Finally he was quiet, and then came the nice part. He held me so softly that I wished he wouldn’t ever let me go. I felt at home. From the way
he was holding me I knew he’d never let me go or let anything bad ever happen to me. This way probably my real father and had found each
other at last. 61
According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich 138-141 need and expectations influence perception. As a child Marguerite really needs her parents’
love. She never feels her parents’ affection. So, she thinks that Mr. Freeman’s treatment is parts of parents’ affection. So far, Marguerite has been able to trust
adults to look after her and protect her. When Mr. Freeman holds her, she perceives that parents love just like the way Mr. Freeman does. Marguerite
perceives that the hug is a father’s hug to the daughter. But, here that trust is violated in a terrible way, and as a child, it is hard for Marguerite to understand.
Marguerite has always lacked for figure of a father, and sees Mr. Freeman as a replacement of her real father. All she wants from him is love and
acknowledgement, but unfortunately, that is not what she gets from him.
2. In her adolescence
When Marguerite is a teenager her perception about life is grown through her experiences that she has faced in her childhood. She starts to feel and
face more conflicts and problem in her life. As a black woman, marguerite perceives that she has a hard life and many problems in her life.
a Living with her grandmother
1 Racism is part of her life
When Marguerite gets toothache, she also has to face the unfair treatment from a white dentist. The white doctor rejects to treat her. Even though
her grandmother tries to beg him but he keeps rejecting to treat Marguerite. He was choosing words the way people hunt for shells. “Annie, you
know I don’t treat nigra, colored people.” “I know, Dentist Lincoln. But this here is just my little grandbaby, and
she ain’t gone be no trouble to you…” “Annie, everybody has policy. In this world you have to have a policy.
Now, my policy is I don’t treat colored people” 159-160.
That event makes Marguerite realize that as a black person she has to face that unpleasant experience. Not only that, Dentist Lincoln also says the
inappropriate words for black people. It is shown when her momma tries to insist dentist Lincoln to examine Marguerite. “He let go of the door and stepped nearer
Momma. The three of us were crowded on the small landing. “Annie, my policy is I’d rather stick my hand in a dog’s mouth that in a nigger’s” 160.
According to Bootzin, Loftus, and Zajonc 122, culture and motivation are other aspects that influence someone’s perception. It hurts Marguerite deeply
to see her Momma resign herself to the insults. Marguerite wants Momma to throw away her ideas of racial subservience, react to those people like the equal,
or even superior figure that she is. Marguerite perceives that either a tough woman cannot stand up for a white’s insult.
According to Stokely Carmichael and Charles V. Hamiston in Black power 1967, discrimination is a deep from of unequal treatment based on race
that is prepared in social that is, social intuitions. Marguerite perceives that being a black woman is one of the parts of her hard life.
Racism also appears when Bailey tells Marguerite, Momma, and Uncle Bailey about a dead black man fished out of the pond. He sees a white man
standing over the body and smiles, which disturbs him. Bailey wants to know why white people hate black people so much, and black people never do wrong.
At that time Momma and Uncle Willie cannot answer Bailey’s question 167. From that event Marguerite thinks that Uncle Willie and Momma decide to send
them to their mother to protect them from the extreme racism they would have to endure when getting older.
2 Sex is a bad thing
According to Bootzin Loftus, and Zajonc 122, experiences can make someone perception appears. An experience can influence someone perception. It
is described in the novel, for example, when Marguerite receives a valentine gift from Tommy Valdon, a nice boy from the town. Marguerite reacts negatively,
because her experiences has led her to think that a male having interest in her is necessarily a bad thing. Although she is still young, it is obvious that being raped
has made her very wary and distrustful of boys. Marguerite thinks that male and female relationships only in concern sex.
