other in good deeds and piety. Consequently, ulema’s view of not obligating wives to nurse their birth child was highly likely to be
influenced by Arab traditions, particularly the Quraish tribe who did not nurse their babies to their own mother, but to their baby sitter who were
usually sought in remote areas. If that is the case, in other societies which do not recognize this custom, including Indonesia, mother can be
obligated to nurse their baby as a part of the reproductive tasks they must carry out.
4.7 Leadership in the Family
An-Nisa’, 4:34 usually becomes the basis of affording the right of the husband to become head of the household. This understanding is
based on one of the definitions of the word qawwamun, plural for qawwam, found in that verse which is al-amir meaning leader. In most
mid-century exegesis literatures, such as al-Kasysyaf, it is explained that the husband as a leader holds the same position as a government to its
people, who has the right to order and forbid and to be obeyed. Modern exegesis literatures still use this definition for that word, as do al-Manar,
which provided explanations close to basic principles of man woman relations as explained above. It is stated in this exegesis that leadership
of the husband to his wife bears functions of himayah to defend, ri’ayah to protect, wilayah to guard, and kifayah to afford.
In Arabic the term qawwam also has another meaning, which is al- qawy ‘ala qiyam bi al-amr a person with strength to carry out the task.
Based on this definition, the verse shows that the husband must take care of his wife who must carry out reproductive tasks. Therefore, if it were
to be understood based on this definition, the verse does not appoint the husband’s right of leadership but his responsibility to provide welfare to
a wife who is pregnant, in labour, and nursing. This responsibility and task becomes the merit of husband and wife respectively as bestowed by
God and implied in the phrases of the two verses.
4.8 The Ideal Wife
A discussion on the ideal wife in al-Qur’an is also found in an-Nisa’ 4:34. This verse does not explicitly state how the ideal wife is. It
compliments pious wife with certain attributes. These compliments can be understood to refer to criteria of the ideal wife, namely: 1 Qanitah
which means obedient to norms of religion, morality, and law along with subservient; 2 Hafidhah which means capable of self-care and
trustworthy. The verse does not state what actions may and may not be taken against such ideal wife. This shows that wives fulfilling these
criteria should be allowed to develop her full potential as humble servant and leader. Therefore, from the perspective of al-Qur’an, it is not an
issue whether the wife works outside the home or not. The important thing is that a wife must be qanitah and hafidah regardless of her being
a career woman or not.
4.9 Polygamy and Domestic Violence
Al-Qur’an discusses polygamy in an-Nisa’, 4:3, 20, and 129. The first verse talks about the conditions behind the ruling, requirements of
fairness, and maximum limit of polygamy up to four wives; the second verse is in regards to prohibition in taking assets which have already
been given to the wife, however many, for the cost of polygamy; and the third one is regarding the impossibility for a husband to be fair to all his
wives in polygamy. An-Nisa’, 4:3 relates the rule of polygamy to unfairness of the orphan. Elaboration on this issue can be done through
historical reconstruction when the verse was revealed in the 4
th
year of Hijriyah. At the time, the Muslim community had just experienced a
crushing defeat in the Battle of Uhud which took the lives of 70 adult male. This was a significant amount since the number of adult male at
the time was merely 700. During that period, men were the backbone of the family. Due to the fall of 10 of Muslim men, many women became
widows and many children became fatherless in families which lost their bread winners. In other words, there was a boom in widows and
fatherless children with potential to be strays in Madina, the newly developing centre of Islamic government at the time.
In a period when tribalism was still the social structure of the Arab communities, this did not pose as a problem since the head of tribe who
has the obligation of providing social security to his people would provide them with sustenance. However, the situation changed along
with the development of Hijaz into a trade route from Yemen to Syria, the urban Arab community were pressured to change into a trade
community with all its consequences, such as individualism, exploitation of the weak and competition. Islam did not turn their
historical clock counter clockwise back to ancient ages, but it sorted out the existing situation by emphasizing the application of social ethics
with principles of equality, fraternity, and justice. That is why when there was a social crisis due to the large number of casualties of war, the
Prophet did not play the role of a tribal leader providing sustenance for widows and fatherless children who were left behind, but he acted as a
head of state who must guarantee the welfare of his people. Since the state treasury was limited or even non-existent, consequently, citizens
who had mental and material competence were suggested to resolve the crisis by conducting polygamy as a social security measure.
From this brief explanation, it is known that polygamy in Islam is actually a principle which applies in times of social emergency, not in
normal situations and individual “emergency”, as formulated in books of Islamic laws and marriage laws in some Muslim countries. Although it
was an emergency ruling, polygamy at the time remained under very strict requirements as mentioned above. That is why the regulation and
application of polygamy in the Muslim community should refer to those ideal terms and conditions stipulated in al-Qur’an. Based on that
reference, consequently the polygamy conducted with absence of the
said social emergency can be prohibited. Currently, the prohibition of polygamy seems to be a historical certainty since humanitarian
awareness, in which Islam has a role in initiating, has become stronger. The cultural background of polygamy among others is the view that
women are subordinate to men. In developed culture this view no longer exists. That is the reason why although there are proponents of
polygamy, the process of disallowing the institution remains on going. This process is undoubtedly inseparable to the intrinsic values of
developed culture which views violence against women not only in the form of physical violence, but also psychological and sexual as well.
Nowadays people asses polygamy as a form of psychological violence towards the wife woman.
This value is not something completely new in Islam. This can be seen from eradication of violence against women agendas at the time of
the Prophet which are found in al-Qur’an as follows: 1 female infanticide by burying them alive at-Takwir, 81:8-9; 2 beating an-
Nisa’, 4:30; 3 divorcing a wife due to old age al-Mujadilah, 58:2; 4 evicting the wife from home at-Thalaq, 65:1; 5 causing suffering
and misery at-Thalaq, 65:6; 6 complicating the life of women al- Baqarah, 2:236.
4.10 Conclusion
This writing attempts to elaborate on the implementation of Qur’anic teachings in marriage ethics by analysing human nature. This effort is
line with al-A’la, 87:3 which affirms that in the creation of man, God bestowed human nature form, existence, and potential, then provided
guidance. This affirmation, on the one hand, shows that for its own good man must actualize his human nature in line to God’s guidance. On the
other hand, the affirmation also means that the formulation of the teachings of al-Qur’an must be in line with human nature so that it can
be executed well. It is already known that al-Qur’an was revealed as a
