b. 2. a. TOEFL Exam Success In Only 6 Steps (234 s) 1095

cause confusion for the reader. There is some variety in sentence structure and vocabulary, though the writ- ing and word choice are less sophisticated than in the “6” essay. Sample “4” Essay I always believe you have to go after whatever you want in life. That is the only way to get what you want. Here’s example to show you. I always wanted to be champion horseback rider. Of course having horse is expensive. I had to work and work to get a horse and stable. I get up early every morning to ride and take care my horse. For years I work hard and practice. I never give up. Finally, my dream comes true, and I win a big championship. I had a dream and I had went after it. My brother has similar story. He was always playing piano very good. He wanted to win competitions. He practiced every day for hours. Sometimes we would be sick of hearing him play But he worked hard and go after his dream. He won even a scholarship to music school. Now he travels around our country playing piano. So you see, you have to go after what you want. That’s the way to get what you want out of life. Comments: This essay responds to the prompt and has a thesis, but it does not address both parts of the statement. It is less developed than the previous essays. There are two supporting examples, but they are very similar in nature, and the concluding paragraph is very brief and repetitive. The language is less fluent, with more frequent errors in grammar and usage, and there is less variety in sentence structure and vocab- ulary. Sample “3” Essay Some people believe “good things come to those who wait.” Other people go after what they want and think its better. My grandmother always tell me to wait and I will get the good things. I always believe her. One day I find letter that I win scholarship. This for my hard working at the school. I show to my grandmother. She tell me, “See? Good things come to you if you waiting for it.” Going the other side, every day I try to find suitable situation for living in the city. I look and look but find only waste of time with realtors. I decide time for me looking by myself. I go after places like I wanted. Soon I find best for me place in nice part in town. So I get what I want from my going after. Comments: The essay states the two parts of the statement in the prompt but doesn’t state a thesis. The examples do support a position, though—the writer appears to believe that good things come to those who wait and one should also go after what one wants. There is no concluding paragraph and there are many grammar and usage errors. There is little variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. Sample “2” Essay If waiting, good things coming, better if you going after them. Is true for me. My father he work very hard every day in the store. Working make more money for our family. Trying and trying, and we have bad times somedays. Then we get surprise, money from relative. Everything changing after. – A N S W E R S A N D E X P L A N AT I O N S – 1 5 4