Lack of Belongingness and Love Needs

54 feels lonely because he does not have sister or brother in his family. Thus, he never shares and feels love from siblings. During senior high school time, Toru only has Kizuki and Naoko as his friends . Kizuki is the one and only best friend he has and Naoko is Kizuki’s girlfriend who Toru falls in love with. In dormitory, Toru has friends namely Nagasawa and Storm Trooper. Toru also meets Midori, his classmate in drama class. However, Toru becomes a secretive person when it comes to his personal life. Toru’s painful memories from the past caused him to be someone who cannot open up about his problems. As a college student, Toru is a loner who does not have any friends to talk to and he does not try to make friends as well. He always sits alone in the classroom and spends his lunch time by himself. Once, Toru feels detached and lonely from his surroundings because others are happy with their companion and he thinks he is not the part of the happiness p. 107. Toru also considers that April is the loneliest month since he does not have any companion. He spends the whole month with his sense of isolation which makes him realize that he does not only miss Naoko and Midori but also Nagasawa and Storm Trooper as well p. 337. In senior high school, Toru has a girl he likes. However, his relationship with the girl seems like based on the sexual desire which does not give the sense of belonging for him. Besides, Toru also admits that he has never been in love. “She was nice,” I said, “I enjoyed sleeping with her, and I miss her every now and then, but finall y, she didn’t move me. I don’t know, sometimes I think I’ve got this hard kernel in my heart, and nothing much can get inside it. I doubt if I can really love anybody.” 55 “Have you ever been in love?” Naoko asked. “Never,” I said. She didn’t ask me more than that. p. 38 In senior high school, Toru has a girlfriend and it means that he has ever been in a relationship. Unfortunately, his relationship is based on the sexual desire rather than love. Thus, it only gives him doubts whether Toru can really love someone or not. Toru’s lack of love and belongingness needs can also be shown from his unfulfilled desire for a relationship. Toru falls in love with Naoko but unfortunately Naoko is unable to love him back because she still loves Kizuki although Kizuki has died. Besides, after Kizuki has died, Naoko does not know how to relate to other people and she does not know what it means to love another person as well p. 150. Thus, it proves that Toru’s love for Naoko is one-sided love or unrequited love because Naoko cannot reciprocate Toru’s love. Besides, Toru’s desire for having a relationship with Naoko is unfulfilled and it makes him lack of love and belongingness needs. If it is compared to Maslow’s explanation about love and belongingness needs, To ru’s love and belongingness needs is not satisfied because he does not have close friends and siblings. Moreover, his desire for having a relationship is unfulfilled. Having no close friends, siblings, and true lover proves that Toru has never felt the sense of love and belongingness. As a result, it causes him into loneliness. 56

b. Lack of Esteem Needs

The basis of Maslow’s theory of needs is that the needs on the lowest stage should be satisfied first before the higher needs can be fulfilled. Based on Toru’s experiences , Toru’s esteem needs cannot be fulfilled because his love and belongingness needs are not satisfied. According to Maslow 1954, esteem needs cover self-respect and esteem from others as cited in Feist, 2009, p. 283. When this need is met, people will be confident and valuable. Satisfaction of esteem needs lead to feeling of self-confidence, worth, and capability. Based on Maslow’s theory on esteem needs, Toru’s loneliness is led by the lack of esteem needs – especially self-esteem needs – because he lacks of confidence and he often feels unworthy. Maslow 1954 states that self- esteem is a person’s own feeling of confidence and worth. Therefore, a person with high self-esteem will not feel unworthy and not confidence. Meanwhile, Jones, Freeman, and Goswick 1981 mention that people who are lonely express low self-esteem as cited in Baron and Byrne, 1987, p. 522. Based on the findings of the first problem formulation, Toru is described as a self-doubted person who often thinks that he is unworthy. Toru also expresses his low self-esteem because he considers that he is unworthy of attention. When Toru is befriended by Kizuki, Toru considers that he is unworthy to be chosen as Kizuki’s best friend because Kizuki is a smart and capable talker p. 30. He also thinks that he is unworthy to be a friend of a smart and charming guy like Nagasawa p. 43. Toru feels as if he is not valuable because he is just an ordinary guy who does not have any distinctive quality to be considered as a 57 friend by Kizuki and Nagasawa. Thus, it emphasizes that Toru is unable to respect himself because he thinks he is not worth the attention from his friends. Toru’s failure to fulfill esteem needs gives him a feeling of unconfident that makes him feel uncertain of being able to get along better with pretty girls. Once when Hatsumi tries to find a girlfriend for Toru, Toru conveys that it is a waste of time because he is too poor to go out with super-rich girls from Hatsumi’s top girls’ college p. 271. His lack of confidence makes him think that he is not capable to interact or get along with girls from top university. Based on Maslow’s explanation about esteem needs, it can be concluded that Toru lacks of esteem needs since he is a person with low self-esteem who often believes that he is unworthy of attention and feels unconfident. In addition, based on Perlman and Peplau 1984 about factors that can cause loneliness, they state that low self- esteem and shyness are a person’s characteristic the predisposing factors of loneliness. Since Toru has low self-esteem, it causes him to feel the loneliness. Besides, he is also considered as a shy person because he is not confident. Thus, his low self-esteem and shyness is the causes of his loneliness. The lack of self-esteem experienced by Toru makes him feel unworthy and also unable to respect himself. As a result, he becomes not confident and unable to interact well with others. Therefore, he lacks of companion because he is not confident that makes him unable to broaden his friendship with others and feel the sense of loneliness as well.