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mutual interest is aroused, they may consider this interest love at first sight, especially if the powerful element of physical attraction is involved.
1.2 The Problems
The problems of this kind of writing can be stated that to what do the people of Punjabi do deal with their traditional marriage. What do they do before
a young man and a young girl getting married?
1.3 The Scopes of Writing
When someone wants to write something which is dealing with the term marriage of an ethnicity, there can be a tremendous aspects to be written. So, now
dealing with the problems stated in the previous paragraph that the problems are the steps of activity usually the Punjabi people do when the members of the
Punjabi people want to get marriage. Therefore the writer of this paper wants to limit his writing is dealing begins with engagement up to the marriage.
1.4 The Purposes of Writing
The purposes of writing this paper can be mentioned as following: 1. to find out anything the Punjabi people do when they get married,
2. to find out the things the Punjabi people do deal with their marriage, 3. to let the other society know the traditional culture of Punjabi dealing with
their marriage, 4. to practice the knowledge of this paper writer during his going to the
university, and
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5. to finish his study from the Diploma program at the English Department o f the Faculty of culture Study at the University of North Sumatera.
1.5 The Methods of Writing
In order to write a writing skill someone has to apply approaches. He or she may apply field research, library research, or may be doing an experiment. So
in writing this kind of writing the writer of this paper applies two different approaches at the same time. Firstly he applies library approach as a guiding to
the field research. Therefore in collecting the required data he used some informants as the resources of the data. The informants are the members of the
Punjabi society. The informants have the characteristics of a valid statuses. The writer of this paper uses five different people. The informants consist of three men
and two women. All of the informants live in Medan. Three of them work as merchant, for instances buy and sell sport equipments and the other two are house
wife.
5
2.
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
With the biological maturity that comes at puberty, a new development begins in the affectional needs of the individual. The mature sex glands start
pouring hormons into the blood stream. These harmones not only cause individuals to develop the physical characteristics of their sex, but they also
stimulate the desire for a different and more mature type of affectional response. The young person’s attention now begins to turn to members of the opposite sex
outside the immediate family. Normally, interests and activities begin to be centered around boy-girl relationships.
During the teen-age period, then, the young person is going through a period of transition from a family group which for years has satisfied his
emotional needs. The family group no longer meets all basic needs and the drive for intimate response forces young people along the road to intimate response
forces young people along the road to matrimony. In marriage their basic sex urges are satisfied. Normally, they decide later on that their lives are still not
complete and they begin to desire children. Thus the cycle goes on as a new family is started and the “affectional stream” continues its course in the babies of
the new family. Occasionally, happily married couples declare that their love experience
was one in which both fell desperately in love at sight. What actually happened in such cases was that the couple experienced strong mutual attraction at first sight,
6
and upon getting acquainted found that they had many things in common, such as similar beliefs, attitudes, social standards, and tastes. These common interests
made it possible for them continue an association which grew into love and a happy marriage. Some of these couples do not know at what point in their
association they passed the phase of purely sexual attraction and progressed into a relationship enriched by other elements necessary to love.
The cases of “love at first sight” that do not end in happy marriage are probably far more numerous than those that do. They receive less attention,
however, for when the affair turns out to be a passing thing those involved forget that it was “love at first sight” and relegate it to its place with other short-lived
infatuations. In other words, the emotional response was not love; the elements necessary for the growth of love were not present.
Love which leads to happy marriage may begin with a physical attraction that impels a couple to seek association with each other. That is only the starting
point. Necessary to the development of love is the discovery of mutual interests, enjoyment of each other’s company, a certain measure of agreement of life goals
and values, and the absence of personality traits that cause irritation or quarrels between the two. When all the necessary elements are present, the couple usually
finds that have are “in love,” and logically they begin to consider marriage. Other factors also contribute to the decision to marry. The contributing
factors are so interrelated that it would hardly be possible to say of any marriage, “For this one reason they married”. Most people either are, or believe themselves t
7
be, in love when they marry. One or both may be aware of other motives entering into the decision, but they would usually find it difficult to assign exact ratings of
relative importance to the different reasons prompting them to marry. A strong force compelling many people to marry is social expectancy. Our
society has been set up and organized on the assumption that people will marry and establish families. It is recognized as the normal thing to do. Society looks
askance at those who do not marry. In puritan New England the unmarried were required either to live with their families or with some respectable family who
could vouch for their behavior. Additional taxes have been used in modern times to force people into marriage. The more important factor is, without doubt, the
thinking of the group about those who do not marry. It is assumed that all women would like to marry and that if they do not it is because they have not had the
opportunity. When a woman fails to marry, the neighbors explain it in different ways; she is homely; she is too aggressive in trying to get a man; she is too
efficient; she drives men away; or she doesn’t attract men. An awareness of the attitudes directed toward the spinster forces into marriage many women who
would not marry is the position of the single woman were comparable to that of the married woman. Many marry in self-defense, to demonstrate their normality,
and not because of intense love feelings. An unattractive girl, doomed to spinsterhood in her own community, went
to the city and there met a man whom she married. Soon after the marriage her husband was arrested; she discovered that he had a criminal record. She had also
8
contracted a venereal disease from him. She secured a divorce and returned to her home community. When a friend tried to commiserate with her over her
unfortunate marriage, she replied, “oh, no. I proved that I could get married. It is much more comfortable to be a divorcee than to be a spinster. I’ll never be called
an old maid now.” This is an extreme case, but it illustrates the force of social pressure as an impellent toward marriage.
