Aesthetic Needs as the Motivation in Doing Plastic Surgery

43 for land” Donahue 15. In her logic as a child, Hope associates happiness in her family with her mother’s beauty, as described below. As a child, my mother’s beauty shone like a beacon of hope to me, absolving her of all fault. Once, looking through boxes in my grandmother’s basement, I came across an old 1960s Harlequin romance upon which was sketched, I was sure, a picture of my mother: a swooning beauty with round blue eyes, pert nose, shapely mouth, and long hair the color of butter. When my father called her “Hey Gorgeous,” I knew all was well in our house Donahue 21. In turn, Hope’s mother develops Hope’s obsession by teaching her to focus on beauty. Since Hope was a child, she never teaches Hope anything else except how to become beautiful. Hope’s mother gives example by wearing “a shockingly bright, bare jumpsuit, halter-backed, of vivid magenta silk” which “barely covered her breasts, clearly braless beneath the thin fabric”, telling Hope that “A girl has to compete around here to make a splash, you know” Donahue 40. She tells Hope to lie in the sun so she “wouldn’t be so pasty” Donahue 52. She never tells Hope she is beautiful when they are alone, but she brags about Hope’s beauty in public. In stores when I’d try on clothes my mother perched herself by the mirror outside the dressing room and insisted that I come out and twirl around. “Look at my beautiful daughter” she’d exclaim to salesclerks, her effervescent praise uncorked by an audience Donahue 70. Hope’s mother’s behavior seems as if she is only proud of Hope because of her beauty, not her other characteristics, her intelligence, or Hope herself as an individual, and as if beauty is the most worthy asset to show to other people. By behaving like that, Hope’s mother stresses the importance of beauty on Hope’s mind from an early age. Hope’s mother’s demands make Hope feel even more pressure to be beautiful, as shown in her statement, “My mother’s desire for me to 44 be glamorous, stunning, and charming—to dazzle my father’s family—added to the pressure I already heaped upon myself. It took an enormous amount of time and effort to make myself beautiful, about two and a half hours of preparation” Donahue 120. One of Hope’s childhood friends also develops Hope’s obsession with beauty. As a child, Hope only has one best friend named Alisa. They perform makeovers by sketching pictures of ugly women and altering the pictures into beautiful women based on Hope’s directions. Hope says they are not interested in Barbie dolls, whose faces are already pre-made beautifully, because “we needed to create what we wanted from scratch” Donahue 34. Even as children, their game already stresses the importance on beauty and shows Hope’s desire to improve beauty as much as she can. Alisa was a talented artist. We entertained ourselves by doing what we called makeovers. Alisa would sketch some hapless imaginary woman, unattractive in the extreme, with bulbous nose, witchy chin hairs, a moppish mane of hair. It was my job to dictate to Alisa which of the sketched woman’s features could be improved and how, and Alisa then resketched the result according to my critique Donahue 34. As a result, after she grows up to be an adult, Hope becomes obsessed about being beautiful. She regards beauty as the main necessity in her life, as shown in her statement, “I was, perhaps, even more naïve than my mother in thinking that a pretty face was all I really needed in life” Donahue 36. She checks herself in the mirror very often, admitting that “It’s ridiculous, compulsive, how many times a day I look at myself” Donahue 35. Because she pays so much attention to her face, inevitably, she starts to find imperfections on her face. She becomes less satisfied about her appearance and more obsessed to change it so 45 that she becomes beautiful. When her boyfriend says that they both have wide noses, his comment “devastated” her Donahue 28. She often stares at her face and thinks about what part she wants to change, just like in the childhood game she used to play, until “this festering thought turned into full-blown obsession” Donahue 28. She spends much time thinking about it, so she grows more and more comfortable with her obsession to become beautiful, as shown in the quotations below. Innocently enough, I’ll think, What if I had bigger lips? I’ll think about this for a while, play with the idea. And then something shifts, sometimes gradually, sometimes abruptly, and what was once just a thought slips into obsession. What if I had bigger lips and a smaller nose? I would be stunning, that’s what. Or at least closer to stunning Donahue 154. Sometimes, it is true, I do think I am attractive. It is what I always hope for. More often, though, my eye asserts itself upon some flaw, however small. And the most ironic thing is that those rare times when I do find myself lovely, I am overcome with despair. I look at the bounty of my face and see the fruitless waste of my life, my potential. So much effort focused on so unrewarding a cause. It is much more comfortable and reassuring to see myself as flawed, a work in progress Donahue 35. Therefore, aesthetic needs form a part of Hope Donahue’s motivation in doing plastic surgery. It motivates Hope Donahue to do plastic surgery in order to attain perfect beauty. Beginning with the seeds of dissatisfaction with her appearance described above combined with her abundant money, Hope starts to do plastic surgery. She believes that if she fixes every imperfection or irregularity on her face through plastic surgery, such as the little bump in her nose or her thin lips, her beauty will be perfect and she will have a better self-image, as described in the quotations below. I’ll feel fine after I have the tip of my nose fixed. The reason I’m so anxious and depressed and stuck is because I can’t stand that little bump in 46 my nose. Did I believe it? Not fully, no, but it didn’t matter whether I believed it or not. Just as my concerns focused on the physical, the outside of myself, so, too, I kept my thoughts about my motives carefully shallow as well Donahue 101. While I had always pined for bigger lips, the cheekbone part was entirely random and impulsive. It was a matter of looking at my features and deciding what remained to be improved upon. I figured that if I was going to undergo the physical and emotional trauma of surgery, I might as well get more bang for my buck. At five thousand dollars, cheek implants were a pricey impulse. But I had acquired two more Visa cards, and I was as good at telling myself that I would never run out of money as I was at believing I was on a path toward something significant, that the surgeries were moving me closer to happiness Donahue 93-94. This condition is supported by Hope’s statement, “The only way I knew to change how I felt about myself was to change my appearance” Donahue 251. After the surgery, she feels very happy seeing the doctor’s reaction about her new beauty, as shown in her statement, “Beautiful, he thinks I‘m beautiful. I close my eyes, trying to recapture the feeling of ecstatic surrender, a feeling so fleeting, so quickly departed” Donahue 12. Thus, Hope does one plastic surgery after another, and she finally becomes obsessed and addicted to plastic surgery. After the initial thought, as I said, obsession begins to take over. Something changes, and it’s no longer that I just want to have this surgery, but that I must do it. I am compelled to go through with it. It becomes a personal mission, a test of my resolve. I must fix this flaw, or improve this feature, because once discovered, it will haunt and disturb me until I do. ... Caught up in the thought of a newer, better me, all my other worries are conveniently eclipsed Donahue 155-156. As described in the quotation above, for Hope, improving her beauty through plastic surgery becomes no longer an interest or a choice, but an urgent necessity. If she does not do it, she feels haunted and cannot continue her life. 47

