Errors in Writing a Thesis Statement Made by Students of English Department Udayana University.
ERRORS IN WRITING A THESIS STATEMENT
MADE BY STUDENTS OF ENGLISH DEPARTMENT UDAYANA UNIVERSITY
Ni Ketut Sri Rahayuni
ketutsrirahayuni@gmail.com
English Department, Udayana University
Jl. Pulau Nias no 13, Sanglah Denpasar
ABSTRACT
A good thesis statement for an essay fulfills some requirements. Those requirements are: it is a
complete sentence, it is limited to one clear idea, it expresses an attitude or an opinion, and it is a
statement that can be argued. Formulating a good thesis statement is still hard to do, especially
for the students. The teacher needs to find out the best way to guide them in making a good one.
The purpose of this study is to find out the best way in teaching how to write thesis statement for
students of English Department, Udayana University and to find out what are the common errors
occurs in their thesis statement writing. The theories applied in this research were Error Analysis
by Jack. C. Richards (1974) and Thesis Statement by Emily Hutchinson (2013). From data
analysis it was found that from four points need to be fulfilled in a thesis statement, most of the
students already wrote it in a complete sentence. Their statements already start with a capital
letter and end with a period. Those statements already consist of a subject, a predicate, an object
or a complement. These components make the statement is a complete thought. But most of
them consist of many ideas. The thesis statement written by students expresses opinion or
attitude. It categorized an opinion because there are no empirical evidences or facts in the
statement. By giving their opinion, those thesis statements can also be argued. The errors made
by the students in terms of points in writing thesis statement is mostly because they think that
they can propose many ideas in one thesis statement. This can cause too much information in the
essay read by the readers. Third conclusion is that some students made grammatical errors which
categorized as intralingual errors occur because of incomplete application of rules, faulty
generalization and failure to learn conditions under which rules apply.
Keywords: Thesis Statement, Error Analysis, Essay
INTRODUCTION
Writing in college often takes the form of persuasion—convincing others that you have
an interesting, logical point of view on the subject you are studying. In college, course
assignments often ask you to make a persuasive case in writing. You are asked to convince your
reader of your point of view. This form of persuasion, often called academic argument, follows a
predictable pattern in writing. After a brief introduction of your topic, you state your point of
view on the topic directly and often in one sentence. This sentence is the thesis statement, and it
serves as a summary of the argument you’ll make in the rest of your paper.
There is one problem can be formulated related to that background. Formulating a good
thesis statement is still hard to do, especially for the students. The teacher needs to find out the
best way to guide them in making a good one. Some errors still occur in student’s writing related
to thesis statement. The definition of error analysis is given by Brown (as cited in Ridha, 2012, p.
26). He defined error analysis as "the process to observe, analyze, and classify the deviations of
the rules of the second languages and then to reveal the systems operated by learner". Many
scholars have stressed the significance of second language learners' errors. Corder (1967), for
instance, in his influential article, remarks that "they are significant in three different ways. First,
to the teacher, in that they show how far towards the goal the learner has progressed. Second,
they provide to the researcher evidence of how a language is acquired, what strategies the learner
is employing in his learning of a language. Thirdly, they are indisputable to the learner himself
because we can regard the making of errors as a device the learner uses in order to learn" (p.
161). The scope of this study is error analysis on how the students of English Department
formulating a thesis statement.
The purpose of this study is to find out the best way in teaching how to write thesis statement for
students of English Department, Udayana University and to find out what are the common errors
occurs in their thesis statement writing.
METHOD
The data in this study was taken from expository writing assignment of English Department
students. There were 15 writing assignments from 30 students of English Department, Udayana
University used in this data. The students were in their first year or 2nd semester in this
university, both regular class and non regular class. From 15 data, there were only 6 chosen as
samples for analysis of this study. The type of this study is a research study because we want to
analyze the errors made by students in their writing assignment. Research method of this study
can be divided into method of collecting data and method of analyzing data. In collecting the
data, there were no specific reasons or considerations in selecting which assignment was chosen.
