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‘Hello Mummy,’ I said. She did not respond, she just came into my room and looked around. She did not say anything…’Please don’t think
you’re going to live in my house for free,’ she said. ‘There is a gas bill here and an electric bill. You must pay for your keep 353.
Clare works in Social Service and in a shop to get enough money to pay the house rent. She becomes an independent school girl. After getting home, she finishes the
homework. Then, she starts to work. Clare can stay with such difficult condition without someone who gives support and love.
2. The Influence of the Abuse on Clare’s Life
This part describes the influence of the abuse on Clare’s life. It consists of two points. The first point explains the psychological damages that Clare has as
the result of the abuse she experiences. The second point shows the influence of the psychological damages to Clare’s achievement as the first black female judge
in the United Kingdom.
a. Clare’s Psychological Damages
Clare lives with a very hard situation. At home, she is abused physically and emotionally. Clare has a bad relation with her mother and other members of
her family. As she lives with a poor relationship family, she has three forms of psychological damages Hurlock 652. Those psychological damages are,
1 Clare’s Attitude towards Other People
What Clare experiences at home influence her attitude towards others. Clare does not have any close friends. She becomes an introvert girl. One person
who really makes Clare aggressive is Eastman. She never considers him as her PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
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step father. Clare thinks that he is not the member of the family. As a result, she becomes aggressive to him. They often have some arguments. When Eastman
knows that Clare still wets the bed, he starts to make troubles with Clare. Clare says,
…I continued to change my sheet and Eastman observed through the crack in the door. ‘What you looking at?’ I said. ‘Why don’t you go and
spy somewhere else?’ ‘What you say? What you say, you black b? What you say?’ he came
into the room and punched me in the back, forcing me forward onto the bed and then he left. ‘Stupid,’ I said 53.
The physical abuse leads Clare to do physical offence when someone tries to hurt her. When Eastman punches Clare, she punches back 305. Clare’s
experience as an abused child makes her motivated to attack the threat Franken 230. Clare becomes accustomed to attack Eastman whenever he disturbs Clare.
That situation causes her having physical injuries. Those injuries really disturb Clare’s life. Even though she gets sickness because of the abuse, Clare must finish
her house works. It is not surprised that Clare becomes a brave girl. She dares to attack Eastman and tells the Court about her getting physical abuse.
Clare is also accustomed to get hurting words from Eastman. She starts to reply what Eastman says. Clare says,
…’Why don’t you leave me alone, you stupid man? You can’t even read.’ He came over to me. ‘Say what, say what? Go on-say it, you ugly black
b. You think I’m your father, you fucking shithouse?’ ‘Don’t call me a shithouse. If anyone’s shithouse, it’s you Look at you Big man like
you, so stupid you can’t read. If I cooked your name in the frying pan you would eat it because you would not recognize it, you stupid fool’ 131.
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Clare becomes easily say hurting sentences as what Eastman and her mother do. She adapts her mother behavior towards her. Clare’s aggression towards Eastman
continues until the family leaves her at home alone.
2 Clare’s Feeling of Being Unwanted
Clare does not get enough love from her family. That situation leads her to be an unwanted child. They do not have a good relationship. They do not have a
good communication because abusive and neglectful parents seldom interact with children, and when they do communication is always negative Berk 592-593.
Due to the bad relationship at home, Clare thinks it will be better to die rather than stay alive in that situation. One day, Clare tries to commit suicide. She drinks a
bottle of bleach and hopes she will die in the following day 2. Clare’s feeling of being an unwanted child is supported by Carmen’s treatment. She often says that
she does not want to have a child like Clare, who looks so ugly. Carmen says,” I’ve been telling you for such a long time now that you’re ugly. How long has it
been? Years. I been telling you for years that you’re ugly. Have you paid any attention?” 68.
As Carmen always calls Clare ugly, Clare also thinks that she is really ugly. Clare thinks, “I was actually very ugly. My head was too big, my lips were
too large, I was covered in spots and my nose was too wide. I was not smiling” 68. It can be seen that Clare is influenced by her mother. When Carmen says
that she is ugly, she is influenced. She starts to be aware that what her mother says is true. Clare tries to accept the reality that she is an unwanted child.
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At her thirteen, Clare stays at home alone. She also must pay home rent to her mother. The mother says, “If you want to live under my roof you obey my
rules, otherwise you know where the door is” 355. At the first time, Clare thinks that she does not need to pay her father’s house. Finally, she is absolutely aware
that she is an unwanted child who must pay the house rent in her own father’s house. If her mother really wants her, it is impossible for a child to pay rent to her
own father’s house. Since Clare cannot pay the gas and electricity bills, she must stay at home
without gas and electricity. Few days later, Carmen comes to home and tells Clare that home rent will increase into 24£ a month. At that time Carmen tells again that
she rejects Clare as her daughter. Carmen says, ‘You know, Clare, my biggest regret in life is that I gave birth you, and
you and I both know that it is not possible to turn the clock back. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. You can understand that, can’t you,
Scarface?’ 366.
Clare does not respond her mother. She already knows for a long time that she is rejected. It makes her become usual to hear such words.
What the mother says about her neglect of giving birth Clare makes Clare so sad. Clare says,
‘Why don’t you just kill me? Go on, kill me dead. They will all know what you have been up to. You know you want to. No use pretending. Go
on-what is stopping you? You make me sick and I don’t like you. I never did, ever since I knew you were my mother. So kill me now, because if
you don’t, when I go to school on Monday I’m going to tell Miss Golding everything
you’ve done 185. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
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Clare’s reaction above shows that she feels neglected. Clare thinks her mother does not want to see her anymore. She thinks that it will be better for her to die
rather than stay in a neglectful family.
3 Clare’s Unhappy Life
According to Hurlock, children should be happy in their childhood because happiness influences children’s personal and social adaptation 46. Clare
has difficulties in social adjustment because her childhood is not happy. She has no friends at school. The only friend she has at school is Ms. K, her teacher.
Unfortunately, Clare has to lose Ms. K because she gets a terrible accident which makes her lose one leg. Then, she must go back to Poland.
Clare’s unhappy life begins when her parents do not have a good relationship. Her father, George, leaves the family after Patsy was born 11. Clare
hopes to have love and affection from her mother, but she does not. This situation makes her become unhappy because she feels alone and no one gives her
attention, love, and support. Clare says, “Over a period of time my mother’s treatment of me made me nervous” 12. Because of anxieties, Clare wets the bed
until she is fifteen. Clare’s bed wetting becomes worse and it makes her punched, slapped,
and beaten. Clare says, …my bed wettings were as regular as ever…My humiliation was
complete. Not only was I unable to prevent myself wetting bed, the mere presence of my mother andor a bedtime beating made me so nervous that
I sometimes emptied my bladder in front of her, which was seen as an act of defiance. Other times I would force myself to stay awake, but then as
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soon as I fell asleep, out of sheer exhaustion, I would miss my bed-wet alarm, and so the cycle continued 15-16.
It can be seen that Clare’s unhappy life continues until she grows older. When Clare stays at home alone at her thirteen, her unhappy life does not stop. Her
mother still disturbs her. Clare must work hard to pay home rent. She becomes friendly with her unhappy life. On the other hand, her unhappy life does not stop
her spirit to stay alive. Clare wants to realize her dream as a barrister. She wants to leave her unhappy life. Clare thinks, “Was my life a heartache? Would
heartache be there to greet me every morning? No, I decided. Soon, very soon, my heartache would end” 250. It shows that Clare really wants to change her life.
b. The Influence of Clare’s Psychological Damages on her Motivation in
