The Selected Language On A Business E-Mail
ABSTRACT
Food is one of our first necessities as a human being. It gives us energy
and power to live a life. However, nowadays, besides acted as our source of
energy, food also can make a good business. Food business or culinary business is
infamously growing and growing. Related to it, my sister and I were going to
make a business. However, running the business is not easy thing as easy as
blinking the eyes. Business has several issues in it and one of them is a promotion
issue. The promotion is essential part of business. It is a kind of tool that bridges
to the costumers so that people will know about it. There are so many kind of
promotion such as brochure, leaflet, newspaper advertisement, and many more.
From so many of promotion tool, I prefer correspondence to use. Correspondence
has a strong characteristic to maintain the business on the track when it is written
carefully and effectively.
This job training report entitled The Selected Language on Business Email discusses one major concern. It is to find out how important is language
usage on the business correspondence to help product promotion.
Selected language is a very essential factor of business letter. It drives the
letter to be effective letter or not. Besides selected language, there are three more
aspects of effective letter; they are directness, the tone and the length
The method of this report is description analysis. The writer studied the
correspondence cases which occurred at Firdaus Cake. Furthermore, the data were
taken from database of Firdaus Cake.
Summary, effective business letter is the letter that written carefully and
thoughtfully and watch the every words that being used.
Keywords: Business E-mail, Language on Business E-mail
ABSTRAK
Makanan adalah salah satu kebutuhan pertama kami sebagai manusia. Ini
memberi kita energi dan kekuatan untuk menjalani kehidupan. Namun, saat ini,
selain manjadi sumber energi kita, makanan juga dapat menjadi mata
pencaharian yang baik. Bisnis makanan atau bisnis kuliner tumbuh dan
berkembang dengan pesat. Terkait dengan itu, kakak saya dan saya tertarik akan
membuat bisnis.
Namun, menjalankan bisnis tidak hal yang mudah semudah berkedip mata.
Bisnis memiliki beberapa masalah di dalamnya dan salah satunya adalah
masalah promosi. Promosi adalah bagian penting dari bisnis. promosi adalah
alat untuk menjembatani kita dengan pelanggan sehingga orang akan tahu bahwa
ada bisnis yang bernama Firdaus Cake misalnya.
Ada begitu banyak jenis promosi seperti brosur, leaflet, iklan surat kabar,
dan banyak lagi. Dari begitu banyak alat promosi, saya lebih suka menggunakan
surat menyurat untuk mempromosikan produk. Hal itu dikarenakan
Korespondensi memiliki karakteristik yang kuat untuk mejaga agar bisnis ini
tetap berjalan.
Laporan KKL yang berjudul The selected language on business E-mail
membahas satu hal utama yakni untuk mengetahui betapa pentingnya
penggunaan bahasa pada surat bisnis untuk membantu promosi produk.
Pemilihan Kata adalah aspek yang sangat penting dari surat bisnis. Hal
tersebut menentukan efektif tidaknya surat bisnis. Selain pemilhan kata, ada tiga
aspek lainnya dalam pembuatan surat bisnis yang efektif, ketiga hal tersebut ialah
The directness, the tone, and the length.
Metode yang dipakai untuk memebuat laporan ini adalah metode analisis
deskripsi. Penulis mengkaji kasus surat menyurat yang terjadi di Firdaus Cake.
Selanjutnya, penulis mengambil data yang dari database Firdaus Cake.
Kesimpulannya adalah Surat bisnis yang efektif adalah surat yang ditulis
dengan hati-hati dan serius dan tetap menjaga setiap kata yang akan digunakan.
Kata Kunci: Business E-mail, Language on Business E-mail
CHAPTER I
INTRODUCTION
1.1 Background to the topic
Do you know the song trouble is a friend by Lenka? The song tells you
that trouble is a friend of everyone‟s; one will never get away from it and it is
always in everyone‟s path. In this case, everyone is suggested to be friend with
trouble yet trying to resolve. As anybody else, while running the business, I faced
a significant difficulty; a promotion.
The promotion is always being an essential part of a business. Since it is a
kind of bridge among the business and the costumers, it is a mean to introduce our
business so that people out there know the product we are selling. Furthermore,
when doing the promotion, there are so many ways of promotion such as brochure,
leaflets, mouth to mouth promotion, newspaper advertisement, internet
advertisement and many else.
From so many promotion tools, I was interested in promotion by
correspondence through E-mail. This kind of correspondence was considered
more effective and contributive. Though, besides its excellence, I learned a little
issue in it; the business correspondence had been often made arbitrarily. That
issue was described as a urge issue since it should be written carefully with
appropriate choice of words, accurate tone and personality, no ambiguity, and no
ineffectively length of letter.
The issue was quite unique to comprehend related to the necessity of this
job training report. It concerned about how important the rightfully usage of
language in every area of life especially on a business letter. Afterward, it was the
necessity of the relation between business and language.
To sum up, the report is not just discussing about job training alone, the
usage of language and business should be illustrated inside.
1.2 Scope
Here are several discussed topics that I am going to comprehend:
1. What factors lead a business correspondence to be written carefully?
2. What elements should be taken into consideration?
3. How the selected words may help product promotion?
1.3 Objectives
The objectives of this report are:
1. Identify and describe the factors that lead a business correspondence to
be written carefully;
2. Describe the elements that should be taken into consideration when a
business correspondence is written; and
3. Describe the way in which the selected words help product promotion.
1.4 Significant to Knowledge
Correspondence may become a powerful weapon of promotion if it can be
made as much interesting as possible. However, we should be vigilant person on
writing a letter; we should know what and which the important points in a letter
are. One of the important points is the language usage. Furthermore, it is very
essential on a letter; we just cannot be careless on using any and every words,
otherwise it will be way off the road. Moreover, by using the right and appropriate
language, we can increase the percentage of reader interest.
How can we sell out of our products if the costumers do not know what
good points of our products are? By using the right and appropriate language in
the letter we send, we can make sure that the reader will be interested, even at first
sight they do not put interest on the letter.
Based on that, I will dig in to give a reasonable proof of why the language
usage becomes so important on correspondence and what will become the letter
when appropriate word is applied; also what is the advantage of very good written
letter for business.
Frankly speaking, there are several advantages from mentioned topics
above. First, practically, a good and effective-written letter will give boost
increasing of business. Second, theoretically, it will deepen my knowledge of
language on considered factors and required elements while writing business
correspondence.
1.5 The Framework of the Theory
What factors lead the business correspondence to be written carefully?
That is one of the questions that stated earlier. The question was appeared because
of the tendency of carelessly business letter writing which happened quite often.
Actually, the business letter should be written vigilantly yet effectively.
There are several reasons – that can be the factors – why the business
correspondence to be written carefully. First of all, costumers (also readers) often
do not understand what the letter is talking about. The misunderstanding of the
costumers is triggered by the ambiguity of the letter, the rambling letter writing, or
sometimes costumers do not find the benefit that will be gained from the letter
sender. And secondly, the readers often dislike the style of the language which
impressed as repressive and compulsions, in other word it is unpersuasive letter.
The ambiguity means vagueness or uncertainty of meaning. It means the
meaning is not clear and confusing (see www.thefreedictionary.com/ambiguity).
In the case of business letter, ambiguity should be avoiding since it makes the
reader confused and uninterested to the letter.
Rambling letter is a condition of letter that the words are too long and tells
anything which is not related to the subject of the letter (see The AMA handbook
of business writing: 15).
Therefore, the letter, especially business letter should be written
thoughtfully, carefully and effectively in order to avoid several factors above
mentioned.
Consequently, what element should be taken into consideration of
effective business letter? The answer is the directness, the length, the tone and
the word choosing (see The AMA handbook of business letter third edition: 26).
The directness is first thing that you should know when writing a business
letter. The letter should be written directly to what you mean or want to be
informed.
“Be as direct as I your letter writing. If
you can convey your message in five
words or ten do so (The AMA handbook
of business letter: 9)”.
The length is the second thing that you should know when writing a
business letter. The letter should not be more than 1 page of each topic. It should
be begun with main topic on the first paragraph in order to know expectation of
the reader as soon as possible. Avoiding ambiguity and pays attention to rambling
words is the point to keep an appropriate length of the letter.
“Planning and clarity of letter can help
to limit the length of your letter.
Paragraph should not be too long to
follow and difficult to follow (The AMA
handbook of business letter: 15)”
The tone is the third thing. The tone of letter means the color of letter, not
literarily color however the courteous and friendly.
Directing a letter toward a reader may
seem very simple, but a letter too often
incorrectly assumes that his or her interest
and knowledge as the same as the reader
(The AMA handbook of business letter:
13)
The word choosing is the fourth. It is another essential part to construct a
good effectively business letter. Word choosing has a close connection with the
ambiguity, rambling letter, and the persuasiveness. Furthermore, it often leads the
letter to be misunderstanding.
“Sales letters are written to catch the
attentions of the reader in an attempt to
sell them a product or service (The AMA
handbook of business writing: 582)”.
The word choosing has a close relation with the persuasiveness. When it is
applied the persuasive it will become. However when it is oppositely done,
ambiguity and rambling letter will be appeared.
Persuasiveness is a part of one of 5 language functions. It is a part of
directive function of language. The directive is function of language that
influences people.
“The third function of language is
directive function. It is if we are trying to
influence people. The main example of
directive function is command and request
(Geoffrey Leech Semantics: 64)”.
Word choosing also has relation with euphemism and brand imaging. It
will help a lot to influence people. Euphemism is not only about covering a
negative context, but also to sharpen words so that words can influence and move
people as we want.
Word choosing on the letter should be crucial. It means that when you
constructing a letter, you should know what you are trying to tell or offer; why it
is. The word choosing is the main factors why people often get the wrong message
from the letter you have been written.
Hence, business letter should be constructed carefully yet effectively.
When business letter is constructed as should be as mentioned above, the cycle of
business will be like this below:
Here below is the cycle of business with applying appropriate language:
Brochures
Promotion
Business
Leaflets
Correspondence
PROFIT
GOOD
BUSINESS
Appropriate
language
Money in
Product
Selling
Business
Letter
Persuasive
Order of the
product
Interest of
costumers
Acknowledgement
of costumers
As you can see on the cycle above, appropriate language usage will be
created persuasive impression. Then, it will make an acknowledgement of
costumer after that interest will show up, and subsequently order the product and
finally money will come into your account.
However, if the letter is not constructed as it should be, the effect will be
like this below:
Brochures
Promotion
Business
Leaflets
Correspondence
COSTS
Business
Letter
BAD BUSINESS
Carelessly
Made
There is no
money IN
There is not
product
selling
Unpersuasive
Lose a chance
of ordering
Loss of
Interest of
costumers
Costumer are not
recognize
Oppositely, it is clearly seen that when somebody writes a business letter
carelessly, unpersuasive the letter becomes. Therefore, when the letter is not
persuasive enough, costumer will not acknowledge your business. Moreover, you
will not get interest of the costumer; subsequently there will be no product out.
The next affect is there is no money adds your account and only COSTS you will
get in the end.
1.6 Research Method
The job training report entitled The Selected Language on Business E-mail
is done by the description analysis method. The data was taken from the database
of Firdaus Cake. Otherwise, the theories were taken from The AMA handbook of
business writing, The AMA handbook of business letter and Geoffrey Leech
Semantic. The job training report is completed in a month from 1 October 2011 to
29 October 2011.
1.7 Place and Time
The form of activity I chose for my job training is running a bussines. The
bussines that I got involved was food store – Firdaus Cake which is located on
Kebayoran Graha Park block Q-No. 73, Setia Mekar Village, East Bekasi, Bekasi
city, West Java. I took in charge the accountancy and correspondence.
The job training itself took place for a year, from 10 February 2010 to 20
April 2011.
CHAPTER II
THE BUSINESS OF FIRDAUS CAKE
Firdaus Cake is the name of a business that I took a part. It is a culinary
home business based catering service, established on October 22nd 2009. From
that name, we should have known that the product of FirdausCake is food, yes
indeed is. However, besides the foods, Firdaus Cake also provides a coaching
clinic to make lovely delicious food.
There are many variants of foods that Firdaus Cake offers from Indonesian
culinary to foreign cooking, such as nasi tumpeng,ayam kodok, fraline, truffle, and
many kinds of cakes from chocolate cake, cheese cake, edible cake, to wedding
cake.
Firdaus Cake is located on Kebayoran Graha Park block Q-No. 73, Setia
Mekar Village, East Bekasi, Bekasi city, West Java Telephone: 02132821617.There, I worked as assistant owner. As assistant owner, I took in
charge in the accountancy and correspondence and had responsibility to the owner
directly.
Here are several products of FIRDAUS CAKE and the pricelist:
Ayam Kodok
Package I (Rp.250.000): 1 ayam kodok, steak sauce, vegetable
stew such as carrot & bean served in mika box with salad
garnish.
Package II (Rp.300.000): 1 ayam kodok, steak sauce,
vegetable stew such as carrot & bean served in exclusive
presentation.
Package III (Rp.375.000): 1 ayam kodok, steak sauce, mashed
potato, vegetable stew such as carrot, bean, salad garnish,
parsley and served with exclusive presentation.
Cake
o Black Forrest
Diameter 22 cm Rp.275.000
Diameter 24 cm Rp.325.000
Diameter 28 cm Rp.375.000
Diameter 30 cm Rp.425.000
o Edible Cake
22x22cm = Rp.285.000
24x24 cm = Rp.335.000
30x30 cm = Rp.385.000
30x40 cm = Rp.435.000
There are still many variants of foods that Firdaus Cake offers, for the
details you can visit the website at ika-kurnia@blogspot.com. You are always
welcomed at Firdaus Cake.
CHAPTER III
THE SELECTED LANGUAGE ON A BUSINESS E-MAIL
Language is always being an essential part of our life. We speak,
communicate, make a joke even be angry, it entirely uses language. In the world
of work, it also has been important aspect. Every kind of works uses language,
running business is no exception. In business, it is used for many kinds of works
such as communicating, promoting and constructing a correspondence; in this
case is business correspondence.
On business correspondence, the letter cannot be made carelessly. The
entire aspects of letter should be considered as the whole important parts. The
headline must be attractive, the subject should be constructed as interesting as
possible and the impression must be persuasive and effectively constructed.
Hence, business correspondence should be constructed effectively yet
carefully.
3.1 Factors That Lead Business Correspondence Written Carefully
There are several factors that lead business correspondence to be written
effectively and carefully. They are avoiding ambiguity, and paying attentions to
not making rambling letter.
3.1.1 Ambiguity
The ambiguity means vagueness or uncertainty of meaning. It means the
meaning is not clear and confusing. In this case, ambiguity should be avoided
since it makes the reader confused and uninterested to the letter.
Below is an example of ambiguity:
“The credit officer approved the credit for James Chicago
because he was obviously of superior character.”
From the sentence above, it cannot be confirmed who is superior character,
the credit officer. The pronoun “he” may refer to the officer or Mr. James. In
order to avoid the ambiguity, the sentence should be written:
“Since the credit officer was superior character, he approved
the credit for James Chicago.”
The following is another sample of ambiguous letter that occurred at the
job training which is done:
Bekasi, Monday, January 1, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kuswara
Are you having trouble getting high quality food for your celebration event in present days? If you are like
most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to economically produce gorgeous events. This is
why it is important to have a specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
Firdaus cake provides various delicious foods and coaching clinic to make a lot of variation foods from
culinary to foreign cakes.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the best possible
impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would cost to get your events
looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to give us a call at 021-9847546.
In the letter above, there is an ambiguous word occurred. It does not give
precise offer; whether food offer or coaching clinic offer. The letter should be
consistent with what it offers; the food or the coaching clinic. The impact of
construction the letter above is surely the reader confused.
On the other hand, the letter can be constructed in emphasizing the
coaching clinic not the foods as the letter describe below:
Bekasi, Monday, January 1, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kuswara
Do you want to become a cook? However, the fee of the training shocks your heart. Do
not worry since Firdaus Cake to help you with the very economical fees. For the first
member you can save to 50% of membership fee with excellent training.
FirdausCake is 5 years based Service Company which has been made people good at
cooking especially cakes. Firdaus Cake provides you coaching clinic to make a lot of
variation food from culinary to foreign cakes.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the
best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it
would cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to
give us a call at 021-9847546.
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Here is another sample of ambiguous letter at Firdaus Cake:
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi Mrs. Kurnia how‟re you doing? I hope you always be fine of good.
I saw an advertisement at your personal blog for your company
however it was not as detail as I want. Please sent me 3 copies of you
product catalog so I can share them with my partners.
Thank you very much. I look forward to receiving the catalog of your
Firdaus Cake‟s exciting product.
Mrs. Wartini
The ambiguity of the letter above is the underlined clause; I hope you always be
fine of good. What actually did she want to tell? Is it fine or good. Sometimes it is
occurred and somehow I have already get used to it.
However, I cannot let the problem unsolved. The letter should be like this below:
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi Mrs. Kurnia how‟re you doing? I hope you always be fine.
I saw an advertisement at your personal blog for your company
however it was not as detail as I want. Please sent me 3 copies of you
product catalog so I can share them with my partners.
Thank you very much. I look forward to receiving the catalog of your
Firdaus Cake‟s exciting product.
Mrs. Wartini
Or like this:
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi Mrs. Kurnia how‟re you doing? I hope you always be fine.
I saw an advertisement at your personal blog for your company
however it was not as detail as I want. Please sent me 3 copies of you
product catalog so I can share them with my partners.
Thank you very much. I look forward to receiving the catalog of your
Firdaus Cake‟s exciting product.
Mrs. Wartini
It will be lovely when the letter is constructed effectively without
ambiguity. It will make the reader know what the topic is immideately.