From two classes of expository writing taught by the writer, 15 assignments were taken as the
data. Then there were only 6 data selected as the samples to be analyzed. The data was collected
by note taking technique. In analyzing the data, qualitative method were chosen. In analyzing the
data qualitatively, the writer analyze each thesis statement from one student related to the points
should be informed in a good thesis statement.
FINDINGS AND DISCUSSIONS
A good thesis statement for an essay fulfils the following requirements that are stated by
Hutchinson (2013).
A. A thesis statement is a complete sentence.
B. A thesis statement is limited to one clear idea.
C. A thesis statement expresses an attitude or an opinion
D. A thesis statement is a statement that can be argued.
Analysis of data :
Data 1
Patricia Y. Bangsawan
Thesis Statement :
Having a career in a metropolitan city like New York can lead you to many possibilities
and euphoric paths to success and happiness.
Having a career in a metropolitan city like New York
S
can lead
P
you
O
to many possibilities and euphoric paths to success and happiness.
C
Analysis :
From data 2, it can be analyzed that the student already wrote it in a form of complete sentence.
This statement starts with a capital letter and ends with a period. It consists of a subject, a
predicate and an object which makes it a complete thought. The subject of the sentence is a noun
phrase which consists of some elements.
The second point that should be fulfilled is it has to be one clear idea. On this statement, the
student can explain the idea clearly. She already mentioned the effects of having a career in a
metropolitan city. On the other hand, she did not mention one idea only. She explained about two
effects (lead to many possibilities and lead to euphoric paths. It can cause too much information
given to support this idea about this idea.
The third point in a good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data
shows that it is an opinion. Patricia as the writer already fulfills this criteria because she wrote
what she thinks about the effects of having a career in a metropolitan city like New York.
The fourth point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. This
means both the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the idea or to
argue it. If the writer of the essay gives one clear idea that she/he explains in details after the
thesis statement, then she/he can also give the argumentation on that essay.
This student wrote her thesis statement correctly in terms of grammatical. Even when she
proposed more than one idea in a thesis statement, she could arrange it in proper order.
Data 2
Reinhard Leonardo
Thesis Statement :
The concept of mall in big cities is developing so fast, not only sell and service, people
interested to enjoy the concert, conference, and other events in the mall. Mall should be
keeping the development to be perfect, so a lot job will filled by many people.
The concept of mall in big cities
is
S
P
developing so fast,
C
not only sell and service, people interested to enjoy the concert, conference, and other
events in the mall. Mall should be keeping the development to be perfect, so a lot job will
filled by many people.
C
Analysis:
From data 3, the thesis statement is a complete sentence. Reinhard as the writer also wrote 2
sentences for a thesis statement. Both the subject and complement of the sentence consists of
some elements and makes it very complex.
The second point that should be fulfilled is it has to be one clear idea. From this data, it can be
analyzed that this statement is not explaining one clear idea. There is too much information on
this statement. The writer gives too many points about the development of mall in big cities. He
explained not just about the functions and benefits of the mall, but also about the writer’s opinion
and hope on keeping its development to be perfect.
This statement expresses an opinion of the writer. He already fulfills these criteria by writing his
opinion about the development of malls in big cities. This opinion can also cause an
argumentation from other people. By fulfilling this fourth criterion, then this thesis statement is
an arguable one. Both the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the
idea or to argue it. If the writer of the essay gives one clear idea that she/he explains in details
after the thesis statement, then she/he can also give the argumentation on that essay. With this
argumentation, then the reader can be agree or disagree about it.
In those sentences, there was one grammatical error made by the student. He failed in
constructing passive form.
……people interested in ……….There should be a to-be (are) to support the verb in constructing
passive form in the sentence. The correct form is ………people are interested in………..
This grammatical error is categorized as intralingual error which reflects the learner’s
competence at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language
acquisition (Richards, 1974: 173). The lack of to-be (are) in this sentence to make the passive
form indicates that the student could not apply the rules of passive form perfectly. This is also
stated by Richards (1974) about one of the causes of intralingual errors is incomplete application
of rules.
