Is That All There Is?

5.5.3 Is That All There Is?

Rambo defines the “is that all there is?” crisis as a less dramatic kind of crisis where “for some people the “opening” is made by a vague and growing sense of dissatisfaction with life... ” (Rambo 1993: 50). This kind of crisis evidently exists in many informants‟ conversion experience. A 63-year-old male convert, for instance,

had already started questioning and comparing his Dusun religion with Islam during his school years. However, such comparison and questioning had not been seriously entertained by him at that time because he was more preoccupied with achieving good

grades at school (where he not only excelled in secular subjects but also in Islamic subjects). As he entered working life, the crisis returned every time he observed his Muslim colleagues dutifully carried out their religious obligations such as performing the Muslim prayers and fasting during Ramadhan. This led him to once again question the viability of his ancestors ‟ religion, as he never performed any ritual akin to that of the Muslim prayer or fasting. Such comparison and evaluation are clearly indications of the crisis stage, supported by the increasing level of awareness component of context. Yet again, this did not lead to a more serious crisis as the informant at that time thought his life was already fulfilling because he had a decent job and a young family.

However as he reached his forties, the informant began to seek beyond himself for meaning and purpose. Despite having good money in hand and a close family network,

he somehow still felt empty and vague:

[E33.Muslim Dusun.I4]

It was not immediate but the feeling of vagueness started to creep in few years before the conversion. I did not know what it was initially.

I compared what I had with what my neighbours had and I had everything they had: a family, a house, a car, a decent job. But I still sensed there was something missing in my life... [Trans.]

It was during the self-evaluation process that the informant then realised his spiritual need has been long neglected. His Dusun religion had been so marginal in his life that

he seldom oriented his daily life in the direction paralleled to the religion. The informant, however, did not want to entertain the thought of rediscovering the root of his ancestors ‟ tradition as he had long doubted its logic and reliability. At this stage, Brunei‟s majority-religion context clearly plays a vital part in defining the direction of he seldom oriented his daily life in the direction paralleled to the religion. The informant, however, did not want to entertain the thought of rediscovering the root of his ancestors ‟ tradition as he had long doubted its logic and reliability. At this stage, Brunei‟s majority-religion context clearly plays a vital part in defining the direction of

This study also finds that, the “is that all there is” crisis is more likely to occur to informants who had done well and achieved their life goals. A 70-year-old male convert for instance, still remembers how he initially could not figure out the reason why his new job as an army officer failed to give him contentment and satisfaction when the fact that this is the job he had dreamt about since childhood:

[E34.Muslim Dusun.I39]

I was actually rather disappointed because the job did not give me the satisfaction I expected it would. I had been dreaming to be in the army since I was small. I even went against my mother‟s wish who

wanted me to be a teacher, like my uncles. Yet, after a few years working as an army personnel, I still felt something was amiss... [Trans.]

At the same time, he became familiar with Islam through his close friendship with Malaysian Muslims, many of whom he befriended during his years of army training in Malaysia. Upon his return to Brunei, he lived with the family of his mother‟s Muslim sister, a life experience that eventually enabled him to identify the source of his inner discontentment, which was spiritual emptiness. It was this realisation that eventually led to his conversion to Islam.

As shown above, this kind of crisis catalyst does not sound dramatic but it was clear from the experience of the informants, the constant inadequate spiritual satisfaction inevitably led to a more severe and life-defining crisis. It should be highlighted here that, this is the type of crisis that was experienced by most informants of this study, As shown above, this kind of crisis catalyst does not sound dramatic but it was clear from the experience of the informants, the constant inadequate spiritual satisfaction inevitably led to a more severe and life-defining crisis. It should be highlighted here that, this is the type of crisis that was experienced by most informants of this study,

the „is that all there is‟ crisis contributed to the conversion process of the Dusun Muslim converts.