The influence of the absence of love on someone`s behavior as seen in Dona Maria`s behavior in thornton wilder`s the bridge of san luis rey - USD Repository
THE INFLUENCE OF THE ABSENCE OF LOVE
ON SOMEONE’S BEHAVIOR AS SEEN IN DONA MARIA’S BEHAVIOR
IN THORNTON WILDER’S THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY
A Thesis Presented as Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements to Obtain the Sarjana Pendidikan Degree in English Language Education
By
Florentina Aryanti
Student Number: 021214086
ENGLISH LANGUAGE EDUCATION STUDY PROGRAM
DEPARTMENT OF LANGUAGE AND ARTS EDUCATION
FACULTY OF TEACHERS TRAINING AND EDUCATION
SANATA DHARMA UNIVERSITY
YOGYAKARTA
2009
Page of Dedication This thesis is dedicated to: My beloved parents,
Bapak and Ibu, and my dearest sibling, Mas Agus.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First of all, I would like to thank Jesus Christ, for His unlimited blessing and love, so I can finish my thesis. He supports me whenever I am fearful or in pain.
I would like to thank my major sponsor, Drs. Antonius Herujiyanto, M.A.,Ph.D. His lessons about the world of literature and the ways to face problems have released me from difficulties. He has also guided me to write this thesis with care and effectiveness. Without his deep concerns, I am sure that this thesis would never be completed.
My special thanks go to all lecturers who have shared their knowledge and encouragement during my study in the English Language Education Study Program of Sanata Dharma University. Special thanks also go to all PBI staff for their help and friendliness during my study in Sanata Dharma University.
My deepest gratitude goes to my beloved Bapak and Ibu, for their unending love and fantastic affection, and moreover, for their permitting me to spend a little longer than the appointed time in this university. I really love them. My appreciation also goes to my older brother, Mas Agus, who had taken care of me and supported me both spiritually and financially all the time.
This thesis is also dedicated to Mas Adi and Mbak Ika who have supported me, so I can reach this degree. I thank them for motivating and guiding me, so I can finish my thesis.
My big thanks goes to my best friends, they are Ila- Guntur (for being my motivator and for lending me computer), Simbahe “Ruri”, Nicken, all of my PBI
‘02 friends that cannot be mentioned one by one, and the special person in my
life, Ifan ”Panjul”, who has supported me to finish my thesis and trusted me that I can do
that.Last but not least, I would like to thank all my friends in Kulon Progo, Jack- Bud,
my nice nephew, Mbak Mami, Manis, and Wiwik for reminding me to accomplish my
thesis.Florentina Aryanti
TABLE OF CONTENTS Page TITLE PAGE .............................................................................................................. i
APPROVAL PAGES .................................................................................................. ii STATEMENT OF WORK’S ORIGINALITY ........................................................... iv DEDICATION PAGE ................................................................................................ v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ........................................................................................ vi TABLE OF CONTENTS ............................................................................................ viii ABSTRACT ................................................................................................................ xii ABSTRAK .................................................................................................................... xiii
CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTION A. Background of the Study ......................................................................................
1 B. Aim of the Study ..................................................................................................
4 C. Problem formulation ............................................................................................
4 D. Benefits of the Study ............................................................................................
4 E. Definition of Terms ..............................................................................................
5 CHAPTER II. REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE A. Review of Related Theories ...........................................................................
7
1. Theory of Character and Characterization .................................................
7
2. Critical Approach .......................................................................................
12
3. Theory of Psychology ................................................................................
13 a) Definition of Love ...............................................................................
13 b) Theory of Rejection ............................................................................
19 c) Theory of Motivation ..........................................................................
20 d) Theory of Adjustment Mechanism ......................................................
23 B. The Criticism on Thornton Wilder and His work ..........................................
24 C. Context ............................................................................................................ 25
CHAPTER III. METHODOLOGY A. Subject Matter ................................................................................................
42
a) In Her Childhood ....................................................................................
52 g) She expresses love in a wrong way ..............................................
49 f) She becomes obsessive toward her daughter’s love ......................