Data 3
I Gde Yudhi Argangga Khrisnantara
Thesis Statement :
Indonesian should eliminate the regular consumption of fast food because the fast food diet
leads to preventable and expensive health issues, such as diabetes, obesity, and heart
disease.
Indonesian
should eliminate
the regular consumption of fast food
S
P
O
because the fast food diet leads to preventable and expensive health issues, such as
diabetes, obesity, and heart disease.
Adv
Analysis :
This statement is a complete sentence because it has a subject, a predicate and an object. The
object of the sentence is a noun phrase and there is also a cause explained by using word
because.
On this statement, the student can explain the idea clearly. He wrote about elimination of regular
consumption of fast food. The writer also gave the reason of his opinion. Actually, he can only
write about the elimination without giving the reason. He can support the thesis statement with
some reasons after that, not in the same statement as a thesis statement.
A good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data shows that it is an
opinion. The writer gave his opinion that Indonesia should eliminate the regular consumption of
fast food. He supported this opinion by giving some reasons and effects of that elimination. The
last point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. This means both
the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the idea or to argue it.
This statement is definitely can be argued by other people. They can just agree with Yudhi’s
opinion that the fast food consumption should be eliminated or they can just disagree with that
idea. Other people can just think that there are other ways to prevent those diseases than just
eliminate fast food consumption.
This student wrote the statement correctly in terms of grammatical. There are no grammatical
errors occur in this thesis statement.
Data 4
Gusti Ayu Putu Paramitha Dewi
Thesis Statement :
Soda machines should be replace with healthy alternatives beverage.
Soda machines
should be replace
S
P
with healthy alternatives beverage.
C
Analysis:
From data 5, it can be analyzed that the student already wrote it in a form of complete sentence.
The writer wrote it in form of passive sentence. The second point that should be fulfilled is it has
to be one clear idea. On this statement, the student can explain the idea clearly. She already
mentioned her idea about replacing soda machine with healthy alternatives beverage.
The third point in a good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data
shows that it is an opinion. Paramitha already fulfills this criterion because she wrote her
suggestion on replacing soda machine with healthy beverage.
The fourth point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. This
means both the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the idea or to
argue it. If the writer of the essay gives one clear idea that she/he explains in details after the
thesis statement, then she/he can also give the argumentation on that essay. With this
argumentation, then the reader can be agree or disagree about it.
This student made one grammatical error in her sentence. The same as previous student’s error,
Paramitha also made incorrect form of passive sentence.
…………should be replace with…….should be written …………should be replaced………..
This error is categorized as intralingual one. Intralingual error reflects the learner’s competence
at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language acquisition
(Richards, 1974: 173).
Data 5
Apri Dita Rusanti
Thesis Statement :
Big city is just appropriate place for young people
Big city
S
is
P
just appropriate place for young people
C
Analysis :
This thesis statement is a complete sentence. The sentence starts with a capital letter and ends
with a period. It consists of a subject, a predicate and a complement which makes it a complete
thought.
On this statement, the student can explain the idea clearly. He wrote about the appropriateness of
big city for young people.
A good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data shows that it is an
opinion. The writer thinks that big city is the appropriate place for young people. This statement
does not show a fact or empirical evidence and consequently it can also be argued by anyone. By
giving this opinion, anyone can agree or disagree with this statement.
This data has a grammatical error in terms of the use of articles in a noun phrase. The data
written was Big city is just appropriate place for young people. Since the student wants to write a
noun phrase in the sentence, she should put an article, such as an, the. The correct form is Big
city is just the/an appropriate place for young people.
This grammatical error is categorized as intralingual error which reflects the learner’s
competence at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language
acquisition (Richards, 1974: 173). The lack of an article (the/an) in this sentence to make the
correct noun phrase indicates that the student could not apply the rules noun phrase perfectly.
This is also stated by Richards (1974) about one of the causes of intralingual errors is incomplete
application of rules.