3.1.2 The Rambling Letter
This is the second factor that leads why the letter should be written
carefully. Rambling letter is often occured in the world of business
correspondence. It often gives the letter bad impact; that is uninterested of the
reader.
Rambling letter means the letter is circling unknownly and not to the
pointand it tends to be a gratutiously long and boring letter.
This is a sample of rambling letter:
Bekasi, Monday, March 10, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Wijaya
Food is our first necessity of life. Food is our source of energy. Food is complementary in
celebrating moment. Besides that food can be a source of livelihood. It can be a good
business if you serious at it.
So when you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in present days?
If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to economically
produce gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have a specialist take care of your
most important celebrating events
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the best
possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would
cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to give us a
call at 021-9847546.
The letter above is the worst business letter ever. Believe it or not, it was
occurred once at Firdaus Cake. The letter above is the worst record of Firdaus
Cake. The letter should not be constructed like above.
One important point of business letter is that the letter is not free essay
writing which required a bridge on the beginning paragraph. It will be a useless
effort.
Business letter should be written as direct as possible (see point 3.2.1); to
the point of the topic. It will be much more effective, when the letter is written
like this below:
Bekasi, Monday, March 10, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Wijaya
Are you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in present days? If you
are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to economically produce
gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have a specialist take care of your most
important celebrating events
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the best
possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would
cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to give us a
call at 021-9847546.
What parts those make the letter above effective?
First, it is to the point part; are having trouble getting good food for your
celebration event in present day. On the first paragraph the letter has already told
what the main point is. It is about good food for your celebration day.
Second is the impression of conviction; At Firdaus Cake, we have the
skills and experience to come in and help you make the best possible impression.
That sentence gives impression to the reader that Firdaus Cake is very good at
supporting events with the food.
Third is the power word such as FREE; May we stop by and offer you a
FREE estimate of how much it would cost to get your events looking great. The
reader will always be so much interested about the word FREE; It always has.
3.2 The element should be taken into consideration
In construction of an effective letter, there are several element that people
should be considered. They are the directness, the length, the tone and personality,
and the choosing word.
3.2.1 The directness
As mentioned earlier, the directness is a first thing that you should know
when writing a business letter. The letter should be written directly to what you
mean or want to be informed.
Please take a look at the pieces of this letter below:
“My correspondence was initiated to inform you of the high caliber of
program and product of a business in which I have take pleasure in
being involved over the past few years. The floppy-fruity business
association has served to keep me informed of, and actively involved
in the current political and economic issues affecting small business
through its monthly breakfast meetings with interesting and
impressive speakers, its newsletter on legislative activities in Bandung,
and several other programs outlined in the attaché letter (The AMA
Handbook of Business writing; ).”
That is the model of the indirectness letter which surely makes ambiguity
in letter. Afterward it will be making a costumer misunderstanding. Since the
writer of the letter wants to tell the reader about an important association, the
letter should be written like this below:
“I am writing to you about the high caliber program and product
offered by the floppy-fruity business association, a group that I have
been involve for the past few years (The AMA handbook of business
writing: ).”
Instead of using many words like “My correspondence was initiated to
inform you…” it will be simpler as “I am writing to you about…” that will be
much more simple and direct. Besides that, the attention of reader will be taken
immediately.
I give you example cases of directness in letter at Firdaus Cake as written
below:
Bekasi, saturday, March 15, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mr. Pratama
Congratulation on opening your own travelling business. I know it has been your dream for
some time, and I‟m overjoyed that you finally have your own business up and going.
I must tell you how much I admired you for the determination and fortitude you have had
to follow through on your dream. Those of us who have gotten to know you personally are
not that surprised. We have a little doubt that you will succeed beyond all expectation.
I would love to join at your opening next Sunday. I will be there to cheers you on
Best regard
Basically, the congratulating letter above is good enough. However, it still
has a chance to be written more directly as I mentioned earlier.
The congratulating letter will be much better if it is written like this below:
Bekasi, saturday, March 15, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mr. Pratama
Congratulation on opening your own travelling business. I know it has been your dream for
some time, and I‟m overjoyed that you finally have your own business up and going
I must tell you how much I admired you for the determination and fortitude you have had
to follow through on your dream. Those of us who have gotten to know you personally are
not all surprised that you will succeed beyond all expectation.
I would love to join at your opening next Sunday. I will be there to cheers you on
Best regard
To make you sure, here is another case of directness of letter that
occurred at Firdaus Cake:
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi, Mrs. Kurnia, it is been a while, How are you doing?
As you know we are in the process of celebrating our company anniversary. Will you send
us information on the price, and product list of Firdaus Cake?
Tahukita currently has 50 officers to be taken care. They are so precious for us, so that, I
am going to make a little party for my precious officers.
Send us the information immediately so that we can evaluate whether or not firdaus cake
can supply lovely delicious food.
Best regard
Please take a look at the letter above. The question is what is the point she
(the writer of the letter) asking how are you doing. The letter should not use that
line of phrase instead it should come to the subject as soon as possible.
The letter will be much better if it is written like this below:
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
We are in the process of celebrating our company anniversary. Will you send us
information on the price, and product list of Firdaus Cake?
Tahukita currently has 50 officers to be taken care. They are so precious for us, so that, I
am going to make a little party for my precious officers.
Send us the information immediately so that we can evaluate whether or not firdaus cake
can supply lovely delicious food.
Best regard
3.2.2 The Length
The length of the letter is very much affecting to the appearance. The
reader will not be reading a letter that consists of 3-4 pages with the rambling
words. Therefore, a business letter should not be more than 1 page except an
enquiry letter. The letter should be begun with main topic on the first paragraph in
order to know expectation of the reader as soon as possible.
1 page consist of not more than 4 paragraphs which are introducing subject
or reference of previous letter, the elaboration section of the first paragraph and
the closing paragraph.
For example:
Dear Mrs. Euis
Welcome! Your account at floppy-fruity supply has been approved. We are proud to
have you as costumer.
Euis, as you possibly know, floppy-fruity supply is a 10 years old company, with 20
stores in Indonesia. We supply a complete line of agricultural products including
seeds, fertilizer and tools. As a leader in this industry, we attempt to offer the best
possible to our costumer. Our goal is to be you most valuable supplier. Customer
satisfaction is our number-one priority.
Your approved credit line is Rp.3000.000. A service charge is added to the past-due
balances that are not paid by twenty-fifth day of the billing month.
We at floppy-fruity supply welcome the opportunity to serve you and look forward to
a long and prosperous relationship.
Using the directness and avoiding ambiguity will help the length of the
letter. A concise paragraph which comes up to the point is necessary.
Here is the case of the length of letter at Firdaus Cake:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Mr. Hartanto
You will never know how surprise I am when you reply my message a few weeks ago. So
I prepared as much as I can to complete this task.
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a
proposal letter for the seminar we talked about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you
have some sample material prepared, which we would be interested in seeing. I would
happy to send you the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find out these
recommendations to be helpful as your work progress.
Mr. Hartanto, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a
prospective seminar leader, you will undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting
who would you like to work with in putting on the seminar. These might be including sales
advertising, promotion and content development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have
my best wish for continued progress on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please
do not hesitate to call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
For a glance, the letter above does not have a problem. However, when we
take a look at that, there are several issues on it. First, the letter is too long for an
interest letter. And secondly, it is the same issue as previous discussion; there are
many useless words such as you will never know how surprise I am when you
reply my message a few weeks ago. So I prepared as much as I can to complete
this task.
The two issues have a bad influence to the length of that letter. The
solution is that the letter should be constructed like this below:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Mr. Hartanto
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a
proposal letter for the seminar we talked about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you
have some sample material prepared, which we would be interested in seeing. I would
happy to send you the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find out these
recommendations to be helpful as your work progress.
Mr. Hartanto, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a
prospective seminar leader, you will undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting
who would you like to work with in putting on the seminar. These might be including sales
advertising, promotion and content development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have
my best wish for continued progress on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please
do not hesitate to call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
With those sentences disappeared, the letter is much better than the
previous one.
3.2.3 The Tone
The other thing which is important as one before on creating an effective
business letter is the tone. On this part, all aspects of the tone will describe as
detail as possible.
The tone of letter means the color of letter, not literarily color however the
courteous and friendly. The tone of letter is going to help the writer to get a
positive reaction from the reader. The letter should be written courteously yet
friendly as if the writer is talking to the reader.
Dear Mrs. Euis
Welcome! Your account at floppy-fruity supply has been approved. We are proud to have
you as costumer.
Euis, as you possibly know, floppy-fruity supply is a 10 years old company, with 20 stores
in Indonesia. We supply a complete line of agricultural products including seeds, fertilizer
and tools. As a leader in this industry, we attempt to offer the best possible to our
costumer. Our goal is to be you most valuable supplier. Customer satisfaction is our
number-one priority.
