58 to be treated fairly. The unfair treatments toward women can be seen from Firdaus
statement below: I felt sorry for the other girls who were guileless enough to offer their
bodies and their physical efforts every night in return for a meal, or good yearly report, or just to ensure that they would not be treated unfairly, or
discriminated against, or transferred El-Saadawi 76.
Firdaus says that female employees are guileless. They are guileless because they use their bodies and physical efforts only for a meal and good yearly report. They
are also treated unfairly, discriminated against men and transferred unless they agree to offer their body.
4.3.1.3 Firdaus Apathy of Love
From the previous discussion, it is found that in her childhood her parents abandon Firdaus. Firdaus lives in a patriarchal society which asks women to serve
their husbands well. Since Firdaus mother is a very obedient wife, she takes her husband as the first priority in the family. All of her affection is only given to her
husband. Due to her mother’s lack of affection upon her, the relationship between Firdaus and her mother is not close. Firdaus even wonders whether she is really her
mother or not El-Saadawi 17. Since Firdaus father dominates family, Firdaus
always sacrifices herself to fulfil her fathers needs. Thus, Firdaus does not think that her father is her real father. Firdaus states: “I sensed he was not my father.
Nobody told me, and I was not really aware of the fact. I could just feel it deep down inside me. I did not whisper the secret to anyone but keep it to myself.” El-
Saadawi 19 These show Firdaus lacking of love from her parents in her
childhood. Parents are supposed to love their children but in contrast Firdaus parents are not. Hence, Firdaus states that throughout her life she lives with no love
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59 at all El-Saadawi 26.
Yet, Firdaus ever tastes love once in her life. She falls in love with a man in her company. His name is Ibrahim. She feels so much happiness of life because of
him. It was as though I held the whole world captive in my hands. It seemed to
grow bigger, to expand, and the sun shone brighter than ever before. Everything around me floated in a radiant light, even the morning queue in
front of the toilet. The eyes of the people riding in the buses no longer looked dull and jaundiced, but glowed and shone with a new light. When I
looked into the mirror my eyes sparkled like diamonds. My body had become like feather, and I could work all day without tiring, or feeling need
to sleep El-Saadawi 82.
Because of her feeling of love toward Ibrahim, Firdaus starts to believe the existence of love. Firdaus finds that love can make everything beautiful and bright.
She finds herself is born again. She becomes a different woman who believes that life is beautiful and friendly to her. However, her joy of love is not long lasting.
One day she knows that the man that she loves gets engaged to the chairman daughter El-Saadawi 83.
Firdaus feels very painful when she is being rejected by Ibrahim, the man whom she loves the most El-Saadawi 85. Firdaus pain which is caused by her
love toward Ibrahim leads her into her apathy of love. For Firdaus love is an imagination, not a real thing El-Saadawi 85. As an imagination, love is created by
men to enslave women by its illusion. According to Firdaus, love means illusion. Men create and use love to mislead women as they force women to fall so low,
bind them in marriage and then ask them to serve them for life, or insult them El- Saadawi 86. Therefore, she believes in love no more. Love is something does not
belong to her. Every woman becomes the subjection of man because of their love of men. Since her disappointment over love, she decides to believe that there is
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60 nothing called love. She finds that by leaving her feeling of love, she can be free
and completely independent El-Saadawi 87.
4.3.1.4 Firdaus Hatred toward Men