Data 6
Ni Kade Lita Adiyanti
Thesis Statement :
The big city life is more crowded than the villagers.
The big city life
S
is
P
more crowded than the villagers.
C
Analysis :
From data 7, it can be analyzed that the student already wrote it in a form of complete sentence.
It begins with capital letter and ends with a period. This sentence has a complete thought which
is also a criterion of a complete sentence. On the other hand, there is also one error in this
student’s writing. Since the sentence is a comparison statement, when the subject describe about
the big city life (inanimate), she compared it with villagers (animate). This different kind of noun
phrase to be compared makes this statement is not correct.
The second point should be fulfilled is it has to be one clear idea. On this statement, the student
can explain the idea clearly. She already mentioned the comparison between the life in big city
and the life as villagers. The idea that she thinks a big city life is more crowded can be supported
by some supporting or argumentative sentences after that.
The third point in a good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data is
definitely an opinion. When the student wrote that the big city life is more crowded than the
village life without giving empirical evidences, then it can be considered as her opinion.
The fourth point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. Since the
statement is about the writer’s opinion that big city life is more crowded than village’s life, it
opens a chance to argue this statement. Anyone can agree with this opinion, while the other can
disagree with it based on their perspectives.
This thesis statement has an error in terms of the noun phrase to be compared in a sentence.
Since the sentence is a comparison statement, when the subject describes about the big city life
(inanimate), she compared it with villagers (animate). This different kind of noun phrase to be
compared makes this statement is not correct. The correct statement is The big city life is more
crowded than the village life.
This grammatical error is categorized as intralingual error which reflects the learner’s
competence at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language
acquisition (Richards, 1974: 173). Errors in the choice of words in this sentence shows that the
student needs to learn more about the differences between the inanimate word (village) and
animate (villager). This is also stated by Richards (1974) about the causes of intralingual errors
are faulty generalization and failure to learn conditions under which rules apply.
CONCLUSIONS AND SUGGESTIONS
From data analysis above, there are some conclusions.
First, from four points need to be fulfilled in a thesis statement, most of the students already
wrote it in a complete sentence. Their statements already start with a capital letter and end with a
period. Those statements already consist of a subject, a predicate, an object or a complement.
These components make the statement is a complete thought. But most of them consist of many
ideas. The students put more than one idea about each subject in one thesis statement. The
second conclusion is that most of thesis statements written by students already express opinion or
attitude. They give their opinion because their statements contain no empirical evidences or
facts. By giving their opinion, those thesis statements can also be argued. Those errors made by
the students in terms of points in writing thesis statement is mostly because they think that they
can propose many ideas in one thesis statement. This can cause too much information in the
essay read by the readers. Third conclusion is that some students made grammatical errors which
categorized as intralingual errors occur because of incomplete application of rules, faulty
generalization and failure to learn conditions under which rules apply.
From the analysis of data, some suggestions can be proposed:
The teacher should give a brief explanation about each point that should be fulfilled in a thesis
statement before students write their statements. The teacher should inform the students that they
need to emphasize one clear idea in one thesis statement. This will make the reader understand
their essay easily.
REFERENCES
Brown, H Douglas. (2000). Principles of Language Learning and Teaching . San Francisco:
Francisco State University.
Corder, S.P. (1981). Error Analysis and Interlingual. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Hutchinson, Emily. (2013). Expository Writing. California: Saddleback Educational Publishing.
Mote,
Avanika.
(2012).
Expository
Essay
Topics.
Downloaded
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/expository-essay-topics.html on March 2015
from
Moore, Kathleen. (2011). Techniques for College Writing: The Thesis Statement and Beyond.
Boston: WadsworthCengage
Richard, Jack. (1974). Error Analysis. Perspective on Second Language Acquisition . England:
Longman Group Limited.
Ridha, N.S.A. (2012). The Effect of EFL Learners' Mother Tongue on their Writings in English :
An Error Analysis Study. Journal of the College of Arts. University of Basrah No. (60).