Please take a look at the pieces of letter sample above, in first paragraph
the writer writes the tone of letter “We are proud to have you as costumer”. And
in the second paragraph, writer sets the letter as he addresses his costumer by her
first name as a form of maintaining a personal relationship and courteous tone.
The other important thing of the tone of letter is the writer places him or
herself in the mindset of the receiver or reader. It is often happened that letter
which is written does not reach the wishes of reader and that means the
communication between the writer and the reader is not complete.
I give you the real case of the tone of the letter which occurred at Firdaus
Cake:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Mr. Hartanto
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a proposal letter for the seminar we talked
about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you have some sample material prepared,
which we would be interested in seeing. I would happy to send you the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find
out these recommendations to be helpful as your work progress.
Mr. Hartanto, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a prospective seminar leader, you will
undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting who would you like to work with in putting on the seminar. These might
be including sales advertising, promotion and content development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have my best wish for continued progress
on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please do not hesitate to call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
Please take a look the letter above, it is the same letter in the case of the
length of the letter. In the case of the tone, the letter still has a little issue in it.
As I mentioned previous sub-chapter, the tone of the letter means
courteous and friendly. Moreover, the letter should be addressing his costumer by
her or his first name as a form of maintaining a personal relationship and
courteous tone.
Hence, the letter should be written as the letter below:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Andi
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a proposal
letter for the seminar we talked about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you have
some sample material prepared, which we would be interested in seeing. I would happy to send you
the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find out these recommendations to be helpful
as your work progress.
Andi, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a prospective seminar
leader, you will undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting who would you like to work
with in putting on the seminar. These might be including sales advertising, promotion and content
development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have my best
wish for continued progress on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please do not hesitate to
call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
By addressing his costumer by her or his first name as a form of
maintaining a personal relationship and courteous tone, the letter becomes like
that.
The writer thinks that when writing a letter the sender should consider
these questions. First, what will motivate the reader to react favorably to my
letter? And second, what things will interest the reader? The writer should think
carefully about what it is that will give a conviction to the reader and what you are
writing is advantageous for the reader.
3.3 Selected Words May Help Product Promotion
Word choosing is another essential part to construct a good effectively
business letter. Word choosing has a close connection with the ambiguity,
rambling letter, and the persuasiveness. Furthermore, it often leads the letter to be
misunderstanding.
The business letter should be written carefully without mistake. The using
of each word must be perfect and accurate; also the sentence should be as
effective and persuasive as possible.
The persuasiveness in a letter can be constructed by using a good selecting
word. When the words are used precisely, it will give the letter much more
strength to attract and convince the reader. However, if it is oppositely done, the
ambiguous and rambling letter will be constructed. Moreover, it will be
disadvantageous.
From so many case occurred, I give one of the cases. Please take a look at
the letter below:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in present
days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to
economically produce good-looking events. This is why it is important to have a
specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and will help you
make the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate
of how much it would cost to get your events looking great? If so, give us a call
and set up and appointment with one of your friendly operators.
On the example above, on the underlined phrase, look and see carefully.
The phrases good food, give us a call, set up and appointment with one of your
friendly operators. Those phrases, it should be more persuasive.
Hence, when writing a business letter, consider this information. A good
business letter focuses on what interest the reader such as the benefit of the
costumers and how the costumer will use the product or the service.
If the letter is not personally addressed, the letter should be started with
headline that will describe the key benefit to the reader. Furthermore, the letter is
supposed to use power words such as: free, proven, imagine, how to, fast cheap,
save, enjoy, introducing. The last thing which should be involved, it should get
the reader attention, target the audiences, lists of benefits and make a promise.
First, it has point of how the letter focuses on what interest the reader such
as benefit of using the product; offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would
cost to get your events looking great. Second, the letter is already using power
word like FREE. Moreover, it also has already been using make a promise point
such as will help you make the best possible impression (look at the letter above
for more detail).
However, the level of persuasiveness can still be increased without ignore
the length and the directness of letter. That is by using word choosing method.
The word choosing makes the semantic point of word changed. If we
cleverly use and exploit the word, the word can be powerful enough to make
people turn and follow us. That is the persuasiveness made for; to influence
people.
In semantic discussion, that point is called directive function. As I
mentioned earlier, Directive function is the function of language that influences
people. Hence, directive function has a close relation with the persuasiveness.
Related to the business letter, the word choosing makes the letter has
directive function in it and change the persuasiveness quite a lot.
Please take a look at this letter below and then compare with the previous
one. When we are applying the theory of letter above, it should be like this:
Overall, an example letter above is quite good sales letter, as you can see
that it already has several point of good letter should be like this:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting high quality food for your celebration event in
present days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the
time to economically produce gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have
a specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make
the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of
how much it would cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very
grateful if you like to give us a call at 021-9847546.
Cooperating with Firdaus Cake is an outstanding opportunity. I am looking
forward to hearing from you, thank you.
As you can see, there several changes on this letter above compare to the
previous letter. Here are several changes above:
Good food High Quality Food
Good looking event Gorgeous Events
Give us a call I would be grateful if you like to give us a call
First change, it is good food to high quality food. Why is the factor of high
quality food considered as a better usage? It is sense of lexeme of the word. High
quality food is sensed higher level than good food. If it is categorized on A to E,
good food is B and high quality food is A. The reader will immediately realize
that high quality means it is more than good.
A – High quality (highest value)
B – Good
C – Average (middle value)
D - Bad
E – Worst (lowest value)
The “High Quality Food” is the shape of euphemism and image branding.
That “High Quality Food” phrase has more power to influence people more that
the “Good Food” phrase. That is why; high quality food is more persuasive than
good food. Even though, the food has a high quality is just the probability.
Second, it is good looking event to gorgeous event. At this point, same
case is occurred. The sense of lexeme of the word considers that gorgeous event is
higher than good food in level area of word. Gorgeous means luxurious, beautiful
and not just good. It is more than just good.
A – Gorgeous (highest value)
B – Good Looking
C – Ordinary (middle value)
D – Bad Looking
E – Messy (lowest value)
In the second case, the same reason is actually occurred. The “Gorgeous”
is the shape of euphemism and image branding. The “Gorgeous” has more power
to move and influence people than „Good Looking” phrase. In other word,
gorgeous is more persuasive than good looking even the factual condition is not
same with the impression of the word.
Semantically, first and second case considers as conceptual meaning,
euphemism and directive function of language. It means that the case has several
discussions on semantics area. Since semantics is just conventional theory which
has no the exact conceptual theory, the meaning of the words can be changed
according to knowledge and experience of the victim in this case is the reader or
the costumer.
Third, give us a call to I would be grateful if you like to give us a call.
Would you like to give us a call phrase is request form, moreover it is polite form
of the phrase. Give us a call phrase is considered as a command form.
Persuasiveness is related to request yet oppositely compulsion related to command.
This table below will show the difference command and request:
NO
Command
Request
1
Give us a call
I would be grateful if you like to give
us a call
2
You can visit our website
I wonder if you visit our website
Basically, since the directive function is related to command and request,
actually it is not the big issue. However, in the case of business letter, those things
cannot be tolerated. Business letter should be courteous and friendly as I
mentioned earlier. Hence, business letter should be constructed with request form
not with the command form.
Please take a look at the two letters below, compare them:
The first one is the letter which has command impression and the second
one is opposite of the first.
The First Letter:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in
present days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble
finding the time to economically produce good-looking events. This is why
it is important to have a specialist take care of your most important
celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and will
help you make the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you
a FREE estimate of how much it would cost to get your events looking
great? If so, give us a call and set up and appointment with one of your
friendly operators.
Then, The second letter:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting high quality food for your celebration event in
present days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the
time to economically produce gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have
a specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make
the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of
how much it would cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very
grateful if you like to give us a call at 021-9847546.
Cooperating with Firdaus Cake is an outstanding opportunity. I am looking
forward to hearing from you, thank you.
You can see it through the two letters above and tell what the difference is.
It has a quite a difference as the writer explain the letter above. The second letter
is somehow better than the first one. It is because of the second letter has more
directive function than the first letter; hence the second letter is more persuasive
than the first letter.
Besides, the second letter has one point that the first does not has. It is
gratitude line like thank you. That is another essential aspect of the business letter.
The gratitude line in the business letter is a quite important. It should be
written as always.
Here is another case of word choosing which occurred at Firdaus Cake.
Compare the first and second letter below:
First Letter:
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
We are in the process of celebrating our company anniversary. Will you send us information
o
Food is one of our first necessities as a human being. It gives us energy
and power to live a life. However, nowadays, besides acted as our source of
energy, food also can make a good business. Food business or culinary business is
infamously growing and growing. Related to it, my sister and I were going to
make a business. However, running the business is not easy thing as easy as
blinking the eyes. Business has several issues in it and one of them is a promotion
issue. The promotion is essential part of business. It is a kind of tool that bridges
to the costumers so that people will know about it. There are so many kind of
promotion such as brochure, leaflet, newspaper advertisement, and many more.
From so many of promotion tool, I prefer correspondence to use. Correspondence
has a strong characteristic to maintain the business on the track when it is written
carefully and effectively.
This job training report entitled The Selected Language on Business Email discusses one major concern. It is to find out how important is language
usage on the business correspondence to help product promotion.
Selected language is a very essential factor of business letter. It drives the
letter to be effective letter or not. Besides selected language, there are three more
aspects of effective letter; they are directness, the tone and the length
The method of this report is description analysis. The writer studied the
correspondence cases which occurred at Firdaus Cake. Furthermore, the data were
taken from database of Firdaus Cake.
Summary, effective business letter is the letter that written carefully and
thoughtfully and watch the every words that being used.
Keywords: Business E-mail, Language on Business E-mail
ABSTRAK
Makanan adalah salah satu kebutuhan pertama kami sebagai manusia. Ini
memberi kita energi dan kekuatan untuk menjalani kehidupan. Namun, saat ini,
selain manjadi sumber energi kita, makanan juga dapat menjadi mata
pencaharian yang baik. Bisnis makanan atau bisnis kuliner tumbuh dan
berkembang dengan pesat. Terkait dengan itu, kakak saya dan saya tertarik akan
membuat bisnis.
Namun, menjalankan bisnis tidak hal yang mudah semudah berkedip mata.
Bisnis memiliki beberapa masalah di dalamnya dan salah satunya adalah
masalah promosi. Promosi adalah bagian penting dari bisnis. promosi adalah
alat untuk menjembatani kita dengan pelanggan sehingga orang akan tahu bahwa
ada bisnis yang bernama Firdaus Cake misalnya.
Ada begitu banyak jenis promosi seperti brosur, leaflet, iklan surat kabar,
dan banyak lagi. Dari begitu banyak alat promosi, saya lebih suka menggunakan
surat menyurat untuk mempromosikan produk. Hal itu dikarenakan
Korespondensi memiliki karakteristik yang kuat untuk mejaga agar bisnis ini
tetap berjalan.
Laporan KKL yang berjudul The selected language on business E-mail
membahas satu hal utama yakni untuk mengetahui betapa pentingnya
penggunaan bahasa pada surat bisnis untuk membantu promosi produk.
Pemilihan Kata adalah aspek yang sangat penting dari surat bisnis. Hal
tersebut menentukan efektif tidaknya surat bisnis. Selain pemilhan kata, ada tiga
aspek lainnya dalam pembuatan surat bisnis yang efektif, ketiga hal tersebut ialah
The directness, the tone, and the length.
Metode yang dipakai untuk memebuat laporan ini adalah metode analisis
deskripsi. Penulis mengkaji kasus surat menyurat yang terjadi di Firdaus Cake.
Selanjutnya, penulis mengambil data yang dari database Firdaus Cake.
Kesimpulannya adalah Surat bisnis yang efektif adalah surat yang ditulis
dengan hati-hati dan serius dan tetap menjaga setiap kata yang akan digunakan.
Kata Kunci: Business E-mail, Language on Business E-mail
CHAPTER I
INTRODUCTION
1.1 Background to the topic
Do you know the song trouble is a friend by Lenka? The song tells you
that trouble is a friend of everyone‟s; one will never get away from it and it is
always in everyone‟s path. In this case, everyone is suggested to be friend with
trouble yet trying to resolve. As anybody else, while running the business, I faced
a significant difficulty; a promotion.
The promotion is always being an essential part of a business. Since it is a
kind of bridge among the business and the costumers, it is a mean to introduce our
business so that people out there know the product we are selling. Furthermore,
when doing the promotion, there are so many ways of promotion such as brochure,
leaflets, mouth to mouth promotion, newspaper advertisement, internet
advertisement and many else.
From so many promotion tools, I was interested in promotion by
correspondence through E-mail. This kind of correspondence was considered
more effective and contributive. Though, besides its excellence, I learned a little
issue in it; the business correspondence had been often made arbitrarily. That
issue was described as a urge issue since it should be written carefully with
appropriate choice of words, accurate tone and personality, no ambiguity, and no
ineffectively length of letter.
The issue was quite unique to comprehend related to the necessity of this
job training report. It concerned about how important the rightfully usage of
language in every area of life especially on a business letter. Afterward, it was the
necessity of the relation between business and language.
To sum up, the report is not just discussing about job training alone, the
usage of language and business should be illustrated inside.
1.2 Scope
Here are several discussed topics that I am going to comprehend:
1. What factors lead a business correspondence to be written carefully?
2. What elements should be taken into consideration?
3. How the selected words may help product promotion?
1.3 Objectives
The objectives of this report are:
1. Identify and describe the factors that lead a business correspondence to
be written carefully;
2. Describe the elements that should be taken into consideration when a
business correspondence is written; and
3. Describe the way in which the selected words help product promotion.
1.4 Significant to Knowledge
Correspondence may become a powerful weapon of promotion if it can be
made as much interesting as possible. However, we should be vigilant person on
writing a letter; we should know what and which the important points in a letter
are. One of the important points is the language usage. Furthermore, it is very
essential on a letter; we just cannot be careless on using any and every words,
otherwise it will be way off the road. Moreover, by using the right and appropriate
language, we can increase the percentage of reader interest.
How can we sell out of our products if the costumers do not know what
good points of our products are? By using the right and appropriate language in
the letter we send, we can make sure that the reader will be interested, even at first
sight they do not put interest on the letter.
Based on that, I will dig in to give a reasonable proof of why the language
usage becomes so important on correspondence and what will become the letter
when appropriate word is applied; also what is the advantage of very good written
letter for business.
Frankly speaking, there are several advantages from mentioned topics
above. First, practically, a good and effective-written letter will give boost
increasing of business. Second, theoretically, it will deepen my knowledge of
language on considered factors and required elements while writing business
correspondence.
1.5 The Framework of the Theory
What factors lead the business correspondence to be written carefully?
That is one of the questions that stated earlier. The question was appeared because
of the tendency of carelessly business letter writing which happened quite often.
Actually, the business letter should be written vigilantly yet effectively.
There are several reasons – that can be the factors – why the business
correspondence to be written carefully. First of all, costumers (also readers) often
do not understand what the letter is talking about. The misunderstanding of the
costumers is triggered by the ambiguity of the letter, the rambling letter writing, or
sometimes costumers do not find the benefit that will be gained from the letter
sender. And secondly, the readers often dislike the style of the language which
impressed as repressive and compulsions, in other word it is unpersuasive letter.
The ambiguity means vagueness or uncertainty of meaning. It means the
meaning is not clear and confusing (see www.thefreedictionary.com/ambiguity).
In the case of business letter, ambiguity should be avoiding since it makes the
reader confused and uninterested to the letter.
Rambling letter is a condition of letter that the words are too long and tells
anything which is not related to the subject of the letter (see The AMA handbook
of business writing: 15).
Therefore, the letter, especially business letter should be written
thoughtfully, carefully and effectively in order to avoid several factors above
mentioned.
Consequently, what element should be taken into consideration of
effective business letter? The answer is the directness, the length, the tone and
the word choosing (see The AMA handbook of business letter third edition: 26).
The directness is first thing that you should know when writing a business
letter. The letter should be written directly to what you mean or want to be
informed.
“Be as direct as I your letter writing. If
you can convey your message in five
words or ten do so (The AMA handbook
of business letter: 9)”.
The length is the second thing that you should know when writing a
business letter. The letter should not be more than 1 page of each topic. It should
be begun with main topic on the first paragraph in order to know expectation of
the reader as soon as possible. Avoiding ambiguity and pays attention to rambling
words is the point to keep an appropriate length of the letter.
“Planning and clarity of letter can help
to limit the length of your letter.
Paragraph should not be too long to
follow and difficult to follow (The AMA
handbook of business letter: 15)”
The tone is the third thing. The tone of letter means the color of letter, not
literarily color however the courteous and friendly.
Directing a letter toward a reader may
seem very simple, but a letter too often
incorrectly assumes that his or her interest
and knowledge as the same as the reader
(The AMA handbook of business letter:
13)
The word choosing is the fourth. It is another essential part to construct a
good effectively business letter. Word choosing has a close connection with the
ambiguity, rambling letter, and the persuasiveness. Furthermore, it often leads the
letter to be misunderstanding.
“Sales letters are written to catch the
attentions of the reader in an attempt to
sell them a product or service (The AMA
handbook of business writing: 582)”.
The word choosing has a close relation with the persuasiveness. When it is
applied the persuasive it will become. However when it is oppositely done,
ambiguity and rambling letter will be appeared.
Persuasiveness is a part of one of 5 language functions. It is a part of
directive function of language. The directive is function of language that
influences people.
“The third function of language is
directive function. It is if we are trying to
influence people. The main example of
directive function is command and request
(Geoffrey Leech Semantics: 64)”.
Word choosing also has relation with euphemism and brand imaging. It
will help a lot to influence people. Euphemism is not only about covering a
negative context, but also to sharpen words so that words can influence and move
people as we want.
