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“THE FADING SHADOW” THESIS

Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of

Sarjana Sastra

TRIYULI NIM: 392012010

ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE DEPARTMENT FACULTY OF LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE UNIVERSITAS KRISTEN SATYA WACANA SALATIGA 2016

COPYRIGHT STATEMENT

This thesis contains no such material as has been submitted for examination in any course or accepted for the fulfillment of any degree or diploma in any university. To the best of my knowledge and belief, this contains no material previously published or written by any other person except where due reference is made in the text.

Copyright @2016: Triyuli and Suzana Maria L.A.F, M. Hum.

All rights reserved. No part of this thesis may be reproduced by any means without the prior written permission of at least one of the copyright owners or the English Department of Satya Wacana Christian University, Salatiga.

Triyuli:

DEDICATION AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

This thesis work is dedicated to my beloved family, who loves supports, prays of day and night make me get such achievement during the struggle of graduate school and life. There is the greatest blessing of God I get especially having you in my entire life.

I would like to thank my sister’s friend, who inspired me with her life in writing this work. In addition, a thank and appreciation to:

1. Eva Merdekawati, Ivana Erlinda, Kezia Elika, Kristina Dwi, and Laurensia Pamela as my best friends. Thank you for your time, and words to support me when I was down with my obstacles during finishing The Fading Shadow .

2. Ibu Esriaty Sega Kendenan as my academic advisor. Thank you for your advice and guide.

3. Ibu Deta Maria Sri Darta, as head of the English Literature, examiner, and teacher who introduced me to Literature world. Thank you for your time and energy, and comment for The Fading Shadow .

4. Ibu Purwanti Kusumaningtyas, as ex-head of the English Literature and teacher who introduced me to Literature world.

5. Ibu Suzana Maria as my supervisor in writing The Fading Shadow . I admire your patience your attractive and creative ideas in conveying me in writing fiction. Thank you for your time in guiding me.

6. Ester, as my boarding-house friend. Thank you for your kindness to lend me your laptop several times when my laptop was broken.

7. Peder B. Helland. Thank you for composed instrument music, which helped me a lot in concentration while writing my story.

8. Halidon Music channel. Thank you for uploaded classic music instruments of Mozart, Haydn, Handel, Strauss, and so on in your “Youtube” channel. It

helped me in regaining my creativity.

Salatiga, 9 th January 2017

Triyuli

LOGBOOK

Name

: Triyuli

Student Number

Project Title

: The Fading Shadow

Date Activities

Progress

Problems

Advisor Suggestion

Advisor ’s Student ’s Signature Signature

10/21 Discussing Theme,

I decided to use

Confuse about the title that

/15 title, and theories

family story theme

suits the story.

based on feminist

theories

11/06 Brainstorming

The storyline,

11/10 Preparing mini-

Storyline, reader

/15 seminar

target, and theories

ix

11/13 Mini seminar

Searching more information /15

Fixed title for the

Confuse about theories

story

about the feminist theory that you used.

12/15 Observation, jotting -

down some ideas,

Jotting down the

01/16 reading book related

ideas about the

to theory

conflict that I may

use in the story.

Doing internship in

Starting writing first

Confuse how to write the

05/03 Yogyakarta

paragraph

opening paragraph and

I focus on doing the internship.

12/03 Write opening story

Writing three

Confuse deciding the opening

opening story

story that I want to use

How ’s the progress of your 05/16

O5/1 Write ½ story

the laptop was broken and had

to in service for more than two

novella?

months. Memory disk has to

change to the new one.

06/15 Start to write new

Cannot remember the opening

/16 story in book

story, another name of the character that I used except the

main storyline and main

character family.

07/16 Read some novel

Gain my ideas in

Hard to develop the story

writing novella

08/16 Start writing the story

All data in my laptop is lost. The

on the laptop

memory could not repair. I ’ve to

re-write the new story.

xi

09/16 Watch some drama

Some storyline in

with women as the

drama give me some

main character

ideas and I write ¾ of

novella

10/24 Giving the draft to the /16

advisor

Reduce/omit some unimportant scene/dialog in the flashback story. Put 11/21

several flashback stories in /16

First meeting

Struggle to develop the story

present time in order the readers do not lose your story idea.

11/23 Write the novella

I edited the flashback

xii

/16 ending

story and finished the

story.

12/02 the final draft

Give the final draft to

16 the advisor

12/06 second meeting

Do the report. /16

Make report of

novella

12/07 second revision

Make the dialog into a /16

I did editing the

dialog to natural

natural conversation.

conversation

12/09 Face to face revision Check and re-correct your /16

sentence structure and grammar

12/10 Re-checking and /16

correcting the story.