Zemach, Dorothy. (2008). Writers at Work: The Essay. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
MADE BY STUDENTS OF ENGLISH DEPARTMENT UDAYANA UNIVERSITY
Ni Ketut Sri Rahayuni
ketutsrirahayuni@gmail.com
English Department, Udayana University
Jl. Pulau Nias no 13, Sanglah Denpasar
ABSTRACT
A good thesis statement for an essay fulfills some requirements. Those requirements are: it is a
complete sentence, it is limited to one clear idea, it expresses an attitude or an opinion, and it is a
statement that can be argued. Formulating a good thesis statement is still hard to do, especially
for the students. The teacher needs to find out the best way to guide them in making a good one.
The purpose of this study is to find out the best way in teaching how to write thesis statement for
students of English Department, Udayana University and to find out what are the common errors
occurs in their thesis statement writing. The theories applied in this research were Error Analysis
by Jack. C. Richards (1974) and Thesis Statement by Emily Hutchinson (2013). From data
analysis it was found that from four points need to be fulfilled in a thesis statement, most of the
students already wrote it in a complete sentence. Their statements already start with a capital
letter and end with a period. Those statements already consist of a subject, a predicate, an object
or a complement. These components make the statement is a complete thought. But most of
them consist of many ideas. The thesis statement written by students expresses opinion or
attitude. It categorized an opinion because there are no empirical evidences or facts in the
statement. By giving their opinion, those thesis statements can also be argued. The errors made
by the students in terms of points in writing thesis statement is mostly because they think that
they can propose many ideas in one thesis statement. This can cause too much information in the
essay read by the readers. Third conclusion is that some students made grammatical errors which
categorized as intralingual errors occur because of incomplete application of rules, faulty
generalization and failure to learn conditions under which rules apply.
Keywords: Thesis Statement, Error Analysis, Essay
INTRODUCTION
Writing in college often takes the form of persuasion—convincing others that you have
an interesting, logical point of view on the subject you are studying. In college, course
assignments often ask you to make a persuasive case in writing. You are asked to convince your
reader of your point of view. This form of persuasion, often called academic argument, follows a
predictable pattern in writing. After a brief introduction of your topic, you state your point of
view on the topic directly and often in one sentence. This sentence is the thesis statement, and it
serves as a summary of the argument you’ll make in the rest of your paper.
There is one problem can be formulated related to that background. Formulating a good
thesis statement is still hard to do, especially for the students. The teacher needs to find out the
best way to guide them in making a good one. Some errors still occur in student’s writing related
to thesis statement. The definition of error analysis is given by Brown (as cited in Ridha, 2012, p.
26). He defined error analysis as "the process to observe, analyze, and classify the deviations of
the rules of the second languages and then to reveal the systems operated by learner". Many
scholars have stressed the significance of second language learners' errors. Corder (1967), for
instance, in his influential article, remarks that "they are significant in three different ways. First,
to the teacher, in that they show how far towards the goal the learner has progressed. Second,
they provide to the researcher evidence of how a language is acquired, what strategies the learner
is employing in his learning of a language. Thirdly, they are indisputable to the learner himself
because we can regard the making of errors as a device the learner uses in order to learn" (p.
161). The scope of this study is error analysis on how the students of English Department
formulating a thesis statement.
The purpose of this study is to find out the best way in teaching how to write thesis statement for
students of English Department, Udayana University and to find out what are the common errors
occurs in their thesis statement writing.
METHOD
The data in this study was taken from expository writing assignment of English Department
students. There were 15 writing assignments from 30 students of English Department, Udayana
University used in this data. The students were in their first year or 2nd semester in this
university, both regular class and non regular class. From 15 data, there were only 6 chosen as
samples for analysis of this study. The type of this study is a research study because we want to
analyze the errors made by students in their writing assignment. Research method of this study
can be divided into method of collecting data and method of analyzing data. In collecting the
data, there were no specific reasons or considerations in selecting which assignment was chosen.