After people have left home and are “on their own,” many are inclined to considered marriage more seriously because they feel alone in the world. Their
friends are married and they are conscious of their lak of any permanent ties. One wife who had been married 15 years summed up her experience in this way, “I did
not marry for love or for money. The man loved me and had many of the expected qualifications. We belonged to the same church and our families approved and
encouraged the match. I not only did not love him, but in a physical sense he was unattractive to me. Yet being lonely, away from home, and with no close friends, I
decided it might e a good thing to help establish the home which both of us seemed to want.”
Girls who come from homes in which they find living unp0leasant may use marriage as an escape. If they feel that they have to work too hard or that fact
with the parents, marriage may seem to be the only release from an unpleasant environment. Other girls who are working outside the home supporting
themselves may find their work monotonous and also look to marriage as an escape. Grills who have been trained for a career may find that the career is less
9
stimulating and involves more drudgery than they had anticipated. For these people marriage may seem attractive as a way of gaining economic support.
Many who go into marriage as an escape from some other situation become disillusioned when they find that marriage also requires work and self-
discipline. If their dissatisfaction with the former environment was due to faults within themselves, they will not be any better satisfied with marriage. It is
possible, however, even for the for the girl who marries as an escape to make a fortunate choice of a mate and to value what she finds in marriage sufficiently so
that she will work to make a success of it. The happy marriages are those in which both husband and wife find
fulfillment of a majority of these needs. In many marriages both partners either consciously or unconsciously seek to give to each other the love, understanding,
and moral support that enables the spouse to feel that he counts for something. In many marriages enough of these needs are met so that both partner are fairly well
satisfied with the bargain, and the marriage may be called successful. In other marriages one or the other may seem to take pleasure in puncturing the self-
esteem of the spouse, or may be entirely unconscious of the personality needs of the mate and make no effort to contribute to their satisfaction the consciousness of
these needs, nevertheless, impels people toward marriage. The girl who is too anxious for marriage and who shows indications of
aggressiveness in her behavior with men is likely to decrease her chances for marriage. Some men respond favorably to pursuit by the girl, but many fell that
10
they must do the pursuing and are wary of overly aggressive women. One college girl had the reputation of being overanxious for marriage. Through her college
years and for some time afterwards she continued her search for a husband without success. At last she gave up hope and lost herself in her procession. Later
and eligible widower found her and married her. She was attractive whole in college and probably would have been married at the time except for her
aggressive courtship behavior. Many girls know how to pursue in a subtle way so that the man either believes he is taking the initiative or enjoys being pursued.
A third factor which must be taken into consideration in explaining the unmarried is that many people fail to achieve emotional independence in their
relationship with their parents. This failure may be the fault of dominating parents, or it may e due to personality traits in the child himself. The child may
form an abnormally strong attachment for one parent and fail to mature to where he can become interested in a member of the opposite sex outside the family. His
affectional development has been arrested at an immature level. In some such cases the individuals may later marry. Sometimes they in effect marry the parent
through their marriage to someone having many of the parental characteristics. The most interesting case of parent-child attachment we have observed
was one in which a couple had been married 40 years but had never lived together. They married with the understanding that the wife was to continue living
with her mother as long as her mother need her. The husband had a business in another town and was to live there, since the mother-in-law would not leave the
11
farm to live in his home. When we met the couple they were still living apart. The mother-in-law was in her late nineties, the young folks, in their late sixties.
Some people do not marry because they fail to take advantage of the opportunities that they have. Certain young women may be quite sincere when
they say that they wish to have a career other than marriage. They prepare for the career and either refuse to become seriously involved in courtship or do not accept
the proposals of marriage that are made. They may engage in a profession for some time and then discover that when they are ready for marriage it is too late.
They have passed the time when most girls marry and it is no longer easy to find eligible mates. If they have been successful in a career, they may have developed
aggressive characteristics in working with men which do not attract men in an affectional way.
Other girls mature late in their attitudes toward marriage and even though they are not interested in a career, they pass up opportunities for marriage. They
do no tbecome interested in marrying at the time when opportunities are presented. Many modern spinsters quite freely express regret that they did not
take advantage earlier opportunities for marriage. They can see that some of those whom they disregarded earlier would have mad fine husbands had they
themselves been mature enough at the time to recognize a good marital prospect. Marriage may contribute to longevity and mental balance slightly if it
means that a man has someone to care for him and if he lives a more normal life, but the larger factor is that those who are the most normal physically and who
12
have the best mental balance are apt to marry. Those who are physically abnormal, insane, feeble-mined, or psychoneurotic are excluded from marriage or
are less likely to marry. This selection explains the difference in personality disorganization and longevity between the married and unmarried male. Since
even in present-day society with courtship customs changing men still have an advantage in choosing mates, these selective factors operate more effectively with
men than with women. Women who do not marry are not necessarily the emotionally and physically inferior ones to the extent that may be true of men. In
fact, women who would be excellent wives and mothers are frequently overlooked and remain unmarried because they have less opportunity than men to seek a mate
openly. A man may feel that he could never support a family and that therefore he
should not marry. A woman who lacks confidence in herself may conclude at an early age that she can never attract a husband and she may therefore leave
marriage out of her life plan. Some people are homosexual in their interest, that is, they desire companionship with the same sex and are a not interested in members
of the opposite sex. Failure to develop heterosexual interests may have either a biological basis or may be due to social conditioning.
A surplus of marriageable women means that a radical shifting of social attitudes is need. The spinster ought not to feel that here is something wrong
worth her because she did not marry. It must be openly and realistically
13
recognized that here are not enough eligible males in our present society and that many women, therefore, will remains unmarried.
