Love Experienced by Dona Maria

drive to be with others, when this need is not met, the child will be unhappy . . . 326. “She was a daughter of a cloth merchant who had acquired the money and the hatred of the Limeans within a stone’s-throw of the Plaza. Her childhood was unhappy: she was ugly; she stuttered; her mother persecuted her with sarcasms in a effort to arouse some social charms and forced her to go about the town in a veritable harness of jewels. She lived alone and thought alone” 14. The inconsistent, insincere and unconcern from parents toward their children becomes the causes of feeling unloved and insecure. Rejection experienced by children can cause some psychological effects such as feelings of unworthy, neglected, isolated, and low self-confidence. It also happens to Dona Maria. Dona Maria’s parents are busy people. They do not have much time to spend with Dona Maria. They cannot fulfill Dona Maria’s need of love. This situation makes Dona Maria feel rejected and unloved. Moreover, Dona Maria has inability to speak fluently and is not pretty. b In Her Young Adulthood As a teenager, Dona Maria never has any boyfriend. However, there are many suitors who want to propose to her but she rejects them. Dona Maria is not pretty and stutters. She feels rejected by her parents. Hurlock says “The child’s emotion affect his social adjustment, directly because emotions affect his attitude toward, and behavior with other people 321. The rejected child or the child who accepts no affection will have difficulty in learning about socialization with others, they will react negatively to the other’s approach, difficult to cooperate and have an opponent attitude. They often show their annoyance with aggressive attitude; disobeying and anti-social behavior. Dona Maria also experiences this situation. Being unaccepted in her childhood affects her social adjustment. She has difficulty learning socialization. That is why Dona Maria rejects them and remains single. Dona Maria does not want to get married. Her decision makes her mother get angry with her. Derisively her mother treats her. “Many suitors presented themselves, but as long as she could she fought against the convention of her time and determined to remain single. There were hysterical scenes with her mother, recriminations, screams, and slamming of doors” 14. From the quotation, I conclude that Dona Maria never experiences romantic love before her marriage. I assumed that Dona Maria’s refusal to get married shows that she feels lonely. Her loneliness is more than just a need of someone beside her. She just needs to be loved. In addition, she is accustomed to live in that way, without anyone else in her life to share her feeling. c In Her Marriage Dona Maria’s decision to remain single causes some quarrels with her mother. Her mother forces her to get married with a supercilious and ruined nobleman. It shows that her marriage is not based on love. According to Maslow, “love is a healthy- loving relationship between two people, which include mutual trust. The love needs involve both giving and receiving love” 371. Since there is no love, her marriage is not harmonious. Even though she is already married, Dona Maria still lives in loneliness. Her husband does not give her love and care as she needs. “At last at twenty-six she found herself penned into marriage with a supercilious and ruined nobleman and the Cathedral of Lima buzzed with the sneers of her guests. Still she lived alone and thought alone” 14. From the explanation above, I conclude that Dona Maria is suffering from lack of affection and attention.

2. The Influence of the Absence of Love on Dona Maria’s Behavior

In the previous part, I have discussed love experienced by Dona Maria. In this part, I discuss how the absence of love affects Dona Maria’s behavior. According to Maslow, the failure to satisfy the needs for security relationship with others caused someone get psychological problem. Dona Maria is characterized as lonely and introvert. In her life, she does not get love and affection from her parents and her husband. The feeling of being unloved by her surrounding influences her behavior. The effects of lack of the absence of love are explained below: 1 She Neglects Her Appearance Love has changed Dona Maria physically and psychologically. As it is stated in the previous part that Dona Maria is suffering from lack of affection and attention, therefore she pours her hopes of love on Dona Clara. But her daughter chooses to move to Spain. After her daughter left her alone in Lima, Dona Maria felt hopeless about her life. She assumes that all her hopes have gone with her daughter. She does not care about her appearance anymore. “ Left alone in Lima the Marquesa’s life grew more and more inward. She became increasingly negligent in her dress and like all lonely people she talked to herself audibly.” 15 According to Maslow, the failure to satisfy the belongingness and love needs may develop some psychological problems. The problems are related to spiritual disorders such as, to loss of meaning, to doubt about the goals of life, the grief and anger over a lost love, to seeing life in a different way, loss of courage or hope, to despair over the future, dislike for oneself, recognition that one’s life is being wasted or that there is no possibility of joy and love 371- 372. Based on the theory, I can infer that Dona Maria is in despair over her future. She believes that there is no possibility of joy and love for her. Her desperate feeling also influences her life physically. Living in loneliness, makes Dona Maria ignore people’s opinion about her appearance. Even though Dona Maria is an aristocrat, the Limeans see her as a weird woman. “On the street you beheld an old woman, her red wig fallen a little over one ear, her left cheek angry with leprous affection, her right with a complementary adjustment of rouge. Her chin was never dry; her lips were never still. Lima was a city of eccentrics, but even there she became its jest as she drove through the streets or shuffled up the steps of its churches 16. 2 She gets drunk Dona Maria experienced deprivation of love caused by her parents’ treatment. In her childhood, she is neglected by her parents. The situation is embittered when her daughter leaves her alone in Lima. According to Hurlock, one of the most common long-term effects of deprivation of love on personality is emotional insecurity, a feeling of not belonging and of being unable to count on the affection of significant people 213. Dona Maria is not able to cover her sadness. She drinks liquor to forget her unhappy life. Her behavior shows an adjustment mechanism. Her behavior shows compensation-sublimation to defend