From two classes of expository writing taught by the writer, 15 assignments were taken as the
data. Then there were only 6 data selected as the samples to be analyzed. The data was collected
by note taking technique. In analyzing the data, qualitative method were chosen. In analyzing the
data qualitatively, the writer analyze each thesis statement from one student related to the points
should be informed in a good thesis statement.
FINDINGS AND DISCUSSIONS
A good thesis statement for an essay fulfils the following requirements that are stated by
Hutchinson (2013).
A. A thesis statement is a complete sentence.
B. A thesis statement is limited to one clear idea.
C. A thesis statement expresses an attitude or an opinion
D. A thesis statement is a statement that can be argued.
Analysis of data :
Data 1
Patricia Y. Bangsawan
Thesis Statement :
Having a career in a metropolitan city like New York can lead you to many possibilities
and euphoric paths to success and happiness.
Having a career in a metropolitan city like New York
S
can lead
P
you
O
to many possibilities and euphoric paths to success and happiness.
C
Analysis :
From data 2, it can be analyzed that the student already wrote it in a form of complete sentence.
This statement starts with a capital letter and ends with a period. It consists of a subject, a
predicate and an object which makes it a complete thought. The subject of the sentence is a noun
phrase which consists of some elements.
The second point that should be fulfilled is it has to be one clear idea. On this statement, the
student can explain the idea clearly. She already mentioned the effects of having a career in a
metropolitan city. On the other hand, she did not mention one idea only. She explained about two
effects (lead to many possibilities and lead to euphoric paths. It can cause too much information
given to support this idea about this idea.
The third point in a good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data
shows that it is an opinion. Patricia as the writer already fulfills this criteria because she wrote
what she thinks about the effects of having a career in a metropolitan city like New York.
The fourth point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. This
means both the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the idea or to
argue it. If the writer of the essay gives one clear idea that she/he explains in details after the
thesis statement, then she/he can also give the argumentation on that essay.
This student wrote her thesis statement correctly in terms of grammatical. Even when she
proposed more than one idea in a thesis statement, she could arrange it in proper order.
Data 2
Reinhard Leonardo
Thesis Statement :
The concept of mall in big cities is developing so fast, not only sell and service, people
interested to enjoy the concert, conference, and other events in the mall. Mall should be
keeping the development to be perfect, so a lot job will filled by many people.
The concept of mall in big cities
is
S
P
developing so fast,
C
not only sell and service, people interested to enjoy the concert, conference, and other
events in the mall. Mall should be keeping the development to be perfect, so a lot job will
filled by many people.
C
Analysis:
From data 3, the thesis statement is a complete sentence. Reinhard as the writer also wrote 2
sentences for a thesis statement. Both the subject and complement of the sentence consists of
some elements and makes it very complex.
The second point that should be fulfilled is it has to be one clear idea. From this data, it can be
analyzed that this statement is not explaining one clear idea. There is too much information on
this statement. The writer gives too many points about the development of mall in big cities. He
explained not just about the functions and benefits of the mall, but also about the writer’s opinion
and hope on keeping its development to be perfect.
This statement expresses an opinion of the writer. He already fulfills these criteria by writing his
opinion about the development of malls in big cities. This opinion can also cause an
argumentation from other people. By fulfilling this fourth criterion, then this thesis statement is
an arguable one. Both the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the
idea or to argue it. If the writer of the essay gives one clear idea that she/he explains in details
after the thesis statement, then she/he can also give the argumentation on that essay. With this
argumentation, then the reader can be agree or disagree about it.
In those sentences, there was one grammatical error made by the student. He failed in
constructing passive form.
……people interested in ……….There should be a to-be (are) to support the verb in constructing
passive form in the sentence. The correct form is ………people are interested in………..
This grammatical error is categorized as intralingual error which reflects the learner’s
competence at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language
acquisition (Richards, 1974: 173). The lack of to-be (are) in this sentence to make the passive
form indicates that the student could not apply the rules of passive form perfectly. This is also
stated by Richards (1974) about one of the causes of intralingual errors is incomplete application
of rules.
