Feeling of Guilty and Regret

60 has brought him down, as if there is no other chance for him to hope 69, 137, 140. Luke finds himself in a total despair while dealing with his afterthought, the good wish he expects for his future life. There was nothing you could say to that. Luke stared down at his feet, surprised to see them looking so solid and ordinary, because he felt as if a great big piece had been knocked off him, and cracks spread everywhere 68. As a normal child, Luke wishes to be loved by his parents, even having their fullest care and attention. Referring to the hierarchy of needs stated by Maslow in his theory of motivation, there are three kinds of secondary needs people should have for their survival; two of which are the belonging and love needs, and the esteem needs. The next needs are the belonging and love needs. Love is a healthy- loving relationship between two people which includes mutual trust. In the proper relationship, there are lack of fear and dropping of defenses. The absence of love will stifle growth and the development of potential. The thwarting of love needs is considered as a prime cause of maladjustment. Love hunger is a deficiency disease. The esteem needs has two categories, they are self-esteem and respect from other people. Self-esteem comprises such needs as desires for confidence, competence, mastery, adequacy, achievement, independence, and freedom. Respect encloses such concepts as prestige, recognition, acceptance, attention, status, reputation, and appreciation Goble 41-42. Nevertheless, the fact turns out to be the opposite. Unloved by his parents, Luke feels completely worthless. His dad’s reluctance to talk to him creates such sense of unimportance to be born 111. If Stringer expelled him he didn’t know what his father would do. He wouldn’t bawl him out, because ever since the mid-year exams Dad had stopped speaking to him. He never spoke to him, not even to say 61 ‘hullo’ or ‘pass the salt’ at dinner. Dad acted like he wasn’t there and it made Luke feel funny and insubstantial, as if perhaps he wasn’t there. It made him walk in a different way when he was inside the house, treading lightly, as if he had no right to be there. Perhaps he wouldn’t be there soon; if Stringer chucked him out perhaps Dad would chuck him out as well. He might 43. His parents’ pretence on his non-existence is getting clearer due to the feeling of worry and distrust he gets from his mum when Luke is trying to take Naomi to go with him 154. He feels so meaningless as he can sense his being unable to make his parents happy as well 163. Having such negative self-esteem does not only build the figure of Luke as being inferior, it somehow brings up several indefinable feelings within, such as fear, doubt, and anxiety. As a consequence, those paranoid feelings are often mixed in Luke’s head, flow together frustrating his mind. “He could simply be anxious. Anxiety can do that to you, paralyze your mind, make it difficult to work properly. Haven’t you ever felt so worried about something that you can’t concentrate, can’t think straight?” 103 Luke’s being anxious is again shown as he is waiting for the coming of night train 167. However, what makes him mostly worried is Stringer’s threat of his being expelled from school, particularly his parents’ reaction towards it. 19, 77. A stab of panic due to the letter of expulsion seems extremely frighten him thus. Luke still couldn’t stop worrying. He couldn’t figure out if Stringer really did mean to expel him or if he was only bullshitting, like Caro said. Luke couldn’t be sure, either way; and not knowing was almost as bad as having the thing happen; the uncertainty made you feel like