Safety Needs as the Motivation in Doing Plastic Surgery

23 Her needs for regularity and stability are not fulfilled. This is mainly caused by the conditions in her family. Hope grows up surrounded by instability and unexpected shocks since she was a young child. Despite their material perfection, Hope’s family is not solid. Her mother is aggressive, volatile and a little neurotic, while her father is passive and awkward. They fight and argue in front of Hope frequently and openly for no good reason. Hope states that “My parents fight over the most trivial things; my mother’s anger and unhappiness bubble up often and unexpectedly, like dinosaur bones in the nearby La Brea tar pits” Donahue 65. Another example of Hope’s parents’ fighting is depicted below. My parents returned to the apartment late that night with a great slamming of doors and shouting. Listening in my room, I gathered that my mother had drunk too much and done something embarrassing with Wild Bill. She was slurring her words, laughing and weeping at the same time. I could tell my father was very angry because he kept his voice especially low and steady Donahue 40. Hope’s mother’s volatile characteristic changes her behavior unpredictably from time to time. Sometimes she is nice and close, yet sometimes she is distant and cruel to Hope. Hope describes her mother’s “craziness” as “a temporary state, like snow blindness, something that overtook her from time to time but which she ultimately had control over” Donahue 21. She never knows what to expect and how to behave in front of her mother. When she is being nice and close, she treats Hope like a best friend, as shown in the following quotations. She always talked to me like a best girlfriend, like we were the same age. “What would I do without you, sweet apple? she’d say, and I would feel the hum of our special closeness. I’d think, So what if my mother is a little nuts? Weren’t most beautiful women crazy? Donahue 20 24 My mother had become her old self again, cheerful and chatty. She’d helped me select a dazzling green bikini—my first—that rode high on my hips Donahue 52. Yet, when she is being distant and cruel, she would change drastically and treat Hope very badly, as shown in the following quotation. With a banshee cry my mother lunged out with her hand, sweeping a spider plant and the neat stack of psychology books on Camille’s coffee table to the floor. She jumped up and stalked back and forth like a caged tiger in the limited space of the office. “I don’t have to take this” she shouted. “I won’t listen to this little bitch accusing me of not being a good mother” She stormed out the door, slamming it behind her so hard the windows rattled Donahue 84. Moreover, Hope’s mother’s characteristics often lead her to do harmful things, both to Hope and herself. For example, she has tried to commit suicide twice during Hope’s teenage years, which become traumatic experience for her. The first suicide attempt happens before their family move to Hong Kong. Hope is only twelve years old and is in her room when it happens, as shown in her comment, “Three weeks before we left, my mother took a bottle and a half of sleeping pills and washed them down with Jack Daniel’s. I was in my room wrapping my glass animals in tissue paper, my mouth stuffed with gauze and still swollen from having the teeth pulled, when it happened” Donahue 14. The second suicide attempt happens after their family go back to the US from Hong Kong. Hope is in her mid teens and finds her mother’s unconscious body. She screams to call her mother and describes what she finds in the room: “The bottle of Jack Daniel’s was on the floor, empty. White capsules spilled across the carpet” Donahue 85. 25 As another example, Hope’s mother suddenly accuses Hope of trying to seduce her own father without any good reason or foundation at all. She makes the accusation just because Hope’s father sits next to Hope, while Hope’s father only denies passively instead of defending Hope or himself. It makes Hope feel terror and frustration, as shown in the quotations below. “What the hell is going on between you two?” she shrieks. “Why did you sit next to her? Tempting you, in that little bikini? I know exactly what she’s doing, and I know what you’re thinking, don’t think I don’t” I know it, I knew it, yet still it takes a moment to realize: She is talking about me. I look down at my breasts in the bikini top, the flat terrain of my belly, and freeze with terror. Dear God, I think Donahue 66. “I didn’t sit by her, Virginia.” My father’s words are calm, measured, and perfectly clear. Does he know he’s lying, or is sitting by me not worth defending? I want to barge into their room, smack him, to shake him until he acknowledges me. I’m your daughter, for Christ’s sake What is wrong with sitting next to your own daughter Donahue 66. Later, she accuses her husband of trying to abuse Hope. This accusation also makes Hope feel terror and frustration, as shown in her response, “How can you just switch topics like this, Mom? Do you hear what you’re saying? How could you even think that Dad would do things like that? It’s sick, is what it is” Donahue 79. As yet another example, Hope’s mother portrays Hope as sexually active in front of other people, although it is not true. She never even discusses sexuality with Hope, although it is actually her duty as Hope’s mother. Hope’s mother’s description about her image makes her feel uncomfortable and ashamed, as shown in the following quotations. In spite of her reticence to discuss all things sexual with me, my mother always found a way to make mention, especially to my father’s family, of 26 my many dates, creating a scandalous image of myself, which I was uncomfortable with Donahue 125. Even though I was not at all the sort of girl they envisioned, I still nurtured a secret shame within myself. Labels like slut, easy, and tease floated around accusingly in my head Donahue 125. Besides failing in their duty to educate Hope about sexuality, both Hope’s parents are not even willing to protect her from sexual abuse by other people. When an older man called Hugh tries to flirt with Hope, Hope’s parents ridicule her complaint and regard it as something trivial, as described below. But if my parents noticed Hugh’s untoward attentions—how could they not?—they didn’t mention it. I dropped hints about Hugh’s perversion but it was impossible to crack the surface of my mother’s mockery. They joked that, yes, Hugh was probably “checking me out,” but could you blame him? “He’s probably never seen such a gorgeous thing,” my mother cackled. “He just can’t help himself.” A gorgeous thing? I was a pretty knick-knack, to be picked up, palmed casually, and put back Donahue 123. This condition is worsened by the family’s lifestyle. Hope’s father is sent to work in Hong Kong when Hope is twelve years old, and the family must follow him to live in Hong Kong for a year. The family’s lifestyle in Hong Kong is different from their lifestyle in the US. They have servants, which consist of a maid, a cook, and a driver, and they do not have anything to do. This lifestyle brings more pressure to their life and worsens Hope’s mother’s aggressive and volatile characteristics, as shown below. When she wasn’t screaming at my father, my mother directed her frustration the Chinese. “They blow their noses on the street” she’d yell. “They spit to appease some throat God.” And what was that smell, that foul smell that constantly surrounded her? “Everyone here comes up to my nose,” she said. “I’m always smelling filthy, greasy hair.” She began to take three, four, even five showers a day. My mother had always been hypervigilant about her personal hygiene, but this was a bit much, even for her Donahue 19. 27 With such condition, Hope has never been able to feel safe at home. Therefore, safety needs form a part of Hope Donahue’s motivation in doing plastic surgery. This need motivates Hope Donahue to do plastic surgery in order to achieve the safety promised by the doctor. The doctor has promised never to leave her and to always give her his attention in all conditions, both good and bad, something that Hope’s parents or friends cannot ever do and give. The doctor’s promise gives Hope the feeling of regularity and stability that she cannot get from her family or surroundings. Hope associates the doctor’s promise with the plastic surgery itself and thus, she believes that plastic surgery will make her life safer. Of course, the doctor only says that in order to achieve financial gain from his patient, but the doctor’s promise is very important for Hope. This is shown in Hope’s thought below. I wouldn’t leave you. This is what I need so much to know. ... No price is too high for this safety, this guarantee of attention. My money, my flesh and blood, my dignity: I would give it all. Is this what feels like, I wonder, this desire for complete supplication? The sight of my blood on his gloves seems appropriate; I already know that love and pain are intertwined Donahue 10. As described above, Hope is willing to give her money, flesh, blood, and dignity in order to achieve the “safety” and “guarantee of attention” promised by the doctor, which will make her feel safer.

