“You pick up fast,” said my mother, as if she knew this was certain. “You have natural talent. You could been genius if you want to.”
“No, I couldn’t.” “You just not trying,” said my mother. And she was neither angry nor sad.
She said it as if to announce a fact that could never be disproved. TJLC 154
June realizes it later. She finds out why her mom was so sure and “pushed” her in very strong way because her boasting habit is the sign that she believes that
June can do anything she wants, that she does not want her daughter being insulted by other people, and that she loves June very much.
And for the first time, or so it seemed, I noticed the piece on the right-hand side. It was called “Perfectly Contented.” I tried to play this one as well. It
had a lighter melody but the same flowing rhythm and turned out to be quite easy. “Pleading Child” was shorter but slower; “Perfectly Contented”
was longer but faster. And after I played them both a few times, I realized they were two halves of the same song. TJLC 155
These two same songs actually represent what really happen in June’s life.
She gave up easily while if she wanted to try, she would know that the songs had the same rhythm. Both of the songs are not difficult as she thought about and they
have different ending. If she gives up, the effort is shorter and there is no result, while, if she tries, the effort is longer and it has a beautiful ending.
c. The Conflicting Response on Marriage’s Different Perception
In China, a woman knows who her husband will be from a matchmaker. The matchmaker here has a responsibility to “read” the lines on the woman’s and
the man’s palms to see if they are matched according to the zodiac, shio, feng shui, etc. After the reading, the matchmaker reports to the parents of the man and
the woman, and then they will arrange the marriage. They marry not because of
love but because of what the matchmaker has said. That what Chinese women mostly experience.
This experience is very different from the modern way that happens in America. In America, a woman and a man will go on some dates after their first
meeting. Some might decide to live together; some others might just keep their relationship. There is no need of consulting a matchmaker, let alone listening to
the matchmaker’s words in order to make a relationship. As for marriage, Anshen 75 said that in traditional China, a marriage
might be determined even before the prospective life partners were born. It began with no courtship but with an agreement between two pairs of parents. In
comparison with American culture, Anshen 84 also states that though romantic love in marriage has been emphasized by a majority of the younger generation,
most Chinese marriages seem to lack of the warmth, the feeling of sexual intimacy, and the demonstrativeness which are familiar to husbands and wives in
United States. Chinese perception and American perception about marriage are completely different. They have different mindset of what they call “marriage”.
The daughters do not realize that different traditions or ways in having a relationship exist between their mothers and them.
As Nadeau states that one of the reasons there is conflict between mother and daughter is the freedom that the daughter wants. In this context, the daughters
who live in America feel that they should have more freedom to choose someone they love and what they should do. The mothers actually agree. They are just
afraid if they will not get much attention from the daughters later. However,
because there is no good communication, they never talk about this and they never understand what actually is in their mind.
In The Bonesetter’s Daughter, Precious Auntie the mother of LuLing experienced the marriage which is arranged by a matchmaker. In The Bonesetter’s
Daughter, it is stated, “Baby Uncle went to a fortune-teller in the Mouth of the Mountain, an old lady with a face more wrinkled than her palm. She saw nothing
but calamity” TBD 192. Baby Uncle is the father of LuLing. The marriage was not arranged by their parents. However, if they want to get married, Baby Uncle
still did the custom, that is to come to the matchmaker or fortune-teller to find out if he and Precious Auntie can make a good couple. He would listen to the fortune-
teller’s suggestions and did whatever he was suggested to as stated in The Bonesetter’s Daughter, “But just to make sure the marriage went well, the fortune-
teller sold Baby Uncle a Hundred Different Things charm that covered bad dates, bad spirits, bad luck, and hair loss” TBD 193.
The second generation, LuLing the daughter from Precious Auntie and Mom from Ruth also experienced the same when she was proposed by the
fourth’s son of Chang. The letter continued: “I wish to humbly suggest that your number-one
daughter’ ” –she was speaking of me, and my heart swelled—“ ‘come to Peking and accidentally meet a distant relation of mine.’ ” GaoLing threw
a scowl, and I was pleased she was jealous. “ ‘This relation,’ ” GaoLing went on reading in a less enthusiastic voice, “ ‘has four sons, who are
seventh cousins of mine, three times removed, with a different surname. They live in your same village, but are barely related to you, if at all.’ ”
TBD 214 Then, knowing that the person who will marry her daughter is from
Chang’s family whom she had revenge with because Chang has already killed
Precious Auntie’s husband, Precious Auntie forbade the marriage but LuLing did not want to know.