48 e) She becomes possessive toward her daughter...............................
47 d) She withdraws herself ...................................................................
46 c) She becomes a daydreamer ...........................................................
45 b) She gets drunk ...............................................................................
45
a) She neglects her appearance ...................................................................
44
2. The Influence of Love on Dona Maria’s Behavior ......................................
b) In Her Young Adulthood ........................................................................ 43 c) In Her Marriage ......................................................................................
42
42
1. Love Experienced by Dona Maria ...............................................................
29 B. Approach ........................................................................................................
40 B. The Influence of the Absence of Love on Dona Maria’s Behavior ................
39 6. Dona Maria is an unfaithful Christian.......................................................
38
5. Dona Maria is unconfident .........................................................................
36
4. Dona Maria is not good looking ................................................................
35
3. Dona Maria is miserable ............................................................................
34
2. Dona Maria is introvert ..............................................................................
CHAPTER IV. ANALYSIS A. Description of Dona Maria’s Character in The Bridge of San Luis Rey ...... 33
1. Dona Maria is lonely ..................................................................................
E. Organization of the Study .............................................................................. 32
D. Source ............................................................................................................ 31
30 C. Procedures ...................................................................................................... 30
53
CHAPTER V. CONCLUSIONS AND SUGGESTIONS A. Conclusions ............................................................................................
55
1) Conclusion of the Description of Dona Maria in The Bridge of
San Luis Rey ..................................................................................... 55 2) Conclusion of the Influence of the Absence of Love in Dona Maria’s Behavior ............................................................................................ 57B. Suggestions ..............................................................................................
58 1) The Suggestion for the Future Researchers ......................................
58 2) Suggestion for Teaching and Learning Activities .............................
58 3) The implementation of The Bridge of San Luis Rey in Teaching Extensive Reading I ..........................................................................
60 REFERENCES ..........................................................................................................
62 APPENDICES .......................................................................................................... 6
TABLE OF APPENDICES
Page Appendix 1 The Summary ...........................................................................65 Appendix 2 The Biography of Thornton Wilder.........................................
69 Appendix 3 Thornton Wilder’s Works .......................................................
71 Appendix 4 Novel’s Cover .........................................................................
73 Appendix 5 Picture of Thornton Wilder ......................................................
74 Appendix 6 The Material for Extensive Reading I ......................................
75
ABSTRACT
Aryanti, F. (2009). The Influence of the Absence of Love on Someone’s Behavior as seen
in Dona Maria’s Behavior in Thornton Wilder’s “The Bridge of San Luis Rey” .
Yogyakarta: English Language Education Study Program, Sanata Dharma University.This thesis analyzes a novel written by Thornton Wilder in 1927 entitled The
Bridge of San Luis Rey. It tells about five victims of the collapse of the bridge of San
Luis Rey. This study discusses the influence of the absence of love in someone’s behavior
as seen in that of Dona Maria, the main character of the novel. The novel also talks about
how to value love.In order to achieve the aim of the study, there are two questions to be answered.
They are “How is Dona Maria described in the novel?” and “How does the absence of
love influence Dona Maria’s behavior?” In this thesis, there are two kinds of sources.
They are primary source and secondary source. The primary source is The Bridge of San
Luis Rey itself whereas the secondary source is books, criticism and reviews from
internet related to the topic. The approach used in this study is psychological approach
while the theories applied are theory of character and characterization, theory of love,
theory of rejection, theory of motivation and theory of adjustment mechanisms.After analyzing the novel there are two findings. The first finding reveals that
Dona Maria is lonely, introvert, and miserable. Besides having no self-confidence, she is
also an unfaithful Christian. The second one reveals the influence of the absence of love
on Dona Maria’s behavior. She does not care about her appearance, becomes a drunkard,
becomes a daydreamer and withdraws herself. Besides, she becomes possessive and
obsessive toward her daughter; she also has no idea how to express love in a good way
toward her daughter.It is recommended for the further researchers to deal with the symbolization that
might appear in the novel, the title of the novel and Dona Clara’s motivation moving to
Spain. This study also suggests that the novel The Bridge of San Luis Rey be used to
teach Extensive Reading I for fourth semester students of English Language Education
Study Program.
