From the quotations above, it can be concluded that Suwen’s way of thinking makes her be the person who has conservative thinking. Suwen always be
afraid of outside world. She thinks that the outside world has something harmful that can affect herself. She prefers to stand inside her world, in this case is the rule
of her race which is Chinese.
3. Quiet
Suwen is a quiet person. She never complains about anything directly. When forced to say things in words, she cannot say anything she wants or she feels. Suwen
has a great difficulty in expressing things through words. She never says anything about her feelings to someone else. The following parts show the information that
shows about the quiet trait of Suwen. Suwen does not like conflict and argument. She makes herself to remain
silent in facing situations or feelings she has even it is hard and painful. She always keeps her feelings to herself. She prefers to paint rather than expresses her feeling
through words, as what is shown in the following quotations. But she made no attempt to answer her questions, choosing instead to
concentrate on squeezing a long yellow worm out of the tube of paint, carefully mixing in the blue till she got a dull green.
… How could she fend off her mother’s accusations and explain things to her
in Cantonese? Even in English Suwen had great difficulty expressing her feeling in words Lim, 2003: 13-15.
The situation in the quotation above happens when she is in an
argumentative situation with her mother. At that time, Suwen is being accused for not being filial. She has the chance to defend herself and argue her mother.
However, Suwen does not say anything to defend herself or argue her mother’s words. She remains silent and concentrates on her painting, expressing her anger in
another way. Suwen hates conflicts and arguments. That is why she does not fend off her
enemy, in this case, another person whom Suwen faces in conflicts and arguments like her mother and Nica, her close friend. The following quotation shows the
moment when Suwen has a conflict with Nica. She hated conflict and argument. All her life, she had run away from
quarrels and confrontations. Especially with her mother. In school and at work, she had always maintained what she primly called “the balance and
harmony of the yin and the yang”, calm when others were angry, ruffled when others were calm. So when Nica had taunted her with not having the
guts and courage to follow her instinct, urges and passions, she had remained silent.
“Why don’t you do something, eh? Fight back. Argue with me, for God’s sake Challenge me. Don’t you even want to fight for the man you love? If
you love him, that is” Lim, 2003: 296. The quotation above shows the moment when Nica uses Mark Campbel, a
white man who Suwen loves as a model of her sketch painting in naked poses. Seeing this sketch, Suwen is filled by anger and trying to speak it up, but she cannot.
She does not want to be in conflict, debating fighting for only a man. She cannot stand for it and chooses to run away from the conflict. Long before the conflict
between Suwen and Nica happens, Nica has asked her about their relationship, Suwen and Mark, but Suwen never confesses the feeling of her on Mark. Even when
she and Nica are in a good condition to talk and share about it, Suwen does not say that she actually loves him. The quotation below shows the moment when Nica
forces Suwen to admit that she loves Mark.
“But I warn you,” Nica was wagging a finger at her, “Mark will be there. He’s back.”
“So?” “So? How do I know what’s between the two of you?”
“Nothing’s between us.” …
“You’re acting silly, avoiding Mark like this,” Nica was saying. “You do like him. But you don’t want to admit it. Not even to yourself. D’you want
to remain a virgin forever or what?” Lim, 2003: 254-255. The situation of the dialogue above happens when Suwen and Nica was
walking alongside the coast and talking about things, including painting and Suwen’s feeling on Mark. Suwen does not say anything in order to confess the
feeling she has on Mark though Nica is forcing her to say something about it. Suwen and Nica have one great difference. It is about self-confidence. The
following quotation shows significantly the difference between Suwen and Nica in the matter of communicating with others. The matter that Suwen does not possess
and makes her become a quiet person. But then Nica could say anything. Nica had the confidence which she,
Suwen, lacked. She had often seen Nica walk down Orchard Road, ever so confident that her lithe dancer’s body was a natural construct built for
admiration. She, Suwen, on the other hand, had never felt that way about her body before. Not ever. She was more like a raindrop, falling like millions
of other raindrops to join the common pool of humanity flowing into the wide open sea Lim, 2003: 66.
Suwen, in all her life, always feels that she is no better than other people. She never looks into her special attribute nor her talent. Unlike Nica who always
gets her self-confidence, Suwen cannot find self-confidence in herself. She sees Nica as a perfect figure of woman. A woman who can give amazing attractions to
men. Suwen feels she does not have those qualities that Nica has to be proud of. She is more likely to be self-deceiving. Even in painting, the field that she has
mastered, Suwen is not sure about her skill. She never sees herself as a person who is given a great talent.
To the external world, she was an artist of great potential, but to herself, she was the great void. An amorphous being of inchoate dreams and desires.
But in some rare moments of intense lucid creation when she was painting alone, her many dreams and desires had fused like colours shading into one
another, mixing and merging, so that for an instance, one whole uncomplicated and integrated individual, the artist, had painted in total
control, totally absorbed and complete in her artistic powers Lim, 2003: 15.
Suwen’s painting and her qualities of a great artist is appreciated by the
public. To the others, Suwen is a person with a great talent. But to herself, she cannot find the positive things to be proud of. She only sees herself as an ordinary
woman without any special attributes. She always feels drop when she compares herself to Nica, the person who she admires.
From the quotations above, it can be inferred that Suwen is a quiet person. She never speaks up about her feelings and what she thinks. Suwen has a great
difficulty in saying things in words. She chooses to express her feelings and thoughts in painting rather than in words.
Suwen’s characteristics which are identified previously as artistic, conservative, and quiet belong to the melancholic, as what Laraine and Art Bennett
2005: 33-36 state. Great writers, poets, artists, and composers have been of this temperament. A person who belongs to the melancholic has a strong interior life
that will help himher to attain intimacy with God, supernatural joy and peace. A person with melancholic temperament tends to be solitude and idealistic.
B. The Revelation of Suwen’s Repressed Memories
