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leave her alone in her own time. However, she does that by asking them politely, as Maryam often said, “I think you should go. It’s lovely you’re here, but some
time on my own might be a good thing” 21. When everyone is around her, she prefers to keep silent and do nothing. However, when everyone leaves her alone in
her lonely time, she started to do things, all alone. After Edward had gone, the house was silent and Maryam found herself
crossing the dark landing to unlock the door to the loft. She trod slowly up to the bare wooden stairs and switched on the electric light, kneeling to
reach into the space behind a stack of rolled-up carpets and rugs. All alone…28
Maryam also often thinks to be a boy rather than a daughter because she
wants to live a simple life. She assumes that being a boy might be less messy compared to a daughter. This can be seen in this quotation, “Life for a boy
somehow seemed less messy; there was less to go wrong than with daughter” 10. She also believes that her father might think the same thing, as she considers
that her father also wants her to be a boy rather than a girl. Maryam said, “I can see this makes him proud, even though maybe he wishes I were a boy. Sometimes
I do, too” 44. Furthermore, Maryam also prefers not to be a beautiful woman. She
prefers to be a common person who can give contribution to her surroundings. This is proven from Maryam speech, “I would rather be plain and useful than
pretty and ornamental,’ I replied, shaking my head.”57. This condition makes Maryam be a more complicated person because people assumes that she is the
most beautiful daughter of her father, “She laughed and said again, ’But look at
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you, Maryam. You are beautiful. You are the prettiest of us all. I have heard father say so.” 57.
4.1.2. Determined
Maryam Mazar is a determined person, which means she will not let anyone stop her to get her dream. Maryam has a dream to be a nurse. However her
father does not like this profession because this is not appropriate for a daughter of a general. This can be seen in this quotation, “He leaned on the desk and stood
up. ‘But you are the daughter of a General. Do you think you can go and clean shit in a hospital ward?”64. This quotation shows that Maryam’s father undervalues
a profession as a nurse. Hence, her father opposes Maryam to become a nurse. Nevertheless, as a person with a determined personality, Maryam keeps
struggling to get her dream realized. She knows all the risks and considers about those things, and she comes to her own conclusion that family’s need is essential
but she wants to get her dream to be a nurse before serving her family. I hope you know I want to do what’s right for you and the family, but I
think I should also do what’s right for myself.’ His hand bunched into fists on the desk. ‘I have thought hard and would very much like to be a nurse,
to train in Tehran. Then, I promise, I will come back and marry. 63
She disobeys her father’s rule by pursuing her dream to be a nurse. Although this means that Maryam also disobeys the tradition. She refuses to get married with
someone that is chosen by her father because she assumes that people also need to follow their desires to get their dream. She also thinks that she has not really
known the man that has been chosen to be her husband yet. She prefers living alone for a while to marrying someone she did not know yet.
Maryam, you don’t understand. The future isn’t safe. You must marry.’ From deep inside, I found a voice: ‘No, that isn’t the only way.’
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He took my shoulders tightly in his hands. ‘You would deny my will?’ ‘I will not marry that man.’
‘Why not, Maryam?’ ‘Because I don’t know him and because I have yet to live myself. 65
Her father assumes that by marrying the man who her father has chosen, it guarantees Maryam with a bright future. Yet, Maryam still refuses to follow her
father’s desire. Other people also try to give advises for her not to deny her father’s desire and finally follow the tradition to get married to the man chosen by
her father. She said that I must leave school soon, then surprised me by asking if I’d
thought more about the marriage my father had proposed. I felt the air ebb away inside me. I hadn’t expected him to tell her about it. 50
… ‘I don’t want to get married and be like you or Mairy,’ I replied.
She put her hand to her face and stroked her eyebrows, then the raw skin on her neck.
‘You don’t want to be like her,’ my mother nodded at Fatima, ‘working to have a roof over your head.’
I looked at the tight set of her lips. I could remember her singing to me when I was a little, a soft voice barely more than a whisper.
‘I’d like to have a profession,’ I said to the tea leaves in my cup,’ like a nurse.’
‘Huh.’ she picked up her sewing again. I finished my tea and looked over to Fatima, frowning that I wanted to
live. We stood and I leaned to kiss my mother good bye, but she turned her face away.
‘You will sense sooner or later,’ she said, to me or to herself, and we put the cups back on the tray and left the room. 51
The quotation above states that Maryam continues arguing not to get married
because she dreams to be a nurse. Her whole family members keep asking and persuading her not to deny her father’s will because they believe that being a
nurse is a profession for a maid. Moreover, Maryam belongs to a family of a General which can make her be able to acquire everything she wants. It is shown
through the quotation as follows:
