Lillian’s Characteristics as Seen from Her Relationship with Men
Based on the quotation above, having sexual interests toward men and women has become one of women’s freedom. Women who have courage to consider
themselves as bisexual are no longer submissive towards old customs. In Ladders to Fire, Lillian builds relationship with several men who are
Gerard, Larry, and Jay yet it can not satisfy her hunger for such love and affection. She falls in love with them yet she will feel empty in her relationships,
therefore she also adventures her sexual life with women named Djuna, Helen, and Sabina. In her courtship with Djuna, Lillian feels a complete affection from
Djuna. Djuna plays important role in Lillian’s life because Lillian’s desire and needs are fulfilled through Djuna’s affection.
But it was Lillian who was drowning, and it was Djuna who was able always at the last moment to save her, and in her moment of danger, Lillian knew
only one thing: that she must possess Djuna. It was as if someone had proclaimed: I need oxygen, and therefore I will lock some oxygen in my
room and live on it. So Lillian began her courtship 1995: 41-42. The quotation above concludes that Lillian wants Djuna to be her lover.
Lillian feels equal power in her relationship with Djuna because they encourage each other. It is shown in the following quotation: They exchanged jewels,
clothes, books, they protected each other, they expressed concern, jealously, possessiveness. They talked. The relationship was the central, essential personage
of this dream without pain 1995: 21. Later, when Lillian finds out that Jay has an affair with a woman named
Helen, she is also attracted with Helen. Lillian’s attraction toward Hellen is not an attraction of friendship or sisterhood, but a sexual attraction.
She gave Hellen such faith as lovers give. She gave to the friendship an atmosphere of courtship which accomplished the same miracle as love. On a
magnificent day of sun and warmth Lillian said to her: “If I were a man, I would make love to you.” 1995: 83-84.
Lillian then ends her relationship with Helen since she starts to feel like a
hostage and it traps her. She meets and falls in love again with a woman named Sabina, one of Jay’s affairs. Lillian admires Sabina’s body and feels her passion
and her soul in Sabina’s. It is shown in the quotations below: Lillian wanted to reach out to her, into these violet shadows. She saw that
Sabina wanted to be she as much as she wanted to be Sabina. They both wanted to exchange bodies, exchange faces. There was in both of them the
dark strain of wanting to become the other, to deny what they were, to trascend their ac
tual selves. Sabina desiring Lillian’s newness, and Lillian desiring Sabina’s deeply marked body 1995: 145.
Lillian saw her for the first time the woman she had always wanted to know.
She saw Sabina’s eyes burning, heard her voice so rusty, and immediately felt drowned in her beauty. She wanted to say: I recognize you. I have often
imagined a woman like you 1995: 125 Furthermore, Lillian is also presented as an attractive woman. Attractive
characteritsic as defined by Huffman is having the physical properties – size,
shape, facial characteristics, and manner of dress – will attract other people’s
preference toward someone 2000: 594. Lillian owns those criterias which make her attractive and can impress not only men but also women. Djuna, as a woman,
is also attracted to Lillian for her beauty and sensual appearance. Djuna feels amazed by Lillian’s beauty and admires it. She always compliments the way
Lillian behaves. As one of Djuna’s admiration toward Lillian is noted in the following description: she looked like a white negrees, a body made for rolling in
natural undulations of pleasure and desire. Her vivid face, her avid mouth, her provocative, teasing glances proclaimed sensuality 1995: 44.
Another admiration toward Lillian comes from Sabina. Sabina admires Lillian’s soul and beauty. Lillian’s attraction drew Sabina’s attention for Lillian
has nice and pleasant appearance. Hence, when both Lillian and Sabina finally build the relationship in between, Sabina feels deeper admiration towards Lillian.
Sabina looked at the whiteness of Lillian’s body as into a mirror and saw herself as a girl, standing at the beginning of her life unblurred, unmarked. “How soft you
are, how soft you are,” said Sabina 1995: 146.