Initially she tried to mingle with the mixed Indian community: for instance, she was happy to mix with other women of the University at the dinner
party of Narasimhan and Kate. Later she withdrew saying she did not have anything common with them. Subhash found it quite disturbing when she cut her
hair short, dramatically altering her face and adopted the American style of dressing. She told Subhash that “I have nothing in common with them” Lahiri,
2013: 140 and “I was tired of those” Lahiri, 2013: 141, those statement showed that she was reluctant to adapt the new community in her neighborhood.
As she began to get bored, she began to explore other parts of the campus, wandering in and out. She’d intended to remain anonymous, to go unnoticed. But
one day while she was immersed in the lecture, her hand shot up. Gauri found herself paying attention. Eventually, wanting to take notes,
she searched in her bag for a sheet and a pen. Finding no paper, she wrote her notes in the margins of the campus newspaper she’d been carrying
around Lahiri, 2013: 132.
Certain irrational fears haunted Gauri before and after the birth of Bela, her child. She felt Bela was her child and Udayans, and Subhash’s help was
simply playing a part. She felt as if she contained a ghost, as Udayan was. The child was a
version of him, in that it was both present and absent. Both within her and remote Lahiri, 2013: 124.
After Bela was born, Gauri was aware how the slightest oversight on her part could cause Bela to be destroyed. Lahiri, 2013: 145.
5. Separated
When Bela and Subhash went to India for Mr.Mitra’s funeral, Gauri left their house. She finally felt that motherhood was not for her. The proof that Gauri
was not comfortable with her role as a mother can be seen in the quotation below. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
As the years passed Gauri is found to be withdrawing little by little from her role as a mother, contrary to the position she had naturally asserted
earlier stating, Im her mother” Lahiri, 2013:146
Her choice to leave the house was also because she wanted to pursue her education in Philosophy. Her professor Otto Weiss said, “You belong in a
doctoral program, Mrs.Mitra” Lahiri, 2013: 167. She had offered her the requisite assistance to get her into the doctoral program and she was looking
forward to this. Gauri often left Bela alone leaving her engaged while she took a walk alone. The five minutes doubled to ten. Sometimes a bit more Lahiri, 2013:
174. Gauri had never compromised the joy in sacrificing her time or energy to be a mother.
Dealing with choices, she finally decided to leave home. When Subhash and Bela reached their house after the funeral of Mr.Mitra, they were in for a
shock: Gauri left the place for good to California leaving a farewell letter on the table. She had accepted a teaching position in a college just to get out of the mess
she was in, exposing only her self-interest, her ineptitude. Shed done it, the worst thing that she could think of doing Lahiri, 2013: 232. She was also quite
indifferent if they should be in touch with one another. Reading the letters, Subhash was prepared to quell Belas shock. But it was Bela who comforted him,
holding him tightly, as if he would float away from her otherwise. I will never go away from you Baba, she said Lahiri, 2013: 212.
In the meantime, Gauri, away from Subhash and Bela, got settled in southern California, in a small college mainly meant for undergraduates. Her job
was not only to teach students but also to mentor them. Gauri seeking an outside PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