ABSTRAK
Aryanti, F. (2009). The Influence of the Absence of Love on Someone’s Behavior as seen
in Dona Maria’s Behavior in Thornton Wilder’s “The Bridge of San Luis Rey” .
Yogyakarta: Program Studi Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris, Jurusan Pendidikan Bahasa dan
Seni, Fakultas Keguruan dan Ilmu Pendidikan, Universitas Sanata DharmaSkripsi ini menganalisa sebuah novel berjudul The Bridge of San Luis Rey.
Novel ini berkisah tentang lima korban runtuhnya jembatan San Luis Rey. Studi ini
mendiskusikan tentang pengaruh ketiadaan cinta pada perilaku seseorang seperti pada
perilaku Dona Maria sebagai tokoh utama dalam novel. Novel ini juga menceritakan
bagaimana menghargai cinta.Untuk mencapai dua tujuan dalam studi ini, ada dua pertanyaan untuk dijawab.
Yaitu bagaimana Dona Maria digambarkan dalam novel dan bagaimana ketiadaan cinta
mempengaruhi perilaku Dona Maria. Ada dua macam sumber yang digunakan dalam
studi ini; yaitu sumber utama dan sumber pendukung. Sumber utama adalah novel The
Bridge of San Luis Rey itu sendiri, sedangkan sumber pendukung adalah buku-buku,
kritik, referensi dari internet yang berhubungan dengan topik. Pendekatan yang
digunakan adalah pendekatan psikologis, sedangkan teori-teori yang digunakan adalah
teori karakter dan karakterisasi, teori cinta, teori penolakan, teori motivasi dan teori
mekanisme penyesuaian.Setelah menganalisa novel ini, ditemukan dua penemuan. Penemuan pertama
mengungkap bahwa Dona Maria adalah orang yang kesepian, tertutup, dan
menyedihkan. Selain dia tidak mempunyai rasa percaya diri, dia juga seorang kristiani
yang tidak beriman. Penemuan kedua mengungkap pengaruh ketiadaan cinta pada
perilaku Dona Maria, Dia menjadi tidak peduli pada penampilannya, minum minuman
beralkohol, sering melamun dan menarik diri. Selain menjadi posesif dan obsesif tehadap
anak perempuannya. Dia juga tidak bisa mengekspresikan cinta dengan benar.Direkomendasikan disini untuk para peneliti yang akan datang untuk meneliti
simbolisasi yang muncul dalam novel, judul novel dan motivasi Dona Clara pindah ke
Spanyol. Studi ini juga menyarankan menggunakan novel The Bridge of San Luis Rey
dalam mengajar mata kuliah Extensive Reading I untuk mahasiswa semester empat
Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris.CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION Chapter one consists of background of the study, aim of the study,
problem formulation, benefit of the study and definition of terms. Background of the study describes the reason for analyzing the topic and my personal reason for choosing the topic. Problem formulation gives the general description of the problems that will be analyzed in the study. Aim of the study explains the goals of this study. The last part is the definition of the terms. In this section, some terms that are related to the study will be defined.
A. Background of The Study
What comes into our mind when we are trapped and suffer from a loss of affection? What may the suggestion be for this situation? Love is the common theme in our daily life. Can love be the only reason to break out of the isolation? Love is a universal concept that everybody is familiar with. The word “love” is widely used over million of times in songs, poems, and fictions and mostly in everyday events. However, when being asked about the clear definition of love, people usually cannot give the best idea of what love means to them. Even from the same person, sometimes we find the different opinion about love. Love is a very difficult word to define, but it can be perceived easily through some effects that it creates.
The feelings of joy, happiness and peace are the effects created by love. Love is not restricted to the relation between sexes, but it is more than sexual relationship. This universal concept may exist between human beings and God, parents and children, brothers, sister, friends and even between people and other creatures, such as in a child’s affection for a pet.
