In Her Childhood Marguerite’s Perception about Life as a Black Woman as Portrayed in the Novel

1. In Her Childhood

In this part, Marguerite perception about life as a black woman that appears in her childhood will be discussed. This part consists of Marguerite’s perception in her childhood during her stay with her grandmother in Stamps up to her stay with her mother again in San Francisco a Living with her grandmother 1 Marguerite’s perception of her appearance as a black woman According to Reyment, Carlson, and Miller, emotion is someone’s reaction and nothing else but reaction. It will effect our behaviors, attitudes, and of course our perception toward something. When we experience a bad emotion or negative emotion toward something, we will perceive bad and negative. Meanwhile, when we have a good or positive emotion, we will perceive it as positive and good 4. It is described in the novel that when Marguerite is a child she perceives that being a white girl is better than a black girl. She thinks that this world belongs to the white people and she is in the wrong place. She thinks that she does not belong to the world where she lives in. Therefore, she perceives that being a black girl is “a displacement” in the world. Marguerite also feels that growing up as a black girl is more difficult than as a white girl p.3. Her appearance as a black girl is not beautiful and her blackness is not right and a cruel fairy stepmother causes it. Because I was really white, which has been greased with Blue seal Vaseline and powdered with the Arkansas red clay. The age-faded color made my skin look dirty like mud, everyone in church was looking at my skinny legs Because I was really white and because a fairy stepmother who was understandably jealous of my beauty, had turned me into a too big Negro girl, with nappy black hair, broad feet and a space between her teeth that would hold a number-two pencil 2. According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich 138-141 the characteristic of people will effect their perception on an object. They will perceive things based on their characteristic. They also state that when people tend to have this stereotype on particular thing, they tend to have attention to the thing that suits to their stereotype and neglect others that do not match with their perception. They make classification based in their expectation. This stereotype often reflects the wrong perception. It is described in the novel that Marguerite perceives that the problems are just the skin’s color and economic status. She only thinks that being white people is more beautiful. Marguerite perceives that as a black girl is a mistake. Later on, some events that Marguerite has experienced with her Momma make her bad perception about life of a black woman become stronger than before. One of the events is when some white girls mock Momma. They came finally to send on the ground in front of Momma. At first they pretended seriousness. Then one of them wrapped her right arm crook of her left, pushed out her mouth and started to hum. I realize that she was aping my grandmother. Another said, “Naw, Helen, you ain’t standing like her. This here’s it.” Then she lifted her chest and folded her arms and mocked that was Annie Anderson. Another laughed, “Naw, you can’t do it. Your mouth ain’t pooched out enough. It’s like this.” 24 Momma does not show any anger toward those white girls. Whereas, Momma keeps singing and still call them “Miz”. Marguerite, who cannot do anything, in her imagination tries to defend her grandmother. Therefore, she can only watch the white girls mocking Momma and then cry 24-26. In Marguerite’s mind, she starts thinking and questioning her grandmother’s attitude toward the white girls who have mocked her. “….How could Momma call them Miz? The mean nasty things. Why couldn’t she have come inside the hill? What did the prove? And then if they were dirty, mean and impudent, why did Momma have to call them Miz? 26”. Bootzin, Loftus, and Zajonc state that experiences may influence someone’s perception. They state that experiences of a culture may lead its members to develop perceptual biases, a phenomenon called cultural relativism 122. It is described in the novel when Marguerite faces that event she perceives that being a black girl is only inferior. Marguerite thinks if she grows up as a white girl she will be better than she is. When Momma sees Marguerite crying, she only asks Marguerite to wash her face and act as if nothing happens. Momma looks beautiful for her and she gets conclusion about what has happened, Momma has won 26-27. This event shows Marguerite that being a black girl is not “a displacement” in the world she lives in. Marguerite learns from her Momma that there is nothing wrong with her skin color. Being a black is not “a displacement”. It is only a matter of finding a way to survive. As a number of an inferior group in the society, she only has to learn some ways to survive. Though Momma teaches her to be strong to overcome the feeling of “displacement”, Marguerite still always compares her physical appearance to others, especially her brother, Bailey. Marguerite also compares Louise Kendrick’s physical appearance to Bailey’s. Louise Kendrick is the first girl who makes Marguerite unconfident with her physical appearance again. Marguerite thinks that Louise looks exactly like Bailey. “I had never noticed before, but she looked exactly like Bailey. Her hair was “good”-more straight than kinky-and her features had the regularity of objects placed by a careful hand” 118. Louise’s presence makes Marguerite question her physical appearance again. Louise Kendrick is also a girl, the same as she is. However, Louise becomes her close friend. Their relation teaches Marguerite that she can have another person to trust beside Bailey. b Marguerite’s perception about parents’ love. In the beginning of the story, Marguerite feels that her parents do not want her and her brother; they also have set their mind that their parents have died. That perception is gone when one Christmas day comes and they suddenly receive a gift from their parents. Everyone would expect that they would be happy to receive any word or presents from their parents, but for Marguerite and her brother it brings up far more pain for them. The abandonment is one of the feelings that really influences their childhood and undermines their happiness. According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich some factors may cause someone to have a certain perception. They are stereotype, characteristics, and needs. In this part, need and expectations influence perception 138-141. Neither Marguerite nor her brother wants to be reminded of their parents and they are very sad that their parents have suddenly reappeared in their lives. But, Bailey cheers her up with the thought that perhaps their mother is preparing to come and get them, and the thought of that makes both happy. One day her father appears and takes her and her brother to go with him. But, when her father tells them that he is just taking them to their mother’s house in St. Louis. They feel hurt. Marguerite shows her feeling when suddenly her father says if they are seeing their mother. ‘’how are you going to feel seeing your mother? Going to be happy?” he was asking Bailey, but it penetrated the foam I had packed around my senses. Were we going to see her? I thought we were going to California. I was suddenly terrified. Suppose she laughed at us the way he did? What if she had other children now, whom she kept with her? I said, “I want to go back to Stamps.”48 Marguerite’s perception about the abandonment appears. She feels not being loved. This is one of feelings that really influences Marguerite’s love perception in her childhood and also undermines her and Bailey’s happiness. According to Reyment, Carlson, and Miller 4 emotion and value system are factors that influence someone to perceive something. In the novel Marguerite feels shocked and sad when her father suddenly reappears in her life. She also feels hurt when her father tells her that she and her brother will be taken to her mother. From that emotion Marguerite perceives that her parents do not really love and want her and her brother. Marguerite feels that her father will abandon her and her brother again. b Living with her mother 1 Marguerite’s perception of her appearance as a black woman According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich, need and expectations influence someone’s perception. It seems suitable with the reality in which we often do something based on our need, 138-141. It is shown that the problem of physical appearance bothers Marguerite when she meets her mother. “Mother dear” is a name that Marguerite use to call her mother. For little Marguerite her mother’s appearance reminds her of how different she is from her and Bailey. She also feels that she is not her mother’s real daughter because they do not look like. She understands that she knows why her mother has sent her away. I knew immediately why she had sent away. She was too beautiful to have children. I had never seen a woman as pretty as she who was called “Mother.” Bailey on his part fell instantly and forever in love. I saw his eyes shining like her; he had forgotten the loneliness and the nights when we had cried together because we were “unwanted children.” He had never left her warm side or shared the icy wind of solitude with me. She was his Mother dear and I resigned myself to his condition. They were more alike than she and I, or even he and I. they both had physical beauty and personality, so I figured it figured 50. According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich we will perceive based on our characteristic 138-141. Marguerite’s unconfidence with her appearance also effects her perception on her mother and Bailey’s appearance. She feels that she is ugly. 2 Marguerite’s perception about parents’ love Marguerite never feels her parents’ affection. Her parents have abandoned her and her brother. Those experiences also influence Marguerite’s perception about Mr. Freeman’s affection to her. Marguerite’s lack of the affection of her parents makes Marguerite misinterprets Mr. Freeman‘s treatments. Marguerite shows her feeling when Mr. Freeman treats her badly. Finally he was quiet, and then came the nice part. He held me so softly that I wished he wouldn’t ever let me go. I felt at home. From the way he was holding me I knew he’d never let me go or let anything bad ever happen to me. This way probably my real father and had found each other at last. 61 According to Gibson, Donnelly, and Ivancevich 138-141 need and expectations influence perception. As a child Marguerite really needs her parents’ love. She never feels her parents’ affection. So, she thinks that Mr. Freeman’s treatment is parts of parents’ affection. So far, Marguerite has been able to trust adults to look after her and protect her. When Mr. Freeman holds her, she perceives that parents love just like the way Mr. Freeman does. Marguerite perceives that the hug is a father’s hug to the daughter. But, here that trust is violated in a terrible way, and as a child, it is hard for Marguerite to understand. Marguerite has always lacked for figure of a father, and sees Mr. Freeman as a replacement of her real father. All she wants from him is love and acknowledgement, but unfortunately, that is not what she gets from him.

2. In her adolescence