If any stigma is to be attached to singleness, it should be attached to the single male. Although many males are unsuited for marriage because of physical
defects, mental defects, alcoholism, economic inability, or criminality, some who remain unmarried are suited for marriage. There social pressure should be upon
the marriageable but unmarried male rather than upon he unmarried female. Girls have been conditioned to think of marriage as a desirable goal in life,
whereas boys have not been so conditioned. With a surplus of women, however, it would be desirable if the conditioning could be reversed. The potential husband
supply might be increased if boys were brought up to think of marriage as an inevitable and desirable part of adulthood. At the same time, more emphasis in the
upbringing of grills might be placed upon the opportunity for worth–while living that does not necessarily include marriage. As long as nature continues to
function, people will continue to marry; society’s problem at present is to attempt to remedy the conditions that permit qualified meals to remain unmarried and that
at the same time permit qualified females to be without husbands.
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3.
PUNJABI MARRIAGE
Although many different forms of marriage are found in the world, the most common form of marriage is monogamy, the marriage of one man to one
woman. Even in countries in which no law prohibits a man’s having many wives, monogamy is still the most common type of marriage.
As life becomes more complicated in modern societies, marriage customs become of more concern to the state, and laws are passed which attempt to
regulate marriages to protect the interests of those who marry and of the children who may be born. At one time, in our country, two who decided to marry could,
without benefit of license, judge, or minister, just set up housekeeping and be married. But today, in most parts of our country, when two wish to marry, they
must go through certain formalities and meet some legal requirements. The regulations governing marriage have grown up gradually in the
different states, and the laws in each state tend to be based upon the marriage customs in that section of the country, if laws are passed which are not in
harmony with the customs of an area, the laws tend to be ignored or left unenforced.
Some of the last are conflicting and create confusion among people who move from state to state. This was of little importance formerly when the
population was less mobile than now; but with the present shrinking of our country in size because of sift and convenient means of transportation, more
uniformity in marriage regulations is needed.
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All states prohibit marriage between close relatives, but the last differ on the degree of relationship which is permitted or prohibited. Brothers and sisters,
fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, grandfathers and granddaughters, of grandmothers and grandsons cannot legally marry in any state. About half of the
states prohibit the marriage of first cousins and of half-brothers and half-sisters. Only six states prohibit the marriage of second cousins. Many states that have a
law against the marriage of first cousins recognize the marriage of firs cousins if they marry in another state where first-cousin marriage is legal.
Many states have laws prohibiting marriage of affinity that is, marriage of those who are related, not by blood, but by marriage. The most common of these
laws prohibit stepparent from marrying step children. Some states prohibit the marriage of parents-in-law to sons-in law and daughters-in-law, and 18 states say
that a man or woman may not marry the granddaughter-in-law or grandson-in- law. Some states o so far as to say that a man may not marry his former wife’s
grandmother. Many of the regulations on marriages of affinity seem to have no
reasonable basis. No more valid reason exists why a man should not marry his granddaughter-in-law or his former wife’s grandmother, than why he should not
marry any other woman who is much older or much younger than he. Such laws were probably formulated by people who failed to see the difference between
relationships based on affinity and relationships of consanguinity.
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Among thoroughbred animals, close relatives are often mated to produce an even better strain. However, people can never be entirely sure of all the
elements present in their germ plasma; thus, in general, it is better that society prohibit the marriage of close blood-relatives under any circumstances.
When the time comes for marriage, people living in the states requiring a venereal disease test mute meet that requirement first. The examination is good
for a period of from 10 to 40 days, the time varying in the deferent states. If the person does not marry within the specified time, it is necessary to take the test
again. After passing the venereal disuse test, the couple applies for a marriage
license. All states now require that people have a marriage license before they can marry. However, Quakers or those belonging to certain other religious groups
why object to the license may marry without one. In general, the sate steps aside and does not enforce its regulations on marriage if religious groups have
regulations which conflict with regulations of the states. Although many different people are qualified to perform marriage
ceremonies in the various states, three out of four couples are married by a minister, a priest, or a rabbi. In most states marriages may be performed by a
justice of the peace, who represents civil authority. It is not even necessary to have a marry officiant. In most states, Quakers
or people of any sect believing in a special way of solemnizing a marriage may be married without a marriage officiant. In the Quaker ceremony, the young people
17
accually marry themselves. The two simply repeat the marriage ceremony the groom states, “I, John, take thee, Nancy, to be my wedded wife”, and so forth, and
then the birded repeats, “I, Nancy, take thee, John, to be my wedded husband,” and the rest. After the couple have made this pledge, all of the people present in
the church sign the wedding certificate. Such a wedding is just a legal as may in which a marriage officiant is present.
Formerly, the planning of the wedding was largely up to the bride and her family. Today, weddings, like family living, are becoming more democratic. It is
still the custom for a bride and her family to pay the expense of the wedding, except that the bridegroom pays the wedding officiant.
The average girl looks forward to her wedding and gives thought ot the kind of wedding she wishes to have. Whether the wedding will be large and
elaborate or simple and inexpensive will depend upon the economic level of the two families as well as upon the preferences of the couple who marry. The cot and
the plans for most weddings ought to be kept within the means of the family and on a standard comparable to that upon which the young people will live after their
marriage. Ministers, priests, and rabbis can often give good suggestions to those
planning a wedding. Many churches have committees of women who make a specialty of assisting with plans for weddings to be held in the church. They will
attend to all the details of the wedding and a reception, after consulting with the couple and their families.
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Most engaged couples look forward with happy anticipation to the time when they will be married and begin their honeymoon, whether the honeymoon is
to be a journey or simply consists of moving into a house or apartment. The custom of having a honeymoon goes back into a dim past and has a sound basis. It
is a good thing for a newly married couple to go away where they can start their married life without being observed and supervised by members of either family.