Many people would put love as their most important need. In order to satisfy the needs, a person needs to build an interaction with others. It is because humans are known as social being. They cannot survive without other’s help. Since it is not easy in making the relationship, sometimes problems may occur in human’s relationship. Furthermore, if an individual perceives if she or he is powerless and live in disharmony with his or her surrounding, it will result in alienation. In addition, according to Maslow the failure to satisfy the human basic needs can have an impact on an individual’s psychological life. The failure to satisfy their needs can be one of the motivations which can cause some reaction which sometimes cannot be easily known.
The Bridge of San Luis Rey is written by Thornton Wilder, an American novelist who was born in Madison, Wisconsin on April 17, 1897. He is the son of the editor of the Winsconsin State Journal. Thornton Wilder wrote The Bridge of San Luis Rey, in 1926 and being published in 1927. Different from his first novel Cabala, The Bridge of San Luis Rey has the charm and quality that causes a feeling of pity or sadness. Marquesa De Montemayor (Dona Maria) is one of the major characters in the story beside Pepita, Uncle Pio, Esteban, Don Jaime. Dona Maria is the daughter of a cloth merchant. She has an introvert character. We can see quite clearly in her relationship with others but she is also a kind and good- hearted woman. Through the novel Thornton tries to bring a moralistic view for the readers. A moralistic work when we can get from our real life that is a lesson about giving love and being loved.
The story is about the collapse of the finest bridge in Peru which precipitated the five travelers into the gulf below. All the victims, Dona Maria, Pepita, Esteban, Uncle Pio, Don Jaime have the same bad experience since in their whole life they are lacking of love and feel lonely. A Franciscan monk who witnesses the accident tries to investigate whether the accident is an Intention or not. He makes a research on the five victims and tries to prove it mathematically and historically. His research results in an enormous book. His book, however, is considered as heretical. His theories are unaccepted and he is burnt along with his book.
The Bridge of San Luis Rey is divided into five chapters. In chapter 2 of the novel, Dona Maria is described. She is one of the characters in the novel. This study is focused on the character of Dona Maria and her relationship with her daughter, Dona Clara. Dona Maria is one of the victims of the accident. The discussion covers how she is described in the novel and how the absence of love controls her life. The reason for choosing the topic is because love is the most important need for all human beings. Sometimes a person will do anything to obtain love from someone special in his or her life. In order to avoid misconception of love, it is important for us to understand the true love.
The writer chooses Dona Maria as the character to be analyzed because her character introduces the other key characters in the novel. However, she is not the main character in the novel. She is a rich woman but she feels lonely and lacks love even from her daughter. She gives her daughter an idolatrous love. In her opinion, she has given the best for her daughter but her daughter does not pay it back. Finally, she realizes that she loves her daughter in the wrong way. She is thinking about her own hopes not her daughter’s hopes, and all those mistakes happen because of Dona Maria’s childhood. Love is closely related to the psychological aspect of human life. Hence, the approach the writer used in this study was psychological approach.
B. Aim of the Study
The aim of the study is to find out how Dona Maria is described in The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Besides, this study also has the aim to find out how the absence of love affects somebody’s life as seen in Dona Maria, the main character of Thornton Wilder’s The Bridge of San Luis Rey.
C. Problem Formulation
This study focuses on the influence of the absence of love on Dona Maria as the central character in the story. The problems of the study can be formulated as follows:
1. How is Dona Maria described in the Thornton Wilder’s The Bridge of San Luis Rey?
2. How does the absence of love influence Dona Maria’s behavior?
D. Benefits of the Study
There are at least two groups of people who will gain benefits from this study. They are the readers in general and the students. Hopefully, by reading this study the readers will be able to enrich their knowledge about literary works especially American literature and Thornton Wilder’s The Bridge of San Luis Rey
For the students of English Language Education Study Program, this study hopefully may give them knowledge about American Literature and give them understanding of Thornton Wilder’s The Bridge of San Luis Rey. For the teachers of English Language Education Study Program, this study could be used as one of the teaching references. The novel can be used as teaching material for teaching literature classes.
This study is also beneficial, especially for me because I have had experiences of how to analyze a novel and have had an understanding about the value of love from books of references for the study.
