A Self-Doubted Person The Description of Toru Watanabe
41 p. 39. Since Toru is interested in spending his spare time by reading books, his
friends in dormitory think that he wants to be a writer. However, Toru says that there is nothing he wants to be. Unlike other students in his age, Toru does not
have main goals nor does have intentions of becoming successful. As a college student, Toru decides to major in drama. However, Toru does
not have any particular passion for the subject itself. When Toru is asked by Storm Trooper whether he likes plays or not, he says that he does not really like it
and he majors drama because he has curiosity than passion for the subject. Toru’s
answer makes Storm Trooper confuse but Toru does not have some convincing explanation to answer Storm Trooper’s question p. 21. In addition, during the
college time, Toru thinks that college education is meaningless and he has nothing to accomplish in society that would require him to quit school right away pp. 65-
66. His thoughts explain that he does not have any goals to accomplish and intention to do something that leads him into pessimism.
Back to senior high school time, Toru has met Kizuki who becomes his best friend. For Kizuki, Toru is the one and only real friend at school and vice
versa. However, Toru feels that he does not deserve to be considered as a best friend. The following excerpt tells that Toru doubts himself why such a smart and
popular guy like Kizuki chooses him as a best friend. I was his only real friends at school. I could never understand why such a
smart and capable talker did not turn his talents to the broader world around him but remained satisfied to concentrate on our little trio. Nor
could I understand why he picked me to be his friend. I was just an
ordinary kid who liked to read books and listen to music and didn’t stand out in any way that would prompt someone like Kizuki to pay attention to
me. p. 30
42 Toru thinks that he is unworthy to be chosen as a friend because he is just an
ordinary guy. Besides, it also shows that Toru has a thought that he is unworthy of other’s attention.
Toru also wonders why Nagasawa wants to be Toru’s friend when Toru
meets Nagasawa in the dormitory. Toru sees Nagasawa as a person who has a certain inborn quality that draws people to him and makes them follow him p.
42. Nagasawa is a handsome and smart guy who loves seducing different girls each weekend. Having a friend like Nagasawa makes Toru think that he is not
worthy to be chosen as Nagasawa’s friend since he is only a person with no
distinc tive qualities p. 43. From Toru’s thoughts, it proves that Toru is a self-
doubted person because he thinks he is unworthy to make friend with a smart and charming guy.
In senior high school, Toru mostly spends his time with Kizuki and Naoko. Once, Naoko tries to arrange a double date for many times and brings her
classmate for Toru. Toru considers that Naoko’s friends are pretty yet too refined for his taste since he feels better to get along with somewhat cruder girls from his
public high school who are easier to talk to p. 29. It implicitly conveys that Toru is not confident to have a date with a pretty girl.
The same situation also happens when Toru meets Hatsumi, Nagasawa’s
girlfriend. The three of them meet for few times and share their stories. Once, Hatsumi tries to fix Toru up with a girl in her club. Therefore, they can go out on
double dates. However, Toru feels that he is not capable to talk to and go on dates with Hatsumi’s friends since she goes to the absolute top girls’ college in the
43 country p. 48. In addition, Toru also explains to Hatsumi that what she does to
match him with her friends is a waste of time because he is too poor to go out with super-
rich girls from Hatsumi’s college p. 271. Toru’s thought shows that he thinks he is unworthy to interacts girls from top university. Since Toru always
thinks that he is unworthy of other’s attention, it makes him feel unconfident to talk or to interact with others who have higher status.
The conclusion which can be drawn from previous discussion is that Toru is a self-doubted person who always feels not
unworthy of other’s attention and it is mostly seen from his thought. Toru thinks that he does not deserve of what he
has had and thinks that he is not capable of what he does. As a result, he is not confident of himself and pessimistic. His pessimism also makes him do not have
specific goals for his future life.