Word choosing on the letter should be crucial. It means that when you
constructing a letter, you should know what you are trying to tell or offer; why it
is. The word choosing is the main factors why people often get the wrong message
from the letter you have been written.
Hence, business letter should be constructed carefully yet effectively.
When business letter is constructed as should be as mentioned above, the cycle of
business will be like this below:
Here below is the cycle of business with applying appropriate language:
Brochures
Promotion
Business
Leaflets
Correspondence
PROFIT
GOOD
BUSINESS
Appropriate
language
Money in
Product
Selling
Business
Letter
Persuasive
Order of the
product
Interest of
costumers
Acknowledgement
of costumers
As you can see on the cycle above, appropriate language usage will be
created persuasive impression. Then, it will make an acknowledgement of
costumer after that interest will show up, and subsequently order the product and
finally money will come into your account.
However, if the letter is not constructed as it should be, the effect will be
like this below:
Brochures
Promotion
Business
Leaflets
Correspondence
COSTS
Business
Letter
BAD BUSINESS
Carelessly
Made
There is no
money IN
There is not
product
selling
Unpersuasive
Lose a chance
of ordering
Loss of
Interest of
costumers
Costumer are not
recognize
Oppositely, it is clearly seen that when somebody writes a business letter
carelessly, unpersuasive the letter becomes. Therefore, when the letter is not
persuasive enough, costumer will not acknowledge your business. Moreover, you
will not get interest of the costumer; subsequently there will be no product out.
The next affect is there is no money adds your account and only COSTS you will
get in the end.
1.6 Research Method
The job training report entitled The Selected Language on Business E-mail
is done by the description analysis method. The data was taken from the database
of Firdaus Cake. Otherwise, the theories were taken from The AMA handbook of
business writing, The AMA handbook of business letter and Geoffrey Leech
Semantic. The job training report is completed in a month from 1 October 2011 to
29 October 2011.
1.7 Place and Time
The form of activity I chose for my job training is running a bussines. The
bussines that I got involved was food store – Firdaus Cake which is located on
Kebayoran Graha Park block Q-No. 73, Setia Mekar Village, East Bekasi, Bekasi
city, West Java. I took in charge the accountancy and correspondence.
The job training itself took place for a year, from 10 February 2010 to 20
April 2011.
CHAPTER II
THE BUSINESS OF FIRDAUS CAKE
Firdaus Cake is the name of a business that I took a part. It is a culinary
home business based catering service, established on October 22nd 2009. From
that name, we should have known that the product of FirdausCake is food, yes
indeed is. However, besides the foods, Firdaus Cake also provides a coaching
clinic to make lovely delicious food.
There are many variants of foods that Firdaus Cake offers from Indonesian
culinary to foreign cooking, such as nasi tumpeng,ayam kodok, fraline, truffle, and
many kinds of cakes from chocolate cake, cheese cake, edible cake, to wedding
cake.
Firdaus Cake is located on Kebayoran Graha Park block Q-No. 73, Setia
Mekar Village, East Bekasi, Bekasi city, West Java Telephone: 02132821617.There, I worked as assistant owner. As assistant owner, I took in
charge in the accountancy and correspondence and had responsibility to the owner
directly.
Here are several products of FIRDAUS CAKE and the pricelist:
Ayam Kodok
Package I (Rp.250.000): 1 ayam kodok, steak sauce, vegetable
stew such as carrot & bean served in mika box with salad
garnish.
Package II (Rp.300.000): 1 ayam kodok, steak sauce,
vegetable stew such as carrot & bean served in exclusive
presentation.
Package III (Rp.375.000): 1 ayam kodok, steak sauce, mashed
potato, vegetable stew such as carrot, bean, salad garnish,
parsley and served with exclusive presentation.
Cake
o Black Forrest
Diameter 22 cm Rp.275.000
Diameter 24 cm Rp.325.000
Diameter 28 cm Rp.375.000
Diameter 30 cm Rp.425.000
o Edible Cake
22x22cm = Rp.285.000
24x24 cm = Rp.335.000
30x30 cm = Rp.385.000
30x40 cm = Rp.435.000
There are still many variants of foods that Firdaus Cake offers, for the
details you can visit the website at ika-kurnia@blogspot.com. You are always
welcomed at Firdaus Cake.
CHAPTER III
THE SELECTED LANGUAGE ON A BUSINESS E-MAIL
Language is always being an essential part of our life. We speak,
communicate, make a joke even be angry, it entirely uses language. In the world
of work, it also has been important aspect. Every kind of works uses language,
running business is no exception. In business, it is used for many kinds of works
such as communicating, promoting and constructing a correspondence; in this
case is business correspondence.
On business correspondence, the letter cannot be made carelessly. The
entire aspects of letter should be considered as the whole important parts. The
headline must be attractive, the subject should be constructed as interesting as
possible and the impression must be persuasive and effectively constructed.
Hence, business correspondence should be constructed effectively yet
carefully.
3.1 Factors That Lead Business Correspondence Written Carefully
There are several factors that lead business correspondence to be written
effectively and carefully. They are avoiding ambiguity, and paying attentions to
not making rambling letter.
3.1.1 Ambiguity
The ambiguity means vagueness or uncertainty of meaning. It means the
meaning is not clear and confusing. In this case, ambiguity should be avoided
since it makes the reader confused and uninterested to the letter.
Below is an example of ambiguity:
“The credit officer approved the credit for James Chicago
because he was obviously of superior character.”
From the sentence above, it cannot be confirmed who is superior character,
the credit officer. The pronoun “he” may refer to the officer or Mr. James. In
order to avoid the ambiguity, the sentence should be written:
“Since the credit officer was superior character, he approved
the credit for James Chicago.”
The following is another sample of ambiguous letter that occurred at the
job training which is done:
Bekasi, Monday, January 1, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kuswara
Are you having trouble getting high quality food for your celebration event in present days? If you are like
most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to economically produce gorgeous events. This is
why it is important to have a specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
Firdaus cake provides various delicious foods and coaching clinic to make a lot of variation foods from
culinary to foreign cakes.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the best possible
impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would cost to get your events
looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to give us a call at 021-9847546.
In the letter above, there is an ambiguous word occurred. It does not give
precise offer; whether food offer or coaching clinic offer. The letter should be
consistent with what it offers; the food or the coaching clinic. The impact of
construction the letter above is surely the reader confused.
On the other hand, the letter can be constructed in emphasizing the
coaching clinic not the foods as the letter describe below:
Bekasi, Monday, January 1, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kuswara
Do you want to become a cook? However, the fee of the training shocks your heart. Do
not worry since Firdaus Cake to help you with the very economical fees. For the first
member you can save to 50% of membership fee with excellent training.
FirdausCake is 5 years based Service Company which has been made people good at
cooking especially cakes. Firdaus Cake provides you coaching clinic to make a lot of
variation food from culinary to foreign cakes.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the
best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it
would cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to
give us a call at 021-9847546.
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Here is another sample of ambiguous letter at Firdaus Cake:
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi Mrs. Kurnia how‟re you doing? I hope you always be fine of good.
I saw an advertisement at your personal blog for your company
however it was not as detail as I want. Please sent me 3 copies of you
product catalog so I can share them with my partners.
Thank you very much. I look forward to receiving the catalog of your
Firdaus Cake‟s exciting product.
Mrs. Wartini
The ambiguity of the letter above is the underlined clause; I hope you always be
fine of good. What actually did she want to tell? Is it fine or good. Sometimes it is
occurred and somehow I have already get used to it.
However, I cannot let the problem unsolved. The letter should be like this below:
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi Mrs. Kurnia how‟re you doing? I hope you always be fine.
I saw an advertisement at your personal blog for your company
however it was not as detail as I want. Please sent me 3 copies of you
product catalog so I can share them with my partners.
Thank you very much. I look forward to receiving the catalog of your
Firdaus Cake‟s exciting product.
Mrs. Wartini
Or like this:
Bekasi, 20 june 2010
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi Mrs. Kurnia how‟re you doing? I hope you always be fine.
I saw an advertisement at your personal blog for your company
however it was not as detail as I want. Please sent me 3 copies of you
product catalog so I can share them with my partners.
Thank you very much. I look forward to receiving the catalog of your
Firdaus Cake‟s exciting product.
Mrs. Wartini
It will be lovely when the letter is constructed effectively without
ambiguity. It will make the reader know what the topic is immideately.
3.1.2 The Rambling Letter
This is the second factor that leads why the letter should be written
carefully. Rambling letter is often occured in the world of business
correspondence. It often gives the letter bad impact; that is uninterested of the
reader.
Rambling letter means the letter is circling unknownly and not to the
pointand it tends to be a gratutiously long and boring letter.
This is a sample of rambling letter:
Bekasi, Monday, March 10, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Wijaya
Food is our first necessity of life. Food is our source of energy. Food is complementary in
celebrating moment. Besides that food can be a source of livelihood. It can be a good
business if you serious at it.