Data 3
I Gde Yudhi Argangga Khrisnantara
Thesis Statement :
Indonesian should eliminate the regular consumption of fast food because the fast food diet
leads to preventable and expensive health issues, such as diabetes, obesity, and heart
disease.
Indonesian
should eliminate
the regular consumption of fast food
S
P
O
because the fast food diet leads to preventable and expensive health issues, such as
diabetes, obesity, and heart disease.
Adv
Analysis :
This statement is a complete sentence because it has a subject, a predicate and an object. The
object of the sentence is a noun phrase and there is also a cause explained by using word
because.
On this statement, the student can explain the idea clearly. He wrote about elimination of regular
consumption of fast food. The writer also gave the reason of his opinion. Actually, he can only
write about the elimination without giving the reason. He can support the thesis statement with
some reasons after that, not in the same statement as a thesis statement.
A good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data shows that it is an
opinion. The writer gave his opinion that Indonesia should eliminate the regular consumption of
fast food. He supported this opinion by giving some reasons and effects of that elimination. The
last point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. This means both
the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the idea or to argue it.
This statement is definitely can be argued by other people. They can just agree with Yudhi’s
opinion that the fast food consumption should be eliminated or they can just disagree with that
idea. Other people can just think that there are other ways to prevent those diseases than just
eliminate fast food consumption.
This student wrote the statement correctly in terms of grammatical. There are no grammatical
errors occur in this thesis statement.
Data 4
Gusti Ayu Putu Paramitha Dewi
Thesis Statement :
Soda machines should be replace with healthy alternatives beverage.
Soda machines
should be replace
S
P
with healthy alternatives beverage.
C
Analysis:
From data 5, it can be analyzed that the student already wrote it in a form of complete sentence.
The writer wrote it in form of passive sentence. The second point that should be fulfilled is it has
to be one clear idea. On this statement, the student can explain the idea clearly. She already
mentioned her idea about replacing soda machine with healthy alternatives beverage.
The third point in a good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data
shows that it is an opinion. Paramitha already fulfills this criterion because she wrote her
suggestion on replacing soda machine with healthy beverage.
The fourth point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. This
means both the writer and the reader of the essay can give their opinion to support the idea or to
argue it. If the writer of the essay gives one clear idea that she/he explains in details after the
thesis statement, then she/he can also give the argumentation on that essay. With this
argumentation, then the reader can be agree or disagree about it.
This student made one grammatical error in her sentence. The same as previous student’s error,
Paramitha also made incorrect form of passive sentence.
…………should be replace with…….should be written …………should be replaced………..
This error is categorized as intralingual one. Intralingual error reflects the learner’s competence
at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language acquisition
(Richards, 1974: 173).
Data 5
Apri Dita Rusanti
Thesis Statement :
Big city is just appropriate place for young people
Big city
S
is
P
just appropriate place for young people
C
Analysis :
This thesis statement is a complete sentence. The sentence starts with a capital letter and ends
with a period. It consists of a subject, a predicate and a complement which makes it a complete
thought.
On this statement, the student can explain the idea clearly. He wrote about the appropriateness of
big city for young people.
A good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data shows that it is an
opinion. The writer thinks that big city is the appropriate place for young people. This statement
does not show a fact or empirical evidence and consequently it can also be argued by anyone. By
giving this opinion, anyone can agree or disagree with this statement.
This data has a grammatical error in terms of the use of articles in a noun phrase. The data
written was Big city is just appropriate place for young people. Since the student wants to write a
noun phrase in the sentence, she should put an article, such as an, the. The correct form is Big
city is just the/an appropriate place for young people.
This grammatical error is categorized as intralingual error which reflects the learner’s
competence at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language
acquisition (Richards, 1974: 173). The lack of an article (the/an) in this sentence to make the
correct noun phrase indicates that the student could not apply the rules noun phrase perfectly.