12/12 Making the abstract of

xiii

/16 the novella

Bibliography

Dare, Tessa. 2012. Once dance with a Duke. Jakarta: GagasMedia. Doraemon. 2014. Retrieved July 2016 from http://filmbagus21.com Stoltz, Adrienne and Ron Bass. 2013. Lucid. Jakarta: Mizan Fantasi Woman with a Suitcase. 2016. Retrieved October 2016 from http://dramafire.com

xiv

REFLECTIVE PAPER OF THE FADING SHADOW

Prepared by: TRIYULI NIM: 392012010

ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE DEPARTMENT FACULTY OF LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE UNIVERSITAS KRISTEN SATYA WACANA SALATIGA 2016

REFLECTIVE PAPER

Triyuli Satya Wacana Christian University

The equity of women and men has already accepted by many parties and has been applied in the communities since the feminist activists fought for the sake of women. However, there are some public point of views that makes a wide gap in this equity, especially about marriage and work. There is a small number of female employees in big companies and most of them sit in low positions. Actually, in many cases, there are women who have the responsibilities as the backbones of the families who are in charge of working to fill the needs of the whole families. It is probably difficult for women to find jobs because many companies reject female workers due to psychical conditions. Therefore, it is very rare for parents approve their daughters to work and prefer their daughters to marry with an assumption that the husband would support them. From these anxieties, I got the idea to raise this issue into a story. This case can be found easily in real life which has been experienced by my sister's friend from which I got inspiration to write this project. Based on the informal interview, I learned her parents forced her to marry because of their relatives, demand.

Even though feminism has been struggling to make equality between men and women, there are some societies who still hold the old norm, men work as breadwinner and women take care of domestic matters. It is very unfair for women who are supposed to get equity yet they are hindered by society due to the existence of being women. Therefore, I use the theory of radical feminism to develop the criticism in the story and apply the theory of psychoanalytical to develop the characterization of the main character. The result of my observation, I realized that as

a woman it is very difficult to gain the trust and the positive opinion from societies, especially in Indonesia. Through library research like reading several novels and watching some dramas and movies about the woman as the main character, I am enriched to write the plot. I see people in general still assume that women could not do heavy works because of their psychical limitation. The norm in the society acknowledges that women are weak and feminine. Women who are devoted to their careers usually will get a negative judgment.In addition, if a woman has an important a woman it is very difficult to gain the trust and the positive opinion from societies, especially in Indonesia. Through library research like reading several novels and watching some dramas and movies about the woman as the main character, I am enriched to write the plot. I see people in general still assume that women could not do heavy works because of their psychical limitation. The norm in the society acknowledges that women are weak and feminine. Women who are devoted to their careers usually will get a negative judgment.In addition, if a woman has an important

It is very difficult to finish this project. I had been through many unexpected obstacles during the process either in terms of facilities, physical condition, limitations in developing story ideas and lack of understanding about the theme and hard to concentrate. Therefore, I have to spend a lot of time and budgetary fund. In order to solve all these limitations, I tried to read more books, ask for others’ opinions and help, looked more data on the internet and find a quiet place to write while listening to music classic in order to trigger my creativity and concentration. The most difficult case is I need to focus the story line to the gist of the story’s theme that has been planned and to do that, I need the creativity and knowledge in writing.

In completing this project, I went through a lot of things that make me aware that nothing is easy in facing the world, especially as a woman. Essentially, this project requires a strong desire and consistency with the choice I already chose and be responsible with my choice.

Bibliography

Adnan bin Dhaifullah Alu asy-Syawabikah. 2008. Wanita Karir, Profesi Wanita di Ruang Publik yang Boleh dan yang Dilarang dalam Fiqih Islam ”. Retrieved December 9, 2016 from https://muslimah.or.id

Susanti, Ev. Aya. 2008. Feminisme Radikal . Bandung: Yayasan Kalam Hidup

Triyuli – 392012010

THE FADING SHADOW

April 14, 2015 2:00 PM — Pemuda Bus Stop

Blue sky swept by gray clouds covering the afternoon sky. Few times a ray of sunlight was trying to peek from between the clouds but did not reduce at all the blowing cold air which was making people outside the house shiver, except me. I could not feel anything on my white skin. And with my own eyes, I saw the walkers

in front of me kept hugging their body and docking their thick jackets as if it was not sufficient to warm them up from the early rainy season air at the end of this month. I lost my emotion and feeling sense toward people around me. I did not know since when I lost it. I was not feeling sensitive to the feelings of others even my own feelings. With a flat stare, I tried many times to feel the cold that the others feel. But I failed. Even though I let the jacket zipper open. Perhaps it would be more effective if

I took off it but I threw that lunatic idea from my mind because if I did it, I could make sure people around would really realize that I was weird or crazy.

The black clouds coiled and grew thicker and thicker. The wind blew hard. Walkers began to back away to the road shoulder to take shelter in the shop and bus stop where I stand up dazed looked at the dark sky. It began full by people.

“Excuse me” Suddenly a man forced himself into the crowd and urged others at the bus

stop. A few people mumbled a protest to the man who carelessly broke into the crowd and made us harder to move in this narrow space. Sometimes my body pushed by someone but I just kept silence and got busy with my empty mind, ignoring the noise which was like the buzz of a mosquito to me. Absolutely it did not disturb me.

