31 have shared feelings. They are good to one another without qualifications or
requirements which means they are good unconditionally. They please one another. They are beneficial to one another. Then, their friendship is long lasting
or eternal.
a. Shared Feelings
Mariam and Laila live in a hard situation. They live in wars which happen in Afghanistan. Unfortunatelly, their husband is not a good man. He is bad
tempered and rough. By facing many hard situations together, Mariam and Laila have shared feelings. It relates to the motivation. Based on Petri’s theory of
motivation 7 which says that one aspect of motivation development is the need to control or have an effect on our environment, this has been called effectance
motivation by some and personal causation by others. It means that the other persons’ actions can support the one’s motivation. In this case, Mariam and Laila
support one another in building the friendship. Mariam and Laila have the same problems. They live in the same place and the same situation. They need one
another through their shared feeling. It motivates Mariam and Laila to have a friendship.
Related to the theory of motivation about the psychological needs, these needs are divided into three levels. They are belongingness and love needs, the
esteem needs, and the self-actualization needs Kasschau 143-144. As human beings, Mariam and Laila need to give and receive love. They also need to acquire
esteem through competence and achievement. When they are satisfied, they move
32 to the next needs, esteem needs. They need to have appreciation by others and
feeling of importance. Through their friendship, Mariam and Laila can gain the two psychological needs. They are belongingness and love needs and the esteem
needs. As the description of their characteristics, Mariam and Laila are fair. It
supports them to have shared feelings. Mariam and Laila have the same hard thing that is being Rasheed’s wives. Rasheed is not a good husband for them. Rasheed
is very bad tempered. That is why Mariam and Laila are not enemies who try to win the husband’s love like other wives in their polygamy marriages.
As gunfire cracked in the hills, they watched the clouds slide over the moon and the last of the season’s fireflies charting bright yellow arcs in the dark.
And when Aziza woke up crying and Rasheed yelled for Laila to come up and shut her up, a look passed between Laila and Mariam. An unguarded,
knowing look. And in this fleeting, wordless exchange with Mariam, Laila knew that they were not enemies any longer.” Hosseini 266
Friendship which is based on goodnesses is rare. It also needs a long process. Aristotle 220 states that there is a proverb which says that people can
not know each other until they have eaten the specified salt together. It means, people will start to have signs of friendship by having the same things and
feelings in long period. Mariam and Laila face the same hard things which are family conflicts and also wars. They must do many things together. They are like
a team. From that night on, Mariam and Laila did their chores together. They sat in
the kitchen and rolled dough, chopped green onions, minced garlic, offered bits of cucumber to Aziza, who banged spoons nearby and played with
carrots. In the yard, Aziza lay in a wicker bassinet, dressed in layers of clothing, a winter muffler wrapped sbugly around her neck. Mariam and
Laila kept a watchful eye on her as they did the wash, Mariam’s knuckles bumping Laila’s as they scrubbed shirts and trousers and diapers.
33 Mariam slowly grew accustomed to this tentative but pleasant
companionship.Hosseini 267 Mariam feels that Laila has the same destiny like herself. As an illegal
daughter, she understands that it is very hard. Illegal children are like rubbish. They are thrown away. They are not admitted. In Afghanistan, an illegal child is
called as harami which also means something which must be ignored and thrown away. So, Laila forces herself to decide accepting Rasheed, because of she is
pregnant. Her pregnancy is illegal. It means she will face a big problem if she is not married yet. Laila tells her secret to Mariam. She believes that Mariam will
not tell to Rasheed. Mariam keeps the secret that Laila’s baby is not Rasheed’s daughter. Mariam loves Laila and her daughter. Mariam feels that Laila gives her
a brighter life. She is not alone any longer. But somehow, over these last months, Laila and Aziza, a harami like
herself, as it turned out had become extensions of her, and now, without them, the life Mariam had tolerated for so long suddenly seemed intolerable.
“We’re leaving this spring, Aziza and I. Come with us, Mariam”. Hosseini 272
Through their shared feelings, Mariam and Laila base their friendship on goodnesses. They become friends and are able to share their feeling. They have
same activities as wives. Freeman 84 says that child care, household task and crafts closely connected with the household, tend to be done by women; war,
hunting, and government, by men.
b. Good to One Another Unconditionally