This is also stated by Richards (1974) about one of the causes of intralingual errors is incomplete
application of rules.
Data 6
Ni Kade Lita Adiyanti
Thesis Statement :
The big city life is more crowded than the villagers.
The big city life
S
is
P
more crowded than the villagers.
C
Analysis :
From data 7, it can be analyzed that the student already wrote it in a form of complete sentence.
It begins with capital letter and ends with a period. This sentence has a complete thought which
is also a criterion of a complete sentence. On the other hand, there is also one error in this
student’s writing. Since the sentence is a comparison statement, when the subject describe about
the big city life (inanimate), she compared it with villagers (animate). This different kind of noun
phrase to be compared makes this statement is not correct.
The second point should be fulfilled is it has to be one clear idea. On this statement, the student
can explain the idea clearly. She already mentioned the comparison between the life in big city
and the life as villagers. The idea that she thinks a big city life is more crowded can be supported
by some supporting or argumentative sentences after that.
The third point in a good thesis statement is it expresses an attitude or an opinion. This data is
definitely an opinion. When the student wrote that the big city life is more crowded than the
village life without giving empirical evidences, then it can be considered as her opinion.
The fourth point should be fulfilled in a good thesis statement is that it can be argued. Since the
statement is about the writer’s opinion that big city life is more crowded than village’s life, it
opens a chance to argue this statement. Anyone can agree with this opinion, while the other can
disagree with it based on their perspectives.
This thesis statement has an error in terms of the noun phrase to be compared in a sentence.
Since the sentence is a comparison statement, when the subject describes about the big city life
(inanimate), she compared it with villagers (animate). This different kind of noun phrase to be
compared makes this statement is not correct. The correct statement is The big city life is more
crowded than the village life.
This grammatical error is categorized as intralingual error which reflects the learner’s
competence at a particular stage and illustrates some of the general characteristics of language
acquisition (Richards, 1974: 173). Errors in the choice of words in this sentence shows that the
student needs to learn more about the differences between the inanimate word (village) and
animate (villager). This is also stated by Richards (1974) about the causes of intralingual errors
are faulty generalization and failure to learn conditions under which rules apply.
CONCLUSIONS AND SUGGESTIONS
From data analysis above, there are some conclusions.
First, from four points need to be fulfilled in a thesis statement, most of the students already
wrote it in a complete sentence. Their statements already start with a capital letter and end with a
period. Those statements already consist of a subject, a predicate, an object or a complement.
These components make the statement is a complete thought. But most of them consist of many
ideas. The students put more than one idea about each subject in one thesis statement. The
second conclusion is that most of thesis statements written by students already express opinion or
attitude. They give their opinion because their statements contain no empirical evidences or
facts. By giving their opinion, those thesis statements can also be argued. Those errors made by
the students in terms of points in writing thesis statement is mostly because they think that they
can propose many ideas in one thesis statement. This can cause too much information in the
essay read by the readers. Third conclusion is that some students made grammatical errors which
categorized as intralingual errors occur because of incomplete application of rules, faulty
generalization and failure to learn conditions under which rules apply.
From the analysis of data, some suggestions can be proposed:
The teacher should give a brief explanation about each point that should be fulfilled in a thesis
statement before students write their statements. The teacher should inform the students that they
need to emphasize one clear idea in one thesis statement. This will make the reader understand
their essay easily.
REFERENCES
Brown, H Douglas. (2000). Principles of Language Learning and Teaching . San Francisco:
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Corder, S.P. (1981). Error Analysis and Interlingual. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Hutchinson, Emily. (2013). Expository Writing. California: Saddleback Educational Publishing.
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Moore, Kathleen. (2011). Techniques for College Writing: The Thesis Statement and Beyond.
Boston: WadsworthCengage
Richard, Jack. (1974). Error Analysis. Perspective on Second Language Acquisition . England:
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Ridha, N.S.A. (2012). The Effect of EFL Learners' Mother Tongue on their Writings in English :
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Zemach, Dorothy. (2008). Writers at Work: The Essay. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.