I knew then that Mother had not told her the name of the family. She had to hear it sooner or later. “The family is the Changs,” I said, watching the
words cut her in two. “That’s right, Chang the coffinmaker.” She sounded as if she were drowning. She rocked her head like a clanging
bell. And then she told me with slashing hands, You cannot. I forbid you. TBD 236
Even when Precious Auntie tried to say that Chang is a bad man who had
already killed LuLing’s father TBD 236 and that she is LuLing’s Mom, LuLing rejected her in a bad way.
For a long time she did not move. Then she began to cry and beat her chest. Her hands moved fast: Don’t you have feelings for who I am?
And I remember exactly what I said to her: “Even if the whole Chang family were murderers and thieves, I would join them just to get away
from you.” TBD 241 At the end, we know that LuLing failed to marry a man from Chang’s
family. She then moved to America and married an American man. Meanwhile, when LuLing has a daughter, Ruth, she does not try to forbid her with Art the
man Ruth met in the yoga class at a gym. She allows Ruth to live with Art although this is different from the way the Chinese people usually do. LuLing also
showed that she is brave to break the “rule”. She does it because she loves her daughter so much. In the deepest part of her heart, she misses Ruth and wants her
attention. It is reflected through her so many protests to Ruth. Unfortunately, Ruth does not get her Mom’s message; it even keeps away from her Mom, making the
gap between them farther. She does not realize what her mom has sacrificed just to see her daughter happy.
Besides, in The Joy Luck Club, the marriage between Lindo the mother of Waverly and her first husband was arranged by the matchmaker and Lindo as a
good daughter did what her parent wanted her to do, that was married with Tyan- yu, the man she did not love TJLC 44-45.
Instead, the village matchmaker came to my family when I was just two years old. No, nobody told me this, I remember it all. It was summertime,
very hot and dusty outside, and I could hear cicadas crying in the yard. TJLC 43
The matchmaker bragged about me: “An earth horse for an earth sheep. This is the best marriage combination.” She patted my arm and I pushed
her away. TJLC 44 It is completely different with what her daughter experience when she met
Marvin her first husband and Rich her second husband. Even, she and Rich have already lived together TJLC 185. When she wants to say to her Mom that
she wants to marry Rich, Mom seems to dislike him. This Chinese mother in this novel does not show good response about the relationship happen in America. She
seems do not care. The different way of thinking between Lindo and Waverly cannot be integrated.
“Did I tell you,” I said as we waited for the lunch bill at Four Directions, “what a great time Shosana had with Rich at the Exploratorium? He—”
“Oh,” interrupted my mother, “I didn’t tell you. Your father, doctors say maybe need exploratory surgery. But no, now they say everything normal
just too much constipated.” I gave up. TJLC 184 Waverly hates how conventional her Mom is. This thing makes gap
between Waverly and her mother. Then, she is aware that actually her Mom supported her choice.
“I know you hate him,” I said in a quavering voice.”I know you think he’s not good enough, but I …”
“Hate?” Why do you think I hate your future husband?”
“You never want to talk about him. The other day, when I started to tell you about him Shoshana at the Exploratorium, you . . . you changed the
subject . . . you started talking about Dad’s exploratory surgery and then . . . “
“What is more important, explore fun or explore sickness?” I wasn’t going to let her escape this time. “And then when you met him,
you said he had spots on his face.” She looked at me, puzzled. “Is it not true?”
“Yes, but, you said it just to be mean, to hurt me, to . . . “ “Ai-ya, why do you think these bad things about me?” Her face looked old
and full of sorrow. TJLC 201 She cries and feels that actually her Mom just wants the best for her
daughter. The problem is back to communication. They never talk to each other, heart to heart. Waverly never knows what is in her mother’s heart, and the
reverse. If they want to be patient to each other, sit, and talk; this kind of problem will not happen. The daughters should be patient and listen to what the mothers
want or wish. They never know if they do not listen. The mothers and the daughters should equalize their perception and share together.
As Deutsch 222 states, there are two causes of conflict between mother- daughter relationships. First, the conflict arises because the daughter considers her
mother as rival in getting her father’s attention and love. Second, the conflict arises because the mother’s authoritarian power over her daughter. When the
daughter finds her freedom and becomes independent, her mother feels abandoned and is afraid of losing her daughter. As a result, her mother uses her authoritarian
power over her daughter and it causes the conflicts between them become more complicated. The mothers seem disagree with the daughters but actually they are
just afraid to loose their daughters’ love and attention. Because of the mothers’
fear of losing their daughters, the daughters should convince the mothers that the mothers will not lose them if they live with the man they love or marry someday.
d. The Conflicting Response on Mother Figure’s Different Perception
