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most commonly involves the anticipation of physical harm, loss, rejection, or failure. The parts of Hanna’s life have been taken away when she found that
Michael was different when they finally met each other. Hanna is always alone and will be alone forever and it makes her have cold feet in her life. What will she
take to resolve this fearful feeling? Hanna has no choice; it has been taken from her mind and heart. She is really disappointed and hopeless with the things that
now revolve around her life. She wants to end it now and the things will go better without her. Finally the only way that she chooses is end her own life and it is the
best in Hanna’s view.
4.2.1.3 Hanna’s target in life
“Being read to is nicer. That’s over now, isn’t it?” p. 197. That is what Hanna feels about her life. She finds that her life is enough and it must be over
now. She has experienced so many things in her life; happiness, sadness, desperate, struggle, misery, and love which make her life so colorful and
wonderful. Hanna said that’s over now it is really coming from her deep heart. She has found the light for her illiterate that becomes a nightmare during her life.
Finally, Hanna can read and write and she is absolutely happy with this miracle in her life.
Being able to read and write is one of the greatest things in Hanna’s life. The difficulties that Hanna had found in her life it’s all because of her illiterate
which makes her became really egoistic with her own life. But it is over now and
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she wants to end it beautifully. Hanna has involved and taken all parts of the life that she has to walk those through. This is the end of her life and that’s over now.
4.2.1.4 Hanna’s egoistic mind
Living with the incapability to read and write makes Hanna really secretive with her life and even it goes to an egoistic mind. Hanna doesn’t want
others to know about her illiterate problem and even Michael whom she loved very much. Hanna doesn’t ever think to share with others and she only wants
people to know that she is perfect and good in every single thing in life. “Hanna could neither read nor write. That was why she had had people
read to her. That was why she had let me do all writing and reading. That was why she had avoided being promoted. Was that why? I could
understand that she was ashamed at not being able to read or write, and would rather drive me away than expose herself. She is vain enough, evil
enough, to become a criminal simply to avoid exposure. She was not pursuing her own interests, but fighting for her own truth, her own
justice.” p. 132 - 134.
How egoistic Hanna is with her own life; she pursues her owns truth, she owns justice, and is willing to become a criminal just to avoid exposure. Hanna lives
with lying and she wants everything in her hand. Why Hanna doesn’t share her illiteracy with others? Why does she choose to be a criminal for something that
she is not able to do? Those are because of her egoistic mind that powerful controls her life.
Hanna’s egoistic mind leads her to a devil thing in which she decides to commit suicide. In her narrow-mind, the only things she knew in are the truth and
what is right for hers. She doesn’t want to share with others around her when she wants to decide or do something. She is the only person with the only right mind
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and decision. Hanna chooses her own way with her egoistic mind plays a big role in her dramas of life.
4.2.2 The deeper meaning of Hanna’s decision to commit suicide