So when you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in present days?
If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to economically
produce gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have a specialist take care of your
most important celebrating events
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the best
possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would
cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to give us a
call at 021-9847546.
The letter above is the worst business letter ever. Believe it or not, it was
occurred once at Firdaus Cake. The letter above is the worst record of Firdaus
Cake. The letter should not be constructed like above.
One important point of business letter is that the letter is not free essay
writing which required a bridge on the beginning paragraph. It will be a useless
effort.
Business letter should be written as direct as possible (see point 3.2.1); to
the point of the topic. It will be much more effective, when the letter is written
like this below:
Bekasi, Monday, March 10, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Wijaya
Are you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in present days? If you
are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to economically produce
gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have a specialist take care of your most
important celebrating events
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make the best
possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would
cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very grateful if you like to give us a
call at 021-9847546.
What parts those make the letter above effective?
First, it is to the point part; are having trouble getting good food for your
celebration event in present day. On the first paragraph the letter has already told
what the main point is. It is about good food for your celebration day.
Second is the impression of conviction; At Firdaus Cake, we have the
skills and experience to come in and help you make the best possible impression.
That sentence gives impression to the reader that Firdaus Cake is very good at
supporting events with the food.
Third is the power word such as FREE; May we stop by and offer you a
FREE estimate of how much it would cost to get your events looking great. The
reader will always be so much interested about the word FREE; It always has.
3.2 The element should be taken into consideration
In construction of an effective letter, there are several element that people
should be considered. They are the directness, the length, the tone and personality,
and the choosing word.
3.2.1 The directness
As mentioned earlier, the directness is a first thing that you should know
when writing a business letter. The letter should be written directly to what you
mean or want to be informed.
Please take a look at the pieces of this letter below:
“My correspondence was initiated to inform you of the high caliber of
program and product of a business in which I have take pleasure in
being involved over the past few years. The floppy-fruity business
association has served to keep me informed of, and actively involved
in the current political and economic issues affecting small business
through its monthly breakfast meetings with interesting and
impressive speakers, its newsletter on legislative activities in Bandung,
and several other programs outlined in the attaché letter (The AMA
Handbook of Business writing; ).”
That is the model of the indirectness letter which surely makes ambiguity
in letter. Afterward it will be making a costumer misunderstanding. Since the
writer of the letter wants to tell the reader about an important association, the
letter should be written like this below:
“I am writing to you about the high caliber program and product
offered by the floppy-fruity business association, a group that I have
been involve for the past few years (The AMA handbook of business
writing: ).”
Instead of using many words like “My correspondence was initiated to
inform you…” it will be simpler as “I am writing to you about…” that will be
much more simple and direct. Besides that, the attention of reader will be taken
immediately.
I give you example cases of directness in letter at Firdaus Cake as written
below:
Bekasi, saturday, March 15, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mr. Pratama
Congratulation on opening your own travelling business. I know it has been your dream for
some time, and I‟m overjoyed that you finally have your own business up and going.
I must tell you how much I admired you for the determination and fortitude you have had
to follow through on your dream. Those of us who have gotten to know you personally are
not that surprised. We have a little doubt that you will succeed beyond all expectation.
I would love to join at your opening next Sunday. I will be there to cheers you on
Best regard
Basically, the congratulating letter above is good enough. However, it still
has a chance to be written more directly as I mentioned earlier.
The congratulating letter will be much better if it is written like this below:
Bekasi, saturday, March 15, 2010
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mr. Pratama
Congratulation on opening your own travelling business. I know it has been your dream for
some time, and I‟m overjoyed that you finally have your own business up and going
I must tell you how much I admired you for the determination and fortitude you have had
to follow through on your dream. Those of us who have gotten to know you personally are
not all surprised that you will succeed beyond all expectation.
I would love to join at your opening next Sunday. I will be there to cheers you on
Best regard
To make you sure, here is another case of directness of letter that
occurred at Firdaus Cake:
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
Hi, Mrs. Kurnia, it is been a while, How are you doing?
As you know we are in the process of celebrating our company anniversary. Will you send
us information on the price, and product list of Firdaus Cake?
Tahukita currently has 50 officers to be taken care. They are so precious for us, so that, I
am going to make a little party for my precious officers.
Send us the information immediately so that we can evaluate whether or not firdaus cake
can supply lovely delicious food.
Best regard
Please take a look at the letter above. The question is what is the point she
(the writer of the letter) asking how are you doing. The letter should not use that
line of phrase instead it should come to the subject as soon as possible.
The letter will be much better if it is written like this below:
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
We are in the process of celebrating our company anniversary. Will you send us
information on the price, and product list of Firdaus Cake?
Tahukita currently has 50 officers to be taken care. They are so precious for us, so that, I
am going to make a little party for my precious officers.
Send us the information immediately so that we can evaluate whether or not firdaus cake
can supply lovely delicious food.
Best regard
3.2.2 The Length
The length of the letter is very much affecting to the appearance. The
reader will not be reading a letter that consists of 3-4 pages with the rambling
words. Therefore, a business letter should not be more than 1 page except an
enquiry letter. The letter should be begun with main topic on the first paragraph in
order to know expectation of the reader as soon as possible.
1 page consist of not more than 4 paragraphs which are introducing subject
or reference of previous letter, the elaboration section of the first paragraph and
the closing paragraph.
For example:
Dear Mrs. Euis
Welcome! Your account at floppy-fruity supply has been approved. We are proud to
have you as costumer.
Euis, as you possibly know, floppy-fruity supply is a 10 years old company, with 20
stores in Indonesia. We supply a complete line of agricultural products including
seeds, fertilizer and tools. As a leader in this industry, we attempt to offer the best
possible to our costumer. Our goal is to be you most valuable supplier. Customer
satisfaction is our number-one priority.
Your approved credit line is Rp.3000.000. A service charge is added to the past-due
balances that are not paid by twenty-fifth day of the billing month.
We at floppy-fruity supply welcome the opportunity to serve you and look forward to
a long and prosperous relationship.
Using the directness and avoiding ambiguity will help the length of the
letter. A concise paragraph which comes up to the point is necessary.
Here is the case of the length of letter at Firdaus Cake:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Mr. Hartanto
You will never know how surprise I am when you reply my message a few weeks ago. So
I prepared as much as I can to complete this task.
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a
proposal letter for the seminar we talked about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you
have some sample material prepared, which we would be interested in seeing. I would
happy to send you the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find out these
recommendations to be helpful as your work progress.
Mr. Hartanto, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a
prospective seminar leader, you will undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting
who would you like to work with in putting on the seminar. These might be including sales
advertising, promotion and content development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have
my best wish for continued progress on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please
do not hesitate to call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
For a glance, the letter above does not have a problem. However, when we
take a look at that, there are several issues on it. First, the letter is too long for an
interest letter. And secondly, it is the same issue as previous discussion; there are
many useless words such as you will never know how surprise I am when you
reply my message a few weeks ago. So I prepared as much as I can to complete
this task.
The two issues have a bad influence to the length of that letter. The
solution is that the letter should be constructed like this below:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Mr. Hartanto
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a
proposal letter for the seminar we talked about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you
have some sample material prepared, which we would be interested in seeing. I would
happy to send you the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find out these
recommendations to be helpful as your work progress.
Mr. Hartanto, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a
prospective seminar leader, you will undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting
who would you like to work with in putting on the seminar. These might be including sales
advertising, promotion and content development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have
my best wish for continued progress on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please
do not hesitate to call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
With those sentences disappeared, the letter is much better than the
previous one.
3.2.3 The Tone
The other thing which is important as one before on creating an effective
business letter is the tone. On this part, all aspects of the tone will describe as
detail as possible.
The tone of letter means the color of letter, not literarily color however the
courteous and friendly. The tone of letter is going to help the writer to get a
positive reaction from the reader. The letter should be written courteously yet
friendly as if the writer is talking to the reader.
Dear Mrs. Euis
Welcome! Your account at floppy-fruity supply has been approved. We are proud to have
you as costumer.
Euis, as you possibly know, floppy-fruity supply is a 10 years old company, with 20 stores
in Indonesia. We supply a complete line of agricultural products including seeds, fertilizer
and tools. As a leader in this industry, we attempt to offer the best possible to our
costumer. Our goal is to be you most valuable supplier. Customer satisfaction is our
number-one priority.
Please take a look at the pieces of letter sample above, in first paragraph
the writer writes the tone of letter “We are proud to have you as costumer”. And
in the second paragraph, writer sets the letter as he addresses his costumer by her
first name as a form of maintaining a personal relationship and courteous tone.
The other important thing of the tone of letter is the writer places him or
herself in the mindset of the receiver or reader. It is often happened that letter
which is written does not reach the wishes of reader and that means the
communication between the writer and the reader is not complete.
