“… Now I love her in a more silent way, but I can’t think about anything. I beg you, please, I’ll do anything you want, but I need you to explain to me
why she disappeared like that. As you yourself said, I understand nothing.” 87.
The narrator’s saying and reactions to what happen shows his curiosity. He wants to know what happens and after meeting someone that he thinks can give
him any information, he wants the person around him so that he can try to get as much information as he can. He could just ignore Mikhail, but his curiosity leads
him to get closer to Mikhail and it overcomes his dislike of the young man.
4.1.2 Tough
The narrator experiences difficult situation. He is left by his wife, Esther. He does not know why and where she goes. Losing Esther makes him wonder as
to the reasons why she left, the need of finding her, their marriage, her saying, and memories about her. It is hard for him at first, especially because from all
hypotheses the only one that makes sense is that Esther left him for another man. On the contrary, he is able to live through difficult situation. “I started
taking part in book signings again, I accepted invitations to give lectures, write articles, attend charity dinners, appear on television programs, help out with
projects for up-and-coming young artists” 49. This shows that the narrator is a tough person. Instead of grieving Esther’s disappearance, he spends his first year
doing the activities that he usually does, such as attending dinners, giving lectures, signing books and doing other activities.
According to Murphy, the writer can give the readers direct knowledge of what a person is thinking about. The writer applies this technique to analyze the
narrator’s thought of losing his wife, Esther. Murphy 171. For a while, I’ll think obsessively about her, I’ll become embittered, I’ll
bore my friends because all I ever talk about is my wife leaving me… I’ll find other women. When I walk down the street, I’ll keep seeing women
who could be her. I’ll suffer day and night, night and day. This could take weeks, months, possibly a year or more. Until one morning, I’ll wake up
and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I know the worst is over. 14-15.
The narrator realizes that it may be hard for him for the first time, but he convinces himself that he can go through it. He thinks that at the beginning he will
never stop thinking about her and that he will suffer without her by his side. At the end, he knows he can pass that difficult time.
That the narrator is a tough person can also be seen from his reaction toward his wife’s disappearance Murphy 168. He faces the facts that he becomes
the topic of various scandal sheets, tabloids, and magazines. They write about Esther and the chronologies of her disappearance. They also write about the
narrator and sometimes write scandals about him 45. Those double his uncomfortable feeling. He knows he feels the pain inside because his wife has left
him, but he convinces himself to continue his life. “I decided, from then on, to suffer in silence and the invitations once more flooded in through my mailbox”
48. These show that the narrator is a tough person. He does not let a problem
in his marriage ruin his life. He continues his life and does activities he usually does.
4.1.3 Ambitious
The narrator is ambitious. This can be seen through the eyes and opinions of another. According to Murphy, analyzing a character through others’ eyes and
opinion is known as character as seen by another Murphy 162. The writer applies this technique in analyzing the narrator’s character related to his success
as a writer. The narrator’s friend, a publisher, says it directly when they talk about favor bank one day in a café.
“That does not matter in the least. Let me give you an example: I know that you’re an up-and-coming writer and that, one day, you’ll be very
influential. I know this because, like you, I too was once ambitious, independent, honest. I no longer have the energy I once had, but I want to
help you because I can’t or don’t want to grind to a halt just yet.” 29.
The narrator wants to be a writer from the beginning. The path to become a successful writer is not as easy as he thought before. To realize his dream, he
has to work in some companies. He works in a hardware store as a delivery man, in a newspaper office, and long before becoming a writer, he works as a song
writer. When his first book is not as popular as he wished, this makes him a little bit afraid to write another book. Although many people know him more as a song
writer, it does not diminish his dream to be a successful writer. He keeps trying to be a writer. He wants to do anything in order to make his dream come true. He has
a strong will to become a writer. This shows that he is ambitious. This can be seen from the narrator’s thought Murphy 171.
When people ask me what to do, I say I’m a writer. When they say they only knew my song lyrics, I say that’s just a part of my work. When they
apologize and say they’ve never read any of my books, I explain that I’m working on a project – which is a lie 17.