Today the custom of going away for an extensive honeymoon of weeks or months is becoming less prevalent than it was in former years. Many couples find it easier
to plan for a few days or a weekend rather than for an extended. Whatever the plans, a few principles might be suggested an s a guide.
First, the honeymoon should not be so expensive that the couple will be burdened with debts afterward: it is possible to have a successful honeymoon without
spending lavishly. Second, the honeymoon should be free from the rush and hurry of ordinary living. Its purpose is to give the pair a chance to start married life as
advantageously as possible. This purpose is defeated if they undertake such an s strenuous travel schedule that they become tired and tense. Third, wherever the
honeymoon is spent, it should be in a place that provides complete privacy, so that they can establish at once the habit of affectionate understanding in their
association together, without self-consciousness. If we are successful in our social relationship in the years before we marry,
we have to work at understanding others. Learning skill in human relationships is one of the first tasks of the growing-up years. As we mature, we learn, sometimes
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the hard way, that we have to change and adjust if we wish to be liked, but many of us think it will be different when we marry. You might think that when you
find a person whom you love and who loves you, you can marry that person and automatically be happy from hen on. That is not true.
During the courtship period before marriage, the engaged couple is inclined to emphasize the points on which they agree. They enjoy discovering
their mutual likes; and if they discover points upon which they disagree, these points can be ignored or dismissed as unimportant. After the couple marries and
the honeymoon is over, they gradually settle down to the everyday business of living. As time passes, they become aware that on some points they do not agree.
True, some points of disagreement are not important. If she likes sea foods and he hates them, the problem is not very serious. Once in a while she can make
a shrimp salad for herself but give him the lettuce and tomato salad he prefers, or she can indulge her taste for sea foods on the days he does not come home for
lunch. Many such differences in tastes, attitudes, or feelings require only minor adjustment. If both people are fairly reasonable, they will hardly be conscious that
they have adjusted. But there are a few major areas in life in which married people must work together. They must find that they are in agreement or they must work
to adjust to their differences if they are to live happily together. Social change is a continuous process. As with other aspects of social life,
there has been dramatic social change in marriage, the family, and sexual behavior is what the topics discussed in the writing. Similarly, there has been significant
20
change in how these subjects are discussed of analyzed and in the backgrounds and experiences of the writer who study is research.
The phenomena discusses here must “evolve” to meet changing circumstances, knowledge, and points of view. Otherwise, it soon loses touch with
student concerns and needs. This discussion has been revised substantially to provide students both with a sound knowledge base necessary to understand the
complexities and challenges of marriage and with information which may be useful for marriage preparation.
We believe the text is at the threshold of a new period of growth. When hope that instructors in marriage and family courses
will recognize this as they peruse this idea. Marriage is among the most highly valued forms of human association. All
societies have designed socially approved ways in which males and females bond together. Similarly, every society provides ways for unties of closely related
individuals to share legal, economic, and affection responsibilities and rewards. Societies call the male-female bon marriage, and the until of related individuals,
in which children are produced and reared, is known as the family. In modern society marriage eventually attracts more than nine out often adults.
Marriage has taken many forms throughout history and from society to society. In some societies, and individuals may have two or more spouses
simultaneously. Poligamy is the general term which describes these unions. There are two forms of plygramy. Polygyny, the more common, involves one husband
and more than one wife. Polyandry involves one wife and more than one husband.
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There are also a few examples of group marriage, a union of three or more males and females, although this has never been the dominant marriage form in any
society. Of course, the marital form with which we are most familiar is monogamy, which involves one male and one female. In the society where both
custom and law determine the conditions under which we marry, monogamy is the usual practice.
The centrality of marriage in Indonesia can hardly be disputed. Children are socialized for marriage from early childhood. Virtually all children, if asked,
will say they intend to marry. Such responses should not be unexpected, since television, school books, motion pictures, and the example presented by their
parents suggest to them that marriage is expected. The mass media continue to confirm the centrality of marriage as the child matures. In Indonesia, where
couples typically marry because they are in love, the great amount of attention devoted to love, romance, sex, and marriage has a powerful influence on
individuals of all ages. In some societies, marriages are arranged by the parented, and the young
persons who are involved in the union have little say in the matter. Such a practice seem highly unusual to most young contemplating marriage, since a marriage
based on love cannot be created by individuals other than those in love. But marriage has different meanings for different people. In societies where marry is
arranged by parents, the marriage ceremony has the very important function of bringing tow families together as much as it brings two individuals together. Since
22
the parents and other family members have much at stake in the marriage, they take a greater role in finding mates for their children that parents do. Definitions
also carry from culture to culture. Love usually has a strong romantic component. However, some cultures may consider love to be primarily a feeling of
commitment, companionship, or security. Thus, in arranged marriages, love is expected to develop after the wedding, rarely before.
Thus, marriage has taken on a greater role in the emotional gratification of its partners. This important function was always a part of marriage in Karo
Society but one could argue that it will become in caressingly important. Contrast this emerging function with others which are declining in the family. The
socialization and education of children, for example, occur more and more outside the home. The increase in preschools and day care among young children, college
and university education among young adults, and the great deal of peer group interaction during childhood and adolescence reflect a trend which began several
decades ago, when the family started to shift the socializing-educational function from the home to the public schools.
house. We have seen a shift in the economic function, which many years ago was
firmly rooted in the family by virtue of the dominance of agriculture and the family farm. Even the recreational function has moved outside the home as we
have increasingly come to rely on leisure opportunities created by a modern
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society; campers, spectator sports in grand facilities, golf courses, racquetball courts, tennis clubs, swimming pools, ten-speed bicycles.
The decline in the socializing educational, religious economic, protective, and recreational functions of the family has not influenced modern Karoness
marriage as much as the demands placed on it by the increase in the affectional, emotional gratification role. We expect a lot from marriage. The inability of many
couples to meet this expectation undoubtedly contributes to our very high divorce rate.