E. Definition of Terms
In analyzing this novel, the writer needs to know first about the meaning of influence, absence of love and behavior.
1. Influence
According to Drever, the terms influence is defined as any past or present condition experienced as or actually playing a part in determining ones behavior, or course of thought, in the present: a common type of delusion”(134).
In this study, influence is bad effects as a result of bitter past experience on Dona Maria’s character.
2. Absence of Love
Hauck states that love is a powerful feeling one has for person, animal or things that has satisfied or will satisfy our deepest desire (16).
Therefore, in this study, the absence of love is a situation in which someone’s deepest desire is not satisfied.
3. Behavior According to Loftus, behavior is physical realization of someone’s
psychological condition, meaning to say that people behave on their psychological condition (155). In this study behavior is the reaction of Dona Maria in relation to her psychological condition.
CHAPTER II LITERATURE REVIEW In order to conduct the study, the writer uses some theories to support the
analysis in chapter IV. The related theories are explained briefly in this chapter in order to help the reader have a clear description about the foundation of the study.
In this chapter the review of the related theories, criticisms and sources will mainly be discussed. In the theoretical review, the writer discusses theories of literature. While in criticism and sources, the writer will mainly discuss the criticisms that are concerned with my discussion and some sources that are taken from books and website to support my analysis.
A. Review of Related Theories
In this part, the writer would like to present some related theories used in this study. They are theory of character and characterization, theory of definition of love, theory of rejection, theory of motivation and theory of adjustment mechanisms.
1. Theory of Character and Characterization
Before analyzing a novel, we need to understand the character well because a character plays an important role in the novel. According to Abrams in A Glossary of Literary Terms, characters are the persons presented in dramatic or narrative work who are interpreted by the readers as being endowed with moral and disposition qualities that are expressed in what the say (the dialogues) and what they do (actions) (20). Here the character has a quality as human beings. A character brings the readers a description about how the story flows therefore the readers can imagine what the story is about.
Abrams also mentions that there are two types of character, simple or flat character and round or complex character. Flat character is character that possesses just one certain dispositional quality. He seems less to have trait behavior that can give a surprising effect to the reader. The flat character can be easily recognized and more familiar whenever they come in and easily be remembered by the readers afterward. A round character is more lifelike rather than flat character because we may see all sides of this character. He possesses many kinds of traits or various attitudes. The character is also capable of surprising us (20- 21). Flat character is easy to describe rather than round character because flat character does not make any significant development.
Henkle states in his book Reading a Novel, that characters are categorized into “main or major characters” and “minor characters”. Major character is the most character in the story. The readers give him/ her fullest attention because he/she performs the key structural function; upon him/her we build expectation and desires. Minor characters only perform a limited function in the story. They may be less sophisticated, so that their responses to the experience are less complex and important (22)
While according to Horman and Harmon in A Handbook to Literature (81), the characterization is the way of the author to reveal the character in the story. There are three methods that can be used in characterization of the character. Those are:
1.The explicit presentation by the author of the character through direct exposition either in an introductory block or more often piecemeal throughout the word illustrated by the action.
2.The presentation of the character in action, with little or no explicit comment by the author, in the expectation that the readers will be able to deduce the attributes of the actions.
3.The presentation from within the character without comment on the character by the author, the impact of actions and emotions on the character’s inner self with the expectation that the reader will come to a clear understanding of the attributes of the character
Murphy, in Understanding Unseens: An Introduction to English Poetry and English Novel for Overseas Students, mentions some ways to describe characters. In describing character in a work of art, author can use one of the following ways:
1. Personal Description In revealing characters, the author can present the physical appearance of the characters. The author can describe a person’s appearance and clothes.
By summarizing the author’s description of the character physical appearance, the readers can imagine what kind of person he is (161).
2. Character as Seen by Another As opposed to describe character directly, the author can describe him through the eyes and opinion of another character. From the opinion of other characters, the reader can infer the imagination of a character as a reflection.
The others’ point of view about the certain character might be an important point to understand the character well (162).