Another example is when Marguerite knows the relation between Bailey and Joyce, a girl 4 years older than him. When Bailey and Joyce decide to play
house and Joyce suggests having a real sex rather than just the child’s play he has been engaging in. Marguerite is scared that Bailey even thinks of doing this,
although Bailey and Joyce do not actually do it. I lifted the flap and said, “Joyce, don’t do that to my brother.” She
nearly screamed, but she kept her voice low, “Marguerite, you close that
door.” Bailey added,”yes, close it. You’re supposed to be playing with our doll baby.” I thought he would go to the hospital if he let her do that
to him, so I warned him, “Bailey, if you let her do that to you, you’ll be sorry.”125
Again, Marguerite’s experience of rape shows how bad sex is. She believes that her sex experience is typical of sex, and that leaves her a traumatic
scar, since she has to go to the hospital and it is traumatic.
b Living with her parents 1 Life is hard
As a black woman she starts to feel that there is an unfair treatment from the white people. One of Marguerite’s perceptions about life as a black
woman is that a black woman has a hard life. It is shown in some of events that Marguerite faces. First, it is described
in the novel when in World War II, the southern black community begins to move in to replace the Japanese population. The Japanese population of the city
disappears. The city is full of people migrating from other places, from the South and other outlying areas. But still, the prejudices of the south still exist, and racial
tension is common in the city. Marguerite realizes that she is in a part of something that she has to face as a black woman 179. She thinks that life is so
hard and has a risk. In San Francisco, for the first time, I perceived myself as a part of
something. Not that I identified with the newcomers, nor with the rare Black descendants of native San Franciscans, nor with the whites or even
the Asians, but rather with the times and the city. I understood the arrogance of the young sailors who marched the streets in marauding
gangs, approaching every girl as if she were at best a prostitute and at worst and Axis agent bent on making the U.S.A. lose the war. The
undertone of fear that San Francisco would be bombed which was abetted by weekly air raid warnings, and civil defense drills in school,
heightened my sense of belonging. Hadn’t I, always, but ever and ever, thought that life was just one great risk for the living 179.
When living in San Francisco racism still exists along with the economic and social division between the races. San Francisco is different in its
vastness and bustle, but does not change the realities of being a black person living in America.
At school, Marguerite always gets good grades, but she moves from Lafayette Country Training School to George Washington High School. There
are only three black students, and the rest are white. The students are bolder than she is and many are better educated. The students make Marguerite feel
intimidated. In the school itself I was disappointed to find that I was not the most
brilliant or even nearly the most brilliant student. The white kids had better vocabularies than I and, what was more appalling, less fear in the
classroom. The white kids never hesitated to hold up their hands in response to a teacher’s question; even when they were wrong they were
wrong aggressively, while I had to be certain about all my facts before I dared to call attention to myself 182.
2 Life is full of conflict and problem
In her teenager, conflict and problem start to come into Marguerite’s life. First, when Marguerite is invited by her father to spend a vacation with him
in southern California. Marguerite imagines that she will have an exciting vacation. She shops for summer clothes for trip and take the train down to meet
her father and her father‘s girlfriend, Dolores. Marguerite thinks that since her father acts regal and speaks well, he probably lives in a castle and has plenty of
money to throw around.
Daddy Bailey invited me to spend the summer with him in southern California and I was jumpy with excitement. Given our father’s
characteristic air of superiority, I secretly expected him to live in a manor house surrounded by grounds and serviced by a liveried staff
191.
Marguerite thinks of him also as being dashing and glamorous, but soon she learns better when she is with him. He is a real person with flaws, and he
remains distant from her. When Marguerite goes to Mexico with her father, Marguerite sees that
her father is not a dashing, glowing figure. Marguerite soon realizes that he is a lonely person who tries to draw this in drink and with women. However, Dolores,
her father’s girlfriend, is jealous with Marguerite. When Marguerite and her father arrive, Dolores’ jealousy makes her cut Marguerite. Her father brings
Marguerite into his friend’s house. His reasoning for not taking Marguerite to a hospital makes Marguerite perceive that she only becomes a burden for her
father. As a black girl that tragedy will be a scandal for them. Could I imagine the scandal if people found out that his, Bailey
Johnson’s, daughter had been cut by his lady friend? He was after all a Mason, sn Elk, a naval dietician and the first Negro deacon in Lutheran
church. No Negro in the city would be able to hold up if our misfortune became common knowledge 211-212.
