Esteem Needs as the Motivation in Doing Plastic Surgery

35 Her needs for self-confidence, freedom, competency and achievement are not fulfilled because of two factors. Firstly, Hope is by nature very shy and pessimistic. Thus, it is very hard for her to gain even a little sense of self- confidence, competency and achievement. She is imprisoned within her shy and pessimistic characteristics, so she is also deprived of any sense of freedom. For example, although she is physically healthy, rich, and achieves highly in university both in academic and extra-curricular fields, she is antisocial and easily panics when meeting people, as shown in her statement “I was most definitely not a people person. Though I hid it well, I was staggeringly shy. I was in a sorority, but I was not at all social. I led campus tours, but suffered panic attacks before nearly every one” Donahue 26. She admits and wonders herself how come she has no confidence, competence, achievement, or freedom like her friends and other people, despite her health, wealth, and education, as shown in the following quotation. I listen to their preparations with a sense of wonder. How are they able to go out into the world each day, fresh and full of energy, instead of crippled by fear and plagued by dragging lethargy? How is it that I have lost the knack for everyday life? It can’t be that hard; people far less educated and capable and robust than I am do it every day. And yet I can’t imagine going to a job, even looking for a job. Not only would I surely fail at my responsibilities, I can’t make it through the day without lying down on my bed to rest every few hours Donahue 30. As another example, even after a new achievement, the achievement does not help her to build her esteem. She still describes her self-confidence as “parched”. The praise or honor from people around her quickly drains away instead of building her esteem, as shown in the following quotation. 36 Being accepted to Berkeley, like all my other achievements, was a hollow accolade. I waved the acceptance letter around to my parents and my boyfriend, Hart, of whose affection I was never sure, hoping for a shower of praise that would temporarily soak my parched self-confidence. As if poured into a sieve, the good feeling my shiny accomplishments gave me drained quickly away Donahue 26-27. Secondly, Hope’s needs for self-confidence, freedom, competency and achievement are hindered by her loved ones. They do not help Hope to develop her sense of self-confidence, freedom, competency and achievement, but instead, they make her feel more deprived of those needs. It is shown in Hope’s statement that “With my mother, my father, with boyfriends, with Dr. S--, I always felt like the weaker one, the one who wanted, the one who pined for more” Donahue 175. Parents play an important role in developing their child’s esteem, but Hope’s parents fail to do it. Hope’s mother always brags about Hope’s beauty in front of other people, but she never gives Hope any encouragement about her appearance directly. Hope’s mother just criticizes her, for example by telling her “to lie in the sun next to her so she wouldn’t be so pasty” Donahue 52. As another example, Hope’s mother blames her and calls her “hopeless” when she is too shy to talk to a boy she likes. I lolled by the pool in my new bikini, hoping that Dominic LaChapelle, the cutest boy in town, would stare at me. My mother nudged me when she saw him looking. “His family has a vineyard,” she hissed to me. “They’ve got the big bucks.” When this failed to motivate me, she took a more direct approach. “Go talk to him What on earth are you waiting for?” But I just sat dumbly on my towel, staring at the constellation of moles on my stomach. “Oh, you’re hopeless” she cried. “Now you’ve lost your chance. You’ve got to be assertive with a man” Donahue 52. Hope’s mother’s approach is certainly intimidating and does not help Hope overcome her shyness. As a result, Hope feels even less competent and less 37 confident about herself. Furthermore, Hope’s mother does not give the needed support when Hope starts being addicted to plastic surgery. Instead of accompanying her and helping her develop her self esteem back, Hope’s mother shuns and indirectly mocks her. This is the time when Hope needs companionship from her parents, but her mother sends her out of the house and makes her live alone in an apartment. After Hope’s fourth surgery, her mother told her “that she would not allow her daughter’s “self-mutilation” to occur under her roof” Donahue 25. Hope also needs to discuss the cause of her addiction and the solution, but her mother refers to her problem with an unsympathetic term, “self- mutilation”, which makes Hope unable to discuss her problem with her mother. Hope’s boyfriend, as the next closest person in her life after her family, also does not help to develop her sense of self-confidence, freedom, competency and achievement, but makes her feel more deprived of those needs instead. Hope says that she “was never sure” of his affection Donahue 26, which makes her feel less confidence and competent. Furthermore, like Hope’s mother, he also shuns Hope when she needs help to boost her esteem, which makes her realize more about her lack of confidence, as described below. In spite of my beseeching, Hart had no intention of letting me stay on with him. I would hang around his neck like an albatross, he said, a listless and expensive decoration. And he was right: I had lost all confidence in my ability to hold a conversation, let alone a job Donahue 28. Therefore, self-esteem needs form a part of Hope Donahue’s motivation in doing plastic surgery. It motivates Hope to do plastic surgery in order to gain stable and healthy self-esteem. In Hope’s case, esteem needs are strongly related to aesthetic needs. Her esteem needs are hindered and eclipsed by her aesthetic 38 needs. She believes that if she does plastic surgery, she will be more beautiful and thus be able to gain self-confidence, competency, self-control, achievement, and freedom. In her mind, her new beauty from the plastic surgery will be the key to shed her lack of esteem and to gain full esteem, as shown in the quotations below. How can I resist a delicious, illicit offer to become someone I am not? Does Dr. S— see inside me, does he know that if I could, I would shed my face and body, my very self, on his table as nimbly as a snake sheds its skin and leaves it there, outgrown and discarded, in favor of becoming a beautiful stranger? Donahue 6 I never believed what I’d told the first doctor, Dr. D--, that the only thing about myself I wanted to change was nose. Even then I was thinking cheeks, lips, maybe breasts. But I did believe that, after I’d fixed these things about myself, I would be happy. I would emerge from beneath the bandages like a butterfly from a gauze cocoon and fly off into the world, free and full of confidence Donahue 36. Of course, in reality, Hope’s beauty from the plastic surgery does not help her fulfill her esteem needs. On the contrary, she still feels lack of confidence and her plastic surgery addiction makes her even more deprived of self esteem, because she realizes that she has to resort to such an extreme way to compensate for her weakness, as shown in the quotation below. But in the end my self-aggrandizing backfired, drawing me back to the same inevitable conclusion: If I was so perfect, then what was I doing at age twenty-three going from doctor to doctor, my big fat lack of confidence blowing the whole perfect picture to smithereens? Donahue 70 As a result of the condition above, Hope gets caught in a vicious cycle. The more she is deprived of self esteem needs, the more she is motivated to do plastic surgery to gain more esteem. After she does plastic surgery, she is deprived of her self esteem, so she needs to do another plastic surgery to gain her self esteem back, and so on. 39

