Love Experienced by Dona Maria
drive to be with others, when this need is not met, the child will be unhappy . . . 326.
“She was a daughter of a cloth merchant who had acquired the money and the hatred of the Limeans within a stone’s-throw of the Plaza. Her
childhood was unhappy: she was ugly; she stuttered; her mother persecuted her with sarcasms in a effort to arouse some social charms and
forced her to go about the town in a veritable harness of jewels. She lived alone and thought alone” 14.
The inconsistent, insincere and unconcern from parents toward their
children becomes the causes of feeling unloved and insecure. Rejection experienced by children can cause some psychological effects such as feelings of
unworthy, neglected, isolated, and low self-confidence. It also happens to Dona Maria. Dona Maria’s parents are busy people. They do not have much time to
spend with Dona Maria. They cannot fulfill Dona Maria’s need of love. This situation makes Dona Maria feel rejected and unloved. Moreover, Dona Maria has
inability to speak fluently and is not pretty.
b In Her Young Adulthood
As a teenager, Dona Maria never has any boyfriend. However, there are many suitors who want to propose to her but she rejects them. Dona Maria is not
pretty and stutters. She feels rejected by her parents. Hurlock says “The child’s emotion affect his social adjustment, directly because emotions affect his attitude
toward, and behavior with other people 321. The rejected child or the child who accepts no affection will have difficulty in learning about socialization with
others, they will react negatively to the other’s approach, difficult to cooperate and have an opponent attitude. They often show their annoyance with aggressive
attitude; disobeying and anti-social behavior. Dona Maria also experiences this situation. Being unaccepted in her childhood affects her social adjustment. She
has difficulty learning socialization. That is why Dona Maria rejects them and remains single. Dona Maria does not want to get married. Her decision makes her
mother get angry with her. Derisively her mother treats her. “Many suitors presented themselves, but as long as she could she fought
against the convention of her time and determined to remain single. There were hysterical scenes with her mother, recriminations, screams,
and slamming of doors” 14.
From the quotation, I conclude that Dona Maria never experiences romantic love before her marriage. I assumed that Dona Maria’s refusal to get
married shows that she feels lonely. Her loneliness is more than just a need of someone beside her. She just needs to be loved. In addition, she is accustomed to
live in that way, without anyone else in her life to share her feeling.
c In Her Marriage
Dona Maria’s decision to remain single causes some quarrels with her mother. Her mother forces her to get married with a supercilious and ruined
nobleman. It shows that her marriage is not based on love. According to Maslow, “love is a healthy- loving relationship between two people, which include mutual
trust. The love needs involve both giving and receiving love” 371. Since there is no love, her marriage is not harmonious. Even though she is already married,
Dona Maria still lives in loneliness. Her husband does not give her love and care as she needs. “At last at twenty-six she found herself penned into marriage with a
supercilious and ruined nobleman and the Cathedral of Lima buzzed with the
sneers of her guests. Still she lived alone and thought alone” 14. From the explanation above, I conclude that Dona Maria is suffering from lack of affection
and attention.