Tradition of Marriage A ALYSIS

27

CHAPTER IV A ALYSIS

This chapter is the core of the thesis. It presents the discussion about marriage tradition, family and women life that I conducted in this study. It aims to answer the problem that I stated in the chapter one. In this chapter, I divide the analysis into three main parts. The first part describes the society’s tradition of marriage, the second part explains about family roles on the marriage life, and the third part is about women roles on the marriage life.

A. Tradition of Marriage

Saudi Arabia is very rich, not only seen from the economics and its resources, but also from its culture and tradition. The Saudi Arab societies respect their tradition. The tradition mainly revolve around the religion of Islam, “Saudi Arabia was the only country ruled solely and completely by the law derived from the Qur’an and the way of the Prophet, peace will be upon him, applying that law—the Shari’ah—in all spheres of life” Alsanea 222. Tradition for them mean as norms of beliefs and practices which become their guidance in every aspect of their life, including on the marriage life. Marriage for Muslims is one of essential parts in their life. In the Holy Book Qur’an, Jawad states, The Qur’an indicates that the real and natural way to gain peace and satisfaction in life is through a husband–wife relationship, just as Adam and Eve did beforehand; it is only through this arrangement that peace on the marriage life can really be achieved and guaranteed. In human society, PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 28 therefore, the main principle of matrimonial life is that the human race should live in pairs, that is: a man and a woman should marry each other and live together in happy union. 30 Traditionally, the procession of marriage that based on Saudi Arabia tradition is not as simple as how Westerners usually do. In order to prepare her wedding well, Gamrah decided to resign from her study in the university, “... she got engaged a few weeks after the semester started, and she decided to withdraw in order to devote herself full;time to planning the wedding” Alsanea 11. Typically, the Saudi Arabia marriage arrangements take a long time and it’s quite complicated, “It is never taken lightly, and elaborate formal negotiations precede its contracting” Fluehr;Fobban 65. There are some steps that should be passed before the couple is officially pronounced as wife and husband. The first step is called shoufa; it is the time when a man have an opportunity to see his woman, ”It was the occasion of the shoufa, that one lawful “viewing” of the potential bride according to Islamic law Alsanea 29.” After the want;to;be bride meets her want;to;be groom, the man’s family will propose the woman. “He came to her father to officially ask for her hand” Alsanea 215. If the woman’s family approves the man’s marriage proposal, both two families will prepare to the next step. Next is the ‘aqd, or contract signing, which means a legal beginning of the marriage step. The period between shoufa and contract signing is called engagement period. After the signing contract, the couple enters the milkah period. It is a period between contract;signing and wedding ceremony, “In the months to follow, during the milkah period, the traditional time between the official signing of the PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 29 documents and the actual wedding ceremony… “ Alsanea 31. Then, “After a three;week engagement and after waiting four months after the contract;signing ceremony, Famees’ weeding day arrived” Alsanea 221. Gamrah is the first woman who got married before her other friends. She came from a conventional family who still follows Islamic tradition strictly. One that she should follow is “Before the wedding, Gamrah had seen Rashid only once, and that was on the day of the shoufa, the day set for bridegroom’s lawful viewing of bride;to;be. The tradition of her family did not permit the man seeking the engagement to see the bride again before the contract signing” Alsanea 51. Then, Gamrah told Sadeem—one of her best friends—how her mother warned her about the shoufa’s regulation, “Gamrah had told her of her own mother’s warning to not under any circumstances offer to shake hands with the groom at this meeting, so Saddem refrained from extending her hands“ Alsanea 29. After the couple signs the marriage;contract, they have already pronounced as legal wife and husband in the religious law. They have opportunities to know their partner better by contacting each other. Although it is allowed, Gamrah did not have any opportunity to know her fiancée better after the contract signing, “... Rashid had not asked her father’s permission to talk to her on the phone so that he could get to know her better like all men do these days” Alsanea 53. But Sadeem’s fiancée, Waleed, was different from what Rashid did. He tried to build the chemistry between Sadeem and him during the engagement period. He asked for Sadeem’s phone number, “... Waleed asked her father’s permission to phone her so he could get to know better before the announcement PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 30 that they are officially engaged. Her father agrees and gives him Sadeem’s cell phone number” Alsanea 30. During the milkah period, the couple is allowed to ring and text their partner. Going out together, visiting each other house, and having dinner in public areas are allowed, “Every few days—during his milkah period—he would visit his fiancée, who already his legal wife, since the contract had been signed” Alsanea 249. After