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pone other plans they had, such as buying a new washing machine. They had to work overtime. And they had to work hard to find the right places to go and stay so that we could afford the trip. I’ve learned that I can make good things happen, too. I recently won an award that included money for college. I never would have won the award just by sitting back and waiting for something good to come my way. Instead, I worked hard in school every day. I always did my assignments and often did extra credit. I stud- ied hard. Now I see the rewards for my hard work. Now I have the grades I need to get into a good college and some of the money I need to pay for that school. Sometimes, good things do just happen to come along if we are patient. Maybe we just happen to meet the right person or happen to be in the right place at the right time. But I believe that we have the power to make good things come our way. We make choices and set up our circumstances to make it more likely for certain things to happen to us. Good things may come to those who wait, but I believe better things do come to those who go out and get them. Comments: This essay responds fully to the prompt, providing a clear, strong thesis and strong, rele- vant support for that thesis. The supporting examples are detailed and logically organized. Each idea is devel- oped thoroughly. There are only one or two minor grammatical errors, and words and stylistic techniques such as parallelism are used correctly. The essay demonstrates variety in both sentence structure and vocab- ulary. Sample “5” Essay They say that “good things come to those who wait,” and I agree. No matter how much we may “go after” something, a lot of times we just have to wait for the good things to come our way. For example, just last year I was doing bad in my math class. I wanted very much to improve my grades, and I got help. I worked with a tutor and study extra hard. I did extra work for class and did practicing with my teacher. But I could not get better grades for a long time. I kept trying and trying. Finally, at the end of the year, something happened. I suddenly could understand everything. Finally, my grades began to improve. A good thing came to me after waiting for a long time. My sister is another example. She is 37, much older than me. She was starting to believe that she never find someone that she’ll love, someone to marry her. I kept telling her, be patient, a good thing will come your way if you just wait. She was beginning to lose her patience. She tried all the places where she could meet a good man. She tried different styles and changing her clothes to be more attractive. But nothing worked. Then one day, when she didn’t even expect it, she met Lee, and they fell in love. Today they are happily married for more than four years. A good thing came to her when she wasn’t even trying. As you can see from these examples, good things do come to those who wait. Going after what we want can help, but we also need to be patient. It took a long time for my math grades to improve, but eventually they did. It took long time for my sister to find her love, but one day she did. We are both very happy. Comments: This essay also responds to the prompt and has a clear thesis, and it provides interesting and relevant support. The essay is overall less developed, however, than the “6” essay, offering two supporting para- graphs instead of three. It is well organized. There are some grammar and usage errors, but the errors do not – A N S W E R S A N D E X P L A N AT I O N S – 1 5 3 cause confusion for the reader. There is some variety in sentence structure and vocabulary, though the writ- ing and word choice are less sophisticated than in the “6” essay. Sample “4” Essay I always believe you have to go after whatever you want in life. That is the only way to get what you want. Here’s example to show you. I always wanted to be champion horseback rider. Of course having horse is expensive. I had to work and work to get a horse and stable. I get up early every morning to ride and take care my horse. For years I work hard and practice. I never give up. Finally, my dream comes true, and I win a big championship. I had a dream and I had went after it. My brother has similar story. He was always playing piano very good. He wanted to win competitions. He practiced every day for hours. Sometimes we would be sick of hearing him play But he worked hard and go after his dream. He won even a scholarship to music school. Now he travels around our country playing piano. So you see, you have to go after what you want. That’s the way to get what you want out of life. Comments: This essay responds to the prompt and has a thesis, but it does not address both parts of the statement. It is less developed than the previous essays. There are two supporting examples, but they are very similar in nature, and the concluding paragraph is very brief and repetitive. The language is less fluent, with more frequent errors in grammar and usage, and there is less variety in sentence structure and vocab- ulary. Sample “3” Essay Some people believe “good things come to those who wait.” Other people go after what they want and think its better. My grandmother always tell me to wait and I will get the good things. I always believe her. One day I find letter that I win scholarship. This for my hard working at the school. I show to my grandmother. She tell me, “See? Good things come to you if you waiting for it.” Going the other side, every day I try to find suitable situation for living in the city. I look and look but find only waste of time with realtors. I decide time for me looking by myself. I go after places like I wanted. Soon I find best for me place in nice part in town. So I get what I want from my going after. Comments: The essay states the two parts of the statement in the prompt but doesn’t state a thesis. The examples do support a position, though—the writer appears to believe that good things come to those who wait and one should also go after what one wants. There is no concluding paragraph and there are many grammar and usage errors. There is little variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. Sample “2” Essay If waiting, good things coming, better if you going after them. Is true for me. My father he work very hard every day in the store. Working make more money for our family. Trying and trying, and we have bad times somedays. Then we get surprise, money from relative. Everything changing after. – A N S W E R S A N D E X P L A N AT I O N S – 1 5 4