4.5 Needs to Know and Understand do not Form a Part of Hope Donahue’s

Motivation in Doing Plastic Surgery The needs to know and understand involve studying and finding something out, such as knowledge, which can bring satisfaction and happiness Maslow 73. These needs are not fulfilled in Hope Donahue’s life. In Hope’s case, her needs to study and find knowledge are not fulfilled because they are hindered by her unfulfilled esteem needs and her obsession about aesthetic needs. Actually, Hope is intellectually capable of studying and finding knowledge. Her intelligence is supported by good facilities and education afforded by her rich family. She finishes undergraduate education and is accepted into graduate school. She also has some achievements throughout her years in university, as shown in her statement, “My gilt-framed diploma hung on the wall in my parents’ home along with various other mounted and displayed achievements, my bachelor of arts degree from USC, dean’s list certificates, a photo of myself giving a USC campus tour to a CEO” Donahue 25-26. However, Hope’s success in her studies does not indicate her healthy curiosity and her efforts to study and find knowledge which can bring satisfaction and happiness. On the contrary, she has no initiative or interest at all to study and find knowledge, so she cannot gain any satisfaction or happiness from there. She does everything merely to obey people, as shown in her statement, “I had drifted into graduate school the same way I drifted everywhere in my life, according to what other people said I ought to be or do” Donahue 26. She thinks that she just needs to use her good looks to succeed, which she describes as “exactly what I 40 intended to do, not because I was lazy or vain, but because I believed that my appearance was all I had to offer” Donahue 27. As a result, she cannot keep up her achievement in graduate school. She nearly fails all her classes in her first semester and her marks drop, as shown in the quotation below. My blonde good looks and sunny demeanor did not score my any points among my fellow students or professors. USC was all about being rewarded for the outside; Berkeley was intensely intellectual. Whereas in high school and college I had never had to try very hard to get good grades, at Berkeley I found myself among students who were as motivated as I pretended to be, real journalists in the making, many of whom were paying their own way through school Donahue 27. This condition further proves Hope’s inability to fulfill her needs to study and find knowledge. She still has her intelligence and adequate facilities as before, but she cannot enjoy the process of studying and finding knowledge, so she fails to develop intellectually to match the demand of her graduate study. Although the needs to know and understand are not fulfilled in Hope Donahue’s life, these needs do not directly motivate Hope to do plastic surgery. Instead, these needs just help to explain how extreme Hope’s obsession to be beautiful and to improve her appearance is. Her needs to study and find knowledge are always eclipsed by her efforts to pursue beauty, so she cannot gain satisfaction and happiness from studying and finding knowledge. This condition is described in her statement, such as “Language came easily to me and I was in the Advanced Placement French class. But none of these interests seemed as compelling or urgent to me as being beautiful” Donahue 120 and “I had long ago lost interest in academic subjects, my early talent for creative writing eclipsed