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because he didn’t love her, he said. But they didn’t believe in love They believe only in their inherited beliefs and tradition from across generations
… Alsanea 110;111
Realizing their conditions, Sadeem and Michelle understood that they could do nothing. That this is the tradition they should accept whether they like it
or not. Michelle gave her opinion that, Maybe he’s really cultured and highly educated guy who’s been around.
Maybe he knows deep down that love is a basic human need, that it isn’t shameful for a man to choose his partner in life for himself, as long as he is
completely sure she’s the right one. But he is still afraid. It worries him to even think about the following path different from the path his father, his
uncle, and his grandfather followed before them. And anyway, he’ll think, those old men are still living with those shutup women of theirs. So
something must have gone right. What they did was successful. It’s got to work because everyone else has done it. So he follows their steps and
doesn’t go against their way of doing things. Alsanea 181;182
She also added that, “ They are slaves to the reactionary customs and ancient
tradition even if their enlightened minds pretend to reject such things That’s a mold for all men in this society. They just pawns their families move around on
the chessboard” Alsanea 270
C. Women’s Roles on Marriage
There are two main women’s roles in the marriage life; they are as a mother and a wife who becomes best man’s companion. Women are the mother of
all human beings. She bears and takes care of her children. She is also a faithful companion and a wife who devotes her life to her husband Husni and Newman
29. Al;Shesa quotes the conversation of the Prophet and his wife about women’s position, it is said that,
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Aishah, the wife of the Prophet questioned him: “Whose right is the greatest on a woman?”
He replied spontaneously, ”A woman’s husband.” The Messenger was asked: “Whose right is the greatest on a man?”
He replied, “His mother’s.”
Butt adds his opinion about women’s role. He says that, “In Arab society, women seem chained to their home and family but it does not mean that they do not have
any power and influence. For instance, a mother has an authority to decide with whom her son will marry 16.
Although it has been said that the protector of someone’s marriage partner is the guardian who is usually their father or male;relative, as a mother, she has a
special authority on their children’s marriage matter. Faisal’s mother rejected Michelle as Faisal’s prospective wife because she wanted someone who has a
better background than Michelle’s, “… she talked about her great hopes to marry her youngest son to the best girl, to give the best home there ever was, and the
best automobile, plus all;expense;paid tickets to spend the best honeymoon ever” Alsanea 95.
Mother has a crucial position in the family, Nydell says that “Inside the family, women have a good deal of power. They usually have the decisive voices
in matters relating to household expenditures, the upbringing and education of children, and sometimes the arrangement of marriages” 48. Gamrah’s mother
did so; she took care of all household matters, Her mother decided to not tell even Gamrah’s father, who was in North
Africa on holiday. After all, the man had never taken any interest in the personal live of anyone in the household and he never would. Gamrah’s
mother had always been the organizing mastermind, the mover and shaker of the household, and she always would remain so. Alsanea 98
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Mother is also protecting their children when they are in troubles, including in her children’s marriage life. After Gamrah got married, her mother
gave many advises in how to be a good wife, “Since Gamrah’s marriage to Rashid, her mother had gotten bolder about discussing “the business of men and
women.” … Afterward, though, Gamrah got immersion training in the art of seduction…“ Alsanea 12. Gamrah’s mother gave the secret for her first night,
“Her mother’s Golden Rules was spinning in her mind. Don’t be easy. Refusal— it’s the secret to activating a man’s passion” Alsanea 11. When the problem
between Gamrah and Rashid got more intense, Gamrah was sent home. At home, Gamrah’s mother protected her, “Her mother, who knew everything that had
happened, thought it is wisest to hide the truth from everyone” Alsanea 98. During her hard times after the divorce, Gamrah’s mother never left her alone. To
refresh her mind, she arranged a holiday for Gamrah, “By summer, Gamrah’s mother decided to do something to cheer up this daughter of hers who had grown
old before her time” Alsanea 149. As a wife, a woman should be her husband’s best companion whatever
happens with her husband. In the family, husband’s roles is protecting their family and fulfilling all their financial needs; and a wife is the one who is responsible on
keeping the family’s honor. She should bind in honor by raising the children well and keeping all the bad things on its place. Michelle gave her opinion about the
system of choosing wife in her society, ‘If I want to be a government minister or some other high official later on, I
need to find a women who will give me some standing, a woman to help me with her family name and her looks and her genealogy and her social
position and wealth I am not going to take one who’s flawed from the start
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cause she’s been divorced, and the watch people devour me with their waspish tongues.’ That is the way our man thinking, unfortunately. Alsanea
181
Hasan has also quoted the Prophet says about a wife, it is said, He the Prophet also said:
Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can have? It is a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, who
obeys him when he commands her, and who guards herself when he is absent from her.
