538 DEAR HACKER

538 DEAR HACKER

A fluttering cursor is a sure sign that you’re being monitored, either by your next door neighbor or an anonymous foreign power. Use of excessive quotation marks has been known to strengthen the power of the monitoring virus which lives in your keyboard. Avoid using computers altogether until you know what you’re dealing with. We suggest going to a local bookstore or library and researching the subject matter you’re interested in as thoroughly as possible before going any further. Spend hours over there reading and learning. Just be sure to face the door in case you were tailed.

Dear 2600: I’ve felt that this hurts more than anyone could hurt me for saying

it for a long time. With stating it being the least of the pain I’ve felt from fellow PTA members heckling me, I’m surprised catharsis in this fashion isn’t illegal. That FBI would use covert interrogation and other illegal methods while putting a child in what those BDSM people call “subspace.” Then, I find it hard to believe that these jerks would pretend to be a business and watch someone’s every move. I make no mistake in saying that articles appear often on the Internet just as soon to disappear and their writers discredited.

It’s almost as if the English writers are speaking in code. That would mean that when other people pick up these codes intuitively and repeat them they phonologically must be typed as “mentally ill.”

A Depressed Soccer Mom

The FBI and the PTA have always been in cahoots. Everyone knows this. Thanks for the coded message which our lab is now processing. You will receive our reply through the usual channel. Namaste.

Dear 2600: Hi. how are you Doing? my name is marie Almaleeq, please i want to

you to Recover some money my father left in bank here, please is very important you get back to me we shall talk on percentage

STRANGE RAMBLINGS

How very lucky for us your letter came when it did. We are always happy to help people with such matters and it seems as if more and more of them need our help every day. We are delighted to give you our banking information along with all sorts of our personal identification items if this will assist you to get access to the money which is rightfully yours. There’s no need to talk about percentages — we feel it’s the least we can do and we hope that everyone out there who happens to get a letter like this expends all efforts to help out. We have already written to you with an offer to extend a loan for the full amount while you wait for your money to

be released. Our philosophy is that if more of us would only step up like this, the world would surely be a much nicer place.

Dear 2600: Urgent! I need a new identity for me and my daughter because we are

victims of abuse illegally. Send me information please. Eva

Do you really believe that emailing total strangers is the best way to start a new life? We’re not the witness relocation people but even if we were, it’s not the kind of thing you do casually. You can find a whole lot of tips on the net about how to hide and/or protect your privacy. Advertising your problems to anyone who will listen is probably the first item on the list of things not to do.

Dear 2600: let me in... so what do i have to do to get in? im trading code to this

guy for nice computers. usenet would nice. it would be nice. im going to have a mindset with nuemonic reach and a storage partition of a 100 gb with terrar process. but i dont have any other

Phobus No, you certainly don’t.