41 her childhood. This can be seen from Veronika’s personality of being too
perfectionist. Veronika has perfectly a same daily routine. Furthermore, Veronika takes the sleeping pills one by one, instead of crushes them and mixes them with
water. These behaviors are something that has to be developed through a long time.
Since childhood, Veronika has known that her true dream job is to be a pianist. Her teacher realizes Veronika’s talent and supports her to be a
professional. In this state, Veronika is creating a pianist subpersonality. However, when Veronika tells her mother about the dream, her mother refuses. Veronika’s
mother says that no one make a living by playing a piano. Her mother thinks that it is a ridiculous idea. Veronika’s mother asks Veronika to become a good wife.
Being a good wife is the only way Veronika’s mother knows about being a woman. Veronika obeys her mother because Veronika thinks that her mother is
older and wiser to know what is good and what is bad for her. As her mother suggests, Veronika continues playing piano just so that her future husband can be
proud of her. That love asking for nothing in return had managed to fill her with guilt,
with a desire to fulfill another’s expectations, even if that meant giving up everything she had dreamed of for herself. It was a love that for years had
tried to hide from her the difficulties and the corruption that existed in the world, ignoring the fact that one day she would have to find this out, and
would then be defenseless against them p. 69.
Veronika’s mother does not realize that she is applying self-centered love to Veronika. Veronika feels guilty that she has not become obedient. Veronika
thinks that she has to become obedient to repay her mother’s love. Veronika begins to repress her subpersonality as a pianist. She is losing the desire and the
42 technical skill to play a piano. Based on the theory of psychosynthesis, Veronika
is experiencing primal wounding. Thus, Veronika is creating a mask, a survival personality, so that she does not have to feel guilty anymore.
Veronika’s self realization occurs after she commits suicide attempt. As described in the historical background, a person would be sent to a mental
institution if heshe is endangering other people or hisher own life. Veronika has to live in the mental asylum. The process of Veronika’s self realization is
explained as follows.
4.3.1. The Exploration of the Personality
Roberto Assagioli says that psychosynthesis is constructive. Psychosynthesis discusses all aspects of human being, including the personalities
and human needs. Furthermore, the theory of psychosynthesis explains that human’s growth is affected by human’s relationship with the environment.
Assagioli provides the basic of psychosynthesis theory. The first is the psychosynthesis model of a person. This model depicts the relationship of the “I”,
the higher unconsciousness, the middle unconsciousness, and the lower unconsciousness. The second is the stages of psychosynthesis. The stages of
psychosynthesis consist of five stages. They are the survival of wounding, the exploration of the personality, the emergence of “I”, the contact with self, and the
response to self. Stage one and two discuss the development of “I” which is related to the functions of consciousness and will. Stage three and four discuss
how a person may become aware of the deeper motivation and then find the meaning in life, a self-realization as cited in Firman and Gila, 2002, pp. 19-65.
43 Based on the theory of psychosynthesis, Veronika has developed a survival
personality due to a primal wounding from her parents. Veronika has buried her dreams since childhood. However, Veronika stays within the survival personality
for too long, until she is 24 years old. The reason of Veronika’s stagnancy lies on her characteristic as an introvert person. It is said in the theory of psychosynthesis
that human’s growth is affected by the relationship to the environment. Veronika decides to make a wall between her and the environment. Thus, Veronika does not
undergo changes. Veronika becomes depressed and decides to die. However, Veronika survives and then is sent to a mental asylum.
Within the mental asylum, Veronika is being led to self-realization. Veronika is first led to the exploration of her personality. Firman and Gila 2002
state that the exploration of the personality occurs after the deconstruction of a person’s old personality and then moves on to a more natural expression. The
deconstruction process is triggered by emphatic relationship p. 53. Veronika’s deconstruction of her old personality begins after she meets Dr. Igor. Veronika is
surprised by pain. Veronika realizes that she has a few days before death takes her soul. Veronika feels fear p. 30. As Veronika is surprised by pain, the door to
the lower unconscious is beginning to open. The fear that exists within Veronika is not caused by the upcoming death. The fear exists because Veronika realizes
that she has been guilty to her parents. Veronika has not become obedient to her parents. Veronika has failed to repay the love from her parents. Thus, the feeling
that becomes Veronika’s reason to create her survival personality reappears.
44 Soon after Veronika is surprised by pain, someone gives her an empathic
love. At the same night she feels guilty, Veronika meets Zedka. Zedka is an indifferent insane woman. While Veronika is trying to forget her guilt, Zedka is
inviting Veronika to a conversation. Although being rejected at first, Zedka’s empathy reaches Veronika. Zedka picks a topic that stimulates Veronika’s
curiousity, insanity. Veronika is, for the first time in her adulthood, actually having a conversation. That night Veronika and Zedka are forming an emphatic
relationship. On the next day, Zedka explains the condition within the mental asylum.
From Zedka’s explanation, Veronika realizes what the mental asylum provides. The mental asylum provides freedom to become whatever a person wants to be.
Furthermore, the mental asylum also provides a piano pp. 39-41. It has been Veronika’s dream job to be a pianist. The mental asylum provides an opportunity
to realize Veronika’s dream. Veronika meets the fraternity. Then Veronika is surprised by pain for the
second time. The meeting resurrects Veronika’s deeper feelings that have been repressed for years. Because all the member of the fraternity insults her, she feels
shame, rage, and a desire to murder all of the members of the fraternity. Veronika allows herself to accept her repressed feelings and desire. Veronika’s knowledge
of the freedom in the mental asylum makes her accepts her desire. Veronika takes an action. Veronika slaps the oldest man of the fraternity pp. 42-45.
Veronika’s action makes her realizes that she has once again done something different to her old personality. Veronika begins evaluating her past