The traditional engagement of Punjabi people, it will be as the same as the of other ethnics tradition in practice the engagement. Punjabi has their traditions
of the engagement and so do the other people. It may be the boy or the girl side to ask first the hand for his son or daughter. The two parties may engage a
representative as a tradition or they may contact directly without a representative. But mostly they prefer to have the representative.
When the two parties have come to an agreement for the engagement of their children at once, it is then okay for the engagement day. The girls side will
go to the boy’s house on the engagement day for the engagement ceremony is to be performed at the boy’s residence or at the ternple. When someone intends to
engage his son or daughter he usually gets the help of a representative who is known as a mediator or a guide. It is usually pointed one of the relatives or close
friends. First the relative will ask the concerned gentlemen very politely whether he has intention to engage his son or daughter. If the answer is a negative one then
he will not mention on whose behalf he has come, but if he gets a positive and
24
nice answer then he will tell everything on whose behalf he has come. Usually he will not get the result at that day. The concerned person will discuss the proposed
with his family. On the golden days, it was the choice of the parents. They would not ask
for consent of their sons or daughters who were to be engaged. But is today, this is not following that tradition be parents have to ask for the consent of their beloved
son or daughter. There are some problems arise before their engagement taken place. The
couplemeet and talk together about their engagement. When the couple have come to an agree ment then the parents will let the guide know, and a day is decided for
the engagement. The engagement ceremony is performed at the boy’s residence or at the temple. There is no function on the eve of the engagement day at the gidrl’s
house. Close relatives and friends are invited to the party. Before going to the boy’s heuse to attend the engagement ceremony the girl’sarents have to get ready
some lump—sugar about three to four kilos and some sweets. The sugar is broken into small pieces. Then the lumo—su—gar and some sweets are mixed together
and tied in a piece of red cloth. This parcel is then placed in a decorated basket with coloured paper.
Next, they have also to get ready a gold ring and coin usually a silver coin. On the engagement day the ring is given to the boy, it can be done by the
guardian and the coin is also given to the boy. As it has already been mentioned, the engagement ceremony can be performed at the boy’s residence or at the
Temple which is called Gurdwara. If the ceremony is to be performed at home,
25
the Holy criptwes called Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, should be brought home and a priest should be present to conduct the ceremony. All guests sit decently before
the Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, as a respect to the Holy Scriptures. They sing some spiritual songs, while waiting for the girl’s relative visit.
The girl to be engaged and her mother do not come on the engagement ceremony. When the party from the girl side have come to, then the priest
commences’ the prayers with regard to the function of the engagement. In this prayers before the Holy Scription the priest mentions that the son of Mr. Karam is
beiñg engaged to the daughter of Mr. Raju in the presence of the congregation. He asks the blessings of God for the couple and may the union of the couple be ever
lasting. After the prayers, the representative will place the basket of candy before
the boy to be engaged. He puts the piece of coin into the boy’s hand and then he takes a candy and puts into the boy’s mouth. He also gives him some money.
Then the ,proepective father—in—law puts the gold ring into the boy’s finger and gives hint some money. This is followed by the other guests, who also give some
money to the boy. For this, the boy gi.ves some candy to every guest who gives him money. On this occasion, the guests also give congratulations to both parents.
After this ceremony that is on food is then served by, all the guest and his relatives and this means the day of the ceremony is over. On the next day, when
they are practicing the ceremony of the engagement, they make a day for the coming weding. Of course this decision to make a plan has been the result their
meeting to find a perfect and fix time day, date, month, and year and the place of
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the weding will be taken place. Sometimes this has a choice according to the situation of the boy’s house. If his father’s house is not enough for the guests of
course they will do the weding at a temple. After the engagement, a day is chosen for the Shagoon ceremony. It will
made at the girl’s residence, not at temple therefore relativies and friends especially the ladies are invited to the temple where the ceremony will be taken
place. Before going to the girl’s house to attend the Shagoon ceremony the boy’s mother has to prepare some lump—sugar, sweets, clothing or sets of Sari and a
gold ring also as well. Then the ladies from the boy’s side will ask the girl to wear the beautiful
red dress which they brought. All the close of the girl’s side of the relatives and friends from both sides will give her some money and a thanking also will be
given. As the Shagoon ceremony is over, Punjabi dishes are served by. Soon as the promised time comes, the bridegroom’s and bride’s parents
The bridegroom’s and bride’s parents may one day may go to see the Pendeta who is thought as a pious man. On their meeting they will discuss about the time they
have discussed before date, day, month, year, and place or day of the wedding of their son and daughter will be held on. Infact, deals with the Punjabi religion any
day or date is considered will be a good day. The Punjabi people must not go to a special person, who has imagination beyond the five different senser to find out
the special time for the weding. Any day of the week is a good day, but the young generation of the Punjabi believe that Sunday and Wednesday better than the
other days. Sunday is the most popular day which is usually chosen for this
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occasion, for the simple reason that it is a holiday and most of friends and relative who are going to be invited to the wedeing will find it good to go to a weding
ceremony, any how the people of Punjabi tend to chose Wednesday after the Sunday. So out of these two days, Sunday and Wednesday a little bit rare to be
chosen. When the date of the wedding has been decided then both sides will make
the wedding invitations and send to all relatives and friends.
