should try to observe what their daughters like and what their daughters’ habits. It can help them to connect and then have a good sharing moment.
b. Boasting Habit
Not all Chinese people have boasting habit. However, sometimes when people in general have something precious, they tend to be proud of it and want to
show this to their family and friends. In America, if people do it, they will just laugh on it. Americans are usually more selfish to listen to other people say about
their good house or new jewelry. The problem is that Chinese mothers I found in this novel have boasting habit and it bothers the daughters.
In The Bonesetter’s Daughter, LuLing is very proud of herself. She likes to talk that she is fine, and her memory, which is actually sick, is also fine; she
could do anything alone and no one can understand her. LuLing sniffed, “Hnh Nothing wrong with my memory I ‘member lots
things, more than you. Where I live little-girl time, place we call Immortal heart, look like heart, two river, one stream, both dry-out . . .” She
continued talking as Ruth went to the other side of the car, got in, and started the engine. “What he know? That doctor don’t even use telescope
listen my heart. Nobody listen my heart You don’t listen. GaoLing don’t listen. You know my heart always hurting. I just don’t complain. Am I
complain?” “No— “
“See” TBD 108 She hates to be thought as a weak person, despite the fact that she is old.
She does not like doctor and she thinks that she is greater than the doctor. Besides, she also likes to be very proud of her daughter in front of other people. Although
she likes to say bad words and be angry to her daughter, Ruth, she loves her
daughter very much and she likes to show it. Her protests represent her desire of getting Ruth’s attention.
It is as Deutsch 222 states that the second reason why conflict happens between mother and daughter is because of the mother’s authoritarian power over
her daughter. When the daughter finds her freedom and becomes independent, her mother feels abandoned and is afraid of losing her daughter. As the result, her
mother uses her authoritarian power over her daughter and it causes the conflicts between them become more complicated.
In The Joy Luck Club, Suyuan and Lindo have boasting habit. Lindo is very proud of her daughter, Waverly, who always won chess championship TJLC
100. While Suyuan did not want to look as a looser, she always “pushed” her daughter, June, to be look like Shirley Temple TJLC 142, to join piano course
TJLC 146, etc. “She bring home too many trophy,” lamented Auntie Lindo that Sunday.
“All day she play chess. All day I have no time do nothing but dust off her winnings.” She threw a scolding look at Waverly, who pretended not to
see her. “You lucky you don’t have this problem,” said Auntie Lindo with a sigh to
my mother. And my mother squared her shoulders and bragged: “Our problem worser
than yours. If we ask Jing-mei wash dish, she hear nothing but music. It’s like you can’t stop this natural talent.”
And right then, I was determined to put a stop to her foolish pride. TJLC 148-149
Even Suyuan “pushes” June to do it in front of everybody including
Lindo and family that finally just makes them embarrassed because of the inability of June in playing piano TJLC 150.
Waverly is very disturbed by her Mom’s attitude. Waverly said to her mother in high tone, “Why do you have to use me to show off? If you want to
show off, then why don’t you learn to play chess?” TJLC 101 Waverly feels embarrassed and she does not understand why her mom
does that. In her mind, she just thinks that her mom is different from her friends’ mom and her mom is more arrogant.
June feels being forced by her Mom too and does not know the meaning of such things her Mom does TJLC 151 which actually wants June to be the best.
June never understands it. She had long way of confusion to her mom from the beginning why her mom “pushed” her to do such things that she knew she could
not do it and why her mother has boasting habit. Finally, she finds out that her mom although it had passed so many years ago was still sure that she can do it
and her mom is not angry to her for what she had done. It was not the only disappointment my mother felt in me. In the years that
followed, I failed her so many times, each time asserting my own will, my right to fall short of expectations. I didn’t get straight As. I didn’t become
class president. I didn’t get into Stanford. I dropped out of college. For unlike my mother, I did not believe I could be anything I wanted to be.
I could be me. And for all those years, we never talked about the disaster at the recital or
my terrible accusations afterward at the piano bench. All that remained unchecked, like a betrayal that was now unspeakable. So I never found a
way to ask her why she had hoped for something so large that failure was inevitable. TJLC 153-154
June never understands that her mother just wants her to try. Suyuan believes that June could do many things if she tried. June gave up easily and
because of the problem in communication, Suyuan never talks her thought easily to her daughter.
“You pick up fast,” said my mother, as if she knew this was certain. “You have natural talent. You could been genius if you want to.”
“No, I couldn’t.” “You just not trying,” said my mother. And she was neither angry nor sad.
She said it as if to announce a fact that could never be disproved. TJLC 154
June realizes it later. She finds out why her mom was so sure and “pushed” her in very strong way because her boasting habit is the sign that she believes that
June can do anything she wants, that she does not want her daughter being insulted by other people, and that she loves June very much.
And for the first time, or so it seemed, I noticed the piece on the right-hand side. It was called “Perfectly Contented.” I tried to play this one as well. It
had a lighter melody but the same flowing rhythm and turned out to be quite easy. “Pleading Child” was shorter but slower; “Perfectly Contented”
was longer but faster. And after I played them both a few times, I realized they were two halves of the same song. TJLC 155
These two same songs actually represent what really happen in June’s life.
She gave up easily while if she wanted to try, she would know that the songs had the same rhythm. Both of the songs are not difficult as she thought about and they
have different ending. If she gives up, the effort is shorter and there is no result, while, if she tries, the effort is longer and it has a beautiful ending.
c. The Conflicting Response on Marriage’s Different Perception