3. Speech Through the choice of word or what the person says, the author can give us an insight into the character of one person in the story. Whenever a person speaks, whenever he is in a conversation with another, whenever he puts forward an opinion, he is giving us some clues to his character. Commonly, we know someone’s insight from his speech because from the speech we can analyze what kind of person he is (164).
4. Past Life The author can give us a clue to events that have helped to shape a person’s character by learning about the person’s past life. This can be done through the direct comment of the author, through the person’s thought, through his conversation or through the medium of another person. What happens to the character to the present life can be the result of what happened to him in the past life. Therefore learning the person’s past life can help the readers in analyzing character in the story (166).
5. Conversation of Others The author can give us clues to a person’s personality through the conversation of others and their opinion about the characters. What the other characters say in the conversation about the certain character can give us information what a character is like. It is important to pay attention to the conversation of other characters since it will help us understand the character (167).
6. Reactions The author can also give us a clue to a person’s character by letting us know how the person reacts to various situation and events. The readers can recognize whether the character is strong or weak, smart or not by analyzing their actions coping with different situation. The reader can also get the image of the character from their attitudes (168).
7. Direct Comments The author can describe or comment on a person’s character directly. Since the author gives the description and comment on the character directly, it will be easier for the reader to find out the information on the character. Besides it is easy, misinterpretation can be reduced (170).
8. Thought The author gives us direct knowledge of what a person is thinking about.
The author is able to know what is going on in the mind of the character. He can tell us what different people are thinking. He can do what we cannot do in real life. In the novel, we accept this. From the direct description about the character’s mind, the readers can analyze what kind of person he is exactly. Therefore, the readers can understand the inner life of the character (171).
9. Mannerism The author can describe a person’s mannerisms, habit and idiosyncrasies which may give the reader some clues about the character. What people always do or habit can reflect their inner side positively and negatively. We can also infer what a character is like from what he does, thinks or says (173).
2. Critical Approach
In analyzing a literary work, a novel for instance, we will use a certain approach in order to make the analysis clear and understandable. Rohrberger and Woods, Jr state that we need to employ a mean that is called a critical approach in order to understand and apprehend the aesthetic values of literary work (3).
Rohrberger and Woods, Jr define five kinds of critical approach called formalist approach, biographical approach, sociocultural-historical approach, mythopoeic approach, and psychological approach.
The formalist approach concentrates on the total integrity of literary works. The involvement of each aesthetic part to the whole is seen as harmony to the complete work. The biographical approach is used when we intend to judge literary work based on importance of acknowledging the author’s personal life for deep understanding to his writing. The sociocultural-historical approach asserts the analysis of social, cultural and historical background as reference to the further understanding of the story. The Mythopoeic approach is used when the critic attempts to find particular recurrent pattern of human thought, which are considered sharing the same universal belief to certain community mind. Generally, the patterns involve death or rebirth, guilt and sacrifices, primitive rites, or patterns behavior basic to Christian theology. Psychological approach involves theories of psychology to explain the character’s personality in the story. The proponents of this approach insist that each character’s behavior could be referred to the psychology of human being. By the approach, the character’s thought and behavior can be traced more profoundly because it has close relationship with human’s life.
3. Theory of Psychology
a). Definition of Love
Since the analysis deals with the influence of the absence of love, so it is necessary to use theory of love.
According to Hauck in his book How to Love and be Loved, love is a powerful feeling one has for persons, animals or things that has satisfied, is satisfying or will satisfy our deepest desires and needs. From the definition, the writer may infer that actually not people that we love but what people do for us that we love.
1) Types of Love According to Eric Fromm
According to Fromm, in his book The Art of Loving (1963), states “love in all aspects, there is not romantic love which is surrounded by wrong conception. There are also parental love (love of parent and children), brotherly love, erotic love and love of God. Here are the explanations of those five types of love: a. Brotherly Love
The most important kind of love which underlies all types of love is brotherly love. Erich Fromm in his book The Art of Loving, states this love as “the sense of responsibility, care, respect, knowledge of any other human being, the wish to further life. This kind of love the bible speaks of when it says: love thy neighbor as thyself. Brotherly love is love for all human beings” (47).
b. Motherly Love In contrast to brotherly love, motherly love is love between equal the relationship of mother and child by its very nature of inequality. Motherly love is unconditional affirmation of the child’s life and his needs. This affirmation has two aspects; those are the care and responsibility.