According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich 138-141 one of the factors that causes someone to have perception is Stereotype. Stereotype is a
subjective statement. When Marguerite tends to have this stereotype on particular thing, she tends to have attention to the thing that suits to her stereotype and
neglect others that do not match with her perception. Marguerite makes classification based in their expectation. This stereotype often reflects the wrong
perception. From her father’s reason Marguerite thinks that she is only a burden for her father. Because of it, Marguerite even thinks to commit suicide.
Melodramatic appears in Marguerite’s imagination. Alone, I imagined the owners returning to find me in their contempt or
their pity? If I disappeared Dad would be relieved, not to mention Dolores. I hesitated nearly to long. What would I do? Did I have the
nerve to commit suicide? If I jumped in the ocean wouldn’t I come up all bloated like the man Bailey saw in Stamps? 212.
The idea stops when Bailey appears in Marguerite’s mind. Her brother makes Marguerite try to be patience. She decides not commit suicide but she
decides to run away from that place. She thinks that when she disappears her father will relieve from the burden. So she runs away from her father’s friend and
joins with her new friends in the junkyard car.
3 Sex is confusing
When marguerite grows up as a teenager, she often faces a confusing perception of sexuality. First it is shown when Marguerite reads a book with the
title “The Well of Loneliness”, which is racy and about lesbianism. The fact that she likes that book so much makes her confused and doubtful about herself.
Marguerite is faced with insecurity and shame on the subject of sex. Marguerite thinks that she is a lesbian. That Book really makes Marguerite has a changing
perception about her life. It makes her become conscious of her appearance and her body as a black woman. She worries about whether she is developing in the
right way. It was during this reflective time that I noticed how heavy my own voice
had become. It droned and drummed two or three whole tones lower
than my schoolmates’ voices. My hands and feet were also far from being feminine and dainty. In front of the mirror I detachedly examined
my body. For a sixteen-year-old my breasts were sadly undeveloped. They could only be called skin swellings, even by the kindest critic. The
line from my rib cage to my knees fell straight without even a ridge to disturb its direction. Younger girls than I boasted of having to save
under their arms, but my armpits were as smooth as my face. There was also mysterious growth developing on my body that defied explanation.
It looked totally useless 233.
Unfortunately, since she is not close to her mother Vivian, there is no one to assure her and she continues feeling doubtful. She tries to find out exactly
what a lesbian is and whether she really is one of the lesbian or not. She decides to ask her mother about it, though she is embarrassed and wonders what her
mother will think of the question. When she talks to her mother, her mother assures her that there is nothing wrong with her at all. But, Marguerite is not
totally convinced by her mother’s assurances.
According to Bootzin, Loftus, and Zajonc 122, motivation is one of the aspects that influence someone’s perception. Motivation is affected by
fulfillment of people’s need. The more important the need is, the more people are motivated to do something. It is a psychological process, which reflects the
interaction among attitude, need, perception, and decision of the person. In this part Marguerite’s motivation is to try to prove if she is a normal
black girl. It makes her perception appear when her girlfriend stays one night in her room. Her motivation is effected by fulfillment of her need. Her friend
spends the night in Marguerite’s room.
I watched her pull of her clothes. At none of the early stages of undressing was I in the least conscious of her body. And then suddenly,
for the briefest eye span, I saw her breasts. I was stunned.
They were shaped like light-brown falsies in the five-and-ten-cent store, but they were real. Those made all the nude paintings I had seen in
museum come to life. In a word they were beautiful. The universe divided what she had from what I had. She was a woman 237.
Again she thinks that she is an abnormal black woman when she looks at her friend’s breasts, and sets out to prove to her self that she is not. But then,
this still confuses her until she decides to get a boyfriend, to prove to herself that she is a woman. ”What I need was a boyfriend. A boyfriend would clarify my
position to the world and, even more important, to myself. A boyfriend’s acceptance of me would guide me into that strange and exotic land of frills and
femininity 238.” She feels a desperate need to reassure herself in any way. Marguerite is
confused with what she should be and look like as a woman. Therefore, she decides to get a boyfriend. She asks her neighbor who is a good-looking boy to be
her boyfriend and to have a sex with her. Her reaction in that situation parallels her reaction after the thing with
Mr. Freeman. She thinks that Mr. Freeman has effect in her life. It is shown on page 240:
Thanks to Mr. Freeman nine years before, I had had no pain of entry to endure, and because of the absence of romantic involvement neither of
us felt much had happened 240.