I give you the real case of the tone of the letter which occurred at Firdaus
Cake:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Mr. Hartanto
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a proposal letter for the seminar we talked
about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you have some sample material prepared,
which we would be interested in seeing. I would happy to send you the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find
out these recommendations to be helpful as your work progress.
Mr. Hartanto, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a prospective seminar leader, you will
undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting who would you like to work with in putting on the seminar. These might
be including sales advertising, promotion and content development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have my best wish for continued progress
on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please do not hesitate to call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
Please take a look the letter above, it is the same letter in the case of the
length of the letter. In the case of the tone, the letter still has a little issue in it.
As I mentioned previous sub-chapter, the tone of the letter means
courteous and friendly. Moreover, the letter should be addressing his costumer by
her or his first name as a form of maintaining a personal relationship and
courteous tone.
Hence, the letter should be written as the letter below:
Bekasi, 30 may 2010
Mr. AndiHartanto
Pondokungu no. 32
Bekasi, Jawabarat
Dear Andi
I was so glad to have had the opportunity to meet with you. Thank you for sending me a proposal
letter for the seminar we talked about having you run.
Your project sounds very interesting. I would like to know more about it. I understand you have
some sample material prepared, which we would be interested in seeing. I would happy to send you
the comments and suggestions. I believe that you will find out these recommendations to be helpful
as your work progress.
Andi, I know you are very interested in having your seminar produced. As a prospective seminar
leader, you will undoubtedly consider a number of criteria in selecting who would you like to work
with in putting on the seminar. These might be including sales advertising, promotion and content
development assistant.
I look forward to be hearing from you and seeing your material. In the meantime, you have my best
wish for continued progress on your work. If I can be any assistant to you, please do not hesitate to
call on me.
Best Regard
IkaKurnia
By addressing his costumer by her or his first name as a form of
maintaining a personal relationship and courteous tone, the letter becomes like
that.
The writer thinks that when writing a letter the sender should consider
these questions. First, what will motivate the reader to react favorably to my
letter? And second, what things will interest the reader? The writer should think
carefully about what it is that will give a conviction to the reader and what you are
writing is advantageous for the reader.
3.3 Selected Words May Help Product Promotion
Word choosing is another essential part to construct a good effectively
business letter. Word choosing has a close connection with the ambiguity,
rambling letter, and the persuasiveness. Furthermore, it often leads the letter to be
misunderstanding.
The business letter should be written carefully without mistake. The using
of each word must be perfect and accurate; also the sentence should be as
effective and persuasive as possible.
The persuasiveness in a letter can be constructed by using a good selecting
word. When the words are used precisely, it will give the letter much more
strength to attract and convince the reader. However, if it is oppositely done, the
ambiguous and rambling letter will be constructed. Moreover, it will be
disadvantageous.
From so many case occurred, I give one of the cases. Please take a look at
the letter below:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in present
days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the time to
economically produce good-looking events. This is why it is important to have a
specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and will help you
make the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate
of how much it would cost to get your events looking great? If so, give us a call
and set up and appointment with one of your friendly operators.
On the example above, on the underlined phrase, look and see carefully.
The phrases good food, give us a call, set up and appointment with one of your
friendly operators. Those phrases, it should be more persuasive.
Hence, when writing a business letter, consider this information. A good
business letter focuses on what interest the reader such as the benefit of the
costumers and how the costumer will use the product or the service.
If the letter is not personally addressed, the letter should be started with
headline that will describe the key benefit to the reader. Furthermore, the letter is
supposed to use power words such as: free, proven, imagine, how to, fast cheap,
save, enjoy, introducing. The last thing which should be involved, it should get
the reader attention, target the audiences, lists of benefits and make a promise.
First, it has point of how the letter focuses on what interest the reader such
as benefit of using the product; offer you a FREE estimate of how much it would
cost to get your events looking great. Second, the letter is already using power
word like FREE. Moreover, it also has already been using make a promise point
such as will help you make the best possible impression (look at the letter above
for more detail).
However, the level of persuasiveness can still be increased without ignore
the length and the directness of letter. That is by using word choosing method.
The word choosing makes the semantic point of word changed. If we
cleverly use and exploit the word, the word can be powerful enough to make
people turn and follow us. That is the persuasiveness made for; to influence
people.
In semantic discussion, that point is called directive function. As I
mentioned earlier, Directive function is the function of language that influences
people. Hence, directive function has a close relation with the persuasiveness.
Related to the business letter, the word choosing makes the letter has
directive function in it and change the persuasiveness quite a lot.
Please take a look at this letter below and then compare with the previous
one. When we are applying the theory of letter above, it should be like this:
Overall, an example letter above is quite good sales letter, as you can see
that it already has several point of good letter should be like this:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting high quality food for your celebration event in
present days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the
time to economically produce gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have
a specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make
the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of
how much it would cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very
grateful if you like to give us a call at 021-9847546.
Cooperating with Firdaus Cake is an outstanding opportunity. I am looking
forward to hearing from you, thank you.
As you can see, there several changes on this letter above compare to the
previous letter. Here are several changes above:
Good food High Quality Food
Good looking event Gorgeous Events
Give us a call I would be grateful if you like to give us a call
First change, it is good food to high quality food. Why is the factor of high
quality food considered as a better usage? It is sense of lexeme of the word. High
quality food is sensed higher level than good food. If it is categorized on A to E,
good food is B and high quality food is A. The reader will immediately realize
that high quality means it is more than good.
A – High quality (highest value)
B – Good
C – Average (middle value)
D - Bad
E – Worst (lowest value)
The “High Quality Food” is the shape of euphemism and image branding.
That “High Quality Food” phrase has more power to influence people more that
the “Good Food” phrase. That is why; high quality food is more persuasive than
good food. Even though, the food has a high quality is just the probability.
Second, it is good looking event to gorgeous event. At this point, same
case is occurred. The sense of lexeme of the word considers that gorgeous event is
higher than good food in level area of word. Gorgeous means luxurious, beautiful
and not just good. It is more than just good.
A – Gorgeous (highest value)
B – Good Looking
C – Ordinary (middle value)
D – Bad Looking
E – Messy (lowest value)
In the second case, the same reason is actually occurred. The “Gorgeous”
is the shape of euphemism and image branding. The “Gorgeous” has more power
to move and influence people than „Good Looking” phrase. In other word,
gorgeous is more persuasive than good looking even the factual condition is not
same with the impression of the word.
Semantically, first and second case considers as conceptual meaning,
euphemism and directive function of language. It means that the case has several
discussions on semantics area. Since semantics is just conventional theory which
has no the exact conceptual theory, the meaning of the words can be changed
according to knowledge and experience of the victim in this case is the reader or
the costumer.
Third, give us a call to I would be grateful if you like to give us a call.
Would you like to give us a call phrase is request form, moreover it is polite form
of the phrase. Give us a call phrase is considered as a command form.
Persuasiveness is related to request yet oppositely compulsion related to command.
This table below will show the difference command and request:
NO
Command
Request
1
Give us a call
I would be grateful if you like to give
us a call
2
You can visit our website
I wonder if you visit our website
Basically, since the directive function is related to command and request,
actually it is not the big issue. However, in the case of business letter, those things
cannot be tolerated. Business letter should be courteous and friendly as I
mentioned earlier. Hence, business letter should be constructed with request form
not with the command form.
Please take a look at the two letters below, compare them:
The first one is the letter which has command impression and the second
one is opposite of the first.
The First Letter:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting good food for your celebration event in
present days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble
finding the time to economically produce good-looking events. This is why
it is important to have a specialist take care of your most important
celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and will
help you make the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you
a FREE estimate of how much it would cost to get your events looking
great? If so, give us a call and set up and appointment with one of your
friendly operators.
Then, The second letter:
Dear Mr. Smith:
Are you having trouble getting high quality food for your celebration event in
present days? If you are like most business owners, you have trouble finding the
time to economically produce gorgeous events. This is why it is important to have
a specialist take care of your most important celebrating events.
At Firdaus Cake, we have the skills and experience to come in and help you make
the best possible impression. May we stop by and offer you a FREE estimate of
how much it would cost to get your events looking great? If so, I would be very
grateful if you like to give us a call at 021-9847546.
Cooperating with Firdaus Cake is an outstanding opportunity. I am looking
forward to hearing from you, thank you.
You can see it through the two letters above and tell what the difference is.
It has a quite a difference as the writer explain the letter above. The second letter
is somehow better than the first one. It is because of the second letter has more
directive function than the first letter; hence the second letter is more persuasive
than the first letter.
Besides, the second letter has one point that the first does not has. It is
gratitude line like thank you. That is another essential aspect of the business letter.
The gratitude line in the business letter is a quite important. It should be
written as always.
Here is another case of word choosing which occurred at Firdaus Cake.
Compare the first and second letter below:
First Letter:
Firdaus Cake
KebayoranGraha Park
Block Q-No. 73
Bekasi, West Java
Dear Mrs. Kurnia
We are in the process of celebrating our company anniversary. Will you send us information
o