Motherly love has been considered as the highest kind of love, the most sacred of all emotion bonds. It seems, however, that the real achievement of motherly love lies not in mother’s love for a small infant, but in her love for growing ( 49- 52).
c. Erotic Love Erotic love is the desire for complete union with another person. For instant, sexual desire aims at fusion and is by no means only a physical lust, the release of painful tension. A sexual desire can be stimulated by the anxiety of aloneness, by the wish to conquer and be conquered, by egotism, by the wish to hurt and even destroy, as much as it can be stimulated by love. It seems that a sexual desire can easily blend with and be encouraged by any strong emotion, of which love is only one (52- 57).
d. Self Love Self-love is sometimes considered as selfishness because it is assumed that loving oneself does not love others. Fromm states that an attitude of love toward themselves will be found in all those who are capable of loving others. To understand self love better we can infer from the quotation below:
If you love yourself, you love yourself as you do yourself. As long as you love another person less than you love yourself, you will not really succeed in loving yourself, but if you love all alike, including yourself, you will love them as one person and that person is both God and man. Thus he is a great and righteous person who, loving himself, loves all others equally” (61- 63). From the comment, I can conclude that we cannot succeed loving ourselves if we love others less than we love ourselves.
While Rollo May states that Eros is a fundamentally self-love. Eros is not possessive love. Sometimes we are afraid of losing our beloved because we think we love him/ her so much. This love is called possessive love.
e. Love of God The love of God is the religious form of love. It springs for the need to overcome separateness and to achieve union. In all theistic religions, whether they are polytheistic or monotheistic, God stands for the highest value, the most desirable good for a person (1956: 68- 82).
2) Obsessive Love
The writer also uses theory of obsessive love. According to Forward and Buck, obsessive love is the result of rejection. There are four conditions that can be used to recognize it, those are: a painful or worry of wishing for love, a great desire to posses or be possessed by their target of obsession, physically or emotionally rejection from their target, and they become to behave in self- defeating ways because of that rejection.
A person who suffers from obsessive love believes if only the person they fixate on can make him feel happy and rewarded. It means that the target of their obsession is the only person who will make them fulfilled.
Hodgkinson states in his book Obsession love. How to Free Your Emotion and Live Again, there are some factors that causes obsessive love. Here is the explanation: 1. Leisure; obsessive love is identical with boredom or monotony in life.
2. Feeling of vulnerability and a perceived failure to belong; because those who are undergoing dramatic life changes and the associated fear and lack of self- confidence will seek out an exit for their anxieties.
3. An inflated opinion of oneself; obsessive love is believed as the stem of insecurity, so the feeling of insecure lead the obsessed people to seek out someone with attributes that they want for themselves.
4. Particular childhood experience; a deep feeling of unworthiness make the obsessed people find the obsessed similarly unworthy in adulthood.
Hodgkinson recommends realizing that one who loves obsessively has not fallen in love with a real person, but rather an illusion. It is estimated that most of obsessive love is motivated by projection. The obsessed is not falling in love with their target because of any salient properties of the target, but for what that target represents to the obsessed.
3) Possessive Love
According to Anja Heij, possessive relationship is psychologically suffocating and can be even physically suffocating for the person it concerns. It does not allow personal space to the other one. The path to the other one has chosen for his/her life is deliberately surpassed for the sake of someone’s egocentric purposes (Conditional Love- Possessive Relationship).
Deep inside her heart, a possessive person is longing for love and appreciation. They also feel insecure and afraid of loss, especially of relationships.
They have difficulty in experiencing self-love, self acceptance and the behavior they show is a great example of compensation.
The possessive people need affirmation, confirmation and domination of the persons in their near surroundings. They will hold on tightly to present relationships, and show great difficulty if a child tries to break lose in living its own adult life or marrying a partner (Conditional Love- Possessive Relationship).
