2.1.2.9 Mannerism
A person’s character can be described through his habit and mannerism. Knowing his habit and mannerism, the readers will be able to find more
information about the person and what personalities he possesses.
2.1.3 Friendship
According to Beebe 312, friendship is defined as a relationship of choice that exists between two individuals who share similarities and commitment. It
means that a friendship is maintained between friends through sharing the same interests or hobbies, because people usually feel more comfortable and open if they
know that they have similarities with their friends. This kind of relationship may happen to any people regardless their sex, backgrounds, religions, or races.
Aristotle qtd in Becker 388 defines general types of friendship. They are friendship based on utility, friendship based on pleasure, and friendship based on
goodness. Friendship based on utility changes according to circumstances. It is argued to be the worst type of friendship. Friendship of this kind usually happens
among people who are pursuing their own advantages. People who maintain this kind of friendship feel no need of acceptance from their friends as long as they still
get advantages from their friendship. Friendship based on pleasure usually happens among young people or
children because young people are usually ruled by their feeling. They commonly act based on their emotions and their main interests are their own pleasures.
However, when they grow to be adults, this kind of friendship tends to easily break because their interests and efforts to get pleasure change.
Friendship based on goodness is argued to be a perfect friendship, which happens when friends wish good for others. They are truly friends, because each
friend loves the others what they are, and not for any certain qualities. Friendship of this kind is permanent and lasts so long as people who maintain it remain good.
Duck in his book Friends, for Life 6 states that the nature of friendship has several certain aspects which make it different from any other relationship. They
are caring, support, loyalty and putting high priority on the other person’s interests. Duck also proposes that there are reasons why people need friends. They are
belonging and a sense of reliable alliance, emotional integration and stability, opportunities for communication, and provision for assistance and physical support
11-18. The first reason is that friendship creates a sense of belonging and reliable
alliance. Through friendship, friends create a bond that can be trusted to be there for them whenever they need it. One of the signs that someone is a true friend is
when they help their friends in times of trouble. The second reason is that friendship provides emotional integration and
stability. It keeps people to be emotionally stable as friends tell them how they should react appropriately towards something and correct and guide their attitudes
and beliefs. In this case, friends provide stable, meaningful supports especially in times of stress and crisis.
The third reason is giving opportunities for communication. Friendship is a place for communication to occur. They may not just have conversation about
common issues, but also personal, intimate details about oneself. People need friends to be included in their communication as well as personal life and be a part
of it, increasing stability and comfort in their interaction with others. Friends who never talk about themselves are usually considered to be defensive or passive.
The fourth reason is provision for assistance and physical support. Friendship enables people to offer them support, whether physical, psychological or
emotional. People need friends to help them cope with stress and uncertainty and take care of their physical needs.
A friendship is built through some stages of development. Duck 64-95 also states that once two strangers are clear that they are both interested in
developing a friendship, they will have to go through the stages of friendship development, namely seeking similarity and support, increasing intimacy, and
showing that the friendship is growing. The first stage is seeking similarity and support. It deals with the efforts to
obtain information about each other, people’s adjustment in behaviours that match up with their partners’ feeling for one another, and creation of a pattern of
communication. At this stage, people demonstrate and share their similarities with their partners to find a mutual interest that may become the foundation of their
friendship. The second stage, increasing intimacy, is a development of friendship in
which people reveal first their attitude and later their personalities, inner character and true selves in proper ways. The key in this stage of development is self-
disclosure. The appropriateness of self-disclosure is defined by the relationship between the two people and the level of intimacy they seek to achieve.
The third stage, showing that the friendship is growing, begins when the two people realize, both to the friends and to the rest of the world, that they have
become close friends, and their feelings have to be demonstrated or else people will not know that they are friends. It concerns with the changes in their behaviours and
joint activities that gradually alter to be more intimate as the friendship grows. The characteristic of this stage is when the friends talk about their feelings on some
shared experience. Vasta et al 621 state the conception of friendship from age 5 to 11 years
old. There are three stages of children’s conception on friendship based on their class of age. The first level is a child in the age of 5-7 years old. They believe
friends are associates who are nice to them and who are fun to play with. Friendship is a temporary relationship, easily established and easily ended.
The second level is a child of 8-10 years old. They describe friends as people who help each other in a relationship of mutual trust. They like their friends
because of certain characteristics and not merely because of frequent play contacts. Children of this age may say that a friend is someone who helps them and can be
trusted by them. The last level is an 11-year-old child. These children assume that friends are
those who understand each other and share their interest, thoughts, and feelings. Friendship is a long-term relationship based on similar interests and personality.
Children of age 11 may say that a friend is someone they can talk about everything and share many things together.
The conceptions show the difference between friendship of children and friendship of the adult people. However, in such young age, children are also able
to select friends. They choose friends based on similarities of age, popularity, gender, hobbies and interests, and socioeconomic status 622-623. Most children
prefer to choose peers with the same gender and who are similar to themselves in age, gender, and interests. Those similarities in gender become quite strong in the
middle childhood and adolescence. Further, Beebe in his book Interpersonal Communication in Relationships
314 states that there are different stages in friendship. Childhood friendship is classified into five overlapping stages. The first stage is from age 3-7 years old,
when children begin to interact with people around them. The second stage, from age four to nine, children’s friendships involve one-way assistance as they can see
friendships as instruments to help them meet their needs. The third stage, age six to twelve, is the stage in which the relationship is likely to end if there are conflicts
and problems. The fourth stage, from 9-15 years old, happens when relationships become more possessive because of the closeness that develops. It is also called
mutual intimacy. The last stage, beginning at about age twelve and continuing through adulthood, allows for more independence in friendship that also enables
them to increase the level of intimacy and sharing. In order to maintain a friendship, people must do some efforts. Beebe 336-
338 states that there are some ways to maintain a friendship, namely expressing emotion, providing comfort and social support, engaging in relationship talk, being
tolerant and showing restraint, and managing conflict cooperatively.
2.1.4 Motivation