With ‘regard to the costumes the bridegroom usually wears the traditional costumes. The shirt is like a T— shirt with long sleeves and no neck tie. He also
ties a loose piece of cloth which nearly touches the ground round his coins. Today, for the Punjabi’s young generation this kind of traditional are not practice
anymore. The bridegroom prefers to weat a suit acoat and pants with a necktie. In whatever case, the suit must not be black or white colour. Besides this he has
already with him a piece of cloth of the same colour with his turban called”pella”, about two to three meters long, when he is going to the bride’s heuse on the
wedding day. The length of the time is not fixed, for it depends on the physical size of the groom. The writer will tell when and how this pella is used during the
wedding ceremony. On the front part of the turban is tied an ornament of silvery or golden threads which hang down over the face.
In case the bride has no choice of her dress. She has to wear the traditional Punjabi dress or we may call it a set of special suit also, for it consists of a long
dress and a specific kind of trousers will be worn by the Punjabi women as well. Usually the dress i decorated with beautiful bordired. She must wear a veil which
is called “Dupatta” on her head. The suit and the “Dupatta” must be of bright red,
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pink, or orange. Like all other brides, she also wears ornament, on her head, hands, fingers, and round her neck.
Two days before or on the eve of the wedding some ledies, they are relatives and friends, will come to the bridegroom’s residence. The ladies will
sing together. The songs sare mainly about the wedding. This functio.n is called “ladies Sanggeet”. Sangeet means song. In the evening on the eve of the wedding,
the ledies and girls will dance, accompanied by songs too. There is a lot of fun and merry - naking on this evening to mark the haDpy. occasion. Sometimes a
lady will disguise herself as a n and dance with a lady, and a young man will disguise him self as a girl, wearing girl’s dress and make fun. But this is not a
custom, this is done only for the sake of fun. As usual, the mother of the bridegroom will also take part in the dance, if
she is able to. In this modern time the writer has often seen that the youths will perform their own disco or other modern dancing in order to make the party is full
of joy and hopely the invited guests will find it happines. Actually according to the Punjabi religion this ceremony is not so
necessary, for this is done only in the Hindu wedding rituals, but as the Punjabi religion usully used the oil ceremony which is also has become one of the
traditional customs of the Punjabi wedding rites. Usually, two days before the wedding, or it may be earlier ladies relatives and friends are invited to attend the
oil ceremony. This ceremony is repeated again in the moring of the wedding day. How is the oil ceremony performed? Some oil is out in one dish and some
saffron powder curcuma domestica ismixed with a little oil and made into a
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thick paste and put in other dish. The prospective bride is brought to the bathroom àn4 made to sit on a low stool. A piece of bright red colour cloth is held overthe
girl. Then by turn each lady only the cloest relatives, usually 5, 7 or 9 in number will put a little oil on the head of the girl and a little saffron pasta on the palm of
the girl. While putting on the oil the other ladies sing together at the same time. When the oil ceremony is finished the saffron paste is rubbed all over the girl’s
body. After this she is not allowed to take her bath until the morning of the wedding day.
This function is done on the eve of the wedding. They will apply the “Mahendi” lawsonia inermis on the hands and feet of the bridge in decorative
patterns. There will be “ladies sangeet” song by ladies in this evening too. At the bridegroom’s residence, there is a lot of fun and merry making. Many relatives
and friends who are invited on the wedding day will come on this evening. The mothers and ladies will sing and dance merrily. Very often a lady will disguise
herself as a man and make a lot of fun which causes much amusement and laughter and joyfull.
The wedding ceremony is performed at the bride’s residence or at the temple. If it is to be performed at the bride’s residence then the Holy Scriptures
from the temple should be brought to the bride’s house. So, it is clear that the bridegroom must go to the bride’s residence and not at a place where the
bridegroomr esides. If there is any, then it is against the custom, and there must be some extraordinary reason.
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There is also an oil ceremony for the bridegroom. He is made to sit on a low stool and a piece of bright red colour cloth is held over him. Then a little oil is
put on his hair in turn by the ladies, usually the closest relatives. When this is done then some saffron which is made into a paste is rubbed all over his body. But
sometimes this is not done, perhaps the bridegroom does not like this, so in order to fulfil the custom, each lady has just put a little of the saffron paste on hjs hand.
After this he is allowed to bathe himself to clean the au in the hair and the saffron from his body. At the same time the ladies will continue to sing. When he has
finished bathing then a uncle should be a mother’s brother not a father’s brother and, in case there is no uncle, an elder brother will make him to get down from the
stool, after giving him some money. Then he will go to his room andget dressed. He may be helped to get dressed.
When he is ready he is made to sit in a chair. Then the mother will give him something to eat nowadays sugar is very common. This is followed by the
other close female relatives. After this, the guests will then begin to give presents. Mostly they give money only. Some will give money as well as a piece of cloth
for the suit. The closest relatives, who can affod, will give gold rings or other valuable things.
When it is ready to go to the bride’s residence or the temple wherever the wedding is to be performed the bridegroom then gets into the car. Before the car
moves there are three things to be done. Firstly, the sister in law or any other lady in the position of a sister in—law will apply a “surma” black eye-shadow to the
eyes of the bridegroom. Secondly, the sisters or any girl who are related’ as sisters
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will tie three pieces of thick red thread on the top front part of the car. Th’èn by turn the sisters will weave the pieces of thread in to a plait. Thirdly, when the car
is ready to move, the father or an uncle, or a brother, will make several showers of coins. The children will get the benefit at this event and there is a struggle to get
the most coins. Then the wedding procession leaves for the bride’s residence. As it has been stated early that the bride is bathed properly, the oil
ceremony is repeated. On the morning of the wedding, the bride is again made to sit on a stool and a red colour cloth is held over her head, a little oil is applied on
her head as it has been done two days before and at the same time a little paste of saffron is put on her hand. This should be done by the same ladies who have
applied the oil at the first oil ceremony. Then the saffron paste is rubbed all over her body. She is then bathed to clean the oil ard saffron. All the ladies who attend
the ceremony will continue to sing. After she has been bathed properly, she will stand on the stool and then her uncle or her brother will lead her down the stool
after giving her some money, and then short her to her room, where she will be dressed.
