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Islam gives a right in decision making of divorce to the husband. It is believed that the husband’s judgment is wiser than woman’s 71. The dissolution of the
marriage contract by husband is called Talaq divorce. It can be done one;side only by husband’s side without giving any reasons Jawad 79.
B. Family’s Roles on Marriage
Family is one of the most important aspects in Saudi Arabia society. Nydell gives opinion that,
Arab society is built around the extended family system. Individuals feel a strong affiliation with all of their relatives—aunts, uncles, and cousins—not
just with their immediate family. The degree to which all blood relationships are encompassed by a family unit varies among families, but
most Arabs have over a hundred “fairly close” relatives. 71
For Saudi Arabian, a family does not only mean a source of love but also a source of security and education. Family background can give a higher status level in the
society if one or more family members get success. Family supports their members on jobs, finance, protections and other life matters. Fluehr;Fobban says,
“The social condition of the extended family provides not only shelter, food, and physical space for its individual members, but it contains within it a much broader
ideology of mutual support and solidarity for the family group” 61. On family, the role of mother and father is quite different. Nydell says
that, “The mother is seen as a source of emotional support and steadfast loving; kindness. She is patient, forgiving, and prone to indulge and spoil her children,
especially her son. The father, while seen as a source of love, may displays affection less overtly; he is also the source of authority and punishment” 74. A
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mother has a special authority dealing with her children education and her children’s prospective husband or wife, especially her son. On the other hand, a
father is the decision maker at the house; he has the biggest influence related to every aspect of the family. Michelle says that, ”At home public opinion coalesced
around a single view—the view backed by the most powerful people” Alsanea 165.
Saudi Arabians are very proud of their family connections and lineage. They keep maintaining a good relationship within family. Aunt Badriyyah, the
eldest sister of Sadeem’s mother, took care of her and Sadeem’s father’s life after her mother died, “Ever since Sadeem’s mother passed away, when Sadeem was a
baby, Aunt Badriyyah had tried to act as a stand;in mother figure” Alsanea 20. Reputation of any family member can reflect all of the whole family. A
family’s background brings a big effect on how society takes into account whether he or she is a good person or not. Aunt Badriyyah helped Sadeem’s father in
selecting marriage proposals that had been sent to propose Sadeem, “She had her own ways of checking out all marriage applicants thoroughly and she dropped
those who, in her opinion, were unsuitable. She would only inform Sadeem’s father about the short list of key applicants, she decided” Alsanea 20.
Sadeem was very proud of her fiancée, Waleed, because he came from a successful and honored family, “He is the son of Abdallah Al;Shari, one of the
truly big real estate magnates in the kingdom. His uncle, Abdul;elah Al;Shari, is a retired colonel and his aunt Munirah is headmistress of one of Riyadh’s biggest
private girls’ school” Alsanea 21.
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In another case, Michelle whom “Only Michelle was not from a well; known family tribe linked to a certain region” Alsanea 10 was rejected by
Faisal’s mother. One of the reasons was because Michelle’s family was not like what Faisal’s mother was expecting,
But it quickly became clear to him that the problem was that his mother had never heard the name of this family.
Apparently, the name had never ascended to the ranks of families who formed alliances with—or even mixed with—the family of Al;Batran.