4) Deprivation of Love
People experience many kinds of deprivation in their life. These deprivations sometimes influence human emotion. Emotional deprivation means that because of environmental obstacle, the person is denied from stimulus objects deprivation of love. Hurlock states that deprivation of any emotion is harmful to the personality, but deprivation of love is especially damaging (210-214). The theory of deprivation of love is beneficial to identify the effects of deprivation of love towards human behavior.
According to Hurlock, in his book Personality Development, many adults experience deprivation of love, especially in the old age and after the death or divorce of a spouse. Deprivation can be almost as damaging to the self–concept in adulthood as in childhood. Deprivation of opportunities to love and to be loved delays the normal pattern of physical and mental development. This, in turn affects the personality. Some of the specific effects of emotional deprivation have been reported to the physical, social and emotional (211).
Hurlock also states that the effects of deprivation to the human physical can be seen in listlessness, emaciation, quietness and general apathy, and psycho somatic illnesses. To human social, the effect can be revealed in handicaps in learning how to get along with people, lack of responsiveness to the advances of others, lack of cooperation, and hostility. And to the emotional deprivation, the effects can be seen in lack of emotional responsiveness and interchange (the emphatic complex), feelings of insecurity, resentments as expressed in social behavior, restlessness, anxiety, temper tantrums, and many other forms of maladjustive behavior (212).
One of the most common long-term effects of deprivation of love on personality is emotional insecurity, a feeling of not belonging and of being unable to count on the affection of significant people. The alienated person avoids social relationships outside the home because he has not found them satisfying in the home. He feels inferior and incapable of loving and being loved, and he develops a generalized hostility toward people (213).
b) Theory of Rejection
Hurlock in his book Child Development (296) states “Affection is an emotional reaction directed toward a person, an animal or a thing. It indicates warm regard, friendliness, sympathy, or helpfulness, and it may take a physical or a verbal form”. By accepting someone as our friend or our family, we have given them our love. Parents’ treatment to the child will influence the child’s emotion and growth in his later life. Hurlock adds “Parental attitudes are often responsible for child emotionality (304). “In childhood, there is a strong drive to be with others, when this need is not met, the child will be unhappy. . . (326). It is also stated by McDougall rejected children are likely to have decreased self-esteem and to be at greater risk for internalizing problems like depression.
To build a better character of a child, besides to accept and to love them, we have to teach them how to love and to accept others. It will create child’s satisfaction toward their environment. Hurlock emphasizes “To be happy and satisfied in his social relationship, not only must the child be loved by others, but he must be able to express his love for them” (308). “Their should be a guidance to help the child develop the forms of emotional expression that can be most valuable to him”(300).
Human is social creature, but it is impossible to interact with everyone all the time. So, rejection can be experienced as part of life although in different level for certain person. However, rejection can become a problem when it is excessive, when the relationship is important, when the rejection is by an entire group, or when the individual is particularly sensitive to rejection. The experience of being rejected can cause some psychological effects such as loneliness, reduced self- esteem, aggression, and depression. It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection (Rejection).
c) Theory of Motivation
Abraham Maslow in Larry A. Hjelle and Daniel J. Zeigler’s book entitled Personality Theories: Basic Assumptions, Research and Applications defines motivation, which relates to the human needs. He believed that much of human behavior could be explained by the individual’s tendency to seek personal goal states that make life rewarding and meaningful. Maslow proposed that human desires (i.e., motives) are innate and that they are arranged in an ascending hierarchy of priority or potency. It is known as Maslow’s hierarchical theory of motivation (368-374). In order of potency there are five kinds of needs. The needs are: basic physiological need, safety needs, belongingness and love needs, self esteem needs, and self-actualization needs.
a. Physiological needs The most basic, powerful and obvious of all human needs are his needs for physical survival. Included in this group are the needs for food, drink, oxygen, activity and sleep, sex, protection from extreme temperatures, and sensory simulation. A person who fails to fulfill this basic of needs will not be around long enough to attempt to satisfy higher level needs. Physiological needs dominate human desires, forcing them on one’s attention before higher –order goals can be pursued (369- 370).