According to what the Prophet said, a wife is demanded to be a faithful woman. She should give her best to her husband and make her husband pleased. A wife
should provide a comfortable house for her husband and children, “Men are expected to provide for their families; women, to bear and raise children; children,
to honor and respect their parents and grow up to fulfill their adult roles which includes marriage” Nydell 52.
Gamrah devoted her life to her husband and her marriage since marriage life began. She decided to walk out from collage so that she could completely
concentrate on her marriage preparations and move abroad with her husband, “… she decided to withdraw in order to devote herself full;time to planning the
wedding. Since she would be moving to America right after the wedding anyway so that her husband could finish graduate school there” Alsanea 11. Even when
she had not been married to Firas yet, Sadeem had dreamed to devote her life to him, “I sit him down on the sofa and I sit on the floor in front of him. I imagine
myself rubbing his feet under salted warm water and kissing them” Alsanea 171 On her marriage life, Gamrah always tried her best on treating her
husband, managing house, and taking care of all household needs even though she never did that before, “Even though it was difficult in the beginning to shoulder
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all of the household related tasks, gradually Gamrah learned how to depend on herself” Alsanea 76. But her marriage life was not dream like,
Gamrah had dreamed of much more; of caresses and love and tenderness and emotion like feelings that stirred her heart when she read romance
novels and watched romantic movies. And now here she was, facing a husband who clearly felt no attraction toward her and indeed had not
touched her since ill;fated night in Rome. 26
The fact that she found out was not a lovely, care, and tender husband, but a rude, insensitive, and grumpy husband. On their marriage celebration, Rashid rejected
to kiss her, “It was then that Gamrah’s friend started chanting at the top of their voice. “We want kiss We want kiss” Rashid‘s mother smiled and Gamrah’s
mother blushed red. As for Rashid, he sent the girls a scanting stare that sliced them into silence” Alsanea 10. Moreover, he fell asleep on their first night, ”But
on her wedding night she came out of the bathroom to find him . . . asleep” Alsanea 11.
In another case, different from Gamrah’s, Famees found that her husband really loved her, “Remember how Rashid reacted when we told him to kiss you
during the wedding? And look at this Nizar, all he does is kissing Famees’s forehead every couple of minutes, and then her hands and her cheeks” Alsanea
235. Famees’ husband Nizar also cares about her, “He was softly invoking God’s name over her before every step and helping her lift the long train of her gown
Alsanea 234. After moving to Chicago, Rashid’s treatment toward her did not turn to be
better. He always grumped about what Gamrah had done at their apartment. He even complained about the clothes she wore,
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Even her clothes became a source of irritation to her husband after a while: “Why don’t you wear ordinary clothes like other women here? It’s as if you
are trying to embarrass me in front of my friend with the things you wear And then you wonder why don’t I don’t take you out with me
... After they arrived at the theatre and he found two seats for them, she
surprised him by taking off her coat and hijab before sitting down. She gave him a shy smile, trying to read his thoughts at this crucial moment, He
studied her with sidelong stare, and after a few seconds, he said, “Taking them off isn’t making you look any better, so just put them on again.”
Alsanea 50;51
Gamrah did not know the reasons why her husband was so annoyed. She tried her best to get her husband’s heart but she could not make it. Although
Rashid kept on his hard;hearted, it did not make her hate him. She still loves Rashid,
Although her husband was rough and rude to her sometimes, Gamrah loved him. She was even devoted to him, in spite of everything; for he was the
first mane she had ever spent time with outside of company of her brothers, father, and uncles. ... Gamrah did not know if she had come to love Rashid
because he was worthy of being love, or if she simply felt it was her duty as his wife to love him. Alsanea 53
Discussing a wife’s loyalty, Jawad quotes a note from the council. It is said, the Council has to say:
‘The outstanding virtue of a true Muslim wife is her total faithfulness to her husband. Her mind, her heart, her gaze and her body are only for her
husband … But what if the husband happens to be unfaithful?
Well, ‘The woman of intelligence and understanding should face this delicate situation with great patience … she should endeavour to win over
his heart with love and tender tones … if the husband rebuffs her, she should not give up hope. Feave the matter for a while and resume the
advice respectfully, humbly, and intelligently at another time when he is in a better mood’.
38 Related to what the Council said, during her bad times of marriage and after she
found out that her husband loves another women, Gamrah never stopped fighting
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for her little family, “ This young wife took up arms, intent on fighting to defend
her marriage and struggle for sake of its survival” Alsanea 79.
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CHAPTER V CO CLUSIO A D SUGGESTIO S
