2. When She Feels She is Different from Her Classmates
Like what Freud says about the division of psyche ego, superego, and id, these three entities work in a process of repression. In Beginning Theory, Barry defined repression as
“…the ‘forgetting’ or ignoring of unresolved conflicts, un-admitted desires, or traumatic past events, so that they are forced out of conscious awareness and into the realm of the
unconscious” Barry, 2009:92-93. After arriving, she is passed from uniformed hand to uniformed hand, from bus to
train, and finally into the care of a lady with virulent red hair and a tight, anxious smile, her ghostly husband hovering in the background.
Suzie feels like she is the only one foreigner. She does not know anything and everyone looksat her face because she looks different from the other classmates.
The room that little girl finds herself in is cold an alien. A heavy dark wardrobe, a high narrow bed, a swirling floral carpet, long fussy curtains framing the high window.
And, hanging abovethe bed like a warning, a tiny crucifix, Jesus, in agony, nailed to the crossPotter, 2000: 18.
There is also a similar event when Suzie feels afraid to continue her willing to meet her father. She is sad when her friends treat her differently from other friends because her
physical appearance looks contrast from her American friends. At School, in the playground, the other children cluster around her, pointing and
poking at her, curious and casually hostile, with the learned distrust of the foreigner, as she fails to respond to their interrogations. Suzie utters no words at all.
Where are you from? She do not know
She’s a Gypsy. Gypsy But she utters nota word Potter, 2000: 18.
To avoid her fear she decides not to speak anything in order to forget what happened with her in the past. Everyone is confused because she speaks nothing. With what she is
doing which is keep silent, everyone tries to make her speak, but it does not work. She is still silent, saying no words. Finally, the lady with virulent red hair finds Suzie in the front
room in the middle of the night, the lady slaps her, but Suzie does not cry, just stares up with dark eyes flaming.
Instead of doing nothing, the lady brings Suzie into a doctor with the purpose to check the condition of Suzie. However, there is nothing wrong with Suzie. She just holds too much
pain in her past and she thinks there is no one who can accept her just the way she is because of being a Jewish.
The doctor check by clapping behind her right ear and Suzie jumps. He peers into her ears, his stethoscope dangling, looking into her throat; he bangs her back, and makes
her cough and cry out. Then he stares at her kindly and said that there’s nothing wrong with Suzie and suggest that maybe all she need is just a time Potter, 2000: 19.
In the same story, Suzie’s fear becomes stronger by the accident when her friends treat her like she is the stranger one in the class. By the question from her teacher about what they
will be in the future, suddenly her answer makes all the students laugh. Time moves so fast. She forgets her first languages, she forgets where she came from,
but she does not forget where she’s going. Suzie forgets her first language; she forgets where she came from. When the teacher
asks the children what they will be when they grow up and the boys answer: fireman, teacher, doctor; and the girls: mother, teacher, nurse; then Suzie says that when she
grows up she will be an American Potter, 2000: 20.
This quotation shows how afraid Suzie is. She even can hold her pain most of the time. She discovers that her tool of survival – her singing voice – is a blessing but also a curse.
Suzie is glad when she is told to sing in front of her teacher. After a day, she lent to say nothing then finally she speaks a word. It is not by saying it but by sing it. A teacher hears
she sings then he is interestedin Suzie’s sound and he takes it upon himself to teach Suzie to speak, to speak English, by getting her to sing. He keeps her back, alone, after school, and
makes her sing tunes; any tunes will do at first; and then hymns, real hymns, and with English words.
Time moves so fast. She forgets her first language, she forgets where she comes from, but she does not forget where she is going.
3. When She Feels Doubtful to Decide Her Will to Meet Her Father
In the following event, Suzie is invited to join in the skipping games with the other girls though some of them imitate her singing, and talk anything bad behind her back. She
discovers her tool of survival – her singing voice – is a blessing but also a curse. Some will love her for what she can do, but some will hate her for it, too. So, she learns to parody
herself for the other children, to pre-empt their mockery, to win friends where otherwise she would find only rivals. Also, she learns to hold part of herself back.
She feels afraid because of her past experiences which are her father leaves her, her village is attacked, burned, and her mother is killed at the same time. All of those
experiences make her feel repressed and doubtful whether to continue meet her father or not. She leaves the house that is never home and says goodbye to the lady with virulent hair
because she is going to join a choir competition with Miss Modern’s Touring Troupe in Paris, and as she goes the shred of photo. The photo of her father is taken from her for her
own good and is held in safe-keeping for this everyday. She wonders why her father leaves him, she recalls again about what happens to her before.
Alone in the hostel for chorus girls that she finds herself in that night, shestares at the photo, at the tall thin man standing to attention for the camera, asif she is hypnotized
by the ghost. Why did you leave me? Why? She whispers
What did I do wrong? Potter, 2000: 21. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
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