536 DEAR HACKER

536 DEAR HACKER

Dear 2600: What’s up with page 44?

Lenny Love the Hobo It’s just doing its job.

Dear 2600:

A local bar owner I know uses UNIX and has a long beard and wears thick glasses. He is also very fat. When he gets drunk, he talks about the good old days of Commodore bulletin boards and flat databases. Additionally, his bar is quite filthy. Therefore, I believe he is a hacker.

I really need to become a hacker and this man is my only hope. My question is how do I approach him about mentoring me? I keep showing up at his bar but he gets drunk and yells at me for loitering. Sometimes

he falls asleep. One time I tried to show him a few tricks in Windows with TweakUI but he told me never to use his computer again. He even made fun of me for not knowing Linux and owning a Mac.

Thanks for any information you can give me about social engineer- ing this guy!

Haroon the Hacker If you can’t become a hacker by pestering a big, fat, bearded slob of a bar owner

into teaching you the tools of the trade, there really isn’t anything left that we can think of. We can’t imagine what you’re doing wrong; that approach usually works.

Dear 2600: Good Day! Barrister John Ibe is my name and a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. I

have a proposal to discuss with you concerning one of our Deceased

STRANGE RAMBLINGS

customers who is a national of your country. As soon as I hear from you and once we are in agreements. I would be needing your assistance in making a business investment in real estate, oil & gas and any other lucrative sphere of business in your country.

Owing to the urgency of this transaction, I would appreciate an im- mediate response from you to confirm the receipt of my mail. As soon as I get this response from you, I will furnish you with details of the transaction and the urgency at which I need to get the funds trans- fered out of Nigeria to you. Your earliest response to this letter will

be appreciated. John(SAN)

We really want to do business with you but feel uneasy because of the grammar and capitalization issues we’ve previously written to you about. One of your colleagues even sent us a letter that was completely in capital letters! We simply cannot abide that as it makes us feel quite small in comparison. Once we have the protocol sorted out, we would be most happy to supply you with all of the information you need and more in order that we may help to secure the transfer of the funds from Nigeria. It is indeed disturbing how much money has been tied up in your country over the years simply because there aren’t enough people in the world who can give out their bank account numbers and transfer codes. Please count us in as concerned parties who want to help. Yours truly, etc.

Dear 2600:

I think I am being “watched,” as my cursor is “fluttering.” But I got this address from someone and would like to know more of what you have to offer. Information, direction? I am in need of “advice” on certain computer “applications,” and/or email “applications.” If you could either direct me to a source of information, or otherwise, I would sure appreciate it.

granny