4.7 Self-actualization Needs as the Motivation in Doing Plastic Surgery

Self-actualization needs refer to the psychological needs to use and employ all the ability, capacity, and potency to be a complete human being. People who have been actualized are generally able to see their life clearly and truly, think objectively instead of emotionally, and dedicate their life to their tasks, job, duty, or other important vocations Maslow 76. Based on Maslow’s explanation, it can be concluded that self-actualization enables someone to be a fully-developed human being. These needs are not fulfilled in Hope Donahue’s life. Her needs to use all her ability, capacity, and potency are not fulfilled. The main indicator that Hope’s self-actualization needs are not fulfilled is her lack of direction, or in Maslow’s term, her inability to see her life clearly, think objectively, or dedicate her life to her tasks or job. Although she actually has enough ability, capacity, and potency, she does not know what to do and she must wait for other people to tell her what to do. She feels that she has no control over her own life. This is shown in her statement, “I’m still going through life like a lost child, thinking that everyone else has control over things, waiting for someone to tell me what I should do. I am no longer helpless, but I continue to act helpless” Donahue 234. This condition is supported by the following description. The day of my graduation, I drank too much champagne, flirted with one of my professors, wore a frilly off-the-shoulder white silk dress, and felt like a failure. As far as I could see, there was only one option for me, and that was to move back to Los Angeles and wait for someone to tell me what to do with myself Donahue 29. 48 Therefore, self-actualization needs form a part of Hope Donahue’s motivation in doing plastic surgery. It motivates Hope Donahue to do plastic surgery in order to achieve self-actualization. She believes that plastic surgery will give her a direction and control of her life; in other words, plastic surgery will enable her to use all her ability, capacity, and potency to be a complete human being. As the proof, her first plan to visit a plastic surgery doctor makes her feel that “The pervasive emptiness I felt vanished; suddenly this lunch, this day, my whole life had meaning and worth” Donahue 93. Then she regards her visits to the doctor’s office as her main purpose in life, or “what I lived for”, which she needs to provide her with “the fulfillment I wasn’t getting anywhere else in my life” Donahue 38. Hope thinks that her needs for self-actualization can be fulfilled by another person in a short time. She lets herself be directed and told what to do by her doctor because she believes that he can give her instant self-actualization by telling her what to do and who to be, as described below. With no plan laid out for me to follow, with no one to dazzle or disappoint, I was lost. With Dr. S—I found, once again, someone who would tell me what to do and who to be. There was a crucial difference, however, between Dr. S—and the other people upon whose opinion I had hung: He held a scalpel Donahue 37. As shown in the quotation above, Hope depends on the doctor to lead her from her current condition of being “lost” with “no plan laid out for me to follow” and “no one to dazzle or disappoint” to tell her “what to do and what to be” Donahue 37, or in other words to achieve self-actualization. Moreover, the doctor is forceful enough to make Hope feel as if he can lead her to achieve self-actualization. Hope