4.3 Belonging and Love Needs as the Motivation in Doing Plastic Surgery

Belonging and love needs cover giving and receiving love and having affectionate relationships with others, specially the feeling of having a place in 28 their environment Maslow 71. These needs are not fulfilled in Hope Donahue’s life. Her needs to give and receive love are not fulfilled. A child’s immediate surroundings are comprised of her family and relatives. If a child cannot love and be loved by his or her family and relatives, he or she is deprived of these needs. Throughout her childhood and adolescence, Hope is not given love by her family and relatives and she cannot express her love to her family and relatives. Hope’s father is busy with his work in the office; he has very little time and attention for his family. As described by Hope, “My father worked late into the evenings because, he said, that was what all the bankers did, though my mother said it was to avoid us” Donahue 19. Even when he is with Hope, he refuses to play with her. Her father’s physical and emotional absence makes her unable to express her love, except by going to his room and inhaling his scent. Sometimes, during the day, I’d play detective, going into his room and inhaling the scent of him, his soap and the stale officey smell of his suits. In the bathroom I’d smell his aftershave and look at the leftover bubbles of his frothy pee in the toilet. He worked late every night, so my mother and I ate dinner together in front of the television, watching one of the American shows Donahue 41. Hope’s mother is physically at home, but she often ignores or abandons Hope because she is often occupied with herself. As described by Hope, “At home, my mother spent more and more time in her room, listening to Helen Reddy records. I could sometimes hear her thin, reedy voice straining for the high notes” Donahue 42. Her mother’s emotional absence also makes her unable to express her love. She tries to call and approach her mother, but her mother would not answer and would even tell her to go away, as shown in the quotations below.