiver does not always have to be the mother. If a

But:

  mother has to work for financial or personal reasons, she needs to secure the support of her spouse, her employer, and her community,. Family-friendly societies implement generous parental leave policies.