“Excuse me…. Sorry….” The man dismissively barged into the middle crowd so few people were pushed out and eventually forced to move to another place. The murmurings stopped when raindrops were falling to humidify the earth. The air was getting colder and making people snuggled to others so the room space became narrower.

“Don’t you feel cold?” a question from a man next to me between the rains sounds. I felt that question was addressed to someone else.

Quite. Nobody answered the question. The question was forgotten like a breeze on the sidelines of the sound of rain. Suddenly a hand blocked my view. It shook in front of my face. I turned my sight quickly towards the impolite owner of that hand and tried to put a curt face, though I was sure my face showed a strange reaction, flat with the right eyebrow raised. For a few seconds, none of us started to talk. The man was silent waiting for my other reactions. His body is quite high approximately 15cm from my height with tan skin. The difference height and distance we were pretty close making him need to bow his head a bit to look at me. This angle made my eyes could see his face quite close. If I rated from one to ten, I thought his face got seven. His face was quite handsome with thick eyebrows and a little high cheekbone and firm.

Fiuh. The man suddenly exhaled. I blinked once. Silence. We still looked at each other. For others, it would be a strange scene. But to me, it did not mean anything. Fiuh. The man sighed again. I grew impatient and a bit annoyed with his attitude. Why did not he just talk? Yes, at least he explained to me the reason why did

he do something like that, by blocking my view with his hand? We did not know each other.

“You..” He finally spoke but then closed his mouth. He might think about something. Perhaps he was looking for the right words to talk to weird people like me.

“Don’t you feel cold?” He said formally. Not strange. Almost everyone who talks to me always uses formal language. Does my face look old so people should talk so polite and formal like that?

“No,” I replied reluctantly, returning my gaze toward the road. “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “That’s odd. People at this bus stop feel so but you don’t. Are you sick?” “No.” “Are you a kind of robot in human form that has just created?”

“What?” I turned to him again. “What does he mean? Is this p erson just insulted me? Or Did I just mishear his words? His voice was a bit sketchy between the

sounds of rain.” “I asked you -are you a robot in human form that has just created?- ” Silence. "I mean ... I mean you looks like you don’t even feel cold and you answer a

short talk. Yes and No.. Yeah, I mean you don ’t look like ...” “…other people? Therefore you’re considering me as a human robot that is

only having the database to answer people questions between Yes or No ?” I deeply understood how this man th ought about me. Not bad. Yeah, it didn’t sound bad! At least this man thought I was a robot rather than statues like the most people newly knew me even after talking for thirty minutes while discussing something with me.

My colleagues at the hotel where I worked were as good examples. I felt they did not think of me as part of them because my attitude was very stiff while interacting. I would be considered by them if there was a field of research tasks. They would come to see me to just talk about the job. They would ask my opinion but it was only their niceties toward me but my answer was not included in the report files. It was because of I look antisocial. It was not strange for people if they got the task of research and must be paired with me always end up looking tired and their patience is running out. They felt like they had done all the reports by themselves and I did not really help them in charge. In fact, I've collected a lot of data for the research that we need. They just need to read the data I gave or if the data were inadequate they could go to the same place looking for further data. But they are too lazy to read it and require a verbal explanation from me. That's why I was the last person who used to get an offer from other colleagues for cooperation but sometimes no offer. I never feel betrayed because I enjoyed my loneliness time and my work performance becomes better and stands out when I work alone. Therefore, my boss always provides the individual tasks to me because he was very confident I could finish them well.

“Sorry….”

I did not immediately reply him. I turned my gaze towards the road. Heavy rain was still pouring earth. “ Damn! Why is rain falling so long this time? ” The sound of rain usually able to calm me down when I felt confusion and fatigue heart to think the complexities I faced each time but now it even pisses me off. I want to go home and get some sleep. I missed my soft bed in a room and wanted to forget this entire calamity that happened in my life.

“Sorry .. I didn’t really mean to offend you.” “Yes. I know.” I knew he was not accusing. His voice sounded sincere to say

it. His tone was low and smooth but firm. Unlike the tone of apology that delicate and hasty, but also a bit indicating that it is forced apology because he did not want his interlocutor getting angry but also felt that claim did not reduce the confidence of speakers that his offending words were wrong.

“Today’s weather is different like the rain in previous days. The warm morning that makes many people thought today will be a sunny day but unexpectedly darkening clouds in the afternoon. It was beyond prediction of people who don ’t notice the weather report today like me.” said the man quickly changed the conversation subject. I thought he was not the type of person who uses his spare time to relax and do one thing to get bored, but he spent it doing useful things like socializing.

“Yes. Nothing in life is predictable. No one can guess what will happen today. They can only deal with it. But I always prepare myself to deal with whatever would happen. Since that day. The same day. The same date. The same morning. Almost everything looks the same. A day where prediction always fooling people who do not know anything in her life. ” I said it quietly to myself. My memory was back on the worst day of my life.

“What do you mean?” He was surprised at the words that I just said. He didn’t look sure about what is he just heard or is it my thought that so weird?