According to Reyment, Carlson, and Miller 4, experience can effect someone perception. Marguerite perceives that her experience with Mr. Freeman
has helped her to face the problem.
4 Life is a struggle
It is shown when Marguerite feels that she needs for a change. She decides that she has to get a job on the streetcar and thinks her mother will
support this decision though her mother tells her if they do not hire colored people to work on them. However, her mother sees Marguerite’s determination,
and tells Marguerite to go for it if that is what she wants. Then Marguerite tries to get that job even though she has to face racism at the office. “On the street car, I
out my fare into the box and the conductorette looked at me with the usual hard eyes of white contempt.” move into the car, please move on in the car.” she
patted her money charger 227. “ Marguerite is made run-round by the officer because she is black.
Marguerite’s motivation to get that job makes her do the best to. She needs a job to have a change in her life, so it effects her motivation. She perceives that her
struggle will give her a good result. Marguerite perceives that life is a struggle when she is pregnant. First
she feels guilty about being pregnant; it makes Marguerite feel that she has to struggle for her life.
For eons, it seemed, I had accepted my plight as the hapless, put-upon victim of fate and the Furies, but this time I had to face the fact that I
had brought my new catastrophe upon myself. 241
…
I had neither element in my personality, so I hefted the burden of pregnancy at sixteen onto my own shoulders where it belonged 242.
She tells her brother, Bailey, about her pregnancy. Bailey advises her not to tell the true situation to her mother. Marguerite and Bailey know that her
mother will be violently opposed to abortions. She perceives if her mother knows about her pregnancy she will ask her to quit school. So Bailey suggests that if
Marguerite quit school before getting her high school diploma she will not find it nearly impossible to return 242.
So Marguerite decides to finish high school and hide her pregnancy until her graduation. How Marguerite pretends as a normal girl is also seen as her
struggle in her life. It is shown when she is in her tree months. The first three months, while I was adapting myself to the fact of
pregnancy I didn’t really link pregnancy to the possibility of my having a baby until weeks before my confinement, were a hazy period in
which days seemed to lie just below the water level, never emerging fully 242.
Marguerite has perceived motherhood as something scared and special, even with her baby it is no exception. It makes Marguerite struggle to face her
fear on her baby. Marguerite regards the pregnancy as distinctly negative before she tells her parents. Her struggles to tell about her pregnancy make her decide to
leave the house and leave a note on Daddy Clidell’s bed, her stepfather. That evening, in the bosom of the now-dear family home I uncoiled my
fearful secret and in a brave gesture left a note on Daddy Clidell’s bed. It read: Dear Parents, I am sorry to bring this disgrace on the family,
but I am pregnant. Marguerite 244.
Afterward, marguerite pregnancy becomes a “blessed event”. The birth of Marguerite’s baby is also the first time when that someone actually belongs to
her, and that she practices unconditional love to another. I had a baby. He was beautiful and mine. Totally mine. No one had
bought him from me. No one had helped me endure the sickly gray months. I had had help in the child’s conception, but no one could deny
that I had had an immaculate pregnancy.
Totally my possession and I was afraid to touch him. Home from hospital, I sat for hours by his bassinet and absorbed his perfection
245.
The self-doubt that has plagued Marguerite is gone as she has accomplished something she never anticipated. Marguerite’s passage into
motherhood marks her coming age, and is also the end of her struggle of her young life. Marguerite’s motherhood is fitting end for the story, since it signals
the end of marguerite’s childhood, but also introduces her motherhood.
