60 nothing called love. She finds that by leaving her feeling of love, she can be free
and completely independent El-Saadawi 87.
4.3.1.4 Firdaus Hatred toward Men
Throughout her life, Firdaus has experienced bad treatments from the men around her. From her childhood until the last moment of her life, there has not been
a single man who protects and loves her sincerely. Firdaus has to struggle by herself to defend in her life. In her childhood, Firdaus experiences sexual abuses
without realizing it. She experiences the sexual abuse twice. The first is with her playmate namely Mohammadain. She thinks it is just a part of bride and
bridegroom game she plays with him El-Saadawi 4. The second is by her uncle. If she feels the strong sensation of pleasure with her playmate, Mohammadain, she
no longer feels such sensation with her uncle. After the death of her parents, Firdaus lives with her aunt and uncle.
Firdaus’ aunt forces her to marry Syeikh Mahmoud. Firdaus’ misfortunes do not end. Not only being forced to live with someone she does not want, she even gets
bad treatments from her husband. She is not only asked to do all of the domestic works, she even gets hit by her husband wiht or without reason El-Saadawi 43-
45. Due to her husbands bad treatments toward her, Firdaus decides to run away from her husband. After receiving one of the worst hit, Firdaus leaves her husband
El-Saadawi 45. On her run away from her husband, Firdaus meets a man whose name is
Bayoumi. At first, Firdaus thinks Bayoumi is a different type of a man who will save her from her suffering.
His name was Bayoumi. When I lifted my eyes and looked into his face, I
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61 felt no fear... His eyes were resigned and calm. They did not seem to me
like the eyes of someone who would kill. His hands looked obedient, almost submissive, their movement quiet, relaxed. They did not impress me as the
hands of someone who could be violent or cruel El-Saadawi 47.
Firdaus first impression of Bayoumi is that he is a kind man who will not be violent and cruel. Firdaus feels safe with him; therefore she agrees to live with him
in Bayoumis flat El-Saadawi 47. Bayoumi treats Firdaus very well. He is very polite to Firdaus and does
things which Firdaus has never got from any men before. Bayoumi is the first man who asks what Firdaus wants and allows her to choose. Firdaus is very surprised of
his offering that she cannot reply El-Saadawi 47. On one night, Bayoumi even asks Firdaus to sleep on the bed while he will sleep on the floor. Moreover,
Bayoumi never hits her unlike her husband who always tortures and beats her many times El-Saadawi 48.
Bayoumis good treatments toward Firdaus do not last. One day, Firdaus tells Bayoumi that she does not want to stay with him anymore. She wants to find a
job for herself that Bayoumi ever promised her to give. Since Bayoumi cannot fulfil his promise, Firdaus decides to find it by herself. Because of Firdaus decision
to leave his house, Bayoumi becomes very angry and he slaps Firdaus with his big and strong hand. The slap that Firdaus receives is the worst slap that she has ever
experienced El-Saadawi 49. Bayoumis anger to Firdaus does not stop. He even
rapes Firdaus after he slaps her. It was as though I was seeing the eyes that now confronted me for the first
time. Two jet black surfaces that stared into my eyes, travelled with an infinitely slow movement over my face, and my neck, and then dropped
downwards gradually over my breast, and my belly, to settle somewhere just below it, between my thighs. A cold shiver, like the shiver of death
went through my body, and my hands dropped instinctively to cover the
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62 part on which his gaze was fixed, but his big strong hands moved quickly to
jerk them away. The next moment he hit me with his fist in the belly so hard that I lost consciousness immediately El-Saadawi 49-50.
The condition is getting worse. Bayoumi locks Firdaus in his flat and on the night he will rape her again. This happens many times. Moreover, his friend even rapes
Firdaus on one night El-Saadawi 50. Luckily, one day one of Firdaus neighbours saves her and Firdaus decides to leave Bayoumis house. Then, she decides to run
to the street, the place that she feels save the most in which she can free and escape from anyone who wants to make her suffer El-Saadawi 51.
These show the mens bad treatments toward Firdaus in her life. Men, who are supposed to protect women, even become the people who hurt her. Her father,
Mohammadain, her uncle, her husband, and Bayoumi are all the same for her. They are men and use her to promote their self-gratification. She is sexually abused,
raped, and beaten by men. Hence, it leads her to come into her hatred toward men. I became aware of the fact that I hated men, but for long years had hidden
this secret carefully. The men I hated most of all were those who tried to give me advice, or told me that they wanted to rescue me from the life I was
leading. I used to hate them more than the others because they thought they were better than I was and could help me change my life El-Saadawi 88.
From Firdaus statement it can be seen Firdaus hatred toward men which she has hid for so long. Men consider Firdaus life as a miserable life that they
pretend to help Firdaus while actually they want to take control her life. Firdaus even calls men as criminals. According to her, men in all
professions are criminals who murdered women with their thought or behaviour El-Saadawi 100. Firdaus says: “I am saying that you are criminals, all of you: the
fathers, the uncles, the husbands, the pimps, the lawyers, the doctors, the journalists, and all men of all professions.” El-Saadawi 100
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63
4.3.1.5 Firdaus Need of Freedom
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