2. The Influences of Dawson’s First Love on His Current Life
For both Dawson and Amanda, the unexpected meeting is surprising because the fact that they have been apart since they broke up when they were
young. They also thought that they would not be able to see each other again. “Neither one of them was able to move or speak as surprised gradually turned into
recognition” p. 51. For Dawson, seeing Amanda is both miracle and fate for Dawson still loves Amanda even though he knows that Amanda has moved on.
However, it is not strange at all because Dawson knows that Amanda is his true love.
Seeing Amanda again also brings Dawson into nostalgic moments that he used to have when they were still together. The feeling often makes Dawson
confuses whether he has to realize that being closer again with Amanda means growing back the old feelings and memories of hers that she once has for Dawson
or he has to give them away and face the reality of not being able to be with Amanda.
With Amanda’s presence in Dawson’s current life, it eventually gives influence on him. He senses that everything feels different because of Amanda. He
begins to wonder whether he can be with Amanda again. He is not sure of it, but being with Amanda makes him feel complete.
Everything felt different because of Amanda. She wasn’t simply a memory anymore; she’d suddenly become undeniably real—a vibrant,
living version of the past that had never really left him. More than once, a young version of Amanda had visited him in his dreams, and he
wondered whether his dreams of her would change in the future. Who
would she be? He wasn’t sure. All he knew for certain was that being with Amanda made him feel complete in a way few others would ever
know pp. 160-161. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
In fact, Dawson has been living by his own for years and it can be said that he barely has friends or completely alone. Even on going to date, the reason is
that he simply cannot stop loving Amanda. Dawson lives his current life without any dynamic changes that leads him living in stagnation.
He ate. He slept. He ran and lifted weights and tinkered on his car. He took long, wandering drives, going nowhere in particular. Now and then
he went fishing. He read every night and wrote an occasional letter to Tuck Hostetler. That was it… Most people wouldn’t or couldn’t have
lived their lives that way, but they didn’t know him p. 16. According to Schultz 2009,
“when middle-aged people cannot or will not seek an outlet for generativity, they may be overwhelmed by stagnation,
boredom, and interpersonal impoverishment” p. 217. From the statement, it is considered that by the time Dawson lives by his own he has suffered stagnation that
he only does same routines. Thus, Schultz 2009 concludes that the only feeling that can emerge is care. However, knowing the fact that Dawson mostly lives by
his own, any feeling of care is never felt by him for he does not have friends or relatives to talk with. Dawson is able to get away of it for a while after he sees
Amanda and even spends times together with her. During the time Dawson spends with Amanda, everything is likely to
come back to the way when Dawson used to be together with her in the past. However, Dawson understands that things have already changed between them.
Therefore, he is able to accept what they have become and who they are now. It is his loyalty that makes Dawson still loves Amanda in that way. Schultz 2009
describes this stage as ego integrity. It is described as follows. If we look back with a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, believing we
have adequately coped with life’s victories and failures, then we are said PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
to possess ego integrity. Simply stated, ego integrity involves accepting one’s place and one’s past p. 218.
The acceptance which Dawson has done makes him even more loves her as well as his loyalty towards her which is impenetrable. Dawson maintains his best
to keep his manner towards Amanda. He is not straight up in expressing his feelings for her, but he carefully maintains the best way to express them. However, the
feeling of love in the other side is against him and Amanda that results even a stronger feeling of connection they both miss in the years they have been apart.
From that moment, both Dawson and Amanda realize that there must be a reason for it. The reason of why they should see each other again after years being apart.
“All of this had to mean something. The past was gone, after all, and the future was the only thing they had left” p. 179. For a long time, Dawson can finally love
Amanda again in reality. However, it only lasts for a while because the reality is the future that Dawson has to face. He knows that what he has done will change the
fate between him and Amanda, but Dawson knows that forcing his intention will only make his life more complicated. Therefore, Dawson has to make his final
decision to let Amanda go. Though he didn’t want to admit it, he knew there was truth in what she
had said. Breaking up her family would change everything; it would change her, and though it scared him… Or perhaps it really was over and
he was supposed to move on… And yet he knew that she needed this from him, maybe more than anythin
g she’d ever needed, and he exhaled, hoping that it might somehow make the words come easier p. 228.
According to Schultz 2009, Dawson is considered to have possessed wisdom, an ability to make sensible decision based on an experience, which results
in deciding what best for Amanda. Therefore, Dawson learns how to let go his first PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
and true love in order to assure Amanda’s life goes on. Moreover, it shows that Dawson has sacrificed his own feeling for Amanda.
In conclusion, there are two influences of Da wson’s first love on his
current life. The first influence of Dawson’s first love is that Dawson is able to assure himself that loving Amanda is the most precious thing he has and it makes
him realizes that his love should be able to make his beloved one happy no matter what happens. The second influence of Dawson’s first love is that a feeling of love,
which is felt by Dawson, is able to make Dawson a person who is willing to sacrifice his ego to make his beloved one happy.
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CHAPTER V CONCLUSIONS, IMPLICATIONS, AND SUGGESTIONS
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