Furthermore, I did not hear what he was talking about. He kept speaking to me in a wide variety of topics. I was busy with the chaos in my head. The same day and Furthermore, I did not hear what he was talking about. He kept speaking to me in a wide variety of topics. I was busy with the chaos in my head. The same day and

06.45 AM — Dini’s House

Six years ago…. “Bye, Mom. We should leave now! I love you, Mom." "Be careful on the way. Honey, don ’t speed off! Keep our child safe.”

Mommy smiled and waved her right hand. “Yes, 1 Your Grace !” My father replied with a smile and then laugh. I smiled

happily seeing this warm scene of my dear parents. Then our car began to move out of my house. I waved my left hand to say

goodbye to Mom who still had not entered into the house. I just shut the window when our car was already far out of the residential.

“Take the lunch box. Eat it. I don’t think my princess will be able to concentrate during the first lesson if her stomach is in hunger ,” said Daddy suddenly between his concentrations in driving the car. I took the gray lunch box and the glass bottle of chocolate milk next to me.

"Wow! Thank you, Dad. Daddy is the best and the greatest father in the world!” I said, leaning forward and kissing the left cheek of my father. My father

laughed. “Hey! Don’t do it when Daddy is driving. You can get us into a car accident!”

Dimas, my brother, who was sitting beside my Daddy, pushed me up dropped back to the backseat.

1 Oral address: Her/His Grace - is a style used for various high-ranking personages. Today, the style is used when referring to non-royal dukes and duchesses, and archbishops, in the United Kingdom.

“Hey! Don’t push me like that! You envy me because of Daddy being so dear to me?” I infuriated him.

"Tch! I never envy you as Daddy and Mommy give me a lot of affection to me than you. Am I right, Dad? "

He just smiled and nodded answering Dimas’s question. “If so why are you pushing me rudely if you don’t envy me? Could you be

more subtle and polite to me? I'm older than you. You aren ’t allowed to treat people like that especially to older individuals.” I smacked his seat headrest with a hard

knock. Dimas pulled his headphone roughly and turned his head towards me with a

hatred face. “Hey! You make me dizzy! Don’t you see that I'm studying?” Dimas yelled at

me. I stuck my tongue out at him. “Stop it, kids.. Don’t fight! Dini, you have to eat your breakfast quickly we

will arrive at your school soon.” said Dad tried to break up our fights.

I obeyed Daddy’s command. I took a full bite of bread. I chewed it with pleasure while looking at the scenery outside through the car window. The highway was quite chock-full but was not jammed as usual. It was a fortune for me because it helped to arrive more quickly at the school before the gate closed. When the quarrel ended, Dad gave advice to Dimas.

“And Dimas ..” said my father went on in a serious tone, “Don’t scream like that to your sister. Not only it is n’t a polite attitude to elders, but it is also the worst behavior of a man who treats a woman like that .” Dad advised him seriously.

With a mouth full of my favorite chocolate bread, I justified Daddy's words, “Do you hear it, Dimas? Daddy has the same thought as me. So far you just said yes

while other people warned and advised you but you don ’t digest it well. Therefore, no woman wants to be close to you because you are very rude. Don't you get what I have told you all the time?”

Dimas looked at me with a hatred sight. He wanted to deny my words but he remained silent along the way.

07.15 AM — Buana High School.

Thump thump… Thump thump… Thump thump…

Huft…Huft… Ba -dump.. Ba-dump..

“Just a little more!”

I stoked my legs to keep running. My breath was gasping and my heart was beating very fast. I pushed myself through the crowd that also seemed in a hurry. Twelve minutes later I arrived in front of the classroom door that still wide-opened and the noise of the children was still chatting and playing.

I ambled toward my desk. My classmate, Elis was busy reading a novel that I was sure she read romance story again. Mia, my best friend was working on physics questions. She always learned all the lessons before teacher taught them. Because she thought it could help her to understand the material easier when the teacher repeated what she has learned. It also made her always be the most outstanding student in school. Even she was one of the top ten highest marks scored students in Java. I felt lucky to have a friend like Mia because she always helped me to understand some of the subjects that I did not understand if it was not taught as much as possible. She was always being patient toward the slowness of my brain.

They were too busy in their own world and they did not notice a little bit to me, who was walking lamely toward them like a drunkard because of too exhausted. I stopped in front of my desk that between them and slammed my bag on the top.

BUMP! They startled by that sound. Their concentration was gone. They looked at me as a killer was very angry at the target in the criminal scene as I destroyed their preoccupation.

“DINI!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?!” yelled Elis while she looking at me angrily. Her face is look alike a witch who wanted to send me to hell.

“Dini, Don’t you see what am I doing now? Mrs. War will come to class soon and there are still many questions that I have to do. Can’t you come quietly without disturbing others?” Mia said quietly.

I could not help being amused to see their reactions. I laughed silently because

I was afraid they were really going to hit me. I tried to hold back myself so that I do not laugh out loud.

“Okay, my bad! I won’t do it if you two aren’t too busy every time I come.” Mia and Elis ignored me back.

