Parenting Skills

  Four Different Styles of Parenting

Uninvolved Parent(s)

• • The parent is totally disengaged and emotionally uninvolved in

  their child's life.
• Show little warmth, love and affection towards their children
• Offer little or no supervision
• Don't attend school events and parent-teacher conferences

• • Are often too overwhelmed by their own problems to deal with

  their children
• Effect of this parenting style
• – Must learn to provide for themselves
• – Fear becoming dependent on other people
• – Are often emotionally withdrawn
• – Tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence
• – Feel fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support

  

Permissive Parenting

• is afraid to set limits on children or believes a child has to be true to his or her own nature.
• Have few rules or standards of behavior
• When there are rules, they are often very inconsistent
• Are usually very nurturing and loving towards their kids • Often seem more like a friend, rather than a parent.
• May use bribery such as toys, gifts and food as a means to get child to behave
• Effect of this style of parenting
• – Lack self-discipline
• – Sometimes have poor social skills
• – May be self-involved and demanding

  

Authoritarian Parenting

• Primarily on controlling their children's behavior Have strict rules and expectations.
• Believe the primary task of parenting is discipline
• Giving direct orders to a child rather than explaining or cooperating with the child, as well as making threats frequently are hallmarks of an authoritarian parenting style
• They tend to punish severely and may spank their children • Very demanding, but not responsive.
• Don't express much warmth or nurturing.
• Utilize punishments with little or no explanation.
• Don't give children choices or options.

  

Effects of Authoritarian Parenting

• Tend to associate obedience and success with love.

• Some children display more aggression, physically and verbally, outside the home. Aggression becomes more pronounced during adolescence.
• – Children who feel bullied by their parents are likely to redirect that aggression to a friend, animal, or teacher, which may account for the increased aggression among children raised by authoritarian parents.  • Others may act fearful or overly shy around others.
• Often have lower self-esteem.
• Have difficulty in social situations.
• –  Children who learn how to cooperate and negotiate with their parents are more likely to be able to cooperate and negotiate with friends. However, because authoritarian parents do not negotiate or compromise with their children, their children may then handle peers in that same way, and resort to aggression when their peers do not obey.  • Poor School Performance.
• Lack of independence

• – Children don't learn how to reason on their own about moral problems. Further, children who have a parent constantly

  looking over their shoulder are less likely to learn how to self regulate their behavior. This means, for example, when a

  child gets to college he may not go to class because he is not accustomed to making good decisions independent of

  someone forcing him to.
• More likely to suffer from emotional issues
• Benefits
• – Children of Chinese parents who are recent immigrants to the United States tend to perform better scholastically
• – Strict mothers could positively affect behaviors in their children’s friends. Friends of adolescents with strict mothers were less likely to smoke, binge drink or use marijuana.
• – Child get into less trouble as compared to uninvolved or permissive style of parenting

Authoritative Parenting • A more lenient style as compared to authoritarian parenting

• Democratic style of administration and training.
• Parents still hold the authority but do not insist the children to obey blindly, but make them understand why to obey the rules and regulations.
• Is characterized by warmth and responsiveness
• The mentality is not to establish authority over children but to groom them to be responsible social beings.
• Listen to their children
• Allow children to express opinions
• Encourage children to discuss options
• Encourage independence
• Administer fair and consistent discipline

  Effects of Authoritative Parenting

• Tend to have a happier dispositions
• Have good emotional control and regulation
• Develop good social skills
• Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills
• Secure Attachment
• – Secure attachment = feeling understood and source of comfort
• – Poor attachment

• • If using abandonment or threats or a parent becomes a source of

  confusion or terror (e.g., emotional outbursts)

Secure Attachment

• Authortiative Parenting help to raise a child who is secured attached

• • Secure attachment = feeling understood and

  source of comfort
• Develop fulfilling intimate relationships
• Maintain emotional balance
• Feel confident and good about themselves
• Enjoy being with others
• Rebound from disappointment and loss

Achieving His Potential

• Focus and self-control. This skill allows children to achieve their goals in a world filled with distractions and information overload. It involves paying attention, remembering the rules, thinking flexibly and exercising self-control.

• • Perspective taking. This goes beyond empathy. It involves figuring out what others think and

  feel, and it forms the basis of children understanding their parents’ and teachers’ intentions. Children who can take others’ perspectives are much less likely to get involved in conflicts.
• Communicating. It’s much more than the ability to speak, read and write. It’s the skill of determining what one wants to communicate and realizing how our communications will be understood by others. It’s a skill that teachers and employers feel is most lacking today.
• Making connections. It’s the core of learning: what’s the same, what’s different. And the

  ability to make unusual connections is at the core of creativity. In a world where information is

  so accessible, people who can see these connections will be successful.
• Critical thinking. It is essential for the ongoing search for valid, reliable knowledge to guide our beliefs, decisions and actions. It involves developing, testing and refining theories about “what causes what” to happen.

• • Taking on challenges. Life is full of stresses and challenges. Kids who are willing to take on a

  challenge (instead of avoiding it) will do better in school and in life.

• • Self-directed, engaged learning. We can realize our potential through learning. As the world

  changes, so can we–if we continue to learn for as long as we live.
• Source draw from

  

Other Attachment Styles

• Other style of parenting create problematic attachment styles which will impact the rest of his life.
• When any one of following occurs, a child will struggle with or not be able to meet the demand of life. In other words, a child will have difficulties acquiring the above mentioned life skills.
• When a personal has an unresolved emotional hang ups or trauma, when there

  are triggers, an individual’s normal flow of information and emotional stability is

  impacted. The person’s mood then become sullen or enraged, and their

  perceptions become colored. And their ability to be flexibility is also impaired.

• – For an example, an example, if a parent has a past trauma or unresolved emotional issues

  and is feeling loneliness, hurt and having difficulties managing those feelings. A child goes to the parent wanting to connect, but the parent becomes angry or is emotionally

  unavailable. The parent then pushes the child away, because the internal world is filled

  with loneliness, sad, hurt or too chaotic. The consequences are that the child will become trapped in the emotional turmoil and eventually will develop unhealthy emotional stability.

• – In other words, the child will also experiences those loneliness, hurt and sadness and is

  disconnected with the parent. In turn, he child will then tried to get his or her internal

  needs met by behaving aggressively, withdrawing, or feeling anxious.

Other Attachment Styles-Continued

• If using abandonment or threats as a way of discipline or a parent becomes a source of

  confusion or terror (e.g., emotional outbursts),

  children will exhibit fear, anxiety, withdrawal and/or aggression (physically or verbally)

• If a parent has a history of emotion neglect and

  unresolved traumas, the parent might be unable to provide an emotionally attuned and sensitive interaction with the child because the parent himself or herself has difficulties regulating their own emotions and poor self understanding.

Healing

• Self care for parents
• Obtain supports from others
• Therapy!

• • Train up a child in the way that he

  should go
• Some practical ways to nurture a child

  (Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck PHD and Regina Kupecky Practical

  

LCSW)

• Write an “I love you” message in soap on a mirror Stand behind the child when he reads it.
• Dress the same. Match. Wear blue jeans and a red shirt. Tan shorts and a blue T-shirts
• Get a family photo taken with everyone dressed the same. Hang it

  prominently in the home. Buy a key chain in which to insert the picture

  and attach it to his backpack or belt.

• • Look at the pictures of you as a child. Compare them to the child’s photos.

• Draw a picture together
• Go fly a kite
• Rock together
• Play “Mother/Father, May I?” to increase compliance. When playing this

  game, the mother must always be the one in charge. . The child does not