38 teacher. It was possible that his past experience provoked him to be curious about
what was happening coincidently beside his PPLs room basecamp. He also mentioned the cause of the students got yelled which meant that PST 6 might have
sympathy toward the students who got yelled. This sympathy toward students was possibly a factor which provoked him to find out the cause of students got yelled.
However, he realized and knew that only the real teachers who have right to give advices, yell, or punish their students. His realization might lead him to tension as
he understood those students feeling during being yelled but could only watch because of having limitation and less authority to intervene. Besides, PST 6 might
have different views on how to give advice for students in similar case besideswithout yelling. Further, PST 6 also wanted to respect the teacher who was
doing his role in giving advices yelling to his students.
2. Changing Role from Student to Teacher
Tension of changing role from student to teacher was categorized into three sub-tensions; being confused on how to behave toward students, feeling of
lacking knowledge toward subject matter, and being less confident because of being inexperience. Based on the analysis result, the sub-tension which mostly occurred
was feeling of lacking knowledge toward subject matter see also Table 4.1. Each
sub-tension would be discussed as followed. Firstly, the discussion would be about sub-tensions feeling of lacking
knowledge. This sub-tension is signed by teachers uneasiness when they are asked to explain subject matter or when they think that they are not knowledgeable enough
to teach a certain subject Pillen, et al, 2013. In short, this sub-tension was related PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
39 to PSTs content knowledge. From the 9 PSTs, 3 of them revealed that they have
experienced the feeling of lacking knowledge during their teaching experiences. Further, the causes of this tension varied from one pre-service teachers to another,
such as; thought about oneself of being lack of knowledge and unexpected questions from students during the learning process.
PST 1:
…I once had an experience of having problem in a meeting. In that meeting, there was a student who asked about the translation of a
vocabulary for reading a clock. I really did not know what the translation is QN.3.
…That experience made me feel down because I did not know that things which supposed to be simple QN.4.
One example came from PST 1s experience. PST 1 could be considered experiencing tension feeling of lacking knowledge because she thought herself of
being lack of knowledge. She admitted that the she felt down because she did not know about what her student asked is. She might think that she was not good enough
as teacher.
PST 2:
…I even felt that way even until now. I felt that my knowledge is still not enough. Moreover, there were also many unexpected questions from
students QN.3. Similar to PST 1, PST 2 also felt that her knowledge was still not enough.
However, her tension could also get influence from students factor which were the unexpected questions from students. Those questions had potential to influence
PSTs tension in content knowledge. According to Clark Starr 1991, teachers will occasionally be asked questions which might they cannot answer, and they way
teachers handling those questions could affect students view about their teachers. As a result, teachers might be considered unprofessional by the students when they
could not answer unexpected questions from the students. Besides, having a good PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
40 working knowledge of the subject and the ability to impart it to the students as
cited in Okoro, 2011, p. 108 is one of teachers professional attribute. However, experiencing those kinds of tensions were actually beneficial for PSTs. PSTs could
know what to improve and anticipate for the learning process, and how to solve the problems which might occur.
The next part would discuss about sub-tension being less confident because of being inexperienced. Pre-service teachers can have tensions because they felt
insecure because of their age As cited in Pillen et al, 2013, p. 35. Most of pre- service teachers might see themselves as inexperienced because of their age. This
feeling of inexperienced could affect their performance in taking responsibility as teachers. This tension rarely occurred among the PSTs in this study. Out of 9, only
two persons mentioned experience related to this tension.
PST 8:
I saw myself as a teacher who was not really capable enough. I saw many differences between what I experienced in University and in real
school. Therefore, I felt that I still had many weaknesses as teacher. My expectations between what I had from micro teaching and LPD, and etc.,
were different with what I found in the real field school. …I felt big gap between professional teachers and us who were still learning through PPL
QN.1.
PST 8 could be indicated of experiencing this tension because he felt that he was lack of experience as a teacher. PST 8 claimed that what he had learned and
practiced in university turned out to be really different with what existed in the real school. Similar to PST 8 experience, the study from Erten 2015 mentioned that
English pre-service teachers had difficulties in linking theory what has been taught about how to teach foreign language and practice what happens in real classes.
41 Besides, PST 8 also admitted that he still had many weaknesses and had not been
capable enough as a teacher.
PST 1:
For my problem during PPL, I felt tension from my PPL colleague. She is a very diligent person. I was always left behind her for the matter of
diligence. In my mentors view, I was also behind her. That tension made me quite down, when I had to do task or something QN.14
…my main problem was the difficulty of catching my colleague in finishing tasks outside
teaching, such as administration QN.15. Meanwhile, PST 1 could also be indicated of having this tension although
she had it through different experience. In her experience, being less confident because of being inexperienced might be the factor which affect her tensed feeling
while she performed the administrative task. PST 1 mentioned that she felt tensed because she was always left behind by her colleague in the matter of diligence. Her
colleague always finished her administrative task faster. She felt left-behind because she had difficulty in catching her colleague pace which resulted on having
this tension. However, experiencing those tensions could give positive effects for PSTs such as. It could make PSTs become more prepared before entering the
teachers working world by finding out that being a teacher needs more than just practices, and that a teacher also had to be capable in performing administrative
tasks. Further, Erten 2015 also argued that imposing PSTs with challenges e.g. administrative tasks, difficulties in linking theory and practice was worthy in order
to prepare them for the teacher profession in the real life. The last sub-tension was being confused on how to behave toward student.
Pre-service teachers are usually confused whether to behave strictly as far as needed or to behave as always friendly in order to gain respect and get close to students
Pillen, Beijaard, Brok, 2013. They might also think that taking control the PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
42 classroom can sacrifice their closeness with the students Pillen, Beijaard, Brok,
2012. This tension was also rarely occurred among the interviewed PSTs. There were 2 out of 9 who mentioned the experiences which might lead to this tension.
PST 6: Honestly, I was still not really confident in facing students. I still
confused and was nervous, especially related to way of teaching. I still had less confident for teaching and dealing with students when they
misbehaved. QN.1 Inside the class, I behaved as how teacher should be. So I had to have prestige but still respected students. Outside the classroom,
I more liked to be called as kak than pak. I tried more on being students friend outside the classroom. QN.2
The experience of PST 6, for example, could be indicated as one which could lead to sub-tension being confused on how to behave toward student. PST 6 stated
that he had difficulty in dealing with students, especially when the students misbehaved. He also did a change of role inside and outside classroom which was
possibly caused by his less confident in facing students. This change of role might also occur because PST 6 did not want to lose his closeness with the students.
Further, the result was PST 6 felt more comfortable to be considered as a brother rather than a teacher by his students.
PST 3: I also ever encountered a smart student who has high expectation
toward the teacher. He was always active and asked many critical questions. He even often did not give chance for his friends to answer the questions
from teacher QN.5. To face that problem, I gave him a challenge in form of more difficult questions and also asked him to give chance to his friends
QN.7.
Another example came from PST 3. She mentioned the experience of encountering a student who has high expectation toward the teacher. This student
was smart, active, and critical but often did not give room for his friends to be active. It could be seen that PST 3 might have difficulty in controlling the learning process
when she had to deal with this student. She might be confused on whether to behave PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
43 strictly to control this student so that his friends also got chance to be active or to
behave friendly to gain his respect. However, it seemed PST 3 was able to overcome the tension by finding out the students need for challenge. In conclusion, by having
experiences which led to this sub-tension, PSTs could practice and learn on how to behave properly as a teacher in front of the students.
3. Conflicting Conceptions of Learning to Teach