they signed the marriage contract, Sadeem and Waleed often met and hang out together, “During the week, Waleed usually dropped by after the evening prayers, and usually stayed until two o’clock in the morning. On weekends he rarely left before dawn. Every week Waleed took her out for dinner in a fancy restaurant …” Alsanea 31. Wedding celebration is the last step in the marriage procession. It is usually celebrated with a party completed with music, dance, and culinary. Wedding celebration was an occasion that Sadeem did not want to miss. She liked attending wedding celebration, “She and many girls on her age, whenever they felt bored or cooped up, would arrange to get invited to a wedding—it didn’t matter whose. They could dress up and deck themselves out and put on heavy makeup and spend the evening dancing to music played by live bands or DJ’s” Alsanea 225. Many guests are invited on the wedding celebration. They will congratulate and bless the couple as well as the guests on Gamrah and Rashid’s wedding, “He settled himself next to her and then the other men crowded around them to congratulate the couple on their blessed, auspicious and fortunate PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 31 marriage” Alsanea 9. Wedding celebration becomes the beginning of marriage life for the new wife and husband. After the celebration, the couple starts living together. Fluehr;Fobban adds his opinion about wedding celebration that, Weddings celebrate the couple beginning to live together, and they are and have been historically elaborate affairs that constitute the centerpiece of family and community life and folklore. Traditional weddings lasted for three to seven days, including rituals associated with henna dying of the brides hands and feet, symbolic visits of the grooms kin to the brides family and vice versa, feasting, music and dancing, culminating in the final night of entry lailat aldukhla when the groom and entourage come to the brides house and, after much celebration and ritual symbolizing the union of the couple and the two families, the marriage is consummated. The urban version of the marriage celebration preceeding cohabitation is the occasion for the large public gathering of family and friends, often in one of the major hotels equipped for large parties. 70;71 Gamrah’s marriage was not successful as everyone wished for her wedding ceremony. During her two years of marriage, conflicts never left her and her husband’s life. After they had their biggest fight, Rashid sent Gamrah home and “… the divorce papers were delivered to Gamrah’s father two weeks after Gamrah landed in Riyadh …” Alsanea 98. Sadeem’s marriage was also ended unsuccessfully. After the contract signing before wedding ceremony was held, problems aroused between them. Sadeem did not know why Waleed did not visit or even call her for weeks, then “An answer did come from Waleed three weeks later, though: divorce paper … All Waleed has said to his father was that he had discovered he was not uncomfortable with his bride and he preferred to break the contract now before the wedding was consummated” Alsanea 35. Many reasons can be used by the wife or husband to divorce herhis spouse. Besides the uncomfortable feeling about their spouse, children’s problems PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 32 also possibly become the reason for the separation. Divorce problem also happened in Um Nuwayyir’s life. She got divorced because of the children reason. His husband left her after found that their son has a problem with his feminine personality, “Her Saudi husband divorced her after fifteen years of marriage to marry another woman” Alsanea 21. On a similar case, Abu Musa’ed had not been blessed with any children in ten years of marriage. For that reason, he divorced his wife to marry another woman who could give him a son, “He had divorced his wife and was looking for another, younger one who would provide him with the son he was looking for. Incidentally, just as he decided to marry again, there was news reached him that his former wife had gotten pregnant by her second husband” Alsanea 189. Not all marriages end happily until death separates them. If both wife and husband fail to keep it going, divorce becomes one of the solutions. Amongst Muslims, divorce is allowed and carefully regulated by religious law Nydell 76. On his book, Jawad notes about divorce in Islam. He says that, Islam allows divorce but only under extraordinary circumstances. In principle, Islam regards marriage as a life;long commitment. However, sometimes there do arise situations wherein marriage ceases to fulfil its purpose. Hence, divorce can be invoked by either side or both of them in order to accommodate the realities of an unsuccessful marriage. It must be stressed that divorce can only be exercised as the last resort after all efforts for reconciliation between the spouses are exhausted. Therefore, in Islam divorce is considered a necessity if the married partners are not happy. 71 From those four divorced stories, there was a phenomenon in which the husband is the one who divorces his wife, even though it is allowed for a wife to divorce her husband. Furthermore, Husni and Newman give their opinion that PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 33 Islam gives a right in decision making of divorce to the husband. It is believed that the husband’s judgment is wiser than woman’s 71. The dissolution of the marriage contract by husband is called Talaq divorce. It can be done one;side only by husband’s side without giving any reasons Jawad 79.

B. Family’s Roles on Marriage