Faisal tried to explain to his mother that Michelle’s father had only been settled in the country for a few years, and maybe that was why his name was
not yet known to many in Riyadh society. Alsanea 94
Marriage and family are two parts that cannot be separated. People directly become one family when they get married including both spouse’s family. For
that reason, family put a big concern on their children’s marriage life. As it was mentioned that family honor is very important for them, thus each member of the
family is trying to keep it always in a good reputation. One of the many ways for keeping family’s honor is by finding a perfect match partner for their son or
daughter who at least has the same level with them. Fluehr;Fobban says that, “The appropriate match of families is known as equality of standard in marriage
alKafaa fil zawaj and has been a powerful social tradition that has kept marriage not only within families, but within class and religious community as
well” 67;68. Sadeem was the one who experienced a marriage within family. Knowing
that her son—Tariq—loves Sadeem, Aunt Badriyyah tries to arrange a marriage for them. “Aunt Badriyyah decided to broach the subject about Saddem’s getting
married her son—Saddem’s cousin’s Tariq” Alsanea 218. Hearing about her
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aunt’s plan, at the first time Sadeem refused it. She thought that, “Maybe Tariq was already thinking about the money and property she would inherit from her
father and was planning how to get his hand on it. Maybe his mother—her own aunt—was even encouraging him” Alsanea 219. But she considered what
Gamrah said, “Take the one who loves you, not the one who you love. The one who loves you will always have you in his eyes, and he’ll make you happy”
Alsanea 275; then Sadeem decided to accept Tariq’s proposal to marry her. Different to the Westerners which do not allow marriage between cousins,
“… in America it wasn’t generally accepted for first cousins to form romantic relationship” Alsanea 184; marriages between cousins are still common for
many Arab countries especially in rural society Al;Omari 119. Some references support this fact; Fluehr;Fobban describes about the reasons why marriage
between cousins is allowed: By keeping marriage within the extended family, wealth and property are
thereby consolidated within the kin group. ‘Stranger’ marriage, which is considered very risky, is controlled. By contrast, the more traditional
marriage is given strong support by extended family members, so that these marriages tend to be more stable and less likely to end in divorce or
separation. The families, of course, know each other well and trust in marriage negotiations and a subsequent relation is high, unlike the
situation with ‘stranger’ marriage. 66
As young Saudi Arabian who is in love with someone and decides to get married, the most important thing they need is a family approval.
Although in the modern time, young man as well as young woman have freedom in choosing their
own prospective wife or husband, they still seek family approval for the person they have chosen. People rarely get married when their family rejects them
.
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When Faisal asked for an approval from his mother about the woman he had chosen, Michelle whom “She is Mashael Al;Abdulrahman” Alsanea 91, his
mother asked, “Who do you mean, AlAbdulrahman? ... So what makes this Abdul Rahman special? ... Who are his brothers?” Alsanea 94.
Nydell says that family will reassure that their children will marry someone whose family background, character, and financial position are well
known 75. Fluehr;Fobban also adds that when people have their own choice,
their family will investigate or gather information about the candidate, … the family will inquire and gather relevant information about the
background of the family with which they are about to be united. Relevant questions would touch upon economic background and whether they are
more or less equivalent in status; appropriate religious commonalities in piety and practice; the familys background and history; and other matters
that place the two families on an equal footing in the proposed union 67.
If the chosen;partner is rejected by the family, it seems that they do not have any other ways but leave their beloved partner and accept the family’s
decision. Faisal did so; he left Michelle when his mother did not give an approval, He loved no one in the universe more than his mother, and he had never
opposed her, never ever, never in his life. He wept also for the sophisticated girl, his beloved who understood him and whom he understood, more than
any two people in this world could ever understand each other, Michelle with her Nadji beauty and American personality, who would not be his.
Alsanea 95
According to Fluehr;Fobban, traditionally, independent decisions regarding choice of marriage partner are rare, if ever does, their future no longer
becomes family’s responsibility 65. It can be said that, it is almost impossible to keep it work when his or her partner has been rejected. Different case happened in
Michelle’s family whose mother was rejected by her father’s family. Her father
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decided bravely that he kept on his decision to marry Michelle’s mother who was American girls. But it was not easy, even after years went by, Michelle’s father’s
family still dislike her mother, “My father’s family was never reconciled to that marriage, and my grandmother would grumble every time my mother visited—
and she still does” Alsanea 89. Michelle’s father ever tried to live in Saudi Arabia after his marriage, but it did not last long, “Fess than a month we left
America my father moved us back there—my father, who had dreamed of returning to his homeland so that I would grow up as a Saudi girl But he couldn’t
get his relatives to respect his privacy and stay out of his business. So he emigrated again” Alsanea 89.
