I‟m a woman, you‟re a man, and people are talking. Besides, you promised I‟d stay only until you found me a job” p.52.
Knowing that Bayoumi has deceived her Firdaus attempts to escape from him. She is finally able to escape by the help of Bayou
mi‟s neighbor. Firdaus keeps learning to understand every situation she faced. Her miserable experience
with Bayoumi has taught her to be able to defend herself from the people who want to take benefit of her. From Firdaus‟ speech, reaction, and past life it can be
concludes that Firdaus is a smart woman.
4. Unconfident
Young Firdaus is very unconfident with her physical look. She feels that she is dull and ugly. She thinks that her look, which resembles her mother and
father, is unattractive. I stood in front of the mirror staring at my face. Who am I? Firdaus, that is
how they call me. The big round nose I got from my father, and the thin- lipped mouth from my mother. A sinking feeling went through my body. I
neither liked the look of my nose, nor the shape of my mouth p.18.
Firdaus hates her look because there is no one tells her that she is beautiful. She feels unworthy and neglected. No one pays attention on her. Therefore, Firdaus
feels doubtful of herself and her existence. Firdaus hates to face herself on the mirror. It shows how she cannot take
the agony of her past life that is very sad. Looking at herself means looking at her sad life. It is the life with no caring from her father and mother.
I was filled with a deep hatred for the mirror. From that moment, I never looked in to it again. Even when I stood in front of it, I was not seeing
myself but only combing my hair, or wiping my face, or adjusting the collar of my dress p.20.
Poverty and lack of love from her family can be the factor that make young Firdaus very unconfident. She is not sure about herself and the worse is
that she feels that she is dull. She does not know herself well. ... as I walked along the country road, wondering about myself, as the
questions went round in my mind. Who was I? Who was my father? Was I going to spend my life sweeping the dung out from under the animal s,
carrying manure on my head, kneading dough, and baking bread? p.14.
Firdaus often worries about her life. She is afraid about the future and she wants to be someone else. Frequently, she imagines herself to be someone else.
I looked around almost in surprise, as though I had not been born here, but had suddenly dropped from the skies, or emerged from somewhere deep
down in the earth, to find myself in a place where i did not belong, in a home which was not mine, born from a father who was not my father, and
from a mother who was not my mother p.15.
In her childhood, Firdaus never has a chance to make any decision. She follows what her parents want to happen on her. She is also lack of experience
about the outside world. All she knows is just the field and the house. This situation has made her to doubt of herself. As the result, she becomes an
unconfident person. She has no confidence to actualize her competence. When Firdaus has graduated from the secondary school and granted her
secondary school certificate, she does not know what to do. In addition, she has no confidence to apply for job. She keeps waiting for her uncle to find her one.
However, rath er than finding a job for his niece, Firdaus‟ uncle decides to marry
her with his wife‟s uncle. Firdaus seems to be the burden for her uncle‟s family. It is seen from what
her aunt says to her uncle, “So, what we do with her then?” p.37. Additionally,
s he is not able to ensure her uncle‟s wife that she can be a good company for her
in the house. She seems to have an unharmonious relationship with her uncle‟s wife. It is because Firdaus fails to actualize herself in the house. She is not
confident enough to get closer to the uncle‟s wife and to the children.
„She helps you with the house and the children.‟ „We have the servant girl, and I cook. We don‟t need her p.36.‟
„She will not be able to replace Saadia. ... But the girl in every movement is slow a
nd heavy. She‟s cold-blooded and couldn‟t care less p.37.‟ Firdaus becomes an unconfident person because her lack of love and
support from her family and people around her. From Firdaus‟ speech, thought, and her character seen by other, Firdaus appears to be an unconfident person at the
beginning.
5. Fearful