5 A black woman is not really bad
Appearance as a black woman is one of the problems in Marguerite’s life. Marguerite in her childhood perceives that as a black girl she is unconfident,
unattractive and even she ever thinks that she is in a wrong place. But, when she grows up she finds that her perception is not really true. It is started when she is
transferred to George Washington High School and meets her teacher Miss Kirwin. Marguerite’s time there is only made worthwhile by Miss Kirwin, a
teacher who really expects the students to learn about their world and keep up with news events. She also treats Marguerite no different because she is black and
tries to stimulate all her students equally 183. However Miss Kirwin is her first
example of white person who does not act with prejudice. It makes Marguerite extremely impressed by this and she learns to like and trust. Miss Kirwin’s
treatment helps Marguerite to stop regarding white people as an unfriendly or alien group.
Marguerite is given a scholarship to the California Labor School, a collage for adults. Marguerite becomes more confident with her appearance. It is
described when she begins to gain confidence through her dance and drama classes.
.. I took drama and dance, along with white and black grownups. I had chosen drama simply because I like Hamlet’s soliloquy beginning, “To
be, or not to be.” I had never seen a play and did not connect movies with the theater. In fact, the only times I heard the soliloquy had been
when I had melodramatically recited to myself. In front of a mirror. It was hard to curb my love for the exaggerated gesture and the emotive
voice. When Bailey and I read poems together, he sounded like a fierce Basil Rathbone and I like a maddened Bette Davis. At the California
Labor School a forceful and perceptive teacher quickly and unceremoniously separated me from melodrama.
Marguerite also becomes more positive about her body, and this is a step in the right direction. Her life seems to be fulfilling, with her mother and brother,
classes, and books. She is passionate about many things, and her life is certainly more colorful than it was in Stamps.
She made me do six months of pantomime. Bailey and Mother encouraged me to take dance, and he privately
told me that the exercise would make my legs big and widen my hips. I needed no greater inducement.
My shyness at moving clad in black tights around large empty room did not last long. Of course, at first, I thought everyone would be staring
at my cucumber-shaped body with its knobs for knees, knobs for elbows and, alas, knobs for breasts. But they really did not notice me, and when
the teacher floated across the floor and finished in an arabesque my fancy was taken. I would learn to move like that. I would learn to, in her
words, “occupy space.” My days angled off Miss Kirwin’s class, dinner with Bailey and Mother, and drama and dance.
The allegiances owned at this in my life would have made very strange bedfellows: Momma with her solemn determination, Mrs.
Flowers and her books, Bailey with his love, my mother and her gaiety, Miss Kirwin and her information, my evening classes of drama and
dance 184-185.
According to Bootzin, Loftus, and Zajonc 122 culture and motivation are other aspects that influence someone’s perception. They state that experiences
of a culture may lead its members to develop perceptual biases, a phenomenon called cultural relativism. Motivation is affected by fulfillment of people’s need.
The more important the need is, the more people are motivated to do something. Thus, Marguerite is passionate about many things in her life. She becomes proud
and confident as a black woman. For her life is more colorful then.
57
CHAPTER V CONCLUSIONS AND SUGGESTIONS
This chapter is divided into two parts. The first part is conclusion of the analysis of the answer of the questions stated in the problem formulation. The
second part is suggestions for the future researches and teaching English related to the study.
A. Conclusions
From the analysis three conclusions can be drawn. First conclusion relates to Marguerite’s character as portrayed in the novel. Marguerite is the major
and the main character. Besides, she is described as a compelling character. She is a smart and imaginative person. Since her childhood, Marguerite loves to read a
lot of books especially literary works. She also experiences living with her grandmother and her own mother. These cause a change of her perception of life
as a black girl from her childhood up to her adolescence. She grows from an unconfident black girl into a confident girl.
Second conclusion relates to Marguerite’s life as a black woman portrayed in the novel. Marguerite’s life as a black girl is full of experiences. In
her childhood, Marguerite as a young girl has to face some experiences that make her sad or unconfident such as racism, being abandoned by her parents, self-
unconfidence and also sexual abuses. When living with her grandmother, Marguerite and her family have already faced unfair treatments from white
people. Besides, Marguerite also has to face the fact that her parents have