The bridegroom accompanied by the relatives, friends and aquiantances arriving at the bride’s residence on the wedding day is called “baraat”. The bride’s
father accompanied by some of his guests receives the “barat” The bride’s father will take with him a piece ofelo4h on a tray usually 5 yards wrapped up in
coloured “paper with some’money on it. The two parties, that is the baraat and the party of the bride’s father will meet in ‘he open space. The two parties will
advance forward sldwly while they are singing in a happy and high tone. When
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the song is finished the two parties will stop a few paces apart and greet aloud with the words “Wahigu ru Ji ICa Kha Jaa, Wahigiru Ji Fateh” which means
“Khalsa is the chosen of God, and God be victorious”, then the father of the bridegroom and bride will come forward to meet. The bridegroom’s father takes
the cloth from the tray a part of the money which is placed over the cloth and returns the rest of the money. Then he puts the cloth over hisbow head for a
moment as a token of respect and gratitude. It has become a common practice, but not a compulsary, for those who cai afford, the bride’s father puts a gold ring into
the finger of the bridegroom’s father. Then the two fathers shake hands and followed by a warm embrace. Either guests will also shake hands with each other.
The baraat is then escorted to the place where the wedding is to take place. The bridegroom and some of the baraat sit in front of the guests. Whether at the
bride’s riaidence or at the temple, all the guests must sit facing the Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji The Holy Scriptures of the Sikh constantly attended by the
priest. Every gueta hould kneel down before the Shri Guru Granth Sahib Jiand bow until his or her forehead tounch es the floor a homage to the oly Scriptures.
When all the guests have sat down the priest reads some verses from the Holy Scriptures and the the bridegtone. When the song is finished the two parties
will stoD a few paces apart and greet aloud with the words “Wahigu— ru Ji ICa KhaJ.aa, Wahigiru Ji Fateh” which means “Khalsa is the chosen of God, and God
be victorious”, then the father of the bridegroom and bride will come forward to meet. The bridegroom’s father takes the cloth from the tray a part of the money
which is placed over the cloth and returns the rest of the money. Then he puts the
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cloth over hisbow head for a moment as a token of respect and gratitude. It has become a common practice, but not a compulsary, for those who cai afford, the
bride’s father puts a gold ring into the finger of the bridegroom’s father. Then the two fathers shake hands and followed by a warm embrace. Either guests will also
shake hands with each other. The baraat is then escorted to the place where the wedding is to take place. The bridegroom and some of the baraat sit in front of the
guests. Whether at the bride’s riaidence or at the temple, all the guests must sit facing the Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji The Holy Scriptures of the Punjabi
constantly attended by the priest. Every gueta hould kneel down before the Shri Guru Granth Sahib Jiand bow until his or her forehead tounch es the floor as
homage to the oly Scriptures. As the all guests have been taking seats the priest reads some verses from
the Holy Scriptures and then the bridegroom is ushered to sit in front of the Holy Scriptures. Then the bride comes, attended by the bride’s maids and is escorted to
Bit Ofl the left side of the bridegroom. Then songs are recited accompanied by a simple music. The writer says simple music because there are only two or three
musical instruments used, that is a harmonium an a drum. The song finished, the priest, the couple and their father or guardians will stand up as the priest
conducts some prayers about the wedding. In his prayers the priest baa to mention the names of the couple and their fathers in the presence of the Shri Guru Granth
Sahib Ji and in the presence of the congregation the couple are being married and asks the blessing of God.. They may then sit down after the prayers. Before the
marriage rites are performed the priest first gives some advice to the couple in
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common and then individually. He tells them that this is the last stage of union between a man and a womar.. There must not be any doubts and suspicion
between’ope anotber. Their feelings and thoughts are the same., ‘hey have two bogies but their souls have become one.
Then the priest tells them that he belives they must have taken “Amrit” Amrit is a eiieet nectar prepared by the priest by mixing sugar with water and
while the priest is presentsing his praying and then it is given to the person to drink and sprinkled five times over the person’s head when baptized to be a
Punjabi. From now on ward whatever they do must follow the Sikh religion. They must be true to their religion. At any time they must say “Waheguru” prays
God. “Guru” is the Guru Granth Sahib Ji. In the Sikh religion husband and wife are to look upon each. They are both like tow – wheels of the cart and must work
co-operatively and be faithful to each other. So life as two bodies wih one soul and with mutual understanding and as the Punjabi teachings “Love whom you
marry”. The priest tells the groom that the bride’s parents have chosen him as the
most beloved husband for their daughter. Now his wifeeing his life partner, his love towards her must not fadein any circumstances or condition and he should
share all happiness and misery together and be always ready to help the poor and the needy. He is the protector of her honour and body. He must always
remains loyal to his wife. Hemust not look at other women with lust. The elderly ones he must look as his mother and the younger ones as his sisters and
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daughters. His wife’s parents and relativs should be respected just as he respects and honours his own parents and relatives.
The priest then gives advice to the bride. He tells her that in the presence of the Holy Scriptures and the audience guests that she is being married to the
gentleman present on her right side. She must always have pure love for her husband in the time of happiness and misery, at home or overseas she must
remain faithful to her husband and serve him. Her husband’s parents and relatives should be treated as her own parents and relatives. Her faithfulness
towards her husband is her predious jewels. When the priest has finished giving his advice he asks the couple if they
accept all the advice he has given them, they may bow down their heads to the Scriptures as a token of acceptance. And acordingl, the couple bow their heads.
