Separated Gauri’s Characteristics

Third, beyond the stereotypes and romanticizing of motherhood it is clear that society labels mothers as a deviant who does not need any support. It is in the children’s as well as the mothers’ interests to recognize that mothers need supports– physical and material, and also emotional – to help them manage the work of mothering and come to terms with the complex mixture of emotions that motherhood involves. 1. The Enormous Expectations of Mothers Suzan Lewis in her journal about the concept of Motherhood quoted: Mother is a primary child-rearing role and the more marginal role of fathers, except in terms of economic provision, and are frequently taken for granted as natural and right, despite the lack of evidence that children need exclusive maternal care Tizard, 1991. Society tells women how mothers are expected to feel, think and act. But these images and the concepts of motherhood that underpin them are full of contradictions. Mothers are simultaneously idealized and blamed for not living up to society’s ideals. Lahiri described the society’s ideals by showing Subhash’s respond towards Gauri. Initially she tried to mingle with the mixed Indian community: for instance, she was happy to mix with other women of the University at the dinner party of Narasimhan and Kate. Later she withdrew saying she did not have anything common with them. Subhash found it quite disturbing when she cut her hair short, dramatically altering her face and adopted the American style of dressing. “I have nothing in common with them” Lahiri, 2013:140 The quotation above mentions that at the beginning Gauri tried to mingle with the society, but at the end of the day, she felt that she did not have anything common with them. She even tried to alter herself to suit the American lifestyle PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI by cutting her hair short, but Subhash did not find it proper for an Indian woman- especially as a mother and a wife to have a short hair. Subhash found it disturbing for an Indian woman to adopt American style. He expected Gauri to be more feminine, caring and sociable to others, so when he found the vice versa condition, he felt upset for Gauri’s action. From that quotes, it can be concluded that Subhash is actually the presentation the society’s ideal expectation that a mother should act as a proper woman. Society’s idealism mold the way of thinking that certain ideas can be applied to all woman, and if someone did not follow the idea, it can be considered as an act of disobedience and recklessness. Mothers are expected to feel, to think and to act properly. If a woman did not follow that ideal expectation, society will think that this woman is a failure. Subhash’s disappointment shows that he expected certain things towards Gauri, one of them is to act properly or to dress properly as an Indian woman- using saris and have long hair. Gauri was seen as a failure because she did not follow society’s ideal. Another proof that Gauri is not comfortable with her role as a mother can be seen in the quotation below. As the years passed Gauri is found to be withdrawing little by little from her role as a mother, contrary to the position she had naturally asserted earlier stating, Im her mother” Lahiri, 2013:146 That quotation shows that she kept trying to be a good mother and believed that motherhood can come naturally inside her, even though she tried so hard, finally she felt that motherhood was no for her and did not grow in her naturally. Motherhood is often regarded as women’s destiny and ultimate fulfilment Woollett, 1991. Caring for others is assumed to be something all women do; it is the essence of being female. In Gauri’s case, she felt trapped with this concept that motherhood is a destiny, a fulfilment of a woman. Gauri was afraid of her own child, afraid of being neglected and alone, the same feeling when Udayan left her. She felt as if she contained a ghost, as Udayan was. The child was a version of him, in that it was both present and absent. Both within her and remote. Shed momentarily feared that the child would dissolve and abandon her Lahiri, 2013:124 The assumptions underlie that mothers will be contented and fulfilled, bond naturally with their babies at birth, and devoted and protective of them from then on Boulton, 1983; Oakley, 1981. This stereotype is challenged by a large body of evidence that motherhood can indeed be difficult, new motherhood is a difficult experience for many women. Gauri did not find any natural bonding with her own child. Gauri’s difficulty is one of the proofs that the assumption of natural motherhood and natural bonding between mother and her babies are questionable. 2. Widespread Feeling of Guilt and Inadequacy from Social Pressures Lewis stated that the focus on mother–child interaction and associated notions that motherhood is the most vital and demanding role in a woman’s life is reflected in psychological research on the impact of multiple roles Lewis, 1991. There is gap between mothers’ self-perceptions and their internalized ideals of the perfect mother. Mothers are expected to raise children in the ‘right circumstances’ PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI Her [Gauris] in-laws had expected Subhash and Udayan to grow old in the house they had built for them. They had wanted Subhash to return to Tollygunge and marry someone else. Udayan had given his life for the future, expecting the society itself to change. Gauri had expected to stay married to him, not for less than two years but always. In Rhode Island, Subhash was expecting him Gauri and Bela. For Gauri to be a mother to Bela, and to remain a wife to him Lahiri, 2013: 152 Certain irrational fears haunted Gauri before and after the birth of Bela, her child. She felt Bela was her child and Udayans, and Subhash for his helpfulness was simply playing a part. She knew that part of her job as a wife of Subhash is to have sex with him; Subhash tried to convince her that Bela needed a friendsiblings. On the contrary, Gauri did not want to be a mother for a second time; because she could not bear the idea of having the second children if she was not good in being a good mother for her first child. She did want to feel guilty for the second time. Gauri prevented it by using contraception discreetly. It can be seen from the quotation below. Though Subhash was right from his own point of view, she would never risk no such compromises; that though she had become a wife a second time, becoming a mother again was the one thing in her life she was determined to prevent from happening. Lahiri, 2013:161 It shows that Gauri is not comfortable of being a mother and already saw Bela as a burden for her. The focus on mother-child interaction and associated notions that motherhood as the most vital and demanding role in woman’s life is reflected on psychological research on the impact of multiple roles Hoffman, 1979. Motherhood is a social construction of impossible perfection that is internalized by all mothers. Gauri felt guilty for not keeping up with the image of a perfect mother. She is one of those mothers who were aware that she cannot be a PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI