A STUDY OF SWEAR WORDS IN AMERICAN PIE NAKED MILE MOVIE - Unika Repository
1 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,351 Oh, honey, you don't look so good.
12 00:01:49,066 --> 00:01:51,903 I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
20 00:02:26,770 --> 00:02:28,606 <i>Yeah, just like that.</i>
19 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:26,645 <i>Honey.</i>
18 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,478 <i>Oh, do me, baby.</i>
17 00:02:20,222 --> 00:02:21,599 Yes, please.
16 00:02:17,553 --> 00:02:19,805 <i>Yeah. Fuck me, baby.</i>
15 00:02:05,499 --> 00:02:06,584 <i>Yeah.</i>
14 00:01:58,659 --> 00:02:00,661 <i>You wanna fuck me, baby?</i>
13 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,822 All right. Go back to what you were doing.
11 00:01:45,771 --> 00:01:48,983 Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad still has my clippers?
2 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:19,853 You should stay home from brunch.
10 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:40,975 <i>You wanna fuck me?</i>
9 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,223 Oh, yes. Yeah.
8 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,680 <i>Wanna fuck me, baby?</i>
7 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,026 Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
6 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,778 You can see Grandma when we get back.
5 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,108 You stay and rest.
4 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,065 I really want to go.
3 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,646 - Are you sure?
21 00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:31,984
<i>Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby.</i>
32 00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:55,382 <i>Oh. Oh, that's good.</i>
40 00:03:07,644 --> 00:03:09,187 <i>Baby, do me just like that.</i>
39 00:03:06,268 --> 00:03:07,561 <i>- Like this? Like this? - Yeah.</i>
38 00:03:04,391 --> 00:03:06,185 <i>- Like this? - Yeah, right there, babe.</i>
37 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:04,308 <i>Oh, yeah! So good.</i>
36 00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:03,098 <i>- Harder. - Harder? Okay.</i>
35 00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:01,180 Okay, Mom.
34 00:02:58,969 --> 00:03:00,053 Here we go.
33 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,759 <i>- You like that? I like that, too. - Oh, yeah!</i>
31 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:53,547 Oh, yeah.
22 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,569 <i>Oh, yeah!</i>
30 00:02:51,295 --> 00:02:52,379 I'll check on Erik.
29 00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:51,211 I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee.
28 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,001 I'll be right out.
27 00:02:44,121 --> 00:02:47,791 when there's a two-for-one coupon sitting on the counter.
26 00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:44,038 There's no way I'm letting you pay full price
25 00:02:40,242 --> 00:02:41,827 Honey, she doesn't like to waste money.
24 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,159 So what's the difference if you forgot the coupon?
23 00:02:35,821 --> 00:02:37,364 I told you I was paying.
41
00:03:10,564 --> 00:03:11,648 Okay, attagirl.
51 00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:43,847 Grandma.
59 00:04:17,255 --> 00:04:18,715 <i>questionable.</i>
58 00:04:14,377 --> 00:04:15,712 <i>Sometimes his methods are...</i>
57 00:04:10,832 --> 00:04:14,294 <i>Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' man and a legend in his own mind.</i>
56 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,748 <i>Everybody calls him Cooze 'cause that's all he's ever interested in.</i>
55 00:04:05,326 --> 00:04:07,036 <i>That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman.</i>
53 00:03:48,518 --> 00:03:51,771 <i>And it's pretty much the story of my life. But let me back things up a little bit.</i> 00:03:59,112 --> 00:04:02,157 <i>That's me. Not exactly the life of the party.</i>
52 00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:48,435 <i>And that's the day my grandmother died.</i>
50 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,427 Grandma. Grandma.
42 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,901 <i>- From behind? - Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!</i>
49 00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,038 <i>That's it, baby.</i>
48 00:03:23,285 --> 00:03:24,453 I'm about to. I'm about to.
47 00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:23,201 <i>You're gonna cum for me?</i>
46 00:03:20,949 --> 00:03:22,034 We're almost there.
45 00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,866 <i>- Yeah? Cum for me, baby. - I'm so close. I will.</i>
44 00:03:16,987 --> 00:03:18,780 <i>- You wanna cum for me, baby? - Oh, yeah.</i>
43 00:03:14,985 --> 00:03:16,361 - Okay. - All right.
60 00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:21,801
Very smooth.
71 00:04:51,414 --> 00:04:53,666 <i>and the coolest guy in school.</i>
78 00:05:13,728 --> 00:05:14,812 Oh!
77 00:05:08,389 --> 00:05:12,018 Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic to the pectoral girdle.
76 00:05:04,677 --> 00:05:07,638 Now make the first incision into your frogs.
75 00:05:03,009 --> 00:05:04,594 <i>We met in Biology, junior year.</i>
74 00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:02,341 <i>That's my girlfriend, Tracy.</i>
73 00:04:57,003 --> 00:04:59,297 Oh, thanks.
72 00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:56,919 Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale so it won't upset your stomach.
70 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,330 <i>Now he's the quarterback of the football team,</i>
61 00:04:22,468 --> 00:04:24,679 Oh, please. I consider that foreplay.
69 00:04:45,742 --> 00:04:49,537 <i>Believe it or not, back then, ropes.</i>
68 00:04:44,407 --> 00:04:45,658 <i>He moved here in second grade.</i>
67 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:44,323 See, I told you there was enough for both of you.
66 00:04:36,774 --> 00:04:38,943 <i>I don't know how he does it.</i>
65 00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:35,898 <i>That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm.</i>
64 00:04:27,056 --> 00:04:31,686 Last time I saw him, he was dancing with Stacey and Shelly.
63 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:26,973 I don't know.
62 00:04:24,762 --> 00:04:25,847 Where's Ryan?
79 00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:18,107
<i>I don't know what she saw in me,</i>
89 00:06:04,445 --> 00:06:07,906 Okay, I promise I'll never make you ride a horse again.
96 00:06:31,972 --> 00:06:34,474 <i>My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys.</i>
95 00:06:30,095 --> 00:06:31,221 <i>I'm a Stifler.</i>
93 00:06:24,464 --> 00:06:26,591 <i>but it's even worse for me.</i> 00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:29,803 <i>Yup.</i>
92 00:06:20,711 --> 00:06:23,964 <i>Now, being one of the only virgins in school is bad enough,</i>
91 00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:19,835 <i>Tracy's not ready to have sex yet, so that makes me a virgin.</i>
90 00:06:08,907 --> 00:06:12,911 <i>Looks like she's perfect, right? There's just one problem.</i>
88 00:06:00,899 --> 00:06:04,194 I don't know. Is it possible to break your ass?
80 00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:22,403 <i>but when I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, she said yes.</i>
87 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,190 Are you all right?
86 00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:55,018 Oh!
85 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,012 Screw it.
84 00:05:41,171 --> 00:05:43,757 Come on. Take the low one. It's easy.
83 00:05:32,496 --> 00:05:34,665 <i>And I try my best to get her.</i>
82 00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:30,619 <i>It's like she totally gets me.</i>
81 00:05:23,988 --> 00:05:27,074 <i>And for some reason, she kept going out with me.</i>
97 00:06:34,558 --> 00:06:39,271 <i>Steve, his brother, Matt, and our other cousin, Dwight.</i>
98 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,774 <i>You see, with my last name comes responsibility,</i>
99 00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:45,569 <i>a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to.</i> 100 00:06:45,735 --> 00:06:49,364 <i>Unfortunately, I've let on more than one occasion.</i> 101 00:06:49,447 --> 00:06:50,740 What's your problem, Erik? 102 00:06:50,824 --> 00:06:53,785 Your cousin would've helped me steal this beer. 103 00:06:53,868 --> 00:06:57,497 Dude, a real Stifler would have totally fucked that goat. 104 00:06:57,581 --> 00:07:01,501 If you were really a Stifler, you would have nailed Tracy by now. 105 00:07:02,127 --> 00:07:03,378 <i>Stifler.</i> 106 00:07:04,129 --> 00:07:07,924 <i>My name, my legacy, my curse.</i> 107 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:15,223 I can't believe you killed your grandmother from jerking off. 108 00:07:15,306 --> 00:07:16,975 The coroner's findings were inconclusive. 109 00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:19,811 Why are you still whacking it to that dumpster porn? 110 00:07:19,894 --> 00:07:22,897 Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet like a normal person? 111 00:07:22,981 --> 00:07:24,858 Well, because my mom put on that CyberNanny 112 00:07:24,941 --> 00:07:27,902 after you spent the entire night looking up German fetish porn. 113 00:07:27,986 --> 00:07:30,238 Man, you are pathetic. 114 00:07:30,572 --> 00:07:33,241 You know who I blame for this? Tracy. 115 00:07:33,324 --> 00:07:34,826 What? Why? 116
Because, if she would just give up a little ass, 117 00:07:37,537 --> 00:07:41,833 then maybe you wouldn't be killing your relatives with your money shot. 118 00:07:43,835 --> 00:07:48,798 Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin. For Christ's sake, you're a Stifler. 119 00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:58,599 Hey, sweetie. How was your math class? 120 00:07:58,683 --> 00:08:01,102 It was all right. How was English? 121 00:08:01,185 --> 00:08:03,229 Pretty interesting, actually. 122 00:08:03,312 --> 00:08:04,897 You know that kid that I always tell you about? 123 00:08:04,981 --> 00:08:08,150 - He was doing that pencil thing all... - That's cool. 124 00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:10,820 You okay? 125 00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:12,363 Yeah, I'm fine. 126 00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:18,202 Erik, we've been dating for two years. I know when something's bothering you. 127 00:08:18,285 --> 00:08:19,578 Nothing's wrong. 128 00:08:19,662 --> 00:08:22,415 you have this psychic ability to read me. 129 00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:24,875 Because I do. What is it? 130 00:08:25,835 --> 00:08:29,004 You're gonna think I'm an asshole. Let's just forget about it. 00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:32,758 Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me about anything. 132 00:08:34,301 --> 00:08:35,719 All right. 133 00:08:40,891 --> 00:08:42,476 It's the sex. 134 00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:44,812 I mean,
00:08:44,895 --> 00:08:48,107 we've been together for two years. Two years, Trace. 136 00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,567 I mean, when we were juniors, it was one thing, 137 00:08:50,651 --> 00:08:52,319 but we're seniors now, and this whole virgin thing 138 00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:54,905 is starting to have some serious consequences. 139 00:08:54,989 --> 00:08:56,991 I mean, people are dying. 140 00:08:58,242 --> 00:08:59,952 I told you, I'm not ready yet. 141 00:09:00,035 --> 00:09:02,079 I am so ready. 142 00:09:02,413 --> 00:09:04,706 Can't I be ready enough for the both of us? 143 00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:06,708 It doesn't work that way. 144 00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,377 It should. 145 00:09:08,919 --> 00:09:11,421 I'm sorry, Erik. I know how patient you've been. 146 00:09:11,505 --> 00:09:13,841 I know. It's just sometimes... 147 00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:15,384 What? 148 00:09:15,676 --> 00:09:19,555 Well, you're a girl. It's a lot easier for you to be a virgin 149 00:09:19,638 --> 00:09:22,558 because the longer you stay a virgin, the more pure and innocent you seem. 150 00:09:22,641 --> 00:09:24,017 The longer I stay a virgin, 151 00:09:24,101 --> 00:09:27,688 the more I become the laughingstock of the entire school. 152 00:09:29,189 --> 00:09:31,066 I'm sorry, but... I mean... 153 00:09:31,149 --> 00:09:32,985 I'm sorry I brought it up. 154 00:09:34,861 --> 00:09:37,239 I gotta go. I'll see you after school.
155 00:09:39,408 --> 00:09:40,492 Okay. 156 00:09:42,828 --> 00:09:43,870 Bye. 157 00:09:49,876 --> 00:09:52,963 I'm telling you, his dick was this big. 158 00:09:54,673 --> 00:09:57,092 What about Erik? I bet he's got a big one. 159 00:09:57,175 --> 00:09:59,135 Well, Tracy wouldn't know. 160 00:09:59,219 --> 00:10:00,262 Whatever. 161 00:10:01,304 --> 00:10:04,057 Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard to figure out dick size from dry humping. 162 00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:05,475 Brooke, that's mean. 163 00:10:05,558 --> 00:10:08,603 Just because I don't have a catalog of the school's dick sizes like you, 164 00:10:08,687 --> 00:10:10,730 doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two. 165 00:10:10,814 --> 00:10:13,733 Okay, so how big is Erik's? 166 00:10:16,444 --> 00:10:17,529 See? Told you. 167 00:10:17,612 --> 00:10:18,988 Come on, Brooke. 168 00:10:19,072 --> 00:10:20,573 It's not like that with us. 169 00:10:20,657 --> 00:10:22,951 I mean, Erik's different. He respects my boundaries. 170 00:10:23,034 --> 00:10:25,078 Well, you better give that boy a reason to stick around, 171 00:10:25,161 --> 00:10:27,789 or he's gonna find a girl with looser boundaries. 172 00:10:28,206 --> 00:10:29,374 Erik would never do that. 173 00:10:29,457 --> 00:10:31,084 Yeah, that's what you said about Trent. 174 00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:34,671 He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year. 175 00:10:34,754 --> 00:10:37,757 Yeah, this just isn't gonna work without the sex. 176 00:10:38,424 --> 00:10:42,345 God, Trent is cute, and I heard he just broke up with Holly. 177 00:10:43,262 --> 00:10:47,392 Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik, but let's get real. 178 00:10:47,850 --> 00:10:50,353 He's a guy, and guys have certain needs. 179 00:10:50,436 --> 00:10:54,273 They really do. It's like a caveman thing or something. 180 00:10:54,357 --> 00:10:57,902 Yeah, I can't believe you've kept him tied up this long. 181 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,988 Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to? 182 00:11:01,072 --> 00:11:02,156 Who? 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,283 Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan. 184 00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:05,785 Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight? 185 00:11:05,868 --> 00:11:07,954 Oh, we talk all the time. 186 00:11:08,037 --> 00:11:09,413 What? We have a lot in common. 187 00:11:09,497 --> 00:11:11,332 What's that crazy bastard up to? 188 00:11:11,415 --> 00:11:15,169 He's in some fraternity, and all those guys do is drink and fuck. 189 00:11:15,253 --> 00:11:18,005 they're throwing a monster party this weekend 190 00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:19,173 for the Naked Mile. 191 00:11:19,256 --> 00:11:20,383 What's the Naked Mile? 192 00:11:20,466 --> 00:11:22,259 Oh, dude, it's this thing where thousands of students 193
run naked through campus. 194 00:11:23,803 --> 00:11:26,013 It's the way of blowing off steam after exams. 195 00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:27,890 Thousands of naked chicks? 196 00:11:27,973 --> 00:11:30,976 Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic. 197 00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:33,229 Bottom line is, this place is played out. 198 00:11:33,312 --> 00:11:34,647 High school's over for us. 199 00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:36,690 It's time to plant our flag in a new land. 200 Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother, grounded forever? 201 00:11:40,736 --> 00:11:41,821 Don't worry. 202 00:11:41,904 --> 00:11:45,199 Just tell your parents that, you know, you're thinking about going to school there. 203 00:11:45,282 --> 00:11:47,201 - I don't know, man. - Oh, please. 204 00:11:47,284 --> 00:11:49,912 Your mom cried when you told her you were going to school in Boston. 205 00:11:49,995 --> 00:11:52,706 She'll probably help you pack if she thinks it'll keep you close to home. 206 00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:54,041 I'll help you pack. 207 00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:55,793 I'll make sandwiches. 208 00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:57,002 Chicken salad? 209 00:11:57,086 --> 00:11:58,170 Of course. 210 00:11:58,253 --> 00:12:00,255 Are you gonna get a chance to see your cousin? 211 00:12:00,339 --> 00:12:03,217 Yeah. We might stop by and say hello. 212 00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:06,178 Now, there's someone you should definitely look up to.
213 00:12:06,261 --> 00:12:08,639 I bet he doesn't have time to blow his load on his family. 214 00:12:08,722 --> 00:12:10,474 - Harry, please. I don't understand. 215 00:12:10,557 --> 00:12:13,769 When I was your age, I was up to my neck in poontang. 216 00:12:14,103 --> 00:12:16,313 I didn't have time to spank my monkey. 217 00:12:16,396 --> 00:12:19,775 Thank you for that very disturbing image, Dad. 218 00:12:19,858 --> 00:12:23,737 I mean, Stiflers do not fake being sick to stay home and pull dick. 219 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,947 We cut class to get ass. 220 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:27,407 Yes, I know. That saying is on our family crest. 221 00:12:27,491 --> 00:12:29,368 Oh, don't let me forget to pack the Imodium AD. 222 00:12:29,451 --> 00:12:30,786 You know, just in case you get diarrhea. 223 00:12:30,869 --> 00:12:32,788 - Mom. - I am so excited. 224 00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:33,914 Aren't you excited, Harry? 225 00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:35,707 I'm very excited. 226 00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:38,335 Don't you get excited. 227 00:12:38,418 --> 00:12:39,795 <i>It worked just like you said.</i> 228 00:12:39,878 --> 00:12:42,839 She's helping me pack, and she's even making us sandwiches. 229 00:12:42,923 --> 00:12:44,383 <i>- Chicken salad? - Yup.</i> 230 00:12:44,466 --> 00:12:45,592 Sweet. 231 00:12:45,675 --> 00:12:47,427 See, I told you. Never doubt me.
232 00:12:47,719 --> 00:12:51,223 <i>Man, this weekend is gonna be tits. I can't wait to see Stifler.</i> 233 00:12:51,932 --> 00:12:54,684 Hey, how come you never call me Stifler? 234 00:12:55,101 --> 00:12:56,686 235 00:12:58,021 --> 00:12:59,272 Hold on. 236 00:12:59,981 --> 00:13:01,441 That's Tracy. I'd better take it. 237 00:13:01,525 --> 00:13:02,609 All right, later. 238 00:13:05,612 --> 00:13:08,031 Hey, sweetie. Listen, about today, I'm really... 239 00:13:08,114 --> 00:13:10,241 Erik, I wanna have sex. 240 00:13:11,159 --> 00:13:12,243 Excuse me? 241 00:13:12,744 --> 00:13:14,996 <i>I wanna have sex.</i> 242 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,206 Are you serious? 243 00:13:16,289 --> 00:13:17,624 Absolutely. 244 00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:21,336 Do you have me on a conference call? Because if you do, that is so not cool. 245 Erik, this isn't a joke. 246 00:13:23,713 --> 00:13:25,965 I want to have sex. 247 00:13:27,509 --> 00:13:30,094 Yes! Yes, yes. 248 00:13:30,637 --> 00:13:31,721 <i>Tonight.</i> 249 00:13:31,805 --> 00:13:32,889 What? 250 00:13:32,972 --> 00:13:35,391 Tonight. I wanna have sex tonight. 251 00:13:35,975 --> 00:13:37,477 How am I supposed to get out of my house? 252 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:38,978 <i>That's up to you.</i>
253 00:13:39,103 --> 00:13:42,857 But at midnight, I'll be in my basement 254 00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:44,567 waiting to be ravished. 255 00:13:45,026 --> 00:13:46,277 I'll be there. 256 00:14:08,508 --> 00:14:09,842 Hypocrite. 257 00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:14,680 So you get the beer and the weed, and I'll handle the nitrous. 258 00:14:14,764 --> 00:14:16,641 You got it. What's Erik bringing? 259 00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:17,892 260 00:14:17,975 --> 00:14:21,604 Nice. Chicken salad and college pussy. 261 00:14:21,687 --> 00:14:23,314 My favorite combination. 262 00:14:23,397 --> 00:14:25,191 Yeah, well, at least you'll get the chicken salad. 263 00:14:25,274 --> 00:14:26,442 <i>Ow.</i> 264 00:14:26,525 --> 00:14:28,361 Hey, what do you think Erik's doing right now? 265 00:14:28,444 --> 00:14:30,655 Probably beating off to dumpster porn. 266 00:14:31,364 --> 00:14:34,909 No more beating off to dumpster porn. No more virgin jokes. 267 00:14:34,992 --> 00:14:37,328 Tonight, Erik Stifler becomes a man. 268 00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:16,241 - Hi. 269 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,709 - All right, listen. - No. 270 00:15:26,543 --> 00:15:27,961 No talking. 271 00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,405 Wait. 272 00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:56,573 What?
273 00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,074 Did you hear something? 274 00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,828 No. Don't worry, my parents are passed out. 275 00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:07,083 Are you sure? You know how my stomach gets. 276 00:16:07,876 --> 00:16:10,462 Here, I'll help you relax. 277 00:16:25,101 --> 00:16:27,312 You brought something, right? 278 00:16:29,439 --> 00:16:31,649 Oh, shit. I left it at home. 279 00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:35,361 I'll be back in like five... 280 00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:37,989 No, no, don't worry. I've got one. 281 00:16:41,784 --> 00:16:44,204 Do you wanna put it on or should I? 282 Let's put it on together. 283 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:05,475 Are you ready? 284 00:17:06,309 --> 00:17:07,351 Yeah. 285 00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:12,565 Shit. Someone's coming. Quick, get behind the bar. Now! 286 Honey, what are you still doing up? 287 00:17:27,705 --> 00:17:28,831 Yoga. 288 00:17:29,332 --> 00:17:30,583 I ate too much at dinner. 289 00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:32,126 Why don't you take an Alka- Seltzer? 290 00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:33,961 Alka-Seltzer is for babies. 291 00:17:34,045 --> 00:17:35,504 I just need a nightcap. 292 00:17:38,841 --> 00:17:40,176 Excuse me. 293 00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:42,470 Sounds like you could use an
294 00:17:42,553 --> 00:17:44,680 Daddy. Here, let me get you your drink. 295 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,891 No, that's okay, honey. You go back to your yoga. 296 00:17:46,974 --> 00:17:48,601 No, Daddy, I really want to. 297 00:17:48,684 --> 00:17:51,770 Sweetie, I'm a grown man. I can make my own drink. 298 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,370 What was that? 299 00:18:09,246 --> 00:18:10,331 What was what? 300 00:18:10,414 --> 00:18:11,623 I didn't hear anything. 301 00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:15,419 There was a noise coming from the laundry room. 302 00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:46,408 I must be hearing things. 303 00:18:46,491 --> 00:18:49,786 See, Daddy? I told you. Now, come make your drink. 304 00:18:53,081 --> 00:18:54,166 What the... 305 00:19:10,432 --> 00:19:12,100 You all right, baby? 306 00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,685 I'm fine, Daddy. 307 00:19:27,324 --> 00:19:30,618 Oh, that sick bastard took a shit in our dryer. 308 00:19:32,245 --> 00:19:33,955 I'm calling the police. 309 00:19:49,470 --> 00:19:51,723 Ryan? Ryan? 310 00:19:51,806 --> 00:19:53,850 Ryan, get up man. Ryan! 311 00:19:53,933 --> 00:19:55,476 What the fuck? 312 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,186 It's me. It's Erik. 313 00:19:57,270 --> 00:20:00,148 Dude, why are you naked in my room? 314 00:20:01,774 --> 00:20:03,943 And with a rubber on your dickhead.
315 00:20:04,027 --> 00:20:06,112 Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. 316 00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:09,991 Look, I'm in serious trouble, okay? I need your help. 317 00:20:11,951 --> 00:20:13,661 What's that smell? 318 00:20:14,078 --> 00:20:16,080 Did you step in dog shit? 319 00:20:16,747 --> 00:20:18,040 Yeah. 320 00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:22,086 Hey, man, thanks for the clothes. I'll get them back to you. 321 00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:25,006 No, thanks. Why don't you just burn them? 322 00:20:26,841 --> 00:20:29,302 Wonder if I get a reward for turning you in. 323 00:20:29,552 --> 00:20:31,679 <i>If the alleged improprieties are confirmed,</i> 324 00:20:31,762 --> 00:20:34,056 <i>it could be devastating for the White House.</i> 325 00:20:34,140 --> 00:20:35,891 <i>Sources near the administration would neither</i> 326 00:20:35,975 --> 00:20:38,227 <i>confirm nor deny the allegations.</i> 327 00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:41,981 <i>And in local news, a masked burglar broke into an area residence,</i> 328 00:20:42,064 --> 00:20:46,360 <i>defecated in the family dryer, and then exposed himself to a teenage girl.</i> 329 00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:47,945 <i>Police are continuing the search,</i> 330 00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:50,906 <i>but the whereabouts and identity of the perpetrator are unknown.</i> 331 00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:52,616 What is wrong with these people? 332 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,285 <i>And now, Dakota Snow with the weekend forecast.</i> 333
00:20:54,368 --> 00:20:55,453 I don't know. 334 00:21:04,003 --> 00:21:05,129 You scared me. 335 00:21:05,212 --> 00:21:06,463 Sorry. 336 00:21:06,922 --> 00:21:08,048 Listen, about last night... 337 00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:11,719 Yeah, you know, I'd just really rather not talk about it. 338 00:21:11,927 --> 00:21:14,013 I really think that we should. 339 00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:17,850 Erik, you took a crap in my dryer. 340 00:21:17,975 --> 00:21:20,477 Your dad scared the shit out of me. 341 00:21:21,103 --> 00:21:22,396 - Wait. - You know, let's just... 342 00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:24,565 Let's forget about it, okay? 343 00:21:26,775 --> 00:21:29,361 Okay, but what about the other thing? 344 00:21:32,322 --> 00:21:33,615 The sex? 345 00:21:34,450 --> 00:21:36,952 I'm taking last night as a sign from above. 346 00:21:37,077 --> 00:21:38,912 But maybe... I mean, if your dad didn't come down... 347 00:21:38,996 --> 00:21:41,999 Erik, I love you. I'm just... 348 00:21:42,499 --> 00:21:44,084 I'm not ready yet. 349 00:21:44,668 --> 00:21:45,877 Really? 350 00:21:47,421 --> 00:21:48,630 Really. 351 00:21:48,839 --> 00:21:52,175 But I also realized just how ready you are. 352 00:21:53,093 --> 00:21:55,220 I don't wanna break up over sex. 353 00:21:55,304 --> 00:21:57,139 I don't think we have to.
354 00:21:58,098 --> 00:22:02,519 I'm not ready. You are. It's selfish for me to keep you tied down. 355 00:22:04,354 --> 00:22:06,857 So, this is what I'm proposing. 356 00:22:08,150 --> 00:22:10,444 A guilt-free pass for this 357 00:22:10,527 --> 00:22:13,697 That means you can do whatever you want up there 358 00:22:13,989 --> 00:22:16,116 with no consequences. 359 00:22:17,909 --> 00:22:19,661 You're sure about this? 360 00:22:19,911 --> 00:22:23,498 I don't think love and sex have to be tied to each other, 361 00:22:24,457 --> 00:22:26,418 so I'm okay with this. 362 00:22:26,835 --> 00:22:30,046 One weekend. Get it out of your system, 363 00:22:31,423 --> 00:22:33,216 and come back to me. 364 00:22:34,718 --> 00:22:36,594 Is this some kind of a test? 365 00:22:37,846 --> 00:22:39,180 Not at all. 366 00:22:46,604 --> 00:22:48,356 and one of bomb beer. Yes. 367 00:22:48,439 --> 00:22:49,691 See, this is perfect. 368 00:22:50,567 --> 00:22:52,193 Hey, we all set? 369 00:22:52,443 --> 00:22:53,903 I don't know. 370 00:22:53,987 --> 00:22:55,071 I told you he'd puss out. 371 00:22:55,154 --> 00:22:58,074 Tell me you at least brought the sandwiches. 372 00:22:58,241 --> 00:22:59,993 What's the problem? 373 00:23:00,076 --> 00:23:01,786 There is no problem. 374 00:23:02,078 --> 00:23:04,455 Tracy just gave me a guilt-free pass for the weekend,
375 00:23:04,539 --> 00:23:06,958 which means I can do anything I want. 376 00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:08,334 Anything? 377 00:23:09,419 --> 00:23:10,795 You mean... 378 00:23:10,878 --> 00:23:14,716 Yeah, she said that love and sex don't have to be linked. 379 00:23:14,799 --> 00:23:16,467 She wants me to get it out of my system. 380 00:23:16,551 --> 00:23:21,389 Dude, your girlfriend just went from the lamest to the coolest in one shot. 381 00:23:22,223 --> 00:23:24,350 You guys think it could be, like, some sort of a test? 382 00:23:24,433 --> 00:23:26,686 - No, no. - No, no. 383 00:23:26,769 --> 00:23:28,229 Tracy's a smart girl. 384 00:23:28,312 --> 00:23:30,022 She's mature enough to see that you're a man... 385 00:23:30,106 --> 00:23:32,525 - Yeah. ...and you have certain needs. 386 00:23:32,608 --> 00:23:33,693 You think so? 387 00:23:33,776 --> 00:23:35,194 Absolutely. 388 00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:37,196 You're driving. 389 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,782 Now get in the car so we can go get you some random pussy. 390 00:23:40,950 --> 00:23:44,578 Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon, we've got a full tank of gas, 391 00:23:44,662 --> 00:23:46,998 a quarter ounce of weed, three cases of beer, 392 00:23:47,081 --> 00:23:49,417 a ten-pound tank of nitrous, we're underage... 393 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:52,044 And I am too drunk to drive.
394 00:23:53,170 --> 00:23:54,213 Hit it. 395 00:24:15,818 --> 00:24:17,945 You sure this shit's safe? 396 00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:21,907 It's as safe as any other chemical used to freeze-dry animals. 397 00:24:25,077 --> 00:24:26,829 Look at the size of that fucking chicken. 398 00:24:26,912 --> 00:24:27,955 Where? 399 00:24:30,916 --> 00:24:33,419 Whoa, what the fuck? - What fucking chicken? 400 00:24:33,544 --> 00:24:35,796 Relax, he's hallucinating. 401 00:24:37,005 --> 00:24:39,007 Are you out of your fucking mind? 402 00:24:39,091 --> 00:24:41,927 Yeah, Tracy. What were you thinking? 403 But you guys told me I had to give him a reason to stick around. 404 00:24:44,805 --> 00:24:46,682 Yeah, you give him a reason, 405 00:24:46,765 --> 00:24:49,226 not give him a free pass to go have a weekend orgy. 406 00:24:49,309 --> 00:24:50,644 You've got to stop this. 00:24:50,727 --> 00:24:54,147 If he has sex this weekend, what do you think's gonna happen? 408 00:24:54,231 --> 00:24:55,482 That it will get it out of his system. 409 00:24:55,565 --> 00:24:57,317 Oh, yeah. That's how it works. 410 00:24:57,401 --> 00:24:59,736 He's gonna go from getting laid back to dry humping. 411 00:24:59,820 --> 00:25:01,488 It's pretty risky, Tracy. 412 00:25:01,571 --> 00:25:04,991 Risky? It's a fucking Pandora's box, literally. 413 00:25:05,784 --> 00:25:10,122 And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet on the inside of the box, 414 00:25:10,205 --> 00:25:13,959 he's not gonna go back to rubbing his dick on the outside of the lid. 415 00:25:14,042 --> 00:25:15,836 Never thought of it like that. 00:25:15,919 --> 00:25:18,130 Tracy, men are like dogs 417 00:25:18,213 --> 00:25:20,924 that run around and hump anything they see. 418 00:25:21,007 --> 00:25:24,010 Now go and get your dog back on its leash. 419 00:25:47,158 --> 00:25:48,660 Come on, Erik. 00:25:54,916 --> 00:25:57,377 I knew it was too good to be true. 421 00:26:02,882 --> 00:26:05,718 Sorry, kids. It's for the best. 422 00:26:32,662 --> 00:26:33,746 Tracy? 423 00:26:34,747 --> 00:26:35,957 Oh, Mr. Levenstein. 424 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,208 - Hi. - Hi. 425 00:26:37,291 --> 00:26:39,126 You're back for more yoga. 426 00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:40,711 Well, my wife is hooked on it, 427 00:26:40,795 --> 00:26:45,758 and she thinks if I can be a little more flexible, we can try some new... 428 00:26:47,343 --> 00:26:51,180 <i>Have you ever heard of a book called the Kama Sutra?</i> 429 00:26:53,015 --> 00:26:54,058 No. 430 00:26:54,517 --> 00:26:56,394 Oh, well, my wife just got it, 431 00:26:56,477 --> 00:27:00,231 and there's some stuff in there that requires some serious stretching, 432 00:27:00,314 --> 00:27:02,358 if you know what I mean. 433 00:27:02,942 --> 00:27:06,153 Are you okay, honey?