After her divorce, Gamrah uncle—as her guardian wali—tried to look for a man who could marry and protect her, “… Gamrah’s uncle from her
mother’s side heard about this and then he nominated his sister’s daughter. How utterly devoted he was to his niece’s best interest, he thought triumphantly”
Alsanea 189. For Saudi Arabian women, the one who have responsibility in
protecting the marriage partner selection is their guardian, that mostly is her father or other close male family members Nydell 67. Related to the guardian’s role,
Husni and Newman show their opinions that there are not only women’s but also men’s guardian who decided the partner they should marry with,
It is hardly surprising that the idea of forced marriages is firmly embedded in a tradition which not only applies to women but also to young men who
are obliged to accept marriages arranged by their fathers, no matter how unsuitable they may be. Often, young men will bow to this decision as
they are entirely dependent on their fathers, which is something that their upbringing has taught them. 58
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Gamrah who had experienced an unhappy marriage because her husband did not treat her well thought that Rashid was forced by his parents to marry her.
In her opinion, “… it makes sense that a man—and he was every inch a man,
whatever else he turned to be—would be forced to marry a woman he didn’t want, no matter how compelling the reason?” Alsanea 51. Then the fact that Gamrah
found out that Rashid was like what she had thought before. Rashid was forced to marry her whereas he loved another girl in America named Kari. Rashid told
Gamrah that, “At least her father didn’t come kissing up to my father so he could marry his daughter to a man who he knew loved someone in America and had
been living with her for seven years” Alsanea 85. In the contrary, the man’s family decisions made Sadeem and Michelle
could not to marry their beloved boyfriend. Sadeem loved Firas for years until she found out that he married another woman. In his confession, Firas said:
… he hinted her that he was willing to remain her beloved for the rest of the life. That was what he wanted, in fact, but he would be forced to conceal it
from his wife and family. He swore to her that the entire business was out of his hands; that circumstances were stronger than they were; and that he was
in more pain at his family’s decision than she was. But there was nothing that he could do. There was no path before them but patience. Alsanea 211
On Michelle’s love story, after Faisal’s mother did not give him approval to marry Michelle, he met Michelle to say about his family decision. Faisal couldn’t do
anything to change that decision, Faisal didn’t even try to make any excuses for himself because he know that
he wouldn’t be able to change everything no matter what he said, so his position seemed weak and his reaction was cold. ... What consequences
would be if he were challenge his family; there were no power on earth, he said, that could block or lessen the awful things they would do to hurt both
of him and her, if he instead on marrying Michelle. She would never be accepted by his family, and their children would suffer for it. … It was not
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because he didn’t love her, he said. But they didn’t believe in love They believe only in their inherited beliefs and tradition from across generations
… Alsanea 110;111
Realizing their conditions, Sadeem and Michelle understood that they could do nothing. That this is the tradition they should accept whether they like it
or not. Michelle gave her opinion that, Maybe he’s really cultured and highly educated guy who’s been around.
Maybe he knows deep down that love is a basic human need, that it isn’t shameful for a man to choose his partner in life for himself, as long as he is
completely sure she’s the right one. But he is still afraid. It worries him to even think about the following path different from the path his father, his
uncle, and his grandfather followed before them. And anyway, he’ll think, those old men are still living with those shutup women of theirs. So
something must have gone right. What they did was successful. It’s got to work because everyone else has done it. So he follows their steps and
doesn’t go against their way of doing things. Alsanea 181;182
She also added that, “ They are slaves to the reactionary customs and ancient
tradition even if their enlightened minds pretend to reject such things That’s a mold for all men in this society. They just pawns their families move around on
the chessboard” Alsanea 270
C. Women’s Roles on Marriage