“SIGH! You guys are boring. I think we're not really friends over the years. You two are never being friendly and warm to me.”

Reluctantly, they rose from their chair and came to hug me. “Good morning, Din. Please don’t be late again tomorrow.” Mia was the first

person, who hugged me. “Yes, master. I think I need your help for that, Mi. I need you be my alarm. If

it is you, I wouldn’t be late getting up again.” Mia pinched my cheek exasperatingly. “Morning, my naughty Dini… Tonight you have to go bed earlier so you don’t

come late and make a noise like before! Or I would be struck your head with my novel and throw your bag to the front- yard.” Elis glared at me but she tousled my hair annoyingly.

“Please, don’t do it, Elis. I beg you. You know how thick all book you have and how broad our school yard is. I have to spend so much effort and energy to reach

our class today. I feel like I already lost my half-soul. ” I pouted while blinking flirtatiously at Elis.

Elis shuddered in disgust look at my silly act. I just grinned excitedly look at my friend's reaction. Since our first meeting on the first day of high school, I had a premonition that both of them would be my best friend and true, it happened.

“Sit back to your own seat calmly now!”

I almost fell crashing my own chair when I heard a blaring sound as surprised. Fortunately, Elis quickly shored up my elbow to avoid my body fell to hit the chair. I turned toward the front of the class finding out who the owner of that noisy voice that made my bad luck list getting longer.

“Why are you still standing there, Dini Permata Haryanto? Sit down now!” Mrs. War glared at me sharply.

I stumbled back to sit on my desk when I knew the voice owner. I took a deep breath while Mrs. War is seeing me with her eagle eyes. Her face was a middle-aged woman, who looked very strict and scary with wrinkled skin with a thick red lipstick

on the lips and 2 Boboho ’s thick and round glasses perched low on her pointed nose and she was always carrying a carved cane in her right hand. Her style made her look

like a witch than a teacher to me. I could see her cold aura coming to reach me. “If you don’t want to sit now, go out of this class, Dini. Waiting for me

outside!” I could see horns on Mrs. War’s head every time I saw her in anger. Everyone just watched me in silence. I chose to sit down immediately rather

than being slaughtered! I cursed myself foolishly did not recognize that evil voice of Mrs. War.

I had to suffer for fifteen minutes under the supervising gaze of Mrs. War during the morning devotion. I kept my head down without the slightest courage looking to her face. The torture prison ended when Mrs. War went out the classroom. I got feeling that my bad luck was not ended just like that. It seemed my curse kept rolling toward me.

2 A naughty and funny kid with black round eyeglasses in Shaolin Popey. He is one of legendary male main character in a 1994 Taiwanese kung fu comedy film.

I was expelled from physics class. Mr. Haris, a very disciplined teacher kicked me out because I did not bring all the physics books.

For two hours I sat at cafeteria unexcitedly while eating meatballs. After the bell rang, Mia and Elis joined with me immediately.

“There is no bad things happened while you wait for us, right?” asked Mia while eating a 3 gado-gado .

“Well! Some teachers asked me why I was here while the lesson is just starting.”

“Why don’t you just pretend being sick and go to the infirmary?” asked Mia curiously

“Hahahahaha .. Is it possible a hyperactive student like her would be getting sick? You're being silly , Mia.” Elis laughed as she looked at me and Mia.

“Sigh! I really got my bad day.” “No need to act like that. You forgot about something! It all happened because

of your fault. ” “No, I don’t. It’s my real reality, Mi. Today is my bad day. It happened to me

starting from I came late and then I’ve kicked from our first class.” “You make your own bad day. If you have prepared everything last night,

these won’t happen to you. There is no smoke without a fire. "Mia gave me sage advice.

Rrrrrrrr Rrrrrrrr Rrrrrrrrrr My cell phone was suddenly vibrating while I wanted to say something.

Mommy called me. Mommy never called me during school hours. My curiosity controlled me.

3 an Indonesian salad of slightly boiled, blanched or steamed vegetables and hard-boiled eggs, fried tofu and tempeh, and lontong (rice wrapped in a banana leaf), served with a peanut

sauce dressing .

“Hello! What is it, Mom?”

I heard my mom sobbing and that made my curiosity grew bigger.

“Mommy? What is it? Is something wrong?” The tone of my voice suddenly trembled.

“Dad ..... Your dad, Din…” My Mommy's words made me shake violently. Suddenly the air around me

turned cold. I tried to stay calm. Several times I cleared my throat so that my voice was hoarse.

“Please calm down, Mom. What's wrong with Dad?” I felt like a fool of myself. I asked my mother to calm down while I was dying to think positively so that

my petrified body regained a positive aura. “Your Dad was in a car accident on the highway, not far from your school.”

Her sobs were more audible in my ears. “Is he badly hurt?” “I don’t know. He was unconscious and they immediately took him to the

nearest hospital.......”

I immediately stood up and left Elis and Mia without saying a word. I walked quickly to the classroom to take my bag.