Then the piece of saffron cloth called “pella” which the bridegroom has brought with him the writer has mentioned this saffron cloth when describing the
groom’s costumes is passed over his right shoulder and tied under his left arm. This is being done then the bride’s father or any of her guadfán will place the
other end of the “pella” into the bride’s hands. She should hold this end of the “pella” fiimly,. At the same time a song is chanted about the bride, tht in the
resence of the audience and the Holy Scriptures, she takes ‘and holds her husband’s “pella” and of the love of all her relatives she acknowledges and
acèepts her husband’s love. Leaving behind the praises ceflsures of the people she follows him and sacrifices herself for him.
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In the Sikh religion the marriage ceremony is called “Iawaan or .Anand Karj”. It is performed by circling clockwise around the Holy Scriptures, the Shree
Guru Granth Sahib Ji. The priest recites the hymns from the Granth Sahib Ji, entitled “Iawaan” page 773—774. There are four stances of the Iawaan. In the
performance of this ritual, the bridegroom followed by the bride behind him, holding the “pefla” as a sign of reliance begin to walk alowly, keeping right side
towards the Holly Scriptures, as soon as the priêt finishes reciting the first stance of the Iawaan and the congregation continue to chant the last verses of the
stance until the couple complete the circle round the holy criptures and then stand before the Holy Scriptures and wait. until the priest finishes reciting the
second stance, before the couple begin again to circle the Holy Scriptures. Thià i8:epeated until the four stances are recited by the priest and four urning round
the Holy Scriptures are, completed by the couple. Then the couple bow their heãs towards the holy Scriptures and sit down.
The writer thinks it is necessary to explain briefly about the four stances read:r the priest and about the circling of the couple around the Holy Scriptures.
Circling around the Holy book has a divine purpose, this resembles the Orbit of our solar system. The Sikh religion has a concept of belief in time which is divided
into four parts, which the Sikh call “Jugas”. The Sikh reject the four castes of human race. The fourth Guru of The Sikh, who wrote the “Iawaan” in the Holy
book leads the married life of his disciples through four steps of achievement to perfection.
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In the first stanza, the first begins from the normal relationship of husband and wife, mental and body, result of spring is not the only goal, life
harmony is lifted up to the spritual a wakening, passion to love, advanding for the sweetness of divine embrace. Direction is vivid, immortal life beyond the
flesh. In the second stanza, the oneness of the couple ie on its highest peak, balanced by the Omnipresent of the disciple’s mind becomes fearless and dirt of
pride being washed away. Pure love gained and God’s dignity is chanted. Lord Rama is seen Omnipresent, yet the mortal world is full of beauty to lead etray
both of them, thus the Guru direct to meditate and grasp God’s name. The third stanza is the turnover. Settled life has run long enough to feel
renounce. In the everchangirig world nothing is perpetual, departure is real. By the practice of solemn meditation, reality is the final goal both of bodily and
spritual lie. In fact, long before, the couple have inaintened the parth. Yet remains the guidance of the Guru. The conclusion is the fourth is the take of f of
the couple’s presence from the worldly scene to the painstakingly gainde heaven. The promised fulfilled, but by the grace of Guru. This state confirms not
the ending of life, not the blow of death. Living still and fearless the happy life contines hereafter. The ripen fruit is the meditation of creator, beloved God the
Love Himself. As soon as the “Iawaan” rituals are finished the cQngregation guests will
chant a happy song of congratu lations for the auspicious occasion. Then the couple and all the guests stand up as the priest conducts a prayer for the
38
conclusion of the marrige ceremony. After the prayers “parshad”ha1wa is distributed to the guests. Then the bridegroom together with the guests take his
lunch. It is the eustoi when food is served, before the groom begins to.eat his lunch, he will first set aside a dish of the food and sendit t the bride, with some
money any amount. The bride will eat the food send by the groom. Then it is time for the groom to return home he is called to sit beside the bride. As it has
become the custom, here the bride’s mother gives a present usually cloth for the suiting and some money to the son in—law and she and the closet family
feed the couple some sweet thing usually fine sugar. “Doli” means the married couple when they are leaving for home. When
it is time to leave the “doli” then escorted to the car in which the groom has come. Before entering the car the parents of the bride and the other near
relatives will embrace hug the bride by turn to show their love as a token of farewell to their beloved one. This’S the moat touching moments. The parents
and almost all the closest relatives shed their tears on the occasion of the depature of the doli. The bride will be accompanied by her brother or coasin
brother and a lady. As the doli reach home they are again given some sugar and mother in-
law of the bride gives her daughter in—law some money and some ornaments in the form of a gold necklace, bracelets or a zng. Whatever she can afford, and it is
not a must. It all depends on the economic ‘conditions ofthe parents. The bride will stay only for a night at the groom’s house. The couple are not allowed t’ileep
39
together. The next day the bride will return to her parents home, later on agreement of both sides, a day is fixed when the husband will go again to take
his wife. The day when the husband groom goes to take his wife for the first time, the consummation fo marriage, known as the “mukiawa” in the Punjabi
people custom of marriage. He is accompanied only by the closest relatives on this day.
It is on this day, the parents of the bride give their daughter he dowry. In the ikh religion the dowry is not a must. It depends on the economic conditions
of the parents. Besides, everyone of the relatives that accompanies the groom is given a piece of cloth for the suiting. Usually for the “mukiawa” the wife stays
with her husband foa about two weeks. Then her father of brother will come to take her home again, later, her husband may come alone on anyday to take his
wife and from this time onward she will tay forever and lead a new settled life. with her husband.
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4.
CONCLUSION AND SUGGESTION
4.1 Conclusion
