Women and Marriage Life

18 improperly or gives the appearance of improper conduct. Much of this misconduct is construed as being of a sexual nature. A dishonorable man is one who shirks his familial responsibilities, wastes his money on frivolities or drink, or conducts himself in a way that suggests loose morals. A womans honor can be placed into question for much less serious conduct or accusation. A woman who goes out alone frequently at night or wears clothing, adornments, or excessive perfume that draw the attention of men can be gossiped about and accused of being dishonorable. In more conservative societies, a woman who has spent time alone with a man classified as a stranger not a relation can be accused of dishonor. 52

b. Women and Marriage Life

In a family, the roles of mother and father are quite different. Nydell says that “The mother is seen as a source of emotional support and steadfast loving; kindness. She is patient, forgiving, and prone to indulge and spoil her children, especially her sons. The father, while seen as a source of love, may display affection less overtly; he is also the source of authority and punishment” 74. According to Husni and Newman, women’s roles are becoming a mother and a wife. They say that, Woman is the mother of all mankind; she carries the child inside her and in her arms. It is from her that he gets the character that will manifest itself later on in life. She suckles the child at her breast, nourishing him with her blood and soul. She is a faithful companion and a wife who fills a gap, and takes away her husband’s loneliness. She sacrifices her health and comfort to satisfy her husband’s needs, helps him overcome obstacles and showers him with love to ease all hardships and sorrows. She infuses him with life and rejuvenates him. She makes up half the human race and half the nation, fully contributing to all aspects of human activity. 29 Hasan in his article also quote the Prophet’s word related to women’s roles, that is said, “He the Prophet also said: ‘Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can have? It is a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, who obeys him when he commands her, and who guards herself when he is PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 19 absent from her.’” Related to women’s role, Jawad also quotes a note from the council. It is said, The Council has to say: ‘The outstanding virtue of a true Muslim wife is her total faithfulness to her husband. Her mind, her heart, her gaze and her body are only for her husband … But what if the husband happens to be unfaithful? Well, ‘The woman of intelligence and understanding should face this delicate situation with great patience … she should endeavor to win over his heart with love and tender tones … if the husband rebuffs her, she should not give up hope. Feave the matter for a while and resume the advice respectfully, humbly and intelligently at another time when he is in a better mood’. 38 Although there are many demands a woman should do, she also has a right to be well treated by her husband. Jawad 36 gives opinions that husband should treat his wife gently, kindly and affectionately. The husband also needs to show that he loves her, appreciates her good qualities, and gives her impressions that he needs her and depends on her to attain happiness in life. On the contrary, there are some verses in Qur’an that concerned on the husband’s treatments to their wives. Syed in her book The Position of Women in Islam in Progressive View quotes a verse 4:34 which becomes the most controversial verse related to the husband’s treatments, it is said: Arrejalu qawwaamuna alaan nisaai bimaa fazzalal laahu baazahum alaa bazin wa bimaa aanfaquu min amwalihim. Fassaalihaatu qaanitaatun haafizaatullilgaibay bimaa hafizallah. Wallaatii takhaa funna nushuu zahunna faeezuuhunna wahjuruuhunna fil mazaajii wazribuu hunna faain ataa nakum falaa tabguu alayhinna sabilaan. Innallaha kaana aliyyan kabiraa. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what God would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill;conduct, admonish PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 20 them first; next, refuse to share their beds, and last beat them lightly; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means of annoyance: for God is Most High, Great above you all. From the verse above, we can see that women’s position in Saudi Arabia society is lower than men, but they still have quite big power and freedom especially after marriage. Butt says that Saudi Arabian women are free to get their education, and they may wear the latest fashion style, or can go alone to women parties 16. Although it happens rarely, Saudi Arabian women have freedom to choose their prospective husband without their guardian’s coercion Jawad 35. In addition, Nydell adds her opinions about women’s power, Inside the family, women have a good deal of power. They usually have the decisive voice in matters relating to household expenditures, the upbringing and education of children, and sometimes the arrangement of marriages. The older a woman becomes, the more status and power she accrues. Men owe great respect to their mothers all their lives, and must make every effort to obey their mother’s wishes, including her whims. All older women in the family are treated with deference, but the mother of sons gains even more status 48. Jawad also adds his opinion about the power of mother in family according to what The Prophet said in the following Hadiths: ‘Do not leave your mother unless she gives you permission or death takes her, because that is the greatest deed for your reward’ 13. Al;Shesa quotes the conversation of the Prophet and his wife about women’s position, it is said that, Aishah, the wife of the Prophet questioned him: “Whose right is the greatest on a woman?” He replied spontaneously, ”A woman’s husband.” The Messenger was asked: “Whose right is the greatest on a man?” He replied, “His mother’s.” PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI 21

C. Theoretical Framework