“What’s going on, Din? Is your father fine?” Mia just got to class immediately stopped me at the door.

“Sorry, Mi. I have to find Dimas now. Do you know where the closest hospital to our school is?”

“Harapan Center Hospital!” Elis emerged from behind Mia back. “Please ... .Take care of my permission letter!” I put my hand that has been

trembling in the warm hands of Mia. She nodded, patting my right shoulder. Then I dashed out into the junior high school to pick up Dimas.

11:25 AM — Harapan Center Hospital

Dream! It was definitely a dream!

I was alone in the waiting room. Mommy and Dimas were home taking care of things for Daddy. He passed away. I was supposed to help my mother instead Dimas, but I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be alone. I also banned Mia and Elis who wanted to meet me after school. I decided to head home. Today was the hardest day for me as if the day drained my body like a zombie. Everything happened today like a dream to me even the statement of the doctor felt unreal.

"Mr. Bagus Haryanto is suffering from liver disfunction since last year and developing into cancer. This happens because he was too often directly in contact with many chemicals and x-rays that make the radiation effects on his body.” the words of doctor such as a documentary film that continued to spin in my mind.

I thought I would spend forever with my Dad, but he left me instantly. The light outside of the hospital was darker. But my heart was even darker.

The sunny morning turned into overcast noon. A ray of sunlight was trying to peek from between the clouds, but it did not reduce the cold air which was making people outside the house shiver, unless me. Nature showed her grief to me. A sunny day turned into gloomy as a melancholy heart such my feelings. I could not imagine what happened to me. Nothing in life is predictable.

May 8, 2015 22:45 PM — Dini's House

“Where have you been? Don’t you think it is late? ” “I have a lot of work to do today immediately.” “I do not understand what’s you thinking about. In your mind, it just about

your job and earn money. Don’t you have any desire to do other activities besides making money?”

“I’m sorry. Ever since Dad died all I did was work. But it's for Mommy and Dimas. As the oldest child, I have the responsibility of being the backbone of our

family.” “Your salary as a Controller is more enough to cover the needs of our family,

Din. The income of Mommy’s boutique also always steady and even increase every month.”

“I’ll be promoted super quickly at this rate. Mr. Agung promises me to give assistant general manager position. I have to keep working hard so the image of my

performance is not decreased.” “Please forget all of that. Tomorrow you don’t need to go to work. Just for one

day.”

I looked at mother disconcertedly. I waited for a more detailed explanation from her.

“Mommy have arranged a meeting for you. I want you meet someone tomorrow .” My mom's voice sounded very suspicious.

“Mom, I've repeatedly begged you to stop match me up with any stranger. I could set up my own life, my love life even better that I don ’t think need a partner in my life.”

“How can you have such thoughts? You are a woman. Everyone will be talking about you, including our relatives .” She replied with a high voice. Her eyes

looked very frightened as was overshadowed by the enormous guilt. “Yes, I’m a woman. I know it even since I was elementary. Is it wrong if a

woman lives alone? As long as I could guarantee my own life fee, why should I need anyone else? After all, I still have Mommy and Dimas.”

"You can ’t live alone, Dini. You need someone else than your family. You need the help of others in the future day because Mommy and Dimas ca n’t always be near you. "

“I'm not going to go anywhere, Mom. I will always be near you and Dimas.”

“It won’t happen. In the future, your brother also has his own family. Don’t tell Mommy that you have planned to ban your brother to get married?”

“If Dimas already plans to build his own family in the future and chose to leave us. I still have you, Mom, right?”

“I’m getting old, Din. I couldn’t stay by your side forever. When that happens, what would you do?” She looked deeply into my eyes.

“I'm still going to live alone either with or without Mommy and Dimas by my side. Mommy doesn ’t need to worry because I’m able to do everything by myself like now.” I said it with a steady stare straight into her eyes. But I was sure she insisted against my wishes and wanted to realize her own will. Without waiting for Mommy finished her debate, I walked away leaving the living room into my room before my defenses completely collapsed in front of my family.

08:00 AM — Cakra Hotel

“Good morning, Ms. Dini. These are files you asked for yesterday.” “Thank you, Maya. And please give this file to the HRD Manager, Ms. Mia.” Mia and I worked at the same company. Apparently, we are predestined to be

together since childhood. Since graduating from high school, Mia and Elis moved out of the city to pursue their dreams. At the beginning of the new school class high school, Elis and I had planned to enter the same university, while Mia was entranced the university that recommended by our school because she got a scholarship. But since I could not leave my family, I had to postpone my desire and chose to stay. When we started working, we like to reunite. Mia was moved by the hotel where she worked to the main office hotel where I was working. Since then we became colleagues who were helping each other and sharing our advice.

Knock knock knock “Come in!” “Good morning Ms. Busy.”

“Good morning, Mr. Agung! Please sit down, Sir.” I was surprised to see him come to my office. “ Are there any important issues to the General Manager came to

see me this early? ” “Sorry to bother your work. I come to give you some good news. First, I’ve

enrolled you to be one of the Assistant General Manager candidates. The voting will take place next month.”

“Thank you for your trust and support to me, Mr. Agung. I’ll continue working hard to develop this hotel. ”

“I’m the one who should be thankful and grateful that you are being part of this hotel because of your effort and idea this hotel is developing so much, Dini. ”

“I’m only doing my duty as best as possible, Sir. I still have many things to learn from you.”

“ Hahahaha .. This is what I like from you, Dini. I like your humble and willing-to-learn personality. I ’m glad that I didn’t make a mistake in the decision to directly accept you as my subordinate. Since I saw you in our job interview, I saw that you ’re going to shine in the future, and it is realized now!” Mr. Agung constantly complimented me. I just responded with a smile, nod, and said thank you.

“Oh.. I have other good news. Some employees started their new day today. One of them will work with you. Have you met him?”

“Yes. I've heard about the recruitment of new employees, Sir. But I do not know that we've got them and I hav e not seen him today.”

“Actually we don't recruit him from the job interview. He was transferred from one of our hotel branches outside the city. So he has enough experience about

this work. Maybe you'll meet him soon.” I did not give any comment but nodding after listening to his explanation.

“Enjoy your work.” He stood up.

“Have a nice day, Sir!” I said before Mr. Agung shut the door. I could not hide my happiness feeling for a longer time after hearing the encouraging news of my

candidacy become Assistant of Mr. Agung.

I returned to continue my work. Suddenly I remembered the words of Mr. Agung about the new employee. It was strange! Why did Mr. Agung suddenly find a new employee to help me? Anyways, I ’ve got my promotion already. I could not obtain the exact answer for my curiosity question that suspicious.

Because I was too busy with my thoughts, I did not pay attention around. I did not even realize someone came into my office. When a man's hand was waving up in front of me and called me, then my consciousness reverted to the real world.

“Yes, what can I help you?” I was surprised to see a stranger in my office. I did not know this guy. What does he want to see me?

“Good morning! I'm sorry I startled you, Ma’am. I came here to say hello to my new colleague. ” The man smiled happily.

“Aren’t you taught how to behave properly when you entry someone’s room at your previous job?”

“I'm so sorry. I don’t mean to enter without permission from you, Ma’am. But I've knocked on the door many times but there was no answer. I guess you ’re not in. I just wanted to leave this file on your desk. ” He handed me an envelope file.

“So you are the new employee who will work with me.” I opened the envelope which was the data file of that man, who was standing in front of me . “Surya Teguh Hutama has experienced for two years as an assistant HRD manager and one year of experience as a marketing and sales director. You turned out to have enough experience in many fields .” I kept reading the resume of the man, who was sitting in front of me.

“Why are you still here? Aren’t you starting to work today? Please go to your desk over there.” Surya looks surprised to hear my words, “Ye… Yes, Mrs. Dini!”

“You could call me, Ms. Dini.” I was surprised why I was even thinking of how Surya’s way calling my name but he continued to obey my words. “Yes, Mrs ... Ms. Dini. ”

I felt strange with this changed. For two years I used to occupy this room by myself, but now suddenly I had to share this office with a stranger. I could feel myself being watched in this desolate space. There was no small talk unless the business conversation after it was only the sound of typing, wall clock, and sheets were turned upside down and the ringing phone. The day passed quickly away.

Mia came to see me in the office. She asked me to go home together. I did not realize that it was the time for all employees had to go home, but I still had a lot of jobs that should be completed as soon as possible. I apologized to her. I felt sorry I never had much time to just hang out with Mia as we were used to unless sometimes we had lunch together at the office canteen.

I just finished doing the work while the clock was already at ten o'clock at night. I came home very late. Although it was late at night, every time I arrived home after work, I always found Mommy in the living room. She looked so furious when she saw me.

“Why don’t you ever listen to Mommy, Dini?” She said when I've just opened the front door.

"I always listen to you, Mom, except one thing that involved my private lif e… I've repeatedly told Mommy that this is my own life. I don ’t want Mommy to interfere with my private life. "

“You don’t understand, Din. I want the best for you.” “Mom, this is my life. I know what's best for me.” “Din, I had been through a period of being a woman in your age, so I know

what you need. You need a partner who can support you. You don ’t need to work hard again. You just need to be a good partner.” replied Mommy

“But Mommy and I are in different circumstances. Time has changed. Nowadays we have to strive ourselves to survive. We can ’t rely on anyone else. We should be independent. I want to be independent and I don ’t want to be burdened with

other things.” my voice rose while saying it. I could not help feeling annoyed at Mommy who never understood my feelings and opinions.

“Dini, you know how I feel so guilty because Mom and Dad overly set you free to do whatever you want to do. Y ou’re too independent, Dini. Mommy couldn’t agree to your decision. You must remember your nature as a woman. ” Mommy looked at me sadly.

“I’m really sorry, Mom. I don’t want to take the wrong lane and sacrifice my hard efforts over the years, Mom. I want to be a success and enjoy the result of my own sweat. I don ’t want to be limited and become the burden for people who became my partner later. It will be painful for him.”

“A woman must build and take care of a family instead of working desperately looking for money. Therefore, God gave a uterus in women but not men because we are assigned and serves to generate family, Dini .”

“Time has changed, Mom. Women can do what men do freely, and vice versa.

I have chosen my own way.” She just looked at me, did not know what to say in front of her own daughter who never obeyed the command. I left Mommy after expressing all of that. Since that night, Mommy never talked about matchmaking. She did not wait for me again in the living room after I returned from the work. I felt guilty because I knew my words on that day were hurting her. But I'm also excited at the same time with this calmness. When I showered, I tried to throw Mommy’s words out of my mind. At another side of my depth heart, I agreed on her words about my independent habit of doing what I wanted to do by myself. It made me difficult to accept others’ opinions and help. I have high self-esteem if someone could do anything, so do I.

When exactly one month flew away, the flow of my life changed again. I was reunited with someone who has been very close to me during school, Elis, in the office. Like a movie story, we met accidentally in one place and time that was When exactly one month flew away, the flow of my life changed again. I was reunited with someone who has been very close to me during school, Elis, in the office. Like a movie story, we met accidentally in one place and time that was

We did not want to waste our time, I informed Mia and we spent lunch time together to share stories about our past and new life. Our new lives are now quite contrary to our high school life.

Elis told us about her happy life now because she has a partner who always there to give her support. In fact, they going to get married at the end of the year and invited me and Mia. Mia highly craved Elis's life because she has someone to share and lean on than her family. She hoped that soon found someone who could be trusted to share the fun and difficulty together. But I did not feel the same way because there were other people who share their problem lives with me it was possible I also endured him problem then it would be growing before we could solve the problem that caused we equally burdened about both problems together. When I told them about my thinking, Elis and Mia was silent looks at me with sad and weird-looking eyes.

“Din, sharing the burden with others is not merely just to get a way out to solve it. But when we put out the feeling that overload in our deep hearts to other people, especially a person who is very dear to us, at least it can reduce a little lump

of our burden.” “I'm comfortable with myself, Lis. I’ve my own way to mitigate the stress that

I could do my hobbies such as reading or going to watch a movie. That way, I can relieve stress and find solutions to my own problems.”

“At least when we’re telling our problems to someone else who cares about us would more help to relieve the burden rather than hold its own in our heart. You can confront the problem together and give each other support. Maybe hobby can be a solution to divert you from stressing of the problem but it’s only for a while. After that, it’ll be back in your memory. It always likes that, Din.”

“Out of sight, out of mind, I don’t think it’ll work on me even if I really meet someone who can understand me, Lis. Even my own family did not understand me.

My own Mommy always imposes her will to marry me with men I didn’t know.” “How do you know? You haven’t to try it, Din. Mommy Sophie never gives

anything bad on you. You are too afraid of other people to make decisions that you usually decide by yourself. You rely too much on yourself and never could trust

anyone else who wants to help you.” Elis and Mia always called my mom, Mommy Sophie.

“I'm not like the mostly women, Lis. I didn’t face problems and solve them with my feelings and become emotionally. Yet, I can solve with a cool head and use

my logical thoughts. I've often through all my own problems so I really know what I should do. I can solve all alone. You don’t need to worry too much about me. I’m

strong as steel.” “You’re so defensive. I worry about people thought about you. Your comfort

in yourself and rely on your independent makes you behave too cold in others. They may think you have deviated from the normal limit of a woman. In fact, you refuse

the request of Mommy Sophie.” My jokes were not able to reduce her hot-tempered. “I have a condition. I hold responsibility as the backbone of the family since

my Daddy left his family. I can’t underestimate that fact and play with myself. I have to think of the future and work hard to support and fulfill my family’s needs. I think I'm doing the right things now. Even though it was tough for me at the first time, but I

always get through it all. That why I can’t accept the other person to change it and asked me to depend on him.”

“I beg you to cease your debate. I think our talk has crossed the line that should be.” Mia who was silent while noticed us since the beginning of our

conversation, trying to prevent me and Elis quarrel because the nostalgic atmosphere that was quiet and pleasant turn into tense.

“Although we just meet now after a long time no contact, I’m still Dini, the same person you know in the past when we were in high school, Lis. Now I'm more “Although we just meet now after a long time no contact, I’m still Dini, the same person you know in the past when we were in high school, Lis. Now I'm more

“Hopefully, Mommy Sophie can be patient accept your decision, even though somewh at impossible. I know it’ll difficult and may require a very long time for you but I hope you will find someone who can understand you soon. No one can stop you

when you’re extremely stubborn.” Elis's words indicated she accepted my thoughts but her eyes c ould not fool me that she was strongly opposed my will like Mommy’s response to me a month ago.

“Thank you for your commiseration. I hope Mom have the same thought as you said. I should go back to work now. Nice to see you again, Elis. I hope we can meet a gain at a time in the future